Imagine this: At work someone you know walks past you in the hallway and doesn’t say hello to you.
What automatically runs through your mind?
“They don’t like me.”
“I must have done something wrong.”
“They’re mad at me.”
“I’m not important enough for them to acknowledge.”
If you’re like most people, a thought like one of those may have flashed through your awareness. Here’s the truth: all of those meanings came from YOUR mind, not from the event itself.
A Powerful Distinction
After 35 years of helping people eliminate beliefs and transform their lives, I can tell you the single most important distinction you’ll ever make:
Events have consequences, but they don’t have inherent meaning.
Let me say that again because it’s really powerful: events are neutral. The meaning you give them comes entirely from your mind, created in the moment.
If meaning is inside your head, then events themselves don’t have an inherent interpretation. They just are.
Why This Matters More Than You Think
We don’t suffer from events—we suffer from the meaning, the interpretations, we give them.
I once worked with a psychiatrist who had been sexually abused by his mother as a child. She used to beat him, lock him in a closet, and go to church. He came to me because he never had a successful relationship in his entire life.
Now, I never minimize the consequences of someone’s suffering.
What happened to him was horrific. The consequences were real and devastating. But here’s the crucial distinction: the events had consequences, but the beliefs he formed from it (“I’m damaged goods,” “I’m worthless,” “I’m powerless,” “Women have all the power,” “Women are mean”) were created in his mind.
We had to eliminate those beliefs so that he wouldn’t keep creating new meanings about the women that showed up in his life. Once we did, he was free to create healthy relationships for the first time.
Making Sense of the Distinction
Let me break this down because people often confuse patterns, beliefs, and meaning:
Beliefs get formed in the past. When you’re a child asking “why?”—Why can’t I live up to mommy and daddy’s expectations? Why are they fighting about money?—you form beliefs based on your interpretations.
Meaning gets formed in the moment. Right now, as something happens, you automatically assign meaning based on your existing beliefs.
Patterns are what we observe. Procrastination, anxiety, not speaking up—these are the visible behaviors and emotions we want to change.
Here’s the relationship: Beliefs came from the meaning you gave past events. Those beliefs cause you to make meanings today that trigger your emotions. Your emotions drive your patterns.
The Simple Truth About Meaning
If you believe dogs are dangerous, and a dog walks into the room, you’re going to give it the meaning “that dog’s going to bite me.” That meaning causes your fear—not the dog itself.
Your emotions come from the meaning you give events.
And since meaning is in your mind, it’s never actually in the events themselves.
Think about that person who didn’t say hello in the hallways. The meaning you gave it (“they don’t like me”) came from you. They might have been distracted, worried about something, lost in thought, or simply didn’t see you. The event was neutral. Your mind made it mean something.
What You Can Do Right Now
This isn’t just philosophical—it’s intensely practical. When you get triggered or upset, here’s a process you can use in the moment:
First, identify what happened: “Someone walked into the room and didn’t say hello to me.”
Second, ask what meaning you gave it: “They don’t like me” or “I must have done something wrong.”
Third, explore alternatives: “What else could it mean? Maybe they’re preoccupied. Maybe they didn’t see me. Maybe they’re dealing with something difficult.”
Finally, get to no meaning: “What does it inherently mean? Do I know anything for sure?”
The answer is always: I know nothing for sure. Meaning is in your mind. It’s never in the events.
This simple process can eliminate an emotion in the moment. It won’t necessarily eliminate the underlying beliefs causing you to give that meaning (we have a specific process for that which you can try here), but it can give you immediate freedom from emotional reactivity.
The Compassionate Truth
Let me be absolutely clear: I hate that painful things happen. I wished my client hadn’t been abused. I wish every child had loving, nurturing parents. I wish my husband hadn’t died.
It was horrible while these things were happening. The consequences were real.
But—and this is where freedom lives—the events have no meaning.
When my husband Morty died, I was devastated. I used this very process to get out of bed. I’d ask myself: “What happened? Morty died. What meaning did I give it? I’m going to starve to death. I don’t know how to run a company.”
Then I’d explore: “Well, it could mean I’m going to starve to death, OR it could mean I’m going to learn how to do this and step up.”
Grieving was healthy. I cried a lot. But not getting out of bed wasn’t healthy. The meaning I initially gave his death was keeping me stuck.
When I changed the meaning, I got out of bed… and eventually we tripled our business. Not because I was denying my grief, but because I wasn’t imprisoned by a meaning I had created.
You Can’t Control Events—But You Can Control Meaning
Here’s what I want you to take away from this:
You can’t control what happens to you. Events occur. People behave in certain ways. Circumstances unfold.
But you have complete control over the meaning you give those events.
This isn’t about positive thinking. It’s not about affirmations or pretending bad things didn’t happen. It’s about recognizing that meaning is something YOU create, which means you can create different meanings.
The person who doesn’t say hello? Neutral event.
Your parent criticizing you? Painful consequence, neutral event.
Losing your job? Real consequences to deal with, but the event itself is neutral.
When you truly get this—not just intellectually but experientially—you step into a different relationship with life. You stop being a victim of circumstances and become the creator of your experience.
The Practice
Start noticing today. When you feel upset, triggered, angry, or afraid, pause and ask:
- What just happened (just the facts)?
- What meaning did I give it?
- What else could it mean?
- What does it inherently mean?
You’ll discover something profound: almost nothing inherently means anything. Meaning is your mind’s interpretation, colored by your beliefs.
And if meaning is created by you, it can be changed by you.
That’s where your freedom lives.
Want to learn how to dissolve meanings and the negative emotions they create in seconds? Check out the Rapid Release program and discover how you can eliminate emotional reactions in the moment.
