“If only I had more self-discipline”
When asked what qualities they would most like to have that they don’t already have, one of the most common answers given by people responding to one of our surveys was “self-discipline.” Is this true for you too? Why do so many people want to be able to discipline themselves? Before answering this question, let’s make sure we know precisely what self-discipline is. What is self-discipline? According to Wikipedia, “Self-discipline can be defined as the ability to motivate oneself in spite of a negative emotional state.” And the Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines the term as “the ability to make yourself [...]
Are you really an imposter?
Do you ever question your abilities despite evidence to the contrary? Do you ever feel that you are a fraud because you think you don’t deserve your success? Do you ever think you are an imposter because who you think you are could never have achieved what you have achieved? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you are a victim of the “imposter syndrome.” What is the “imposter syndrome”? According to Wikipedia, “Despite external evidence of their competence, those with the [imposter] syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have [...]
I spoke at TEDx: How to stop suffering
For the past couple of months my main focus has been preparing a TEDx talk that I delivered in Hoboken, NJ last Friday, June 28. TEDx is the local version of the TED talks that are given annually in Long Beach, CA and that feature some of the most interesting people in the world, talking about “ideas worth spreading.” You can find hundreds of incredible TED talks, each a maximum of 18 minutes, at http://ted.com. So it was a real honor to be invited to present at a TEDx event. I talked about suffering—how suffering is the result of the [...]
You said that fear was your biggest problem
Whenever we do a survey of people on our mailing list, asking them to list the biggest problems they face, the most common answer is always a fear of failure. One common way that fear manifests is through procrastination, which is the third most common problem listed. In other words, people don’t take action because they are afraid to fail. But what’s wrong with failing? Why does it cause fear? And why would a fear of failing stop us from taking action? What is fear and what causes it? Fear is an emotion that results from a perceived threat to [...]
You can have much more happiness than you realize
Most people are more interested in avoiding or relieving pain than in achieving and experiencing happiness. Thus most people go into psychotherapy or pursue “self-help” programs to overcome "problems"—such as changing some negative, undesirable behavior (e.g., procrastination or not taking action to further one's goals) or stopping some negative undesirable emotions (e.g., fear or depression). Far fewer people ask for help when they aren’t experiencing some obvious problem. In other words, relatively few people strive to improve their lives when it already seems to be “working.” Much more is possible There’s nothing wrong with that approach. I'd like to suggest, [...]
Why you can’t motivate yourself to take action
Have you ever tried to motivate yourself to take action? … What happened? If you are typical, the motivation might have worked for a short time, but probably didn’t last and didn’t work in the long run. Did you then ask yourself: What’s wrong with me? Why am I unable to motivate myself to do the things I really want to do? I’d like to present a heretical notion about motivation: It’s not your fault if you are unable to motivate yourself. Motivation is a spurious concept, because it actually cannot work in the long run. What is motivation? [...]
There was never anything to be upset about
Today’s blog post is a “how to.” Something happened to me recently that would have upset most people. It didn’t upset me. And I am going to show you how to keep similar “upsetting” situations from upsetting you in the future. The beginning of the story My wife Shelly and I were on our way to the bi-annual meeting of the Transformational Leadership Council in St. Maarten last week. The flight involved a change to planes in San Juan and we had only 30 minutes from the time we landed there until the connecting flight left. As we were waiting [...]
Would you like to improve your game?
In order to make this blog post personally valuable to you, I'd like to start by asking you a couple of questions. First, whatever sport you play, how often do you play up to your potential, in other words, if you rate your best performance a 10, how often do you play at a 10? ... The next question I'd like to ask you is: If you can play at a 10 sometimes, why can't you do it more frequently? You obviously have the physical skills and ability or you wouldn't have been able to do it that one time. [...]
Are you run by your feelings?
Negative emotions like anxiety can be really painful. I know because I felt anxiety and many other negative feelings intensely and frequently for most of my life. My depression seemed to take over my entire mind and body. It seemed to envelope me so completely that I felt as if there were no way to escape it. I also felt as if it would never end. My anxiety and depression was so great in my 20s that I thought about ending my life on many occasions. Based upon the thousands of communications we’ve received in the past few years (and [...]
