[of my occurrings] is instantaneous in most of these situations. I feel as if this makes it possible for me to genuinely learn from the other person’s perspective, where in the past, I’d have shut out what he or she had to say, focusing only on defending my point of view.
One very positive thing to report: When I [dissolve my occurring] … the effect is very profound. I feel very relaxed. My thinking is clearer. … Using the occurring process to identify what’s going on helps a great deal. I feel more energetic and clear-headed. I feel more present and “in the moment.”
Petty arguments are decreasing because I am dissolving the occurring before it gets blown out of proportion. As a result I am feeling more confident and calmer throughout the day. I am also pointing out the reality in situations my oldest son is going through and he is beginning to grasp what I’m saying.
How you benefit from dissolving your occurring
There are several important advantages to being able to realize that how an event is occurring for you is the result of the meaning you are giving reality and is not reality itself, and then being able to dissolve the occurring.
First, because all negative feelings come from the meaning we have assigned meaningless events, by dissolving our occurring (meaning) we can totally eliminate negative feelings quickly on the spot.
As someone shared in my course:
Some things are dissolving either instantly or very quickly; I’ve noticed that more and more, that pleasantly calm, neutral feeling is becoming my default setting.
Second, because how reality occurs for us is how we think reality really is, it determines our behavior. If we think someone is being nasty to us, uncaring, out to hurt us, etc., that occurring will lead us to be defensive and angry with that person. And that will usually result in arguments and other types of unpleasantness. Dissolving the occurring will dissolve the ground from which arguments grow. Distinguishing between the meaning you are giving someone’s behavior and the behavior itself will enhance your relationships with people
As someone else shared in my course:
I am noticing that I am able to look at reality without any filter, which has enhanced my relationships with my husband and sons.
Another bonus is that when my husband says something that “hurt” in the past it is no longer “hurtful” because I do the distinguishing before I respond. This practice has nipped several potentially volatile situations in the bud.
Third, because it is easy to create positive meanings for events after you have dissolved the initial negative meaning (occurring), you are able to create positive emotions in your life almost at will.
We had to move recently and the event initially occurred to me as a problem: It would take us about a month to pack and another few weeks to unpack. I immediately realized that I could hold the move as a problem or a great opportunity. I choose the latter and, as a result, the event occurred to me as something very exciting and filled with opportunities.
As a result I did not resent the packing and unpacking. And after being in our new house for less than a week I realized that having to move was the best thing that could have happened to us because our new home is so much nicer than our old home.
Fourth, more often than not with a little practice, clearly distinguishing between reality and how it is occurring for you will put you into a state where you have the profound experience that anything is possible and that nothing is missing. This is the experience that results when you use my Who Am I Really? Process.
Fifth, because how reality occurs for us is how we think reality really is, our occurrings limit the possibilities that we are able to see. If you lose your job and that occurs for you as a disaster, as a serious problem, as unfair, etc., your feelings and the way you view “your” reality will make it difficult to find a solution. Looking only at the bare facts, namely you lost your job and now you need to find a way to make a living, you are more likely to be able to think clearly and discover possibilities you hadn’t seen before.
Sixth, and perhaps most importantly, you can easily dissolve the occurring of victimization, which is the biggest barrier we have to having our life be all that we want it to be. If I’m a victim of someone or something, then I can’t be responsible for my life. And if that’s the case, why even try?
At present I am only able to teach about occurring in a tele-seminar. My goal is to figure out how to turn it into a CD course someday, but at present I don’t know how to do that. But five years ago I had no idea how to help people eliminate beliefs on-line and on DVDs. And now over 60,000 have.
Please share below any comments you have on my thoughts on the value of distinguishing reality from how reality occurs for us and how to dissolve those occurrings.
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copyright © 2010 Morty Lefkoe