It’s interesting how it’s possible to think you really understand something and then at some later point realize that your understanding was incomplete.  It wasn’t wrong, but your new realization provides a much more accurate understanding.

That’s what happened to me with the Lefkoe Belief Process (LBP).

What I initially thought about how beliefs are formed

????????????When I first created the LBP 29 years ago, it seemed to me that our basic self-esteem-type beliefs were formed in childhood as a result of many interactions with parents.  (For more details, please see two earlier posts: https://www.mortylefkoe.com/031610/ and  https://www.mortylefkoe.com/wonderful-parents/#) In some cases of extreme trauma, such as sexual abuse or seeing someone killed, a belief could be formed from a single event.  With less extreme events, however, many similar events seemed to be required before a belief could be formed.

So it looked as if the first time we didn’t live up to mom and dad’s expectations and they got angry, we didn’t know what to make of their reaction to our behavior, we didn’t give it any meaning, and a belief was not formed.  I didn’t know how many times that situation had to be repeated before a belief was formed, but it seemed like it took many repetitions.  It was if, at some point, we said to ourselves (unconsciously): Oh, I get it, I’m not good enough, that’s why I don’t do what mom and dad want and why they are annoyed or angry with me.

Those childhood beliefs, which are how we saw ourselves, people and life, then determined everything we did, felt, and perceived from then on.

That explanation made logical sense and it served as the basis for helping over 150,000 people online and another 14,000 one-to-one clients use the LBP to eliminate the beliefs that were responsible for any undesirable behavior or emotion.

Beliefs affect us by being the primary cause of our occurrings

A few years ago I realized that beliefs don’t affect us directly.  They exert their power via the meaning we give to events moment-by-moment.  I recognized that we unconsciously and automatically give meaning to 20-50 events during the course of a day and then think that the meaning is inherent in the event.  In other words, it seems to us as if the meaning is as true as the event, as if the meaning is “out there in the world” attached to the event.

I use the term “occurring” as a synonym for meaning because how events occur to us is the meaning we have given the events.

So if we are fired from a job, we automatically and unconsciously might give that event the meaning that I screwed up, or my boss was being unfair, or this is a disaster and I’ll never get another job.  For us, that meaning seems to be as true as losing our job.  And it is that meaning that determines how we feel and how we will act.

Those meanings, however, are largely the result of beliefs like I’m not good enough, people can’t be trusted, and life is difficult.  Beliefs like these that are formed in childhood are the major determinant of how events occur to us later in life.

So the way that beliefs ultimately demine our lives is by being the primary cause of the meaning we give events.

Beliefs and occurrings are not the same

Although they are related, beliefs and occurrings are not the same thing.

Beliefs are the meaning we give (usually) to a series of events. Beliefs are broad generalizations, for example, I am ….  People are …. Life is ….  A belief is a statement about reality that we feel is the truth, although it is possible to intellectually disagree with something we believe. Once formed, beliefs continue to exist and affect our behavior, feelings and perceptions forever, unless we are able to eliminate the belief.  We view life through the filter of our beliefs.

Our occurrings, on the other hand, are the meanings we give to specific events in reality, in other words, how reality occurs to us at a given moment.  Each occurring is a distinct meaning that usually lasts only a short time and then fades away by itself when we stop thinking about the event.  An example of an occurring is your boss asking you a question and it occurring to you as she doesn’t think I’ve done my job, she doesn’t like me, or I’m going to get fired.  Those are meanings you have given to the boss’s question.  In reality all that happened is that she asked you a question.  Contrast that occurring—the meaning you gave to that specific event—to beliefs that act as a filter through which we view all events, such as No one trusts me.  No one likes me.  I can’t keep a job.

To summarize: Until a few days ago it seemed to me as if we didn’t form a belief until an event had been repeated many times, then we formed a belief, which largely determined the meaning we gave events moment by moment, which then determined our feelings and behavior.

My new insight

Then I had an insight last week: It isn’t that nothing happens in our minds as a child when events happen until there is a critical mass, we are actually giving meaning to each event.  Remember, as I pointed out above, when we ascribe meaning to an event that meaning applies ONLY to that specific event.  Now what I think happens is that after giving a similar meaning to similar events over and over, at some point we generalize and form a belief.

