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For many years I had asked myself the questions: What is the real source of our negative emotions? Why do so many things cause fear in our lives that aren’t inherently scary? And why do some people experience negative emotions while other people don’t in similar situations?

About eight years ago I wrote a paper for myself on the source of negative emotions. Today’s post is a summary of that paper. I think you’ll find some fascinating material here and I’m excited to get your responses and start a conversation.

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What is an emotion?

An emotion is the experiential, chemical, and neuro‑physiological response a conscious being has to a stimulus. (I am concerned here only with negative emotions in human beings.)

If specific emotions were created by specific stimuli, then a particular stimulus would produce the same emotion in every person. In fact, different people have varied emotional responses to the same stimulus.

Then what does cause emotions? Except for stimuli that are explicit threats to our physical survival, stimuli themselves do not have inherent meaning for adults. The meaning adults give to events is what triggers emotions. On the other hand, certain events can have inherent meaning for children.

A specific stimulus is a necessary condition for an emotion, but not a sufficient condition. An additional condition that has to be present is a meaning given to the meaningless stimulus—that entails either a threat to survival, or a sense of powerlessness or helplessness that is indirectly, but ultimately related to a threat to survival.

Thus for adults to experience a negative emotion, they require either (1) beliefs that cause a stimulus to be experienced as a threat to their survival or beliefs that produce a sense of powerlessness or helplessness; and/or, (2) conditioning, that occurred in childhood, that links a stimulus and an emotion together. (Phobias also are the result of conditioning, but that conditioning can occur later in life when there is a perceived threat to one’s survival.)

(If all negative emotions ultimately can be traced to a threat to one’s survival, then the ultimate source of negative emotions is the belief/perception that we are a separate creation, a thing, whose survival really is at stake. If that is the case, perhaps all positive emotions can be traced to a feeling of inclusiveness, wholeness, a lack of separation—to the recognition that who we really are is a non-dual consciousness whose survival can never be at stake.)

It is a child’s inherent dependency on others that makes it possible for him to directly experience a threat to his survival in the face of certain stimuli. Children also experience powerlessness and helplessness and these experiences are directly related to a sense that their survival is at stake.

The Cause of Specific Negative Emotions

Fear is our emotional response to something that we interpret to be a direct threat to our physical well‑being. All other negative emotions are the result of interpreting events as a threat to our mental/emotional well‑being. They are our response to something that is an indirect threat to our physical well‑being, namely, something that makes us feel powerless. Specifically, negative emotions other than fear are our response to something that is a threat to our efficacy, our “okayness,” our ability to act on our own behalf to do what is necessary to survive.

To summarize what we’ve seen thus far: the perception that something is a threat to our survival causes fear. The experience of powerlessness, the inability to take the actions necessary to survive, is the source of all the other “negative” emotions. (Guilt is the only exception, which is more directly related to fear, as explained below.)

Physical pain is a symptom of an underlying malfunction of the body. It is a sign of a dysfunctional physical/body state. It is a signal that there’s something wrong with the body, a potential threat to the survival of the body. Mental pain, which is experienced as negative emotion, is a signal there’s something wrong psychologically. It is a signal that we either are being threatened directly or that our efficacy (our ability to deal with threats) is being impaired, which results in a feeling of powerlessness.

Anger is the emotion we feel toward that which does something (or refrains from doing something) that results in our feeling powerless, helpless, and inefficacious.

Sadness, unhappiness, grief, and sorrow are emotions that result from feeling powerless in the face of not having (or not being able to have) what we want, or losing something we had.

Jealousy is the emotion we feel toward someone whom we experience as taking away from us something we want and we feel powerless to do anything about it.

Envy is the emotion we feel toward someone who has something we want—when we see ourselves as powerless to do anything to get it.

Shame is the emotion caused by a strong sense of embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace, which makes us feel we aren’t okay. If we aren’t okay, there is an implied impairment of our power to deal with possible threats to our survival.

