I was sitting across from Josh Trent on his Wellness + Wisdom Podcast, and he shared something that stopped me in my tracks.
His mother struggled with manic bipolar disorder his entire childhood. His father left early with his own demons. If you heard that story, you might think: “Oh, that explains everything about why someone would struggle.”
But here’s what Josh said instead:
“What a beautiful gift that I could be here doing what I’m doing because of the vacuum that was created by me getting undernourished in ways that now I know how to nourish myself through.”
He didn’t just survive those circumstances. He used them as raw material to build an extraordinary life.
And what a life he’s built.
Josh is the founder of Wellness Force Media and the host of the Wellness + Wisdom Podcast—a top-ranked show with over 800 episodes and more than 12 million downloads. He’s been working in the health, wellness, and personal development space for nearly 20 years. He created the BREATHE program, a 21-day guided breathwork and wellness program. He developed the Pentagon of Wellness, a holistic framework that addresses physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and financial health.
The man sitting across from me wasn’t just someone who “overcame” his childhood. He was someone who transformed his pain into purpose and built something remarkable.
And that’s exactly what I want to talk to you about today.
The Truth That Changes Everything
Your circumstances don’t define your reality.
The way you grew up. The love you received or didn’t receive. The trauma you experienced. The opportunities you were denied.
These are all just events.
It’s the meaning the mind placed upon them that created your reality.
Now, before your mind starts racing with objections, let me say this clearly: I’m not minimizing what happened to you. If you’ve suffered, if you’ve been hurt, if your childhood was painful—I see that. I honor that.
But here’s what I’ve learned in 35 years of doing this work:
Events have consequences. They just don’t have inherent meaning.
Why This Feels Impossible to Believe
When people hear “events are neutral,” something rises up inside them.
The ego has a checklist. A long one.
I suffered for 20 years. My life fell apart. I gained weight. I lost my job. I couldn’t hold relationships together.
That checklist feels so real. So solid. So true.
And it’s all connected to your beliefs about what those events meant.
Here’s what makes this so hard: We’ve invested everything in our story of suffering. It’s how we make sense of our lives. It’s how we explain ourselves to others. It’s how we understand why we are the way we are.
Letting go of that story can feel like losing ourselves.
But what if the story was actually what’s been limiting you all along?
This Isn’t About Pretending Pain Didn’t Happen
I want to be really clear about something.
This isn’t about pretending bad things didn’t happen. This isn’t about toxic positivity or denying reality.
I worked with a client who was sexually abused by his mother. She used to beat him, lock him in a closet, and then go to church. He was a psychiatrist who had never had a successful relationship in his life.
Did I tell him his childhood didn’t matter? That he just needed to think positive thoughts?
Absolutely not.
We worked together to eliminate the beliefs he had formed: I’m damaged goods. I’m worthless. I’m powerless. Women have all the power. Women are mean.
Those beliefs were real. The consequences of what happened to him were real. It was horrible while it was happening.
But here’s what changed everything for him:
The events had no inherent meaning.
His mother’s actions didn’t mean he was worthless. Another interpretation is his mother was broken and struggling with her own pain. That’s it.
Once he realized he never saw his belief in the world, just a series of events in which he felt great pain and endured suffering—his belief went away.
The Long-Term Memory Banks
Here’s how it works.
We come into this world not knowing if we’re good enough or not. Not knowing if we’re important. Not knowing if life is hard or easy.
And then things happen.
Your parent criticizes you, and you ask yourself, “Why can’t I live up to their expectations?” And you conclude: I guess I’m not good enough.
Your parent struggles with money, and you ask, “Why are mommy and daddy always fighting about bills?” And you conclude: I guess money is scarce and hard to get.
You keep failing tests, and you ask, “Why can’t I do this?” And you conclude: I guess I’m stupid.
These beliefs become the lens through which you see everything. They’re stored in your long-term memory banks, and they run your life—until you eliminate them.
And here’s the beautiful part: You can eliminate them.
You’re either a hostage to those beliefs, or you can dismantle them and be free to recreate your life.
You can literally be both the player and the programmer at the same time.
What This Means Practically
This isn’t just theory. This is about your life right now.
If you believe I’m not good enough, you’ll procrastinate on projects because they’ll never be perfect anyway.
If you believe people will hurt me, you’ll keep everyone at arm’s length and wonder why you feel so alone.
If you believe I’m not lovable, you’ll sabotage every relationship before they can leave you first.
Your circumstances created the opportunity for those beliefs to form. But the beliefs are what’s running your life now.
And when you eliminate the beliefs, your past stops defining your future.
The Evidence
That client I mentioned—the one who was sexually abused?
After we eliminated his beliefs, he said something I’ll never forget:
“For the first time in my life, I can imagine having a healthy relationship. Not because I forced myself to believe I deserve it, but because the belief that I’m damaged goods just… disappeared.”
He didn’t have to convince himself he was worthy. He just realized the unworthiness was something he made up as a child trying to make sense of impossible circumstances.
Josh could have easily lived his whole life as a victim of his circumstances. His mother’s mental illness. His father’s absence. He had every right to.
Instead, he created an extraordinary life—not by denying what happened, but by refusing to let it mean he was broken.
What’s Possible for You
I hate that you went through whatever you went through.
If I could go back and give you a loving, nurturing childhood where you felt seen and valued and safe, I would.
But I can’t change your past.
What I can tell you is this: Your past doesn’t have to determine your future.
The beliefs you formed as a child were your best attempt to make sense of confusing, painful circumstances. They were survival mechanisms. They helped you cope.
But they’re not serving you anymore.
And they can be eliminated.
Your circumstances were the raw material. But you get to decide what you build with them.
It’s Actually That Simple
Yes, it takes courage to look at your beliefs. Yes, it takes spiritual courage to examine the opportunity cost of living with wrong beliefs for 20 years.
But the mechanism itself? It’s simple.
Once you eliminate the belief I’m not good enough, you don’t have to force yourself to feel worthy. You just are.
Once you eliminate the belief people will leave me, you don’t have to work so hard to keep people close. You just connect naturally.
That’s what makes this different from affirmations or positive thinking or trying to override your beliefs with willpower.
We’re not putting something new on top of something old.
We’re removing what was never true in the first place.
The Bottom Line
Your circumstances don’t define your reality. The beliefs you formed about those circumstances do.
And since you created those beliefs (even though you didn’t know you were doing it), you have the power to eliminate them.
You’re not broken. You’re not damaged. You’re not too far gone.
You just believed you were.
And that belief? Like every other belief?
It can be eliminated.
Ready to make a change?
If self-doubt has been holding you back, check out the Natural Confidence Program—an interactive program that helps you eliminate 19 of the most common beliefs that limit confidence and keep you stuck.
Or, if you’d like personalized guidance, schedule a free strategy session with me. We’ll get clear on what you want, identify the patterns holding you back, and explore whether working together is the right next step for you.
