Have you ever caught yourself saying, “I’m not going to get excited until it happens”?
I used to say this all the time. I thought I was being smart—protecting myself from disappointment. But was I really protecting myself? Or was I robbing myself of joy?
Many years ago, my dear husband, Morty, walked into my office with news about a potential big client. His face was beaming with excitement.
“Oh my God! Are you so excited that we may get this big client?” he asked.
“Well, I’m not going to get excited till it happens,” I replied matter-of-factly, “because I don’t want to be disappointed.”
He looked at me quizzically. “Let me ask you a question. If it doesn’t happen, are you going to be disappointed?”
“Yeah,” I admitted.
“Me too,” he said. “The only difference is I will have had a whole week of being excited.”
I felt my heart drop. He was right. My strategy wasn’t protecting me from anything. I was still going to feel disappointed if things didn’t work out—I was just missing out on all the good feelings beforehand!
We think we’re protecting ourselves, but we’re not
Here’s what I’ve discovered: Many of us hold ourselves back from feeling truly good because we’re afraid of how bad it might feel if things don’t work out. We keep our expectations low. We downplay our hopes. We refuse to get excited.
But here’s the truth—disappointment will find us either way. The only thing we control is whether we allow ourselves to experience the joy and excitement before the outcome is known.
Let me tell you a quick story. A few years ago, I was invited to be on a podcast with an enormous audience—25 million downloads! I was thrilled. This was my chance to help millions of people transform their lives.
The interview went beautifully. My friend shared deeply personal stories about our work together. I couldn’t have asked for a better conversation.
Then came the text: “Pretty sure I lost the entire recording.”
I was devastated. My mind immediately went to, “We’ll never capture that magic again. The impact is lost.” I felt my heart sink.
But then I remembered—this was the perfect opportunity to use the Occurring Process, the very technique I’m about to share with you.
The Occurring Process: How to enjoy excitement without fearing disappointment
When something disappoints you, try this:
- Ask yourself: “What just happened?” (Just the facts, no meaning.) For example: “The client didn’t sign with us” or “The podcast recording was lost.”
- Ask: “What meaning did I give it?” For example: “It’s going to be a bad month” or “We’ll never capture that magic again.”
- Notice that this meaning exists only in your mind, not in the event itself.
- Ask: “What else could this mean?” For example: “Another client is going to sign on in a week” or “We might record an even better conversation.”
In just moments after using this process on the podcast, I was able to dissolve that heavy feeling completely. I felt lighter, clearer, and back in touch with reality. Later that day, I discovered the recording wasn’t lost after all. But had I not used this process, I would have suffered for hours needlessly.
What’s the real cost of protecting yourself?
Some people believe that if they keep their expectations low or stop themselves from feeling really good, then the bad feelings won’t feel as bad when disappointment comes.
That might be true. But even if it is, you’ve missed out on feeling really good in the meantime! You’ve sacrificed days, weeks, or even months of positive emotions for… what? A slightly less painful moment of disappointment?
Since that conversation with Morty, I’ve vowed to allow myself to get excited. If something doesn’t happen, I use the Occurring Process. I recognize that the fact that something didn’t happen has no inherent meaning, so I’m often not even disappointed—and I got to have a whole week of excitement!
Wouldn’t you rather live in a state of excitement and joy than in perpetual emotional protection mode?
Try it. Let yourself be excited. If what you’re hoping for doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen—but wouldn’t you rather spend your life feeling alive and joyful rather than cautious and guarded?
Make your life as juicy as it can possibly be
If you find yourself constantly holding back from feeling good emotions to protect yourself from bad ones, you may have limiting beliefs that are keeping you from experiencing true joy and freedom.
I’d love to help you identify and eliminate those beliefs. Sign up for a free strategy session with me, and let’s work together to make your life as juicy as it possibly can be.
Remember, life is happening right now—not sometime in the future when everything works out perfectly.
Let’s get as much enjoyment out of it as we can.
