When I wrote my blog post on August 17 about how my new de-conditioning process would stop emotional eating, I made a few statements that I’ve since discovered just aren’t true.

So this post will correct those mistakes and bring you up to date on what I am currently doing to help people stop emotional eating for good.

My single biggest error was in stating, “I finally realized that almost all emotional eating involves both types

[classical and operant] of conditioning.” In fact, I’m now pretty sure that neither of these types of conditioning is involved.

Conditioning is still the primary cause of eating when you aren’t really hungry; I’m still convinced that most emotional eating is the result of conditioning that is set off by triggers and rewards.  However, the conditioning involved seems to be a unique type that doesn’t fit the description of either of the two major types that psychologists are familiar with.

In this post I’ll describe what this unique type of conditioning is and how it is formed.  I’ll also explain when beliefs are and are not involved in emotional eating, which I was not clear about earlier.

Conditioning of eating happens in one of two ways.  The first and most common is when you have some negative feeling or experience and then just happen to eat and experience a “pleasurable distraction.” In other words, when you eat you experience a pleasurable feeling instead of a negative feeling and you also have a distraction from the negative feeling.  After (unconsciously) noticing many times that eating provides a pleasurable distraction in that situation, you get conditioned to eat whenever that situation occurs in the future.

The second way conditioning happens is when you want a “reward,” such as wanting to feel good or comfortable, or to celebrate. You eat and then discover that you are experiencing the reward you want; after numerous connections between eating and the “reward,” eating gets conditioned to occur whenever you desire one of the rewards.

I call this process “conditioning” because the behavior (eating) is experienced as compulsive, as driven. Eating happens automatically and requires considerable will power to stop.

Why does eating get conditioned so often and not other behaviors?

Why do so many people condition eating and not some other behavior?  The answer is simple.  There are no other “pleasurable distractions” that naturally occur three times a day.

Imagine that one of your triggers occurs frequently in your life, such as negative feelings, boredom, loneliness, or feeling unlovable.  Imagine further that you go to a movie several times a day and you notice over and over that the movie almost always provides a pleasurable distraction from the negative experience.  Can you see that going to the movies would eventually become a conditioned response to your negative triggers?

In other words, eating is the most common response to our triggers only because we normally eat more often than anything else that provides a pleasurable distraction.

I had thought that the Lefkoe De-conditioning Process (LDP) was effective with emotional eating because it de-conditioned classical and operant conditioning.  I still think the LDP can be effective with operant conditioning, but the reason it is so effective with emotional eating is it also de-conditions the unique type of conditioning involved in emotional eating.  (The Lefkoe Stimulus Process is effective with classical conditioning.)

Moreover, although the basic elements of the LDP haven’t changed recently, I make some small change in the Process from time to time, because I keep learning something new with each client.  Luckily, even the earlier versions of the LDP worked to help my clients de-condition eating in response to their triggers and rewards.

The role of beliefs

Here’s another mistake I made in my last blog post about emotional eating.  I had thought, because getting rid of beliefs never stopped emotional eating and because de-conditioning did with most clients, beliefs had nothing to do with emotional eating.  That was a logical fallacy on my part.  Just because beliefs are not the sole cause of emotional eating doesn’t necessarily mean they can’t be a partial cause for some people.

I now think that conditioning is almost always involved, but beliefs also can be involved for some people.

Here’s the way it looks to me now.  Most people with an emotional eating problem have been conditioned to eat in response to various triggers and rewards.  This is true regardless of the client’s environment as a child.

However, if someone has grown up in an environment in which one’s parents have an eating problem and they talk frequently about dieting, losing weight, being too heavy, being “good” on days they stay on their diet and “bad “ on days when they do not, and “good” foods and “bad” foods, then such people are likely to form a bunch of beliefs that result in food and eating being a constant issue in their lives … in addition to the conditioning.

Here is a list of a few of the beliefs one of my clients identified and eliminated: If I can’t eat “bad” foods, I’m missing out.  “Bad” foods make you fat.  To lose weight you can’t eat anything “bad.” The way to keep food from running my life (like it did my mom’s) is to eat whatever I want to eat.

