Have you found yourself lying awake at night, the mind racing with worries about what’s happening in our world today?
If so, you are not alone. I’ve talked to others who feel the same way. I’m not going to tell you that these aren’t hard times. I’m watching my portfolio plummet. I’m seeing my business face challenges. I hear from clients who are worried about their families, their futures, their safety. This is not easy stuff.
But what I’ve discovered—and what I want to share with you today—is that we don’t have to suffer, even when times are difficult.
The Hidden Source of Our Suffering
You’ve probably heard that old saying: when we live in the past, we’re depressed; when we’re focused on the future, we’re anxious; but when we’re in the present, we can find peace.
There’s profound truth in that. But why?
Because whatever is happening in our lives right now—whatever events are unfolding—the meaning we give those events exists only in our minds.
“We’re never going to recover from this.” “I won’t be able to pay my bills.” “This situation is hopeless.”
All of that meaning is in your mind. It’s not in the event itself.
The Occurring Process: Finding Peace in Any Crisis
I’ve used this approach through many difficult periods, from personal loss to global crises. Let me share how it helped me during the pandemic—a time that, like today, brought uncertainty and profound challenges.
When the pandemic lockdowns first started, I found myself completely alone in my apartment. One evening, the silence felt overwhelming. I had no one to cuddle up with, no one to go through this with me.
My mind immediately created the meaning: “Poor me. This is terrible.”
But then I remembered the Lefkoe Occurring Process, a method my late husband Morty and I developed to dissolve the meanings we give to events.
Here’s how it works:
- Notice what just happened (the event): I’m physically alone during lockdown.
- Notice the meaning I gave it: This is terrible; I’m all alone with no one to comfort me.
- Realize this meaning isn’t inherent to the event—it’s something my mind created.
- Come up with alternative interpretations: Being physically alone doesn’t mean I can’t connect with others. Being alone gives me time to reflect and grow.
- Notice how my feelings shift.
After going through this process, my pity party stopped. I felt lighter. The facts hadn’t changed—I was still physically alone—but my suffering had vanished.
Here’s another example: The morning after shelter-in-place started, I felt worried. I would normally go to the gym, but was stuck at home. I had the occurring that I would get out of shape and lose the results of having taken care of my fitness for decades.
I then created these alternatives: I can do Zoom exercise calls. I can watch exercise videos. I can exercise alone, although I don’t prefer that.
After doing this, my perspective completely shifted.
The Power of Gratitude
Once I’d dissolved the meaning I’d been giving to events, I found myself naturally turning to gratitude.
I closed my eyes and thought of three things I was genuinely grateful for: having food in my refrigerator, a roof over my head, friends I could call.
Some of my deepest feelings of gratitude have come during my most challenging times—when I could truly appreciate the support that appeared when I needed it most.
When I had my car accident over a year ago, I had friends who stepped up and helped me in so many ways. One belief coach we had trained, who is also a dear friend, Anne Lieberman, had just retired and agreed to work with many of my clients. I was grateful to her beyond words.
After my beloved Morty died, my friend Marci Shimoff would remind me that I could still have fun and experience being happy, even though I was still grieving. She would take me out to see concerts and go on fun outings and has been doing that for four years.
I’ll never stop being grateful that she and other friends helped me when I couldn’t help myself.
You Are More Resilient Than You Think
When you catch yourself giving meaning to difficult events, pause. Ask yourself:
- What just happened? (Just the facts)
- What meaning am I giving it?
- What else could it mean?
After the negative feelings dissolve, you can practice gratitude to open up to positive feelings. Close your eyes and think of three specific things you’re grateful for. Don’t just list them—really feel the gratitude in your body. Take time to elaborate on them, think about how lucky you are to have these wonderful things in your life.
We are more resilient than we think. We can get through these challenging times without suffering every step of the way.
Would You Like to Learn How to Apply These Techniques to Your Specific Challenges?
I’m offering free strategy sessions where we’ll explore your unique situation and see if working together might be the right next step for you. Click here to schedule your free strategy session now.
Remember, we can’t always control what happens in our world. But we can control the meaning we give to events—and that makes all the difference.
