There aren’t any Universal Truths—including The Lefkoe Method
Every week I write a blog post on how to use the various processes of The Lefkoe Method (TLM) to change something in your life, for example, how to stop undesirable behavior and feelings, how to stop stress and emotional suffering, and how to start taking actions you keep putting off. I think what I say is true, but … and here comes a big “but.” Because all knowledge is contextual and what we “know” to be true often turns out years later to be only a partial truth, there is nothing I’ve said about TLM that is true for [...]
The relationship between beliefs and occurring
Creating a new theory or change technique is an interesting process for me. I usually first get only a very vague sense of an entire idea. I can barely grasp it; I just have a sense of it, like an object in the fog where I sense “something out there,” but the outlines and details of that “something” are very vague. I have an intuitive sense that there’s something useful there, but I’m not sure precisely what it is. Then, over time, little by little the fog starts to clear away until I am able to distinguish aspects of the [...]
If only…
Most of us live in a world of, “If only … things would all work out, I’d be successful, and I’d be happy” If only I had more money, all my problems would disappear. If only I loved someone who really loved me, my life would be complete. If only I weighed less and looked better, I’d be happy. If only …. If only …. Stop for a minute and reflect: How often do you live in a world of, “If only ….”? The underlying premise of, “If only something were different,” is that most, if not all, of your [...]
Suppressing negative emotions is unhealthy
A couple of days ago when I told someone it is possible to totally stop having negative emotions, he replied: “But if you suppress your feelings they will pop out when you least expect them, causing psychological damage, in addition to harm to your health.” This is not the first time I’ve had this response; anytime I tell people that it is possible to stop having negative emotions they always assume that the only way to not experience negative emotions is to suppress them. Because so many of you might make the same assumption, I thought that I ought to [...]
One path to self-actualization
This past weekend I attended a workshop that led to me look back at my growth and some of the pivotal points in my life. I want to share them with you because you might be on a similar path and understanding the path I’ve taken might make your own journey much clearer. The first stage As regular readers of this blog know all too well, for the first 38 years of my life I was miserable. Between my depression, my neediness, my two divorces, my dissatisfaction with work, and being scared and upset much of the times, I was [...]
Is Buddhism correct to say suffering is inevitable?
Statue of Buddha The Buddha said that suffering is inevitable. Our experience seems to confirm that. In the course of an average week, most of us experience some emotional suffering as the result of feeling at least some unhappiness, upset, fear, or anger. To what do we almost always attribute the source of these unpleasant and painful emotions? Almost always we say the cause is something or someone outside ourselves: Losing a job or a loved one, being betrayed by a friend, lack of money, etc. We think: If only the people responsible for my upset would act [...]
“If only I had more self-discipline”
When asked what qualities they would most like to have that they don’t already have, one of the most common answers given by people responding to one of our surveys was “self-discipline.” Is this true for you too? Why do so many people want to be able to discipline themselves? Before answering this question, let’s make sure we know precisely what self-discipline is. What is self-discipline? According to Wikipedia, “Self-discipline can be defined as the ability to motivate oneself in spite of a negative emotional state.” And the Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines the term as “the ability to make yourself [...]
You really can create your own happiness
After reflecting on an exchange of emails I had this morning, I had a profound realization. At the end of my first email I wrote: “P.S. Have an incredible week.” The person I sent that email to answered me: “You are most welcome…….you be sure and have a good one too!” There was no need to respond, but I found my fingers typing: “All my days are incredible. I create them that way! I wouldn’t have them any other way.” We create all our feelings—good and bad I’ve written many times that nothing could possibly happen that could make you [...]
How to stop arguments before they start. Guaranteed.
One of the biggest sources of unhappiness in our lives is the arguments we have with our friends and loved ones. In fact, for many people, the major source of stress in their lives is the arguments they have with friends and loved ones. Remember your last argument: You were in the middle of a calm, possibly even enjoyable conversation, when suddenly, and from out of nowhere, something happened. You don’t know what precipitated it, but without warning you found yourself upset, wondering why the other person said and did things that were so hurtful. And before you knew it, [...]