Guilt is the emotion we feel as a result of a judgment we place on ourselves. When we feel guilty, we experience ourselves as “bad” because we don’t think, feel or do what we should have or could have thought, felt or done. This judgment makes us feel we aren’t okay. Guilt is a function of thinking we have done something bad.

If guilt requires the concept of bad, what is bad? For adults, beliefs determine which behaviors are good or bad. For a child, good consists of doing what parents want and approve of. Bad consists of not doing what parents want and approve of. Therefore, for a child, bad is usually associated with withdrawal of love, which, for a child, necessarily produces fear. Thus fear always underlies and is the foundation for guilt.

There is a difference between shame and guilt. Shame results from concluding: I am inherently flawed. Guilt results from concluding: I did something bad.

How fear occurs as a result of conditioned stimuli

The real cause of fear is always the perception that our physical survival is being threatened. The real cause of all other negative emotions, except guilt, is always the experience of powerlessness or inefficacy that is inherent in being a child. The real cause of guilt is the perception that our physical survival will be threatened because we are bad.

Let’s use this understanding of how emotions are caused to explain how certain stimuli directly cause emotions in children and how other, neutral stimuli become conditioned to cause emotions in adults.

When emotions are caused by conditioning, we have an emotion today whenever we are confronted with any stimuli that in the past we associated with the real cause of the emotion. Let me explain.

Pavlov’s experiments with dogs are the classic example of this conditioning process. When presented with food, the dogs salivated. Then a bell was rung just prior to presenting the dogs with food. After numerous presentations of the food with the bell, the bell was rung and no food was delivered. The dogs salivated anyway, because they had associated the bell with the food. In other words, a stimulus that normally would not produce a response does so because it becomes associated with a stimulus that inherently produces such a response.

In almost every instance of a stimulus that has been conditioned to produce fear, the stimulus itself did not cause fear in a child. The fear almost always was caused by the meaning the child gave to her parents’ behavior at the time the stimulus was present, namely, the parent’s behavior means the child will be rejected, which means it will be abandoned, which means it will die. Because children experience themselves as dependent on their parents for their literal survival, children inherently feel fear whenever their parents do anything that a child experiences as rejection or potential abandonment.

To show how childhood conditioning results in adult fear, let’s use as an example an adult who feels fear whenever he makes a mistake or even thinks about making a mistake. When did he first experience fear associated with making a mistake? Assume that as a child his parents usually got angry when he made a mistake (in other words, when he didn’t do what his parents wanted him to do). The anger (the parents’ response to his mistake) made him feel rejected, which to him meant he’d be abandoned, which to him meant he’d die. That perceived threat to his survival is the real source of the fear, not making a mistake. But because he almost always experienced fear whenever he made a mistake, making a mistake (a neutral stimulus) became conditioned to cause the fear.

Making a mistake didn’t initially cause the fear. The meaning the child read into the parents’ response is what really caused the fear. The child didn’t distinguish between what really caused the fear and an event that just happened to accompany what really caused the fear. Therefore the latter event became conditioned to cause the fear. Later in life, the conditioned event continues to cause fear even when the true cause of the fear is absent.

Phobias are the result of conditioning that can occur at any age. You can be conditioned to fear dogs, or heights, or even specific people. You had an experience (or observed someone having an experience with which you identified) with the stimulus that you interpreted to mean a physical threat to you. Now, even if the physical threat is absent, the stimulus produces the fear. Again, the neutral stimulus has been conditioned to produce the fear. It merely accompanied the fear earlier, just as Pavlov’s bell merely accompanied the food.

How the Stimuli for Anger Get Conditioned

Now let’s look at how childhood conditioning produces other emotions, where there is not a perceived threat to survival.

Let’s assume you experience anger whenever you are told what to do. Merely being told to do something does not inherently cause anger. Being told what to do has become conditioned to produce anger.

