Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions last year?  … What about the year before? …

If you are like most people, you worked on them through the middle of January and by early February you had forgotten you ever made them.  Or, perhaps after several years of failure, you stopped making New Year’s resolutions at all.

Why don’t we do the things that we say we are going to do?  Things we really want to do?  Things that truly would benefit our lives?

The answer is simple.  Our behavior is not the result of our desires or even our commitments.  It is the result of our beliefs and conditioning.  And if there is a conflict between our beliefs/conditioning and our commitments/desires, the beliefs/conditioning  usually will win.

Let me give you a few examples.

I’m going to stop procrastinating

A few years ago I had a friend named Johnny whose problem was that he procrastinated a lot of the time.  He almost always left work projects go until the last minute. As a result, he was anxious much of the time and sometimes he would turn projects in late, which resulted in an upset boss.

At some point he decided he must change, so he made a New Year’s resolution to stop procrastinating the next year.  Because he was really committed, he did everything he could to insure his success.

  • He prioritized his activities, assuming that it would help him focus on the most important projects.
  • He made a schedule that helped him allot time during the month for work on the projects.
  • He put up reminders in prominent places.
  • He created rewards to give himself when he finished a project—a special dinner or a new item of clothing.
  • He asked his friends to support him.

And yet—despite this detailed strategy for keeping his resolution—by early February he called to tell me the problem was as bad as ever.

I put on my “Lefkoe Method Facilitator” hat and asked Johnny what thoughts he had when he was about to do what he knew he should do at work, just before he put it off and did something else instead.  He gave me the following list.

  • What I do might not be good enough.
  • People might judge my work badly.
  • I feel uncomfortable when I think about doing the project.

Can you see that these thoughts and feelings were keeping him from acting? That most people with those thoughts and feelings probably would procrastinate, especially with important projects?

After a short discussion we found a number of beliefs that were causing the thoughts and feelings, including these three:

  • I’m not good enough.
  • What makes me good enough is having others think well of me.
  • Mistakes and failure are bad.

These beliefs (and several others) led to the thoughts and feelings that caused Johnny’s procrastination.  After I helped him get rid of the beliefs, the procrastination stopped … totally.

If you resolve to stop procrastination, eliminate all of the relevant beliefs and your New Year’s resolution will finally manifest.

I’m going to find a great relationship this year

Here’s another story that will explain why it can be so difficult to stick with our New Year’s resolutions.

Years ago I had a friend, Jennifer, who really wanted a great romantic relationship.  In fact, it was all she could talk about.  But she either went months at a time without any relationship at all, or she would get into disastrous relationships that didn’t last more than a couple of months and then ended with a lot of upset.

One year she made a New Year’s resolution to create a great guy in the coming year.  She made a list of all the qualities she wanted, visualized what he looked like, and imagined spending time with him as he did all the things she imagined this great guy would do.

But after February came and went, she, too, asked if I would put on my professional hat and help her.  We quickly identified the following beliefs, among others: I’m not good enough.  I’m not loveable.  I’m not deserving. Men can’t be trusted.  Men are jerks. Relationships don’t work.  I’ll never get what I want.

What were the chances of a nurturing long-term romantic relationship with beliefs like these? … Slim to nil.  So I helped her eliminate these and a few other beliefs and conditionings.

By June she was in the relationship of her dreams and by the end of the year she was married.

I’m going to lose weight

With about 70% of American adults obese or overweight, the resolution to lose weight is probably a common one.

Unfortunately, the reason people have a difficult time losing weight is the same reason they overeat and gained the weight in the first place.

As I explain in detail in my eBook, The Secret to Ending Overeating For Good, (http://emotionaleatingreport.com) overeating—in other words, eating when you aren’t hungry—is caused both by conditioning and beliefs.  And most people’s weight problem is the result of overeating.  In other words, if you only ate when you were truly hungry—and not for emotional reasons—and you ate healthy food with a modicum of exercise, you would not gain weight.

Overeaters have conditioned eating as the “drug of choice” whenever certain “triggers” occur, such as being lonely, bored, anxious, feeling unlovable, depressed, stressed, or rejected.

Many also have beliefs like: If I don’t eat the food in front of me now, there won’t be any later. If I can’t eat “bad” foods, I’m missing out. The way to keep food from running my life (like it did my mom’s) is to eat whatever I want to eat.

What are the possibilities of keeping your resolution to lose weight if you have conditionings and beliefs like these?  Again, not too good.  On the other hand, if you get rid of all the relevant beliefs and conditionings, your overeating will stop naturally and automatically, and losing weight will be relatively easy.

2011 is the year you can achieve all your resolutions

As you make your list of what you resolve to do in 2011, take a look and see if you have any beliefs or conditionings that might be barriers to achieving any of your goals.  If so, get rid of them and then notice that, perhaps for the first time, you keep your New Year’s resolutions and you achieve all that you want.

Happy Holidays!  May you continue to dissolve the barriers to your “creation’s” happiness and well-being and may you continue to experience yourself as the “creator” you actually are—with nothing missing and anything possible.

 

Let’s have 2011 the year you make all your dreams come true.

Please share below your thoughts and questions on keeping your New Year‘s resolutions.