Can you see how such beliefs probably would lead to emotional eating? Beliefs like these would have to be eliminated before one’s emotional eating would stop completely.  I’ve been able to help clients with the type of belief eliminate their relevant eating beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process.

I want to distinguish between beliefs that directly lead to emotional eating (like those just discussed) and those that lead to triggers that lead to emotional eating. The beliefs listed above would directly lead to emotional eating.  Beliefs also can lead to negative feelings (such as anxiety, anger and upset), feeling sorry for oneself (a sense of victimization), feeling unlovable, etc.  These conditions then can become triggers for emotional eating.  But these beliefs do not have to be eliminated before emotional eating can be totally stopped.

Not all beliefs have to be eliminated

Why are these beliefs different? Because if the LDP unhooks these triggers from emotional eating, it becomes possible to deal with the triggers with behaviors other than emotional eating, such as talking to friends, listening to music, exercising, reading a book, or any activity one truly enjoys.  Although these activities have always existed as possible ways to deal with the triggers that emotional eaters have, they are rarely chosen as alternatives because eating already has been conditioned to occur immediately (unless stopped by will power) following the presence of the trigger.  Once eating has become de-conditioned and is no longer a compulsive behavior, you then have the time to calmly find another activity that will provide a “pleasurable distraction.”

Why has it been so difficult to stop emotional eating?

So many of you with an emotional eating problem have tried so many diets and pills and eating programs that you are now skeptical that anything can help you.  That conclusion is understandable.  You have been disappointed so many times.  It would make sense to now believe that people’s claims about emotional eating solutions just don’t work.

But if you now understand the role of conditioning, you understand that diets—which consist of eating something different and eating less than you normally would eat—work only to the extent you are using will power to overcome the compulsion to eat more than the diets permit, whenever triggers or the desire for rewards are present.

And even though pills can affect your appetite or change how you process food internally, they cannot stop the compulsion to eat more than you are hungry for in response to triggers and rewards.  Only de-conditioning can do that permanently.

As long as I stay on the cutting edge in creating effective solutions for the problems we face in life, I’ll make mistakes from time to time.  Luckily I eliminated the belief Mistakes are bad a long time ago, so mistakes are no longer the problem they used to be for me.  In fact, I now see them as great learning opportunities.

What makes my work so fulfilling is that the more I learn, the more there is to learn.  And the new learning sometimes overturns the old learning. Life doesn’t get much better than that!

If you’d like more information about emotional eating or how the Lefkoe De-conditioning Process works to stop it, please read my free Special Report, “How To Stop Emotional Eating For Good,” at http://eatingreport.com.

Please share any comments below that you have regarding this post discussing emotional eating.

These weekly blog posts also exist as podcasts.  Sign up for the RSS feed or at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly.

If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process, go to htp://www.recreateyourlife.com/free where you can eliminate one limiting belief free.

To purchase DVD programs that we guarantee to eliminate eight of the most common daily problems people face, go to http://www.recreateyourlife.com/store.

copyright © 2010 Morty Lefkoe

23 Comments

  1. Richard Kuhns December 9, 2010 at 10:55 am - Reply

    When it comes to weight loss, it can be terribly confusing. Most people don’t have the foggiest clue as to who to believe or what to do so they look for a popular program thinking that if a lot of people are doing it, it must work. And today, emotional eating has become the buzz word, but there are three types of over eating:
    habitual, emotional and self defeative (this one is rarely even mentioned).
    And then, as far as emotional eating goes, emotional eating is a relatively new term and highly misunderstood. What’s important to realize is that there was programming done at a very early age driven by the fact that the brain has two primary directives–pleasure seeking and survival. Early on we learned to associate food with survival and pleasure seeking. The good emotions such as happiness, joy, elation and so on are obviously associated with pleasure seeking and frustration, boredom, confusion, anger, depression and so on are associated with survival.

    The sad news is that most programs to lose weight or deal with binging focus on food and never deal with emotional programming.