Imagine that as a child you experienced anger when you were told what to do. The real cause of the anger was not merely being told what to do. It was the powerlessness you felt because you had no ability to refuse. If you had been told what to do, but always had the option to negotiate and frequently ended up not having to do what you had been told to do, you would not have experienced anger when you were told what to do.

Being told what to do became conditioned to cause anger because you never distinguished between the real source of the anger—the powerlessness you felt when you couldn’t refuse your parent’s demands—and the demands themselves.

The same conditioning process occurs with all the other emotions, except guilt, which is more directly tied to a threat to one’s survival than to powerlessness.

Although this is far from the last word on a complicated issue, this theory does explain why fear and guilt are ultimately a function of a perceived threat to one’s survival, and why all other negative emotions are a function of powerlessness. Maybe our negative feelings won’t be quite as mysterious to us as they are now.

Please share any comments you have on these thoughts about our negative emotions.

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copyright ©2010 Morty Lefkoe

30 Comments

  1. Samuel December 20, 2014 at 3:01 pm - Reply

    Hi Morty,

    in the end of your article you write: “…why all other negative emotions are a function of powerlessness”.
    So powerlessness would have the meaning ” I cannot do anything to change it” or something similar.
    If this meaning is fosters many different emotions, I was wondering if I can assume that no matter what emotion comes up for me, this meaning of “I cannot do anything about it” is underlying or intertwined with my other meanings I give to produce negative emotions.

    I tried to dissolve this meaning having different emotion, from sadness to anger… and it worked for me. As soon as I dissolved “I cannot do anything about it” my negative emotions where gone.

    I wonder if you or anyone can try it on yourself and confirm or not if this works at all.

    Samuel

  2. Samuel December 20, 2014 at 2:41 pm - Reply

    HI Morty,

    thank for this very insightful article.

    I found an additional aspect of the possible function of guilt. Based on some inspiration from Bert Hellinger (family constellation therapy) and my observation our conscious and feeling of guilt could be originally a system showing our whether a behavior is accepted by our peer group or family or not. Saying that when we do something “wrong” , meaning not accepted by the family, there is a possibility to be banished from the group which we might perceive like a thread to our survival.

    Samuel

  3. Sean December 19, 2014 at 4:16 pm - Reply

    What a great post! I have now dissolved a couple of occurrings I was having but couldn’t figure out. By outlining the path to the source of emotions, it’s much easier to go down the list and figure out the meaning I’m giving to an event! It’s a great toolkit. I’m going to upload it into my phone. Thanks.

  4. VIPIN June 20, 2013 at 11:15 pm - Reply

    What is the cost of your course for removing fear/negative beliefs?

    • Morty Lefkoe June 21, 2013 at 7:30 am - Reply

      Hi Vipin,

      You can purchase our Natural Confidence course for $199, or three payments of $75. You can find it at http:naturalconfidenceprogram.com.