So not living up to mom and dad’s expectations and having them get annoyed or angry might occur to us as we screwed up, we did something wrong, we failed at doing what they wanted, etc.  At some point we unconsciously ask ourselves what all these occurrings mean and we might generalize the occurrings and conclude: Mistakes and failure are bad, I’m not good enough, or there’s something wrong with me.

So we start with childhood occurrings, which lead to beliefs, which lead to adult occurrings.

What causes the meaning we give events as a child?

You might ask:  Well, if beliefs are the major source of our occurrings later in life, what is the source of our initial occurrings as a young child, before we have any beliefs?  Good question!

I’ve made the point repeatedly that events have no inherent meaning, that all meaning is in our minds, never in the world.  That is true.  But—and this is a very important “but”—events can seem to have inherent meaning for young children.

We have a sense as children that parents, being adults, know how the world works and we don’t.  That’s why kids are always saying: When I grow up, then I’ll be able to ….  So if my parents are annoyed or angry with me, they must know what they are doing, they must have a good reason to be angry, and I must have done something wrong.

Children up to the age of about seven are in a stage of development Piaget called “preoperational,” meaning they are unable to reason or take another’s point of view.  They are totally egocentric and think that that they are somehow magically responsible for everything that happens.

As a result, children are unable to even ask the questions:  What if mom and dad have terrible parenting skills, which is the cause of their anger toward me?  What if their annoyance is the result of their beliefs and is not really related to my behavior at all.  As a child it would never occur for us to think: Maybe they think I did something bad, but they are wrong.

Who knows, I might have further insights in the future on this topic

At some point in the future I might have further insights and realize there are further distinctions to be made.  But in the meantime, my latest ideas make logical sense and are consistent with all the evidence I have so far.

Important implications for parenting

One of the most important implications of this new realization is for parenting.  If there are multiple instances of a child giving meaning before a belief is formed, then it should be possible for parents to help a child realize the meaning he gives each time is not the truth, that it is only how the event occurred to him.  If the child were able to dissolve each meaning as he becomes aware of it, then negative beliefs would never get formed (or at least there would be far fewer of them).

One thing to be aware of with young children: You can show them that there are alternative meanings to an event and their meaning is not the only one.  That will enable them to walk away from an event with a meaning that will not lead to a negative belief.  But I suggest you do not try to get a child to understand the fact that events have no inherent meaning.  The ability to understand that concept and not be confused by it requires a child to at least be a teenager.

I’ve written extensively on how to use the Lefkoe Freedom Process to dissolve occurrings.  See especially https://www.mortylefkoe.com/important-improve-life/.  You can also view my TEDx talk, “How to Stop Suffering,” where I walk the viewer through the process for dissolving occurrings: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMdVM-t5kFs.

 

Thanks for reading my blog.  Please post your questions or comments on how our beliefs are first the result of numerous occurrings and then are the source of later occurrings.  Also, what do you think about my suggestions on how parents can use this information to help prevent their children from forming negative beliefs?  Disagreement is as welcome as agreement. Your comments add value for thousands of readers.  I love to read them all and I will respond to as many as I can.

If you want to help your friends who want to understand how beliefs are formed in childhood and what parents can do to stop the formation of negative beliefs, please share this blog post with them by using the buttons located below.

If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process, go to http://www.recreateyourlife.com where you can eliminate several limiting beliefs free.

Copyright © 2014 Morty Lefkoe

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  28. Project Chicago March 18, 2014 at 12:01 pm - Reply

    Thanks for another insightful post, Morty. I like the fact that you are always open to new learning and not just resting on your laurels. When I went through Natural Confidence, I realized I had a lot of occurrings as a child just like what you describe. I simply assumed my parents could do not wrong — so there must be something wrong with me if things aren’t going perfectly. Thanks so much for helping me get past all of that.

  29. Lorrie March 14, 2014 at 9:11 pm - Reply

    I think you do a masterful job of bringing the work of Werner Erhardt and Landmark Worldwide into that part of the public that will not respond to their approach. You also provide a great resource for those of us who do participate in that work and want a review that captures the essence of it. Many thanks!