    The bottom line is that focusing on what you do or do not eat to control or lose weight is like trying to fly by flapping your arms. To be successful it’s important to focus on the stress of the emotion and learn to take it straight rather than diluting with food.

    Now for the misunderstanding: Those who provide direction on dealing with emotional eating usually focus on the stress that led to the emotion or provide advice on how to reduce or avoid the emotion. But that’s not the answer. The answer is to learn how to actually feel and embrace the emotion and articles giving you six or ten steps to conquer emotional eating is like expecting a first grader to pass the high school equivalency test. Google Scale Conspiracy to learn more. or visit my blog at http://emotionaleatingcure.blogspot.com/ or go to http://www.EmotionalEatingCure.com
    to learn why 98% of all diets and diet programs fail.

    In any weight loss endeavor, it’s important to remember that the brain has two primary directives–pleasure seeking and survival. From childhood we have learned to associate food with both. Associated with pleasure are what most call good emotions–happiness, joy, elation and so on. Associated with survival are what most call bad emotions–frustration, boredom, confusion, anger, depression and so on.

    Unfortunately most programs to lose weight or deal with binging focus on food and forget the emotional programming.

    Focusing on what you do or do not eat to control or lose weight is like trying to fly by flapping your arms. Better to focus on the stress of the emotion whether it be frustration, happiness, upset, anger, joy and learn to take it straight rather than diluting with food.

    Yes, 95% of all diets and eating programs fail. Why? For a free report please go to http://www.EmotionalEatingCure.com

    • Morty Lefkoe December 9, 2010 at 12:51 pm - Reply

      Hi Richard,

      Thanks for your comment on this post.

      I’ll have to check out your report.

      I’ve also written an eBook on the causes of emotional eating (conditioning and beliefs) with an explanation on how to de-condition the conditioning and eliminate the beliefs.
      http://eatingreport.com.

      Check it out and let me know what you think.

      Love, Morty

  2. Dorothy October 9, 2010 at 8:14 pm - Reply

    Dear Morty,
    I have just started going through your free online videos and want to tell you that I feel a profound change.. All of them brought up very truamatic memories, the one I had the hardest time with was vizualizing the 7 year old girl clutching her report card in her hand with the words on the back page FAILED. My sister too bawling me out for being so stupid as to fail, and having to face my parents in a few moments as I arrived home. I was dislexic and could not read.
    From that day forward I was convinced I was incompitent. Your video took the little girl and helped her see she needed adult help at that time, she wasn’t a failure, she just needed additional tutoring to help here read. I stopped and cried for a long time for that little girl , and felt so good to move forward from that memory. I am now 74 years old, and to realize that after all these years, someone understood how I felt Thank you Uncle Morty

    • Morty Lefkoe October 9, 2010 at 10:09 pm - Reply

      Hi Dorothy,

      I am so glad that our video was so helpful.

      Thanks for sharing your experience.

      Love, Morty

  3. Judith September 28, 2010 at 12:13 am - Reply

    Oh yes, that too. I made sure my children knew they were loved through many other ways, as well.
    Thank you for your response, your prompt reply. Judith

  4. Judith September 27, 2010 at 4:58 pm - Reply

    Hi Morty, thanks for clarifying that. My emotional triggers are related to my mother being unable to show love to us her family, except throught thhe wonderful and creative food she nourished us with. Other deep traumas in my birth family have had to be worked through, one by one. This food focus has resulted in all four of my children loving food and cooking, and nourishing others. I have for many years regarded cooking as a form of play. Both of these outcomes are the result of my mother’s inability to show love in any other way.
    Not so bad, in this frame, once I realised what my attachments to food were about.

    • Morty Lefkoe September 27, 2010 at 6:27 pm - Reply

      Hi Judith,

      Your situation could have resulted in conditioning eating whenever you don;t feel loved and want to.

      Thanks for sharing your story.