      Love, Morty

  5. Scarlett May 1, 2012 at 11:18 am - Reply

    Hi,

    I had a boyfriend when I was 16 for 5 years, he had many friends whom were girls and who he text, I did not think twice about this, yet, I lost my virginity to him the week after hewent out and cheated on me, I spent months crying myself to sleep but stayed with him as I found it easier to stay with him as I wouldnt be loosing him, throught the whole relationship there was NO trust and he made me out to be crazy I could obviously check is phone etc and be worried when he would be out, he went to university and I know he cheated on me but I dismissed it all, we ended as he went travelling for 2 years, i found this very hard. I went on to have a boyfriend a couple of years later whom was very calm very quite and whom I knew I could trust, yet I got jealous a few times in the realtionship for example he stared at an attractive woman in a resturant and I would get very upset, this is what my 1st boyfriend would do and I would just worry. I ended this relationship as he was too quiet and not bubbly enough for me and was not looking for a future. I then found a new partner whom I moved in with after 4 months, he was not what I usually would go for, he had just finished a 8 year relationship and we fell madly in love straight away, after we moved in he became possive and jealous, I would become jealous back in response then he would become VERY angry, I did not speak to any men at all and started to feel awkward around male company with how he had treated me, saying all any man wants is sex, I have just today after months of been up and down left him as I found messages on facebook to a female that had been delted, when we were living together telling her he was single using very offensive language about me and exchanging numbers, he has met this person a while back and now feel they most likely had an affair whilst we were living together (also I had taken him away to the carribean 3 days before he sent this message exchanging number saying he was single) I feel angry, hurt betrayed that someone whom I have lived with has done this and been so possesive, he would call me names like whore slag bitch ugly and all sorts. I do not know how to recover from this and move on to start fresh as we had even talked about marriage. Please help, I dont know where to turn? Everyone said I had changed while been with him i became easily irritated and angry and wouldnt want to go out, yet he would go out 3-4 times a week, he made me feel guilty if i ever went out, I am now feeling anxiety about going out to any bar/club because of him, I feel sick at the thought, I am only 26 and I need help to let me socailse and be out going like I used to be, I am now quiet and timmid and nervous, how to I get back to who I was and who I used to be?

    Scarlett

    • Morty Lefkoe May 2, 2012 at 4:52 pm - Reply

      Hi Scarlett,

      You ask how to get back to who you were … Get rid of the beliefs you formed that are causing your jealously and anxiety.

      You can call us for a phone or Skype private session or to get answers to any specific questions you have. In a session we will help you identify the beleifs that care causing your upset today and then help you eliminate them. (415) 506-4472

      Love, Morty

  6. Nick April 6, 2011 at 5:26 pm - Reply

    Morty, you have done it again…..”UNLOCKED” another door to sense of well being…….I don’t know how I found you or where you came from……..I do know that in my search for “PEACE OF MIND”

    Our paths have crossed by some mysterious way…..only some higher power knows the answers to these questions!

    • Morty Lefkoe April 6, 2011 at 5:34 pm - Reply

      Hi Nick,

      Glad our work is so useful. I’m happy our paths have crossed.

      Don’t forget to share our work with your friends and associates who might also find it useful.

      Love, Morty

  7. Sanjay October 5, 2010 at 11:00 am - Reply

    Hi Morty

    Hope you are well. I was reading your fantastic article entitled ‘why we have negative emotions’. this is genius.

    I would like to ask you a couple of questions here though. I noticed that you described guilt and shame. These are areas which I have immense problem with and its extremely interesting to see some detail on this. I feel guilty all the time e.g not seeing my familly much while my dads ill with cancer; my brother complaining that I don’t show much interest in his life or spend any time at the family home. You describe this as ‘i’m bad…..or something I did was bad’. Is this the belief that is underneath this?

    Similarly, I am someone who feels a huge sense of embarrasment all the time. The idea that this is shame is interesting. You mention this is down to the conlusion ‘i’m inherently flawed’. Its interesting because his makes alot of sense as I really do feel this when I feel embarrased, as I do most of the time. Again, is this the belief that is beneath this?

    Just finally, if these are such major feelings for many people to have, why are these beliefs not on the Natural Confidence course? Another way of asking this is – are they on the NC course under a different name? If not what is the best way to tackle these feelings and will you be bringing out any material in this area?

    Many thanks Morty

  8. JOAO October 4, 2010 at 5:28 am - Reply

    Dear Mrty, thank you for this, please I have a question to you.
    I would know how to get rid from, ANGER, FEAR OF MISTAKE,REJUECTION,POWERLESS, PEOPLE, BEAUTIFUL WOMEN,INSECURITY TO TALK WITH STRANGES, TO ASK FOR HELP,

    • Morty Lefkoe October 4, 2010 at 6:48 am - Reply

      Hi Joao,

      The only way I know of to get rid of all them is to work with us in one-on-one phone sessions to get rid of the beliefs that cause all those problems.

      I do not know any other way.

