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Shortly after I married Shelly over 31 years ago people started to describe her as representing the heart in our relationship and me, the mind. We were great leading workshops together because I taught distinctions and abstractions, and she told stories to illustrate my abstractions and usually created a better relationship with people in the class.
Even though expressing love was not one of my strong suits, I have always experienced a profound love for Shelly and our two girls, Blake and Brittany. Over the past few years, however, that love has gotten so immense inside me that I am frustrated because I can’t find words to express it fully enough. “I love you” just doesn’t adequately express my feelings.
At the same time I have been experiencing so much love in general that I have just been looking for people to express it to. It’s like “I love” and then I need people to direct that intense feeling toward.
My first awareness
I first started becoming aware this overpowering feeling of love at my semi-annual meetings of the Transformational Leadership Council, which I joined over eight years ago as a founding member. I started to notice feeling love and directing it toward whoever showed up in front of me. I think the precipitating factor was being surrounded by so many people who shared my commitment to make a difference in people’s lives, which meant I really knew their essence and they really knew one of the most important things I valued about myself.
So although I still see myself as a creative and committed person who is focused on getting The Lefkoe Method into the hands of as many people as possible and creating new processes to free people from their barriers to happiness, I have been experiencing myself more and more as someone who loves people a lot—as a truly loving person.
My birthday party
Then, a couple of months ago, Shelly threw me a surprise 75th birthday party. There were about 30 of my friends there. One of them, Dave Ellis, started a toast with a process he had done many time before. He said to me: “What I love about you is everything. And what I love about you is…. And what I love about you is ….” He repeated this at least ten times, stating each time something different he loved about me. Then each of the other people at the party did the same thing.
The experience of hearing 30 people share what they loved about me was overwhelming. It was one of the most profoundly special evenings of my life. What made it especially meaningful was the fact that every person who described what they loved about me included how loving I was. Yes, they mentioned my commitment, my relationship with Shelly and my daughters, and the difference I make in people’s lives … but every single person said they loved how loving I was. Because that’s how I’ve been seeing myself and I wasn’t sure others saw it, I felt more seen and “gotten” by more people that night than I ever have in my life.
A very special gift
And then last week I got a package from a close male friend. In it was a note that read: “You are the most loving man I know. I just wanted to say thank you.” Enclosed was a very special gift. That was the final straw that made real to me that my love for others was so palpable that others experienced it also.
Where did this outpouring of love come from? What got it started a few years ago and what allows me to express it so fully that all my friends experience it?
I’m not sure, but here’s what I think. I stopped judging others. I stopped giving meaning to what others do. I allow people to be who and what they are. They don’t have to be or do anything special for them to be okay with me. (See my post http://www.mortylefkoe.com/love-unconditionally/# regarding love for no reason.)
Allow yourself to get in touch with your love for people. We all have it and if you aren’t in touch with it, it’s right under your judgments and evaluations of people and right under beliefs like If I allowed others to know how much I loved them I’d get hurt and Real men don’t display their feelings.
When we are in touch with who we really are and in touch with who others really are—without any judgments or evaluations—all there is is love. There’s nothing better. Try it and see for yourself.
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{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
I have to agree with your theory of why you’ve become more loving, Morty.
I have thought the same thing about myself. I have noticed that these past few years, I have only rarely been angry. I am almost always in a good mood, genuinely content, non-judgemental and understanding. I suppose most of my friends recognize that, because I’ve been told several times: “I don’t understand how you can always be so lighthearted and upbeat”.
And you, Morty, have definitely contributed a lot to this, thanks to many of the paradigms you’ve shared.
Thanks for sharing your experiences Morty. You’re sure doing alot to better the world.
Nice (and surprising) to see you stating that your experience was ‘meaningful’… That doesn’t happen very often
As always, great post with interesting insights.
What I love about you Morty is how unconditionally loving, generous, kind and giving you are.!
Morty,
thank you for this touching story. I know this is a true one because I have been a student of yours for almost a year now. I am absolutely surprised to find that you are more passionate of your students success than the students themselves. You go many extra miles to explain difficult concepts.
