I’m beginning to think that the ability to dissolve our “occurrings” is almost as important to living a happy and successful life as the ability to eliminate beliefs.

Late last year I wrote several posts about the important distinction between reality and how reality occurs for us. Few people are aware of this distinction and even fewer are able to continually make this distinction throughout the day and then dissolve all their “occurrings.”

Let me briefly explain what I mean by the distinction between reality and how it “occurs” for us for those of you who haven’t read my earlier posts (see December 15, 22, 29, 2009) or seen my video explanation (http://occurringcourse.com/how-occurring-works/).  An example of “reality” is losing your job.  One possible “occurring” for that reality is a sense of victimization, a sense of disaster.  This occurring would result in feelings of despair and helplessness.  A different occurring might be: Being fired is an opportunity to discover what I really want to do with my life and then do it.  This occurring would result in feeling challenged and excited.  Neither occurring is the same as the literal event.

Earlier this year I offered a tele-seminar during which I taught 20 participants how to easily and continuously make the distinction between reality and how it occurs for us.  They also learned how to quickly dissolve how reality was occurring for them, so that they were left with nothing but reality.

How we experience our lives moment-to-moment is largely the result of how events and people occur for us.  So the ability to dissolve that occurring gives us the power to create our experience of life.  To make this clear, let me quote some of the participants in my current course who are mastering the art of dissolving their occurrings.  Here’s one:

I’ve also noticed that I no longer feel the need to defend my position when criticized or when faced with someone whose point of view is different from my own. I can listen to what is being said, without feeling as if one person is wrong and the other is right. The dissolving

[of my occurrings] is instantaneous in most of these situations. I feel as if this makes it possible for me to genuinely learn from the other person’s perspective, where in the past, I’d have shut out what he or she had to say, focusing only on defending my point of view.

Here’s another:

One very positive thing to report: When I [dissolve my occurring] … the effect is very profound. I feel very relaxed. My thinking is clearer.  … Using the occurring process to identify what’s going on helps a great deal. I feel more energetic and clear-headed. I feel more present and “in the moment.”

And finally:

Petty arguments are decreasing because I am dissolving the occurring before it gets blown out of proportion. As a result I am feeling more confident and calmer throughout the day. I am also pointing out the reality in situations my oldest son is going through and he is beginning to grasp what I’m saying.

How you benefit from dissolving your occurring

There are several important advantages to being able to realize that how an event is occurring for you is the result of the meaning you are giving reality and is not reality itself, and then being able to dissolve the occurring.

First, because all negative feelings come from the meaning we have assigned meaningless events, by dissolving our occurring (meaning) we can totally eliminate negative feelings quickly on the spot.

As someone shared in my course:

Some things are dissolving either instantly or very quickly; I’ve noticed that more and more, that pleasantly calm, neutral feeling is becoming my default setting.

Second, because how reality occurs for us is how we think reality really is, it determines our behavior.  If we think someone is being nasty to us, uncaring, out to hurt us, etc., that occurring will lead us to be defensive and angry with that person.  And that will usually result in arguments and other types of unpleasantness.  Dissolving the occurring will dissolve the ground from which arguments grow.   Distinguishing between the meaning you are giving someone’s behavior and the behavior itself will enhance your relationships with people

As someone else shared in my course:

I am noticing that I am able to look at reality without any filter, which has enhanced my relationships with my husband and sons.

Another bonus is that when my husband says something that “hurt” in the past it is no longer “hurtful” because I do the distinguishing before I respond. This practice has nipped several potentially volatile situations in the bud.

Third, because it is easy to create positive meanings for events after you have dissolved the initial negative meaning (occurring), you are able to create positive emotions in your life almost at will.

We had to move recently and the event initially occurred to me as a problem: It would take us about a month to pack and another few weeks to unpack.  I immediately realized that I could hold the move as a problem or a great opportunity.  I choose the latter and, as a result, the event occurred to me as something very exciting and filled with opportunities.

As a result I did not resent the packing and unpacking.  And after being in our new house for less than a week I realized that having to move was the best thing that could have happened to us because our new home is so much nicer than our old home.

Fourth, more often than not with a little practice, clearly distinguishing between reality and how it is occurring for you will put you into a state where you have the profound experience that anything is possible and that nothing is missing.  This is the experience that results when you use my Who Am I Really? Process.

