What’s possible for a human being?
This week I’m about to undertake one of the most exciting experiments I’ve ever conducted. I’ve accepted six participants into my new program, a Year With Morty, which starts this week. The purpose of this program is for me to see how far I can help each one of them stretch the limits of what’s possible for a human being during 50 weekly one-on-one sessions and two three-day retreats. It starts this week. (I had planned to only accept five applicants; the sixth person was someone I was so excited about working with that I could not say, no.) A [...]
You really can create your own happiness
After reflecting on an exchange of emails I had this morning, I had a profound realization. At the end of my first email I wrote: “P.S. Have an incredible week.” The person I sent that email to answered me: “You are most welcome…….you be sure and have a good one too!” There was no need to respond, but I found my fingers typing: “All my days are incredible. I create them that way! I wouldn’t have them any other way.” We create all our feelings—good and bad I’ve written many times that nothing could possibly happen that could make you [...]
Are You Really Successful If You Aren’t Happy?
Although a lot of people have succeeded very well based on society’s standard for success: how much money and power they have, many—if not most—of those people are not really happy or nurtured by their “success.” Arianna Huffington’s call for a redefinition of “success” In a recent issue of the Huffington Post, Arianna Huffington, posted the following: “I'm happy to announce that next week, on June 6th, Mika Brzezinski and I will be co-hosting the Huffington Post's first-ever women's conference, "The Third Metric: Redefining Success Beyond Money & Power." As the title makes clear, the purpose is to discuss ways [...]
You can have much more happiness than you realize
Most people are more interested in avoiding or relieving pain than in achieving and experiencing happiness. Thus most people go into psychotherapy or pursue “self-help” programs to overcome "problems"—such as changing some negative, undesirable behavior (e.g., procrastination or not taking action to further one's goals) or stopping some negative undesirable emotions (e.g., fear or depression). Far fewer people ask for help when they aren’t experiencing some obvious problem. In other words, relatively few people strive to improve their lives when it already seems to be “working.” Much more is possible There’s nothing wrong with that approach. I'd like to suggest, [...]
Why don’t you want to improve your life?
According to numerous surveys, every day literally millions of people suffer … from negative feelings (like anxiety, anger, and guilt). from a fear of taking action (procrastination). from the inability to have a truly nurturing relationship (you either can’t find a good one, can’t leave a bad one, or don’t know how to improve an merely okay one). from an unsatisfying work life (either not doing what you really enjoy or doing what you want and not making enough money doing it). from self-sabotaging behavior. from worrying about what others think about us and doing things just to have others [...]
Are you trying to get better?
Have you been trying to “get better”—to make a significant improvement in your life—without real success? If so, then you are one of the tens of millions of people who either are in psychotherapy or part of the personal growth movement—reading books, attending workshops, and using digital products—in an attempt to reduce your anxiety and suffering and increase your happiness. Unfortunately the success rate for these people is not very high. Although there is often some improvement, the negative self-talk, some noticeable anxiety, and an obsessive concern with the opinions of others usually continue after years of therapy and many [...]
Stop being run by your feelings
At one point or another, everyone has uttered the words: “I am happy.” And: “I am upset.” Notice what happens when you say: “I am [something].” You are describing yourself. Any words that follow the statement “I am” is your description of yourself. Moreover, when we say, “I am [something],” it feels as if we really are that “something.” It feels as if our entire being is happy, or upset, or anxious, or any other emotion we say we are. But is that really who we are? Most readers of my weekly blog have eliminated at least one belief using [...]
A father's fear for his daughter
I’m writing this on the North Shore of Oahu, Hawaii, where my wife Shelly and I are visiting our 29-year-old daughter Blake. Shortly after she arrived in Hawaii almost 11 years ago she started surfing. She now surfs waves as big as 20 feet and she has progressed to the level where there are some real risks in what she is doing. If surfing big waves wasn’t enough, earlier this year she told us that she had started skydiving. She fell in love with jumping out of airplanes and in no time had completed her 100th jump. Hanging out at [...]
What You Don’t Know You Don’t Know
There are things you don’t know that you don’t know. And that fact, perhaps more than any other single thing, is keeping you from having the best life you could possibly have. If that sounds a bit confusing, please let me explain. When people know they don’t know something and they want to know about that something, they learn about it. So if you know that your relationships could be better, that it is possible stop worrying about the opinions of others, and that it is possible to eliminate the beliefs that keep you from being more successful in [...]
