This week, I’d like to talk about a topic that was near and dear to my husband Morty’s heart.
The power of unconditional love.
When Morty and I got married over thirty years ago, I asked him why he loved me. I didn’t like his answer.
“Just because I do,” he said.
I wanted to know why he loved me. I wanted to know what qualities he most liked about me.
But instead of telling me he kept saying that he just loved me, and for no particular reason.
I like how Morty describes the rest of this conversation when he was interviewed by Marci Shimoff for her book “Love For No Reason.”
“If I love you for specific reasons, then my love is conditioned on you being a certain way. If you stop being that way or you aren’t that way at a given time, I may not love you. But if I love you ‘just because,’ then my love is unconditional and I can and will love you no matter what you do or don’t do.”
It took me awhile to not need to hear why he loved but when I got it it was huge. I knew I didn’t have to be any way to have his love nor could I ever do anything to lose it.
In the rest of the interview he stated:
If I don’t feel love toward Shelly at any given moment, I realize that I’m not experiencing love inside myself and that it’s up to me to figure out why and to start experiencing it again. I’m not blaming her for anything and I’m not waiting for her to change in some way. This gives me complete control over the way I feel about her. In other words, there’s nothing she has to do to make me love her, and there’s nothing she can do that will lead me to not love her.
Re-reading that brought tears to my eyes.
Every day, Morty did his best to truly open his heart and love people … just to love people … for no reason at all. That’s just what he wanted to do.
But he did more than that. He also freely taught anyone who was open to the idea how to become more loving.
One key is to let go of judgments. Judgments about yourself and judgments about others.
He loved to quote Marci’s book on this topic:
One of the biggest blocks to experiencing Love for No Reason is being judgmental, which is different from exercising good judgment or voicing an opinion. Being judgmental is condemning another person or situation, which creates tension and separation in our relationships, effectively cutting off the flow of love.
… it is possible to stop judging and evaluating ourselves, thereby stopping the little voice in our head.
Here’s all you have to do. Whenever you catch yourself judging yourself, notice that there was some type of external event … that you judged. Notice that the judgment is something you added to the event ….
Once you make a clear distinction between the