Fifth, because how reality occurs for us is how we think reality really is, our occurrings limit the possibilities that we are able to see.  If you lose your job and that occurs for you as a disaster, as a serious problem, as unfair, etc., your feelings and the way you view “your” reality will make it difficult to find a solution.  Looking only at the bare facts, namely you lost your job and now you need to find a way to make a living, you are more likely to be able to think clearly and discover possibilities you hadn’t seen before.

Sixth, and perhaps most importantly, you can easily dissolve the occurring of victimization, which is the biggest barrier we have to having our life be all that we want it to be.  If I’m a victim of someone or something, then I can’t be responsible for my life.  And if that’s the case, why even try?

At present I am only able to teach about occurring in a tele-seminar.  My goal is to figure out how to turn it into a CD course someday, but at present I don’t know how to do that. But five years ago I had no idea how to help people eliminate beliefs on-line and on DVDs.  And now over 60,000 have.

Please share below any comments you have on my thoughts on the value of distinguishing reality from how reality occurs for us and how to dissolve those occurrings.

These weekly blog posts also exist as podcasts.  Sign up for the RSS feed or at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly.

If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process, go to htp://www.recreateyourlife.com/free where you can eliminate one limiting belief free.

To purchase a DVD program that I guarantee to help you significantly improve your confidence and also eliminate the major day-to-day problems that most people face, check out http://recreateyourlife.com/store/natural-confidence.php.

copyright © 2010 Morty Lefkoe

By Published On: Wednesday, September 8, 2010Categories: Occurring28 CommentsTags: , , ,

28 Comments

  1. Perry October 12, 2010 at 11:37 am - Reply

    Hi Morty,

    I have already bought “natural confidence” but now you have recreate a part two ! Is there a possibility to buy the bonus since the content is the same then the first one ?

    Perry

    • Morty Lefkoe October 12, 2010 at 12:47 pm - Reply

      Hi Perry,

      You already have the new bonuses. Just log in to your Natural Confidence program and click on the link in the upper left “bonuses” and you will get access to the new bonuses.

      Love, Morty

  2. Elli D. September 12, 2010 at 7:31 pm - Reply

    A very interesting article, probably the best one I have read over the last couple of days. I especially like the point 3 – it is true that everything happens for a reason, and even things that seem very negative in the beginning might eventually lead to wonderful decisions. We just never realize that in the moment we have to face the negative situation.

    • Morty Lefkoe October 2, 2010 at 11:19 am - Reply

      Hi Elli,

      It is possible to learn to recognize other possibilities at the moment.

      What’s especially important is to realize that we aren’t “facing a negative situation.” We are facing a situation. The “negative” is in our minds, not in the world.

      Love, Morty

  3. Elsa September 10, 2010 at 8:59 pm - Reply

    Hi Morty, a quick thought. Most of us quite easily see how other people confuse “occurring” with reality. I hear a friend tell a story about stuff that happened to her – so and so did this or that to her. It’s so easy to see, first, how she did a lot to trigger what “happened” to her, and second, how there can be quite different ways of seeing what happened from how she constructs it.

    It’s harder if we’re part of it. Still, like you, I believe that it’s crucial to learn to distinguish the difference between what is coming from out there, and our interpretation (the “occurrence” we make of it).

    This past year, more than any other time in my life, I’ve been working on releasing the grip of old inner patterns. Actually I haven’t worked that hard at changing “occurrences” (what I see as coming in to me) as I’ve worked at releasing response patterns (which can be non-response, acting as if nothing were coming in – as well as response patterns which haven’t served me well).

    Anyway, thanks for this thoughtful entry.

    • Morty Lefkoe October 2, 2010 at 11:17 am - Reply

      Hi Elsa,

      It is possible to not only easily recognize the difference between reality and how it occurs for you, but also to almost instantaneously dissolve your occurrings. That’s what people learn to do in my occurring course.

      It is easy to change your response when you change your occurring; in fact, it happens automatically. It is much harder to change your response when you don’t.

      Love, Morty

  4. Prakash September 10, 2010 at 12:29 pm - Reply

    An example that comes to mind is:

    I call someone on my mobile phone, and s/he rejects the call.

