Why One Friend’s Question Changed How I Speak to Loved Ones Forever
"Who said you could talk to your beloved like that?" Those words from my dear friend Anne hit me like a punch to the stomach. I had just raised my voice during a disagreement with Morty. You know, the kind where you're so convinced you're right that your volume rises with each word? Yeah, that kind. And then Anne's question stopped me in my tracks. It had never occurred to me that yelling at my beloved was not okay. Never even crossed my mind. I came from a very loving family, but we all yelled at each other all [...]
Why We Yell At Our Loved Ones And How To Stop
Couple yelling at each other One evening many years ago our friends Anne and Steve were over. Morty and I were downstairs in our bedroom and Anne overheard me yelling at him. She marched downstairs and said something that knocked me off my feet. “Who said that you can talk to your beloved that way?” You see, I grew up in a loving family that would do anything for each other. We laughed a lot and had a wonderful time together. But we yelled. If I lost something my dad would yell “If your head wasn’t tied [...]
Why we get overheated when criticized and how to cool back down
I was in the kitchen preparing dinner when Morty walked in and said “There are no bananas?" I screamed “Bananas! I had sessions all day, then the kids came home, I had to answer calls, make dinner and you want bananas? He was shocked. He was simply disappointed that there were no bananas in the house and I heard “You’re a terrible wife.” As you can see, I was being defensive Defensiveness is harmful to our relationships because it keeps us from getting to the source of issues. Instead, we’re focusing on who was right and who was wrong. It [...]
Relationship Souring? How To Sweeten It By Undoing The Occurring Effect
A golden poison frog contains enough toxin to kill 10 men. But when it's raised in captivity, it's harmless. The frog's poison comes from eating insects that ingest toxic plants. In captivity, the frogs are fed a diet that does not include these toxic bugs. Humans prevent this animal from being so dangerous by simply keeping them from their usual prey. Similarly, relationships often lose their sweetness with time, yet, we can prevent this by avoiding a common element that slowly poisons them. This element is called occurrings. What are occurrings and how do they make good relationships go sour? [...]
Why we miss out if our relationships aren’t intentional
Lefkoe Method Training 1 - The Waiting List is Still Open I I enjoyed every minute of this very insightful course and I do recommend it. During the eight weeks of the course, I gained much confi dence and I learned all the skills and techniques necessary to master the Lefkoe Belief Process. Three weeks ago, I started practicing the LBP on my sister, and together we have already managed to eliminate a few beliefs she held and change her creation. I am thrilled to know that I now have the ability to change my life and the life of [...]
How to have peace of mind with your family over the holidays even if arguments are the norm
“Eh, you’d piss on your mother’s grave” my father shouted at me. "How could he say something so horrible to me?", I thought. Morty and I had gone down to Florida to spend Thanksgiving with my family. We wanted to go away overnight to have some time to ourselves and leave Blake who was about 6 years old with my parents. When I told my dad our plans he got really angry He thought we weren’t going to help my mom shop and cook for Thanksgiving dinner. That wasn't the case but I was still devastated by what he said [...]
Why We Yell At Our Loved Ones And How To Stop
Couple yelling at each other Have you ever yelled at someone you cared about, then later regretted it? Most people have. Would you like to stop? Most people do. I'm going to tell you why we yell and how to stop saying hurtful things when you're angry. That way you can avoid the pain that both you and your loved ones feel when someone speaks without compassion. Before I can answer that question though, I need to tell you my story about yelling. One evening many years ago our friends Anne and Steve were over. Morty and I [...]
Why do you have relationship problems?
Thanks so much for the many thoughtful responses to my post last week asking you how we can contribute to improving your life. The single most common response had to do with relationships. Unfortunately, there is no simple advice I can offer in this area for several reasons. Different types of relationship problems To begin with, many of the beliefs men have that serve as barriers to having a great relationship are different from the beliefs women have. Moreover, relationships have a lot of different aspects, such as: • men can have a hard time approaching women, • both men [...]
How to improve your relationships
I rarely give advice in my weekly blog post. I focus on the relationship between beliefs/conditioning and having the life you want to have. That is my area of real expertise. But there is one aspect of life in which I think I am an expert, where I think I can give some very useful advice: how to improve your relationship with your significant other (spouse or steady partner). Shelly and I have created an incredible relationship and I think some of the things we do can significantly improve your relationship, although you might have to eliminate some beliefs in [...]