      Love, Morty

      • Kerriann September 21, 2011 at 8:04 pm - Reply

        You’ve got to be kidding me—it’s so transparnetly clear now!

  9. Sally August 12, 2010 at 1:20 pm - Reply

    Hi Morty,
    Your words are pure genius. Understanding is easy when I read your articles. My only wish is that you would label your archives by title instead of date. When I need clarity on something, it is nearly impossible to find the right article when I have to sort by date. I originally found you through Steve Pavlina’s website. He has archived all of his articles by title or heading. I can easily choose the one that I most need to read from the list. Is there any way you would consider this improved method of locating pertinent reading? I for one would be most grateful and less frustrated! Please keep up the good work and know that you are making a tremendous difference in my life. Pure genius!!

    • Morty Lefkoe August 12, 2010 at 1:55 pm - Reply

      Hi Sally,

      Great suggestion. We will look at see what we can do.

      Thanks for your kind comments.

      Regards, Morty

  10. Gurs August 8, 2010 at 8:21 am - Reply

    An excellent piece of literature Morty, very well written and most interesting – thankyou

  11. zubia August 4, 2010 at 12:26 pm - Reply

    Hi i just want to know one thing and that is that many have this fear of crashing of their ideals.In this case qs is not of survival but still one has fear.What is the reason behind this fear?Some fear crash of their religious ideals but others just fear crash of their ideals which they have from earlier.

  12. Aurelio August 4, 2010 at 12:16 pm - Reply

    Thank you, Morty, for such an excellent and inspiring post… You have an amazing way of explaining complicated subjects in very straightforward language… Thanks again.

  13. Alex Dail August 4, 2010 at 11:44 am - Reply

    Thanks Morty for the insight. This seems not only to effect how we operate in personal relationships, but on teams, at work, how marketing effects us, and so on. How we respond to stimuli literally touches our lives at every communication point.

  14. Ken August 4, 2010 at 9:39 am - Reply

    “who we really are is a non-dual consciousness whose survival can never be at stake.” True statement. And if this is true then we are wise to embrace it fully, eliminating all false dichotomies of good and bad, positive and negative, inside and outside, yours and mine. Feelings, to use the most balanced word I can think of, are simply the perception of energy in motion. Motion we perceive to be outside of ourselves we call sensations. Motion we perceive to be within the bounds of our ego we call emotions. But these distinctions are not founded in truth and do not serve us beyond allowing us to talk about what is happening. Realizing that we are the energy we perceive, that we are what is happening allows us to regain our sense of worth and power and to act fearlessly or rather to become an act of God. Thanks Morty for stimulating such an insightful discussion.

  15. Mike August 4, 2010 at 7:45 am - Reply

    The Lefkoe Technique is amazing. I feel so much better and lighter. I was trying different things to build self-confidence but when Joe Vitale recommended Morty’s technique I checked it out and I am so glad I did. I purchased the self-confidence package and am now on the 8th belief. I just decided to go for it. The theory behind it is simple but the processes are powerful and I do mean powerful. Nothing seems to be bothering me at all and I feel at one with life. I still have 11 beliefs and 4 conditions to go!!! I feel impeturbable. I did notice that some old thoughts are still there but I feel distanced from them. I’d just like to thank Morty and his wife for the help. This is exactly what I’ve been searching for. I have always been a capable individual who could muscle his way into things and God did give me a lot of natural talent but I knew something was missing. The Lefkoe methods allows me to let go of long held old beliefs I formed a s a young child. One of the added benefits is that I feel a oneness with my parents after running the difficulties we had as a child where I was actually blameing them. Now I love them more than ever and the curious thing to is I feel closer to everybody I know. THe amount of understanding people I have gained is tremendous. Thanks again to Morty and Joe Vitale. And thanks for clearing the six beliefs on Money I also had!!

  16. Leila August 4, 2010 at 5:53 am - Reply

    Hi Morty, I love the way you are so determined to get to the bottom of how early conditioning affects us later in our lives. I have only lately realized how empowering it is to find that we are able to successfully negotiate our lives. Without this understanding many of us just flounder in a sea of negative emotions – never achieving what we want because we believe that it just isn’t possible.