      Love, Morty

  5. anna September 23, 2010 at 5:40 pm - Reply

    15 years ago, I sought help from Shelley and Morty. Their process of eliminating beliefs cured my bulimia. I say cured because I no longer posssessed the beliefs which caused this defect. One of the skills I learned after eliminating the belief, ( I believe it was the “nothing I say or do is important”) is that I am in control of what I eat and portion control, rather than the food controlling me, through pleasure, relief, etc. This is a small piece of the picture, but without the information that I am the creater rather than the creation, I possess the ability to create my own reality rather than someone or something else. I would never have been able to give up the control that food, drugs, alcohol and negative behaviors over me. Thank you Morty. I just can’t seem to stop biting my nails!!

    • Morty Lefkoe September 27, 2010 at 6:31 pm - Reply

      Hi Anna,

      I’m thrilled that we’ve been able to help you get over your bulimia and other addictions.

      For some reason that has been easier than helping people stop overeating. Now we can do that too.

      Love, Morty

  6. Marlies van der Meer September 22, 2010 at 3:04 pm - Reply

    You say (emotional) eating offers a pleasurable distraction or it is seen as a reward “wanting to feel good or comfortable, or to celebrate.”
    How about this scenario: you’re feeling ‘down’ and so you want to treat yourself (the self help industry conditions us to treat ourselves well; to not always be so hard on ourselves). Treating yourself by … rewarding yourself.
    And the 2 most well known ways to reward yourself are: buying nice things (shopaholics) and eating nice things (and here we are conditioned by millions of commericals showing us that eating or drinking soft drinks & ice cream etc. makes us feel happy; full of energy; surrounded by happy friends etc).
    So eating as a reward but more because we are conditioned to see eating as a reward than because we found out ourselves that it is a reward like youve suggested when saying “you eat and then discover that you are experiencing the reward”.

    • Morty Lefkoe September 27, 2010 at 6:29 pm - Reply

      Hi Marlies,

      Is it possible that we are conditioned by our culture rather than by experience? I guess it is possible, but conditioning usually occurs from personal experience, not from what we hear and read, which is more likely to lead to beliefs.

      Love, Morty

  7. Greer September 22, 2010 at 1:45 pm - Reply

    Morty,
    Stop apologizing. You were right, first time. I was overweight my whole life. At 54, I really saw a photo – unflattering but real – and got on a scale. I am 5 foot 9 inches and I weighed 196 pounds. I went to a gym, three times a week and saw a nutritionist and listened. Ten months later. I weighed 124. I am very small boned but broad-shouldered and carried the weight well. I now stay at 124 but have never given up on chocolate, steak and wine – albeit I eat smaller portions than I used to. Yes, it’s hard to lose weight after turning 50, but it’s not impossible. I went from a size 20 to a size 4-6. The unflattering dress is gone, but that’s because it’s huge on me and, therefore, gone to make three tents for a third world country. Don’t correct yourself. If I did it, anyone can. Just stop thinking toxic thoughts. The weight is still off and I just turned 56, even though I have had real grief in my life. Trust yourself as I trust you.
    Greer

    • Morty Lefkoe September 27, 2010 at 6:34 pm - Reply

      Hi Greer,

      I’m just acknowledging that I made a few mistakes in my earlier post, and I am still thrilled that I can help people stop an emotional eating problem.

      Congratulations for handling that problem on your own.

      Love, Morty

  8. Rebecca September 22, 2010 at 1:09 pm - Reply

    A very interesting and thoughtful post about emotional eating. I’m not sure that I completely understand where you’re coming from and it seems a rather detached way of discussing emotional eating which is a much more raw experience than seems to be accepted here. You talk about two types of conditioning that cause us to eat, the reward scenario and the response to a negative experience. I can agree to some extent but that the negative experience causes us to eat to experience a ‘pleasurable distraction’ seems to me to be a misunderstanding of what is really going on. An emotional eater who experiences a trigger scenario doesn’t eat to enjoy a ‘pleasurable distraction’ they are squashing down their emotions and using food to assuage difficult feelings because, for a number of reasons, they are unable to process or deal with those emotions and feelings. They may not even enjoy the food nor eat something that even tastes pleasant.

    • Morty Lefkoe October 2, 2010 at 11:23 am - Reply

      Hi Rebecca,

      What I wrote is not based on my experience (I’ve never had an emotional eating problem), but based on what many clients have told me.

