How to dissolve feelings of overwhelm (even when faced with huge challenges)

The Mother Vine, the oldest grape vine in North America, which has lived for nearly 400 years, could have easily been destroyed. 

In 1957 Jack and Estelle Wilson bought 2 acres of land in Roanoke Island, North Carolina. That land was covered in tangled vines. They wanted to build a house and the vines were in the way. So they did what any builder does in that situation. They set about demolishing it. They cut and cut and cut. And when they were through they had room to build their house and a yard for their children to play in. And the vine? They left one piece stretching 30 feet by 120 feet.

They couldn’t bear to destroy it completely.

When the Wilson’s bought the land, the vine had already taken over the entire property. They cut nearly all of it back to make room for their home. When we have feelings of overwhelm, we too can cut them back and make room for more peace of mind.  The actions that naturally follow will then help us improve our lives.

But why is it that we feel so overwhelmed at times?

Think back to a time when you felt overwhelmed. You may notice that several thoughts might have run through your mind.

“I can’t do this”

“It’s too hard”

“There’s too many things to do”

If you didn’t have those thoughts, there were likely others that got in the way.

When the mind believes thoughts like these, we call them occurrings. And the natural consequence is to feel overwhelmed. Another way to say it is the mind gave meaning to events in the moment and these meanings caused the feelings.

When people feel overwhelmed, they do one of three things — try to cope with those feelings, avoid them or suppress them.

It’s pretty obvious to most people that avoiding a feeling or suppressing it is not a very good idea. But coping with them often seems to make sense. It certainly seems better than the other two options.

Coping would show up as trying to think positive “Yes, I can do it!” Or it might show up as “Let’s break the task into small parts” that will solve my overwhelm. And to be honest, sometimes either of these strategies work. However, they often fail as well.

When they don’t work, we can be at a loss for what to do. Fortunately, there is a fourth option. Dissolve the emotion. Here’s how to do that.

First, notice that you’re feeling overwhelmed.

Second, notice the events that you’re feeling overwhelmed about.

Third, notice the meaning your mind has given to these events.

Fourth, make a clear distinction between the meaning and the events themselves.

Fifth, notice if the meaning disappears and the feelings have changed.

Here’s an example of how Andi used this approach:

She first noticed she was feeling overwhelmed.

Then she noted the events: I have a lot of emails at work some from colleagues asking me to do stuff /organise meetings etc.. and/or new referrals.

Third, she noticed the occurrings: A) I’ve got too much to do. B) this is never ending.

Fourth, she noticed that the event seeing emails from colleagues with requests was separate from the meaning her mind made about those events.

Fifth, she noticed the meaning went away. And she was left feeling calm about all the requests. She then decided she would prioritize the requests and say no to some of them.

Notice that the action she took might seem obvious. And in fact, anyone could have given her the advice to prioritize and say no. But without a clear mind, we often ignore such advice. But when our minds are quiet, we create our own solutions.  And because they are our own, we tend to follow through on them.

This is also why I often suggest that students don’t give each other advice in the course. Advice rarely helps. But when the mind is clear, often solutions become clear as well.

But what if you’re faced with immense challenges? Isn’t overwhelmed the only way to feel?

It will seem that way, won’t it? If you’re faced with a massive challenge or a great many challenges, it can seem like there’s no choice but to feel overwhelmed. However, you can still dissolve the meanings that cause those feelings so that you can do the only thing any person can do in those circumstances — one thing at-a-time.

So to sum up:

We often feel overwhelmed not due to an avalanche of work but instead, due to the meaning our mind gives to events.

The usual techniques often don’t work because they don’t deal with the meanings that cause the overwhelm

The usual strategies such as finding small steps and dropping tasks become obvious and natural once the overwhelm is gone

You can get rid of the overwhelm by noticing the meanings that cause it and making a clear distinction between the meanings and the events.

This approach is very different from techniques that involve arguing with our own thoughts. In fact, I’ve noticed that the more people argue with their minds, the more tangled their thoughts become. The thoughts tend to grow and take up more space in the mind just as grape vines can take over acres of land.

Next Steps

Notice if there’s anything in your life that makes you feel overwhelmed. Then dissolve the meaning using the five steps outlined in this article.