In 2019, a friend and client of mine invited me to be on his podcast.

His show had 25 million downloads. He was someone I respected deeply, and I knew his audience trusted him. I thought: this is a chance to help millions of people have better lives.

The interview went beautifully.

My friend shared deeply personal stories about his work with me. I was moved by his vulnerability and honesty. I could not have asked for a better experience.

Then I got a text saying he was pretty sure he’d lost the entire recording.

I was devastated. I’d been looking forward to this for months. All those people we could have reached, and now the recording was gone.

And within seconds, the mind was off and running. This is a travesty. It’s gone. I’ll never get that back.

You know that feeling. The mental spiral that takes one piece of bad news and turns it into a catastrophe, and suddenly you’re 20 minutes in, replaying the same loop, feeling worse by the minute.

Here’s what I did.

What actually causes that spiral

Before I tell you what I did, I want to explain something that most people have never been told.

The meaning the mind gives to events is what creates emotional suffering. The event itself is just what happened.

When my friend texted me, the event itself was neutral. Just a text. Just information. What caused that sinking feeling was the meaning the mind instantly assigned to it: I’m never going to be on this podcast. This opportunity is gone forever. All those people we could have reached.

That meaning, that automatic interpretation, is what we call an occurring.

An occurring isn’t the event. The occurring is the story the mind creates in the split second after the event happens. And that story is what generates the emotion.

The reason this matters is that the event is fixed. You can’t change what just happened. But the occurring? That’s in the mind. And anything in the mind can be dissolved.

The three-step process I used

So there I was, starting to spiral, and I stopped myself and ran through three questions.

Step one: What just happened, just the facts?

The host said he didn’t think he’d gotten the recording.

That’s it. No story. No interpretation. Just what actually occurred.

Step two: What meaning did I give it?

I’m never going to be on this podcast. This is a disaster.

Step three: What else could it mean?

We could do it again and it might be even better. Maybe he actually did get it and doesn’t realize it. Maybe it was meant to work out differently. Maybe it doesn’t mean anything yet because I don’t actually know what happened.

And right there, something shifts.

The mind had been treating one meaning as if it were the only possible truth. When you see that other meanings exist, that the event itself doesn’t come pre-loaded with the meaning the mind attached to it, the grip loosens.

An hour later, my friend called. He’d found the recording. Everything was fine.

I’d saved myself an hour of suffering.

Why this works when other things don’t

Here’s what I’ve noticed working with people for over 30 years.

Most of the time when we’re upset, we don’t question the meaning. We experience an emotion and we assume it’s telling us something true about reality. The boss didn’t respond to your email, so clearly he’s unhappy with your work. Your partner was quiet at dinner, so clearly something is wrong. Your flight is delayed, so this whole trip is going to be a disaster.

The mind moves so fast. By the time you notice the emotion, the story has already been running for several minutes. It feels like fact.

What this process does is slow that down just enough to catch it.

The occurring (the meaning) only has power when it’s invisible. The moment you name it, hold it up, and see that other meanings are possible, it loses its grip. The emotion doesn’t have to spiral. It can dissolve right there.

This is what the Occurring Process is built on: the insight that all meaning comes from the mind, not from the event itself. And because it comes from the mind, the mind can release it.

Try it right now

Think of something that’s been bothering you today. Doesn’t need to be a big thing. Could be a text you’re waiting on, a comment someone made, something that didn’t go the way you expected.

Ask yourself:

What just happened, only the observable facts?

What meaning did I give it?

What else could it mean?

If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll find that the meaning you gave it was one possibility among several. Maybe not the only one. Maybe not even the most likely one.

That’s where the relief comes in.

If you want to go deeper

The three questions above are a starting point. They’re something you can use anywhere, anytime: in the middle of a hard conversation, on your commute, in the moment a familiar anxiety starts to rise.

But there’s more to the Occurring Process than three questions.

In my Rapid Release program, I teach four specific techniques for dissolving negative emotions in the moment, dissolving the meaning behind them so the emotion loses its charge at the root.

People who go through this program describe the shift in their own words better than I can. Andres Ratti put it this way: “I now have a peace, a calmness. I don’t have to react to what other people are doing or saying.”

That’s what’s possible when you stop taking the mind’s automatic interpretations as truth.

If that sounds like what you’ve been looking for, Rapid Release is a good place to start. You can learn more at mortylefkoe.com/rapidrelease.