      They tell me that the value they get from eating when they have negative feelings is, most of the time, a “pleasurable distraction.” Obviously that doesn’t work in the long run, but that is how eating got conditioned in the first place.

      Thanks for taking the time to join the conversation.

      Love, Morty

  9. julie September 22, 2010 at 8:47 am - Reply

    Wonderful posts… and of course, everything we do is directly related to our emotional and philosophical states. The ‘catch’… and answers will only come when we can choose to ask ourselves why we do what we do.
    And you know… I think we NEED to take that very negative word “Diet” OUT of our ‘conditioned’ vocabularies!! Just that word, works up lots of negatives inside of us… about what ‘Shackles’ we are about to place upon ourselves! Our inner selves instantly will start to defend us against this~ We need to turn this completely around and ask ourselves… How to get off this ‘Baaaaad for Me Diet’ that I’m currently ON! :-) Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhh ~
    All we’re doing is choosing a BETTER, fresher, healthier, happier, more natural, wonderful New approach to Nourishing Ourselves~~~! And that’s Always positive…

    • Morty Lefkoe September 22, 2010 at 9:32 am - Reply

      Hi Julie,

      Thanks for taking the time to comment.

      Yes, even the word “diet” now has negative connotations.

      Love, Morty

  10. Nitin September 22, 2010 at 6:51 am - Reply

    Hi Morty,
    I really appreciate you for correcting yourself. There are many self help gurus who teach something they are teaching for last more than 20 years.They never evolve but still claim to best. I like you because you evolve your program.You are a true human being.

    Regards,
    NITIN

    • Morty Lefkoe September 22, 2010 at 7:29 am - Reply

      Hi Nitin,

      Thanks for the comment.

      Fortunately I learn every day and sometimes I learn that what I thought I knew isn’t really true.

      And hopefully most of what I learn is useful to others.

      Love, Morty

  11. Riel September 22, 2010 at 6:20 am - Reply

    Hi,
    Thanks, a very intresting article! My interest is beliefs amongst other things and I particularoy appreciated how you married beliefs and eating and conditioning and diets as the most common “cure” The problem is much larger than the “obvious solution!”
    Dollard and Miller said that culture was the conditioned solution to the problems a group of people face. (They said it much better – I just quote from memory) One of the problems we face is moments of sadness and moments of joy – and what do we do? we eat, drink and dance! Think of a funeral, there is something to eat afterwards – eating celebrates life. If we have something to celebrtae we throw a party and we eat. So culturally we are conditioned to respond to strong emotions with food and drink. Couple this belief now with situations or thoughts as your clients described and no wonder that you have “emotional eaters.” We have to become aware of our beliefs acknowledge them, deal with them in other ways than eating like talking or journaling and then go on the diet.
    It is interesting that when you are on the diet all sorts of “funny” thoughts and emotions crop up – if we see them as “cries for help” that previously was silenced by eating and we deal with them by using more effective methods we can stay on the diet and know ourselves better after the dietthan we did before. We will not only shed a few pounds – we will shed a few selves.

    • Morty Lefkoe September 22, 2010 at 6:42 am - Reply

      Hi Riel,

      Interesting observation about culture being the conditioned solution to the problems a group of people face. Given what I already know, that makes a lot of sense.

      Thanks for pointing this out.

      Do you have a citation for the source of this notion?

      Love, Morty

  12. Alessandra September 22, 2010 at 4:18 am - Reply

    You’re a pure genius, so happy that I met you in my life.
    I surely have a problem of emotional eating, but also another thing, I feel compelled to finish what’s in front of me, even if I’m aware that I’m full.
    What this can be due to?

    • Morty Lefkoe September 22, 2010 at 6:39 am - Reply

      Hi Alessanda,

      Feeling compelled to finish what’s in front of you when you are full is an example of emotional eating. That is due mainly to conditioning.

      I explain in detail in my special report, http://eatingreport.com.

      If you need some help getting rid of your problem, call us at (415) 506-4472.

      Love, Morty

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