    • Morty Lefkoe March 15, 2014 at 10:41 am - Reply

      Hi Lorrie,

      According to a great many people who have done the Landmark work and my work, there are more differences than similarities.

      I do not think thatLandmark provides a simple tool for permanently eliminating beliefs in 15 minutes. Nor do they provide a tool that enables you to distinguish and then dissolve an occurring in a matter of seconds.

      Love, Morty

  30. Ifeanyi March 13, 2014 at 5:20 pm - Reply

    It is a great technique that has helped many rediscover true self-worth and happy living. It is the best for any one who craves for the deep understanding of the comlexities and workings of the subconscious and human mind. I thank you for giving the world an indispensable tool to unlock the highest potential and endowment in creation.

  31. Dave Carrick March 13, 2014 at 4:54 pm - Reply

    Not a lot of difference in those 2 versions as far as I can see. It makes sense that we’d give some kind of meaning to every event, even at a young age, or have I missed something?

  32. susanne March 12, 2014 at 2:59 pm - Reply

    Hi Morty — I have always assumed that this is what you meant when you said that beliefs form in response to repeated experiences. To me, all you are saying is that beliefs form in the same way as senses — i.e., we keep experiencing something, and we have a certain perspective around those experiences, and we either internalize that into bodies/being as a sense, or externalize into a belief. To be a bit woo-woo about it: the energy associated with our perspectives around the experiences crystallizes in one form or another. I also think that that is why you can form beliefs (and senses!) from just one very intense experience…there is enough “charge” there to crystallize beliefs/senses.

    So it seems to me that what you’re talking about in this blog with regard to managing occurrences in kids is really continually dissipating the charge, so that it doesn’t build up to the point of crystallizing into a “held” belief or sense. And conversely, managing occurrences in adults in effect reduces the charge around existing beliefs/senses a (tiny) bit each time, so over time I imagine some beliefs/senses would start to dissipate through managing occurrences; perhaps even beliefs/senses we are not consciously aware of.

  33. glen March 12, 2014 at 10:57 am - Reply

    PS forgive my spelling and grammar above. I am tapping my thoughts out on my phone at 445am here.. not able to sleep with too many thoughts (read ‘active dreams’) in my head ! My example for substitution above would be knowing that part of cigarette smoking involves needing to put something in our mouths constantly and accepting the charge around that, but replacing it with something else. Something good. Hmmm chewing on several apples or other fruit, daily. Change the inputs to get a different result. See my point? Sleep time now.. I hope !

  34. glen March 12, 2014 at 10:50 am - Reply

    Hi Monty, I am interested in your new direction here and also seeing some logic in the responses above. I think that belief may be a biological process that is addictive in some way ie a powerful body chemistry – process in action. In other words, you cannot do all the the work required with the intellect only meaning that you cannot ‘out think’ this stuff. On the solution side, I also think that one of the best ways to deal with an addition is to not neccessarily remove it complete (not sure that we have to power to do this), but to leave some of the ‘charge’ in place but replace the inputs withe something else ie substitution. In other words, we are accepting that we still have prehistoric – reptilian brains more or less, but we are tricking (tweaking?) our biological circuity in order to get another outcome. That is where the real power exists, I believe. Thats all I have on this for now. Cheers Glen

    • Morty Lefkoe March 15, 2014 at 10:39 am - Reply

      Hi Glen,

      We actually do have the power to totally dissolve a single occurring and we also have the power to totally and permanently eliminate a belief. I discuss both in detail in prior posts. And you don’t need a substitute belief.

      Love, Morty

  35. naj March 12, 2014 at 10:11 am - Reply

    Very interesting,
    I was thinking if I was able the dissolve meaning as an adult my beliefs changes automatically?

    • James March 12, 2014 at 4:11 pm - Reply

      No, the meaning is only the result. The belief is the habit.

      If you have a habit of putting your keys in the dish when you get home, then you can pick them up and put them in your pocket every day. That’s like “dissolving the meaning.” Or, you can use the Lefkoe Method, a little like memorizing seven different habits for the same situation. Seven entirely different things to do with your keys, so the next time you walk in the door, your habit brain goes, “Huh? What do I do?” And you decide where you want your keys.