These weekly blog posts also exist as podcasts.  Sign up for the RSS feed or at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly.

If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process, go to htp://www.recreateyourlife.com/free where you can eliminate one negative belief free.

To purchase a DVD program that I guarantee to help you significantly improve your confidence and also eliminate the major day-to-day problems that most people face, check out http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence.

copyright © 2010 Morty Lefkoe

12 Comments

  1. Maria December 29, 2010 at 5:08 am - Reply

    Hi Dr. Lefkoe,

    thank you some much for all this advice, it has been an eye opener!
    is there a chance that you could write something about how to make us exercise without needing to incorporate a lot of motivation and just wanting to exercise? (that is to come natural?) That is something like what you adviced Dr. Joe Vitale and he got really excited about exercising! thank you so much again! God bless you!

  2. niceguy December 25, 2010 at 1:22 am - Reply

    it is true that we are the responsible for the meaning we give to the situation and events. it contains no meaning but what meaning i am going to give is responsible for the emotion and behavior i have. if i believe that nobody is trust and all are the cheater than it means that i am given the meaning to the events which create the belief that all person in business are cheater. and i am suffering from this belief because i am unable to do the business effectively. so the question arise what i am going to do about it. if i start giving the meaning that other person are honest like me and i find that he is actually a dishonest person that what i am doing. am i creating the problem for me. because i am giving the meaning to the situation that all man are honest like me and if i find that somebody is cheating me than what. and what empowering meaning i give to myself if i find that he is cheating me in terms of business. can you have any idea about this.

    thanks

    niceguy

  3. Frank December 24, 2010 at 12:45 pm - Reply

    Morty,

    Thanks for this timely blog.

    Question for you on your Occurring Course. I did go out to your site, http://occurringcourse.com/discover/ and did watch the pitch. It is now my understanding that your Natural Confidence course is not enough. Is that about right? If it was, then why would anyone need this other Occuring Course you offer?

    Thank you & Happy Holidays.

    • Morty Lefkoe December 24, 2010 at 6:33 pm - Reply

      Hi Frank,

      Hi Frank,

      Not sure what you mean about “not enough.”

      The NC course improve confidence, reduces stress, stops a fear of rejection, etc. — but it does’t resolve every problem you might ever have. Not does it give you a tool to dissolve your occurring.

      ANd when you lean how to dissolve your daily occurring, that will not eliminate the beliefs that cause a lack of confidence, stress, etc.

      Each program has a different purpose and achieves different things.

      Love, Morty

  4. Wil Possible December 23, 2010 at 5:10 pm - Reply

    YES!!! I must do what I should do… and I must do it NOW :-)

    Thank you for sharing.

  5. jason linder December 22, 2010 at 11:33 pm - Reply

    hey morty! happy holidays.

    I really enjoyed this article. please send me the info. for the occurring course to my e-mail jnlinder@ucdavis.edu , I’m very interested.

  6. ian December 22, 2010 at 5:59 pm - Reply

    Hi

    I am curious about what you think about those of us who still hold liminting beliefs, yet the fear created by them to longer stops us, we no longer fear the fear and experiance it as a Fountain of Energy for Active Responce. I have eliminated beliefs with you and feel the inner calm, but i feel running from fear, instead of using it, takes from the exitment of life.

    I look forward to taking the LOP next year sometime though, as this links in well with moving us the levels of cook-Greuter, through Individualist to the Autonomous Stage

    • Morty Lefkoe December 22, 2010 at 6:58 pm - Reply

      Hi Ian,

      If you like feeling fear, that’s OK. But if you would rather feel excitement without the fear, get rid of the fear.

      The next occurring course will be in February. I look forward to having you there. For more information please go to: http://occurring course.com/discover.

      And, yes, the course will clearly move you though at least a level or two.

      Happy Holidays, Morty

  7. Jean Soohoo December 22, 2010 at 12:49 pm - Reply

    Great article! I especially like the part in which you asked Johnny what thoughts he had when he was about to do what he knew he should do at work, just before he put it off and did something else instead. One’s thoughts are the symptoms of one’s beliefs, and to get rid of the symptoms, cure or replace the limiting beliefs.
    I’m embarking on a blog called “Bootiful Belief” (I have the blog up but I still have yet to start writing, which I’ll finally do today) and I’ll mention this article.

    • Morty Lefkoe December 22, 2010 at 6:59 pm - Reply

      Hi Jean,

      Good luck with your new blog. I wish you well with it.

      Please feel free to link back to my blog whenever you’d like.

      Happy holiday, Morty

  8. Joy Croel December 22, 2010 at 10:13 am - Reply

    Morty, this is right on the money, once again. Because of changing what I believe about things, people and places I have gradually over the years changed my life and the person I am. I have more work to do of course but life is getting better and better and better. I am working on getting healther. Not making a new years resoulution but a commitment to me.
    Have a blessed holiday and Merry CHRISTmas.

    • Morty Lefkoe December 22, 2010 at 7:01 pm - Reply

      Hi Joy,

      YEAH! Glad to hear life is getting better and better.

      Stay in touch next year.

      Happy Holiday, Morty

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