I haven’t seen anyone else to give a free course for people who “did not get it” the first time. Then the next day you are available to take phone calls from us for more “clarification” (again no charge). I know firsthand that you are absolutely amazing and loving human being.
If we send love to people instead of anger, the whole world will change.
You always end your emails with your signature, which is “Love”.
Blessings
Well, Shelly…Morty loves You!
What could be a typical source be for the belief “if I allowed others to know how much I loved them I will get hurt”?
Hi Jen,
Allowing others to know you loved them and getting hurt. This could be with parents or others you love later in life.
Love, Morty
Thank you for this lovely post.
I remember being very loving when I was a child and relatives telling me how loving I was. As the years went by, I “learned” that my outward expression of love was seen as being “too trusting”, so that I tied that love into knots. Since eliminating beliefs and learning to dissolve my occurrings, I express my love naturally and more easily. When love is brought into the light of self-awareness, it naturally grows. And, Morty, I love how you love people by sharing the wonderful processes you’ve developed.
Love AND Light,
Lauren
never ever had issues about telling people I’ve loved them, before my father died, he rang to ask when was I going to visit, told been busy, & try soon, & that i loved him. glad had! but how is all this getting us into proper safety reinforced see through rubber glass web inserts coveralls inbuilt fixtures foundations only seen in heaven, as heard prayer how many times in womb, then going to catholic school?
so what about you morty, or are you stuck in the realm of being earth bound?
love & light!
what other kind of love is there?
the love of a fathers prayer to us, as it is in heaven so shall it be on earth!
so what are the worries, that hindering how many from the power of love, of seeing heaven, but anything do down on earth rejected, i fought the law, but the law won again! by how many fathers, by giving members of families, what do?
so pray on, for sense to prevail!
love of god greatest gift ever, as he knew me before i knew him!
Hi Morty,
My situation is that while I love unconditionally I am also unable to allow people to see and know the real me…For fear of judgement from them. Consequently I do not have real meaningful relationships. It can mean a lonely life…..
Hi Astrid,
Fearing people’s judgment is the result of only a few beliefs. Get rid of them and start expressing yourself fully.
Love, Morty
Morty,
Result of only a few beliefs??? What exactly does that mean?
Astrid,
You said in your post: “while I love unconditionally I am also unable to allow people to see and know the real me…For fear of judgement from them. Consequently I do not have real meaningful relationships.”
My response was: your fear of judgment is the result of beliefs like: What makes me good enough and important is having people think well of me, If people know I care about them I’ll get hurt, my feelings are not important, etc.
If you get rid of those beleifs, you will stop worrying about judgments of others.
Love, Morty
I have been in both sides of the spectrum, with sharing people who loves and sharing people who hates.
Emotions are social. When I stated going with some “friends” as a child they saw me smile for everything and they hated that. “Why are you always with this stupid smile!!”" Why you smile when you meet someone?”
If you go near hatred groups like politics ones you are a treat to them. Here in Spain some of them are even able to kill you, or make your life miserable(nationalistic groups like ETA in the north of Spain). Imagine Hitler party, Mussolini camicie nere or Communist groups. They are very real and addictive hatred dominant even today.
They join to hate the same way that you join to love. What could someone do, let them kill you like Jesus or Gamdi or Mathin Luther King?. Be only with groups that love and so let society die?.
I don’t think Ghandi got killed by his enemies. He’s probably the best to model, as he brought down a military superpower without raising so much as a fist, but it isn’t that serious.
Instead I think it would be best to stay with the loving and the neutral, and win them over, until there is strength in numbers. Also, there are police actions. Just because I’m okay with “who you are” as a hater doesn’t mean that I don’t wear Kevlar and take your guns away.
(Theoretically, since I’m not that advanced in my state-of-mind right now.)
Morty, you truly are the most loving person I’ve ever known.
I feel beyond privileged to have you as a dad. You make the world a better place. I love you
Truly lovely, evidence of the power of the ‘I Am – love’. Thank you for sharing.