      Because that’s all a “belief” is, a habitual occurring.

  36. Katie March 12, 2014 at 9:36 am - Reply

    Thank you, Morty for sharing your new understanding.
    The most important thing form your post for me is that your previous understanding of the process helped thousands and thousands of people.
    I personally think that it doesn’t matter how beliefs are formed, actually I believe that we come into this world with “pre-loaded software” so to speak (genes, past lives, who cares how…) and that’s what serves as the basis for our experience.
    But again, I think it doesn’t affect the process of releasing/undoing/eliminating beliefs now, this moment.
    For the first time I went through the Lefkoe Belief Process I could see that my parents didn’t cause anything. They did “blah-blah-blah” and I decided it meant “bleh-bleh-bleh”:):):).
    So when I do “bleh-bleh-bleh” around/to/with my sons, one of them thinks it means “blah-blah” and the other thinks that it means “beeep”. One of my kids can dwell on something “sad” for a long time and the other turns around, wipes his tears, says “That’s ok”, smiles and goes off to play. He constantly shows me that his happiness is more important to him than “stuff” and he has the power to change his mind accordingly at any point. (That is something that is hard to do for me!:)
    I think that the only thing we can do for our kids is to work on ourselves and show them by example that they are not trapped in their limiting beliefs either. We can be happy no matter what and so can they.
    Thank you for your work, Morty,The Lefkoe Process really helped me to see that neither me or anybody in the world is a victim and we all have the power to change our minds in a way that serves us best. It actually helped me to see that I am not responsible for my kids’ happiness.
    I wish them all the happiness in the world but I have no power to cause it for them.

  37. Susan Gammage March 12, 2014 at 9:32 am - Reply

    You mentioned above that “in some cases of extreme trauma, such as sexual abuse or seeing someone killed, a belief could be formed from a single event”. I’d love to hear you expand more on how your method can help with these two issues, particularly if they have been combined in a single childhood; along with the other more ordinary beliefs.

  38. Pat March 12, 2014 at 8:35 am - Reply

    Hi Morty,
    Have you studied Epigentics? It is the science of how genes express themselves. It explains a whole host of ways why we act the way we do. To top it off, changes occur in the womb, with the food we eat, the pesticides and pollution we are exposed to etc. The book I loved is Bruce Lipton’s – The Biology of Belief. It is a book for the general population and explains everything in understandable terms. Happy Reading!

  39. Sean March 12, 2014 at 8:24 am - Reply

    I’ve been fascinated by the process of finding and eliminating beliefs, especially those of early childhood. It’s been a window into my mind when I was three years old, and how I defined and perceived the “world”. That I have operated through an adult life on perceptions created at age 3 is amazing. Even more amazing to be able to understand and get rid of beliefs so my life is no longer structured on what I decided when I was three. I concur with your assessment that my beliefs came as a conclusion from a range of earlier meanings, rather than just hitting the nth time of a certain occurring. Does knowing this help find or resolve beliefs? Or just helpful in raising children so they can better avoid them? Thanks Morty!

    • Morty Lefkoe March 15, 2014 at 10:36 am - Reply

      Hi Sean,

      This doesn’t help in eliminating beliefs. But it can help in parenting.

      Love,Morty

  40. carmel March 12, 2014 at 8:05 am - Reply

    Hi Morty,
    I have taken a few of your courses and this all makes sense. I still slip up with myself and as a parent at times. I do now explain this stuff to my kids about events as they happen.I also explain when I do wrong and why I have just done what I done. I’m so glad I have some tools to fix some of the faults I have as a parent so my kids can have less beliefs as they grow

  41. Joseph Dowdy March 12, 2014 at 7:21 am - Reply

    Marty, I like that you are looking at this newly. As the father of a six-year-old, I can tell you one thing which I don’t know if it’s unique with her or not, but she knows when she’s not to blame for something. The other day she was so upset that another student got her in trouble for something she didn’t do; in fact, she was so upset that she stopped listening to the teachers and then really was in trouble for something she did do.

