How to create the space for others to grow around you
A guest post by Shelly Lefkoe As most of you know my beloved husband Morty has been through quite a journey. He was diagnosed with lymphoma some time ago and a few months ago became very, very ill. At that time our daughter Blake flew in from Hawaii for an indefinite stay to help care for him (she stayed three weeks); my other daughter Brittany came in from San Francisco where she now lives to spend a few days with us; my best friend of 50 years came from Nashville to stay with us for a week. During the week [...]
Another way to look at death is …
My mommy died last week at the age of 91. Technically she was my mother-in-law, but in my mind and my heart, she had been my mommy for 33 years. My real mom died when I was 36, so my wife’s mother (Hilda) had been my mommy for almost as long as my real mom. The term “mommy” came naturally to me. That’s how I felt about her. My wife Shelly thought the term was a bit childish and didn’t like to hear me say it. But Hilda loved it so I kept using it. I didn’t have growing-up experiences [...]
How to stop arguments before they start. Guaranteed.
One of the biggest sources of unhappiness in our lives is the arguments we have with our friends and loved ones. In fact, for many people, the major source of stress in their lives is the arguments they have with friends and loved ones. Remember your last argument: You were in the middle of a calm, possibly even enjoyable conversation, when suddenly, and from out of nowhere, something happened. You don’t know what precipitated it, but without warning you found yourself upset, wondering why the other person said and did things that were so hurtful. And before you knew it, [...]
If I Can Do It, Anyone Can
I frequently get emails and phone calls from people who have been struggling for many years, people who are unhappy with their lives much of the time. They ask: Is there anything that could possibly improve my life and allow me to be truly happy? The best way to answer that question is to relate a personal story. For most of my life I woke up every morning afraid to face the day. I was depressed and unhappy almost all the time. I had screwed up two marriages and was arguing a lot in my third. I was obsessively concerned [...]
Don’t Take No For An Answer
This week’s post is written by my wife, Shelly Lefkoe, who has been a Certified Lefkoe Method Facilitator for about 25 years. Although it was originally written for parents, her message is extremely valuable for all people. This is a really important post. Please read it. * * * * * * We work so hard to teach our kids to take “no” for an answer. We get annoyed when they don’t [...]
Why you don’t need to forgive anyone
My wife Shelly really disliked my father. Before he died over 20 years ago she was polite when we were with him, but when we were alone she made no secret of her disdain for him. Why Shelly disliked my father She thought she had good reason for her resentment. In her eyes he had treated me very badly: He had not helped me financially as a child, while I was working my way through college, or during my early adult years when I struggled. Most people who knew about my relationship with my father agreed with her that my [...]
What is the relationship between financial success and personal growth?
The tens of millions of people who are interested in self-improvement have two different but related focuses: financial success and personal growth. People who primarily are interested in financial success seek out products that promise to help them make more money and end up with more wealth. Such people are usually willing to pay more for their courses and webinars than for courses that only improve their emotional well-being. People who primarily are interested in personal growth usually want to change their behavior, such as stop procrastinating, and their emotions, such as stop their anxiety and anger. People for whom [...]
Did You Have Wonderful Parents?
Perhaps the single most common question I get from people who are using the Lefkoe Belief Process to eliminate beliefs is: “Why do you say that all of our self-esteem beliefs were formed in early interactions with our parents? I had great parents. My beliefs about myself weren’t formed until later in life.” I wrote a post last year explaining why parents are almost always the source of our self-esteem beliefs. https://www.mortylefkoe.com/031610/. But there are additional reasons why people might think their parents’ behavior has nothing to do with their beliefs that I didn’t cover in that post. To begin [...]