    My immediate reaction is one of being rejected, of hurt feelings, anger, and so on. This is, I now understand is an “ocurring”, which is caused by the person I am – my emotional habits, lack of self-esteem, and so on.

    But then, the person sometimes calls back, and apologizes, saying s/he was in a meeting he couldn’t interrupt, or was driving…

    One person even cuts the call and calls back to save me the expense of a long conversation.

    How different reality can be to what I often think it is!

    • Morty Lefkoe October 2, 2010 at 11:14 am - Reply

      Hi Prakash,

      A great example. And if you were not aware that you were reacting to your occurring, you would be upset with your friend needlessly.

      Love, Morty

  5. Kira September 9, 2010 at 7:44 pm - Reply

    Cross-cultural training such as anthropology also helps one see that we assign meanings to reality that are separate from that reality. Because each culture assigns meanings differently, you have to step outside yourself in order to see things from another point of view. I’m pretty good at looking at the “facts” when something is happening to others, but I still have to work on it sometimes with myself.

    • Morty Lefkoe October 2, 2010 at 11:12 am - Reply

      Hi Kira,

      I agree. Seeing how different cultures assign different meanings to the same “reality” is a good way to understand how individuals within a culture do the same thing.

      When you practice enough, dissolving occurrings becomes almost automatic.

      Love, Morty

  6. Brian September 9, 2010 at 6:44 pm - Reply

    Once at work I was on a team of several people working on a certain project. I was happy with the project and the work, and another member of the team was dissatisfied, but yet we were in the same situation doing exactly the same work. It struck me then that these differences in our opinions came from inside of us, because the external factors were all identical. Reading about “occurrings” reminded me of this, having experienced the same events as someone else and yet a totally different occurring.

    After completing “Natural Confidence” I find I see at times in the behavior of others some beliefs they may have and in that sense understand these people better. The method emphasized that one is not “wrong” or “foolish” for forming such early beliefs, which I applied to myself while getting rid of the beliefs but can now apply to others when they behave in certain ways. As a result, the behavior of people that used to bother me now doesn’t bother me so much. I suppose this is some part of what it is to dissolve one’s occurings.

    • Morty Lefkoe October 2, 2010 at 11:11 am - Reply

      Hi Brian,

      Yes, becoming more compassionate with people when you realize that they are being run by their beliefs is similar to being compassionate with people when you realize they are operating out of the way the world occurs to them.

      In addition, when you dissolve your occurrings you are able to stop all your negative feelings (which are caused by your occurrings) and see more possibilities for action than you had seen before.

      Love, Morty

  7. Jon September 9, 2010 at 3:02 pm - Reply

    Thanks for the post Morty! Very informative and a very true perspective. I’ve been a student of meditation and Buddhist philosophy for a handful of years now and I very much see a connection between your perspective and Buddhist teachings on observing your own thoughts/emotions in order to gain a better understanding of how things are occuring for you and to realize that it is the occuring that your thoughts/emotions are and not necessarily the reality of things. I’d be very interested to hear your thoughts/feelings on Buddhist teachings and practices that can be useful for people with any belief structure or no beliefs at all :)

    Best,
    Jon

    • Morty Lefkoe October 2, 2010 at 11:08 am - Reply

      Hi Jon,

      I’ve read very little Buddhist material, although I have been told by many that our work is similar in many respects. So I can’t really recommend any Buddhist material.

      I know the results our work offers so I talk about it and offer it.

      Love, Morty

  8. ian September 9, 2010 at 1:46 pm - Reply

    Hi morty

    Last time i wrote about putting your idea of putting this on dvd, you said that your main concern was the aspect of motavation, how having to write our progress each week and send it in to you each week would be the motivation to keep going, through accountability to you.

    I have thoutght about this, and as i can only afford this by dvd like many others, and this would also make it available to many more of us, i have some suggestions for you, which may or may not be of help

    1) Independant groups, – up untill now you have guided each group of 20, one idea could be to set up indipendant groups who are accoutable to each other, who use pre recorded info by you as a referance point, the members could help each other and be accountable to each other over the internet

    2) Hypnotic motivation – As part of a dvd package, you could include a 20 min hypnosis session which we listen to dayly that gets us to look at our progress so far and how far we have come, year by year, day by day up untill now, to keep us going untill we have intigrated your occouring process as a habit after the 10 weeks

    Any one else who has suggestions to help mortey to get this out there will be appreciated by all

    Cheers

    • Morty Lefkoe October 2, 2010 at 11:06 am - Reply

      Hi Ian,

      Thanks so much for taking the time to offer some suggestions.

