“Courage” is not all it’s cracked up to be
Why do we admire certain “positive” qualities so much when they require us to be miserable? In last week’s post about how I was facing cancer without any fear whatsoever, I explained why I didn’t think that I was brave. Bravery requires experiencing fear and I wasn’t experiencing any fear. I went on to point out that you’re better off not feeling fear at all—which eliminates the need for bravery—than being brave. And I explained what you could do to eliminate all your fears. In thinking about that idea further this past week I realized that there were several other [...]
Is It Working For You?
In last week’s post I asked why most people don’t learn how to dissolve meaning when it makes such a profound improvement in their life and when they can learn the basic steps for doing without having to pay anything. That question resulted in over 50 responses so far. Thanks for taking the time to answer. I was fascinated reading all the different reasons people suggested. And that made me think: How many things in your life that don’t really work have you accepted because, “That’s just the way things are”? Is your life—the way it is right now—working for [...]
You said that fear was your biggest problem
Whenever we do a survey of people on our mailing list, asking them to list the biggest problems they face, the most common answer is always a fear of failure. One common way that fear manifests is through procrastination, which is the third most common problem listed. In other words, people don’t take action because they are afraid to fail. But what’s wrong with failing? Why does it cause fear? And why would a fear of failing stop us from taking action? What is fear and what causes it? Fear is an emotion that results from a perceived threat to [...]
Are You Really Successful If You Aren’t Happy?
Although a lot of people have succeeded very well based on society’s standard for success: how much money and power they have, many—if not most—of those people are not really happy or nurtured by their “success.” Arianna Huffington’s call for a redefinition of “success” In a recent issue of the Huffington Post, Arianna Huffington, posted the following: “I'm happy to announce that next week, on June 6th, Mika Brzezinski and I will be co-hosting the Huffington Post's first-ever women's conference, "The Third Metric: Redefining Success Beyond Money & Power." As the title makes clear, the purpose is to discuss ways [...]
You can have much more happiness than you realize
Most people are more interested in avoiding or relieving pain than in achieving and experiencing happiness. Thus most people go into psychotherapy or pursue “self-help” programs to overcome "problems"—such as changing some negative, undesirable behavior (e.g., procrastination or not taking action to further one's goals) or stopping some negative undesirable emotions (e.g., fear or depression). Far fewer people ask for help when they aren’t experiencing some obvious problem. In other words, relatively few people strive to improve their lives when it already seems to be “working.” Much more is possible There’s nothing wrong with that approach. I'd like to suggest, [...]
Is it really all going to turn out?
I have a test for you. All you have to do to pass it is to answer one question honestly. For many of us that might be difficult because we might not want to know the answer. Here is the question: Do you really feel that it’s all going to turn out for you? No, I didn’t ask if you wanted it to turn out. Of course you do. I asked do you really feel, deep down, that it’s all going to turn out for you. Do you really feel you will have a long-lasting nurturing, loving relationship? That you [...]
Fear of rejection
If there was ever a psychological trait that was considered to be a part of human nature, it’s the fear of rejection. In the thousands of comments people have posted on my various blogs, in conversations with friends over a lifetime, and in hearing people speak in more seminars than I can count, the fear of rejection is probably the most frequent complaint I’ve heard. And, obviously, if virtually everyone has this fear, it must be human nature. Right? Not necessarily. There are at least two possible explanations for most people having this specific psychological trait: it could be human [...]
A father's fear for his daughter
I’m writing this on the North Shore of Oahu, Hawaii, where my wife Shelly and I are visiting our 29-year-old daughter Blake. Shortly after she arrived in Hawaii almost 11 years ago she started surfing. She now surfs waves as big as 20 feet and she has progressed to the level where there are some real risks in what she is doing. If surfing big waves wasn’t enough, earlier this year she told us that she had started skydiving. She fell in love with jumping out of airplanes and in no time had completed her 100th jump. Hanging out at [...]
Eliminate The Fear That Stops You
Have you ever told yourself that you were going to do something—something you really wanted to do—and then just never get around to it? If you are, you are like millions of others and Seth Godin’s new book is about you. I read his newest book, Poke the Box, a few months ago and it’s just the right book for our times. It probably will become his 13th best-seller. You need to take action If you’ve read any of his earlier books or his daily blog (which I devour as soon as it arrives in my inbox), you know that [...]