    One of the things I think you may want to include is the process of deciding how we understand life and understand “how I am” as a person with iterative and sudden decisions when it comes to having proof. In Spanish, they have two tenses of the verb to express the way things are where something “is (temporary)” and “is (always)” and I think that much of what happens in life is we think of how life is and how we are in iterations unless something dramatic happens where that burden of proof is either incremental or overwhelming.

    You could say we are forming neural nets to make our beliefs where it’s something like this.

    1. I failed at this. (temporary)
    2. I failed at that. (temporary and building mass/evidence)
    3. This keeps happening. (temporary but maybe always)
    4. I failed again and can’t stop failing. (temporary but leaning toward always)
    5. I’m a failure. (always)

    The proof is gradual but incontrovertible.

    And if something traumatic happens then you can go straight to “I’m a failure” if someone dies or some loss occurs. It’s overwhelming proof and no other decision can occur.

    We walk around life with our proof of how life is or how we are and it isn’t until we have different experiences that the proof may not be true that we are free of our beliefs that disempower.

    In the LBP we ask if you can “see” that it’s true but what you are asking is if you see the proof and there really is none, but that proof may still be real even if the belief is no longer there. I think it’s possible the disempowering belief can be gone even if the proof is there as the proof simply may not matter or is actually unrelated or is the cause of a lot of pain and was only associated with the belief in terms of feelings. The proof is painful and so the belief is painful, too.

    Anyway, I hope this contributes something.

  42. JOAO March 12, 2014 at 6:58 am - Reply

    now you complicated i thought i understood what beliefs is …but this mix up ,and I suppose will be much more difficult to me ELIMINATE A BELIEF,please could you be more clear, give some examples ..

    • James March 12, 2014 at 3:57 pm - Reply

      It doesn’t change what a belief is. A belief is something in the mind that we’ve decided is “really important, clearly always true, and usually relevant.” The more we can come up with other ideas, that are also probably true, the less likely it seems that it’s true this time.

      “I’m a loser.” You think, “Am I being a loser right now? Is there any point in trying?” The emotional mind can only handle one possibility, “I’m a loser.” So…

      If you add, “I lose sometimes, sometimes I get lucky.”
      And, “I get unlucky sometimes, but maybe I’m a really smart person.”
      and, “I’m also just like a winner, because all real winners had problems to overcome.”
      And, “Maybe I’m a winner who just doesn’t appreciate his wins.”
      And, “Maybe I just have a lot to learn about life.”

      If you remembered all these the next time you thought, “I’m a loser,” then your emotional mind would go, “I don’t know what to do,” and let your higher brain figure it out.

      Poof! Effectively, “no belief.”

  43. Bartek March 12, 2014 at 4:47 am - Reply

    I think the Lefkoe Method is an excellent way to see the falseness in the beliefs. Everytime I remove a false belief I can see the truth more clearly because it can only be hidden by the falseness of the belief. I have already removed the three beliefs for free and my thinking processes are more clear. I also feel as if an unknown force that was controlling me and decresing my freedom has less power over me now.

  44. Joel Kaartinen March 12, 2014 at 4:34 am - Reply

    Interesting, so we absorb occurrings from our parents or other people and if that happens with enough intensity, it forms a belief. Did I understand that right?

    • Morty Lefkoe March 15, 2014 at 10:34 am - Reply

      Hi Joel,

      We don’t really absorb occurring from anyone. We give meaning to events that have no inherent meaning. As a child we give meaning consistent with our stage of development. Those meanings “add up” to a belief about ourselves, people or life that determines our life from then on.

      Intensity has little to do with it.

      Love, Morty

  45. Björn Ljunggren March 12, 2014 at 1:34 am - Reply

    Good clarification of the LBP. A new sublevel under the overarching belief concept.

    Beliefs are not rational and they can’t be understood by a mental process. Even different beliefs can’t understand other beliefs because they are so different. Only the identical beliefs can understand each other. But beliefs are like snowflakes, there are all unique.

    So you can’t make a belief disappear by a rational process. You can only REPLACE a belief with another belief. Hopefully one that makes you feel better than before.

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