      At the moment, what makes the course effective is all the time I personally spend with each participant and the group interaction.

      Also, everyone knows there is a call every week where each person will have to let us all know their experience of doing their assignment each week. With DVDs people do the course on their own time, and frequently don’t do it at all.

      But I’m still working on how to create a DVD course and I’m sure I eventually will find a way.

      Thanks for your interest in our work.

      Love, Morty

  9. Barbara September 9, 2010 at 11:18 am - Reply

    It’s the old saying, ‘if you think you can’t/can, then you can’t/can”, but there is an underlying reality. No matter how much I think I can fly, I can’t. It’s hard to know exactuly where to draw a line between the two. what do you think?

    • Owen September 9, 2010 at 4:40 pm - Reply

      But Barbara, you don’t REALLY think you can fly because you don’t believe you can fly. You don’t believe you can fly like a bird because it was long ago proven people aren’t designed for flying. What’s physically impossible for a person is not something they can do.

      The Wright brothers knew they couldn’t fly unaided, but they believed they could build a machine that would fly and carry them. They believed it so strongly, it didn’t matter who believed they couldn’t.

    • Morty Lefkoe October 2, 2010 at 11:03 am - Reply

      Hi Barbara,

      Yes, there is an underlying reality. That’s the point. That reality is different from the meaning you have given that reality. And most of the time people don’t recognize the difference between reality and how it occurs for them.

      Love, Morty

  10. Leila September 9, 2010 at 9:40 am - Reply

    Hi Morty, this post gives a really good idea of the progress you can make with your method to having a better life. Thanks.

    • Morty Lefkoe October 2, 2010 at 11:01 am - Reply

      Hi Leila,

      I was blown away by the results people got in this last class. When you can deal directly with reality and not how it occurs to you you really do have control over your experience of life.

      Love, Morty

  11. Renee September 9, 2010 at 6:02 am - Reply

    Morty, I was wondering when you were thinking of offering the course again? Thanks so much, Renee

    • Morty Lefkoe October 2, 2010 at 11:00 am - Reply

      Hi Renee,

      We are offering the course again on October 12.

      Love, Morty

  12. Pele September 9, 2010 at 5:15 am - Reply

    Morty,
    I have been thinking lately of subjectivity vs. objectivity, and how many of our problems come from too much emphasis on subjective experience. This obsession with “I” causes us to forget that we, like everything else, are actually objects and events in the universe. Would you say the ability to dissolve our “occurrings” is related?

  13. Marcia September 9, 2010 at 4:16 am - Reply

    Most of times, we translate “reality” for our inner world exactly as if it had a changeable meaning.
    We try to free ourselves from the facts as if they were occuring for us in fantasy world..
    It’s easier to escape from facing them entirely.
    The search for solutions that could make us happier is left aside.
    Many times we prefer suffering with old concepts instead of facing new ones.
    The tool for change this negative way of facing life is our will.
    The decision of living life with joy and happiness is a a choose that we may do.
    When it’s done we are able to deal witr ccurings in a way that make us happier and secure that “life” works hard for us!
    We can also feel this energetic wind blowing through our mind!
    When the decision is made the results apppear imediatly.

    • Morty Lefkoe October 2, 2010 at 10:59 am - Reply

      Hi Marcia,

      Thanks for contributing to all who read my blog. I really appreciate the time you spent writing your ideas.

      Love, Morty

  14. Perry September 9, 2010 at 3:33 am - Reply

    Hi Morty,

    I am sure that you will find a way how to put the LOP in dvd and when this happen, let me know because I am interested.

    Perry

    • Morty Lefkoe October 2, 2010 at 10:58 am - Reply

      Hi Perry,

      At the moment, what makes the course effective is all the time I personally spend with each participant and the group interaction. But I’m still working on how to create a DVD course and I’m sure I eventually will find a way.

      Thanks for your interest in our work.

      Love, Morty

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