  17. Chris August 4, 2010 at 5:50 am - Reply

    Thank you for posting this here. Great stuff. I’ve been dealing with and thinking about anger a lot lately. One reason for that is because of the serious physical toll anger (and other negative emotions) has had on my body . The more people understand about negative emotions, the more the emotions can be handled in a healthier way. So I really appreciate your work. I so wish I’d known this stuff at a younger age

  18. Denise Cazes, M.A., LWMC August 4, 2010 at 5:02 am - Reply

    I wish all parents and future parents could read this. . .I wish my parents had read it and I wish I had read it 27 years ago. I did a little better with my boys but could have done so much more. Ah, there’s that guilt and shame showing up eh? : )

  19. Janet McClean August 4, 2010 at 4:59 am - Reply

    Really interesting work – thanks. I often experience feeling helpless and overwhelmed especially when a group of people are talking and I can’t get a word in edgewise! I feel defeated very quickly. We wanted to encourage our first son to negotiate most things but he was so driven and demanding in his personality that we became exhausted and so I am left wondering how do you establish boundaries with children without creating a feeling of helplessness in them? And I also suspect that as a parent I was acting from my learned helplessness when trying to deal with his assertiveness which triggered my old patterns! Oh if only I knew then what I know now!

  20. Elsa August 4, 2010 at 4:24 am - Reply

    Hi, I appreciated this entry, and an earlier one on the sense of helplessness being the root of anger. It’s amazing how much a hold these old responses can still have, even when we think we’ve deprogrammed ourselves.

    A few days ago, someone did something I utterly did not ask for or want – and I was left with the result. One thing: yes, the result was there and would have to be lived with (someone uprooted all kinds of stuff in the garden – it would take time for regrowth). But the anger I felt came, I knew, from ancient stuff – and stuff I thought I had gotten rid of.

    So, there’s clearly one more bit of rooting out that still needs to be done in my own inner garden.

  21. Kristina B Sweden August 4, 2010 at 4:09 am - Reply

    Hi,
    Thank You for this. I will tell other about your words. Thinking of parents “control” over children. To make them so they fit themselfs paradigm. Right? I found somtimes it is good to think the oposite way that I use to. New way of thinking will come and gives positive energy. Emotions is on and off. When they are off, you feel zero. How will I behave to that person or child?
    Thank You again! :-)

  22. Nancy August 4, 2010 at 2:59 am - Reply

    What serendipity! Before reading your post, I had just been thinking about several people I had been talking with this week who have been very angry at the conditions in the world today or by their past. I was realizing that in both cases, they needed to forgive themselves and forgive what was perceived as causing their anger. Without the unconditional forgiveness, which releases the previously given meaning, their passion which is now warped into expression harmful to themselves and others could not become COMpassion and a benefit to all.

  23. Alessandra August 4, 2010 at 2:34 am - Reply

    Tank you, thank you, thank you, I just needed this now.

  24. ian August 3, 2010 at 6:53 pm - Reply

    HI

    I’ve been thinking about how a percieved threat to our survival is what causes fear, and we lable this percieved threat to our survival as bad. If i did’nt see a threat to my survival as bad, then i imagine that i would either feel no fear, or i would still instinctually feel fear, but instead of reacting negatively to the fear and withdrawing, i would be open to the fear and use it as motivation to act effectivly.

    If we eliminated our concepts of good and bad through your LBP, would we not be eliminating the beliefs at the very core of how we percieve our lives and the world?

    This would surley eliminate the need to eliminate any other beliefs as they would become meaningless, due to the fact that all the remaining beliefs would be drained of there negative impact on our lives, as they would no longer be considered as bad.

    I am interested on your point of view on this, and wether you yourself have eliminated the beliefs of good and bad and what effect it has had on your life

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