What could they possibly have been thinking?
There was a time in America when some people were treated as property, forced to do whatever other people wanted, abused without any ability to respond, and unable to obtain their freedom. Such behavior was legal and considered appropriate by the people practicing it. When we look at the people who exhibited that behavior we think with repulsion, “What could they possibly have been thinking?” I’m not referring to slavery 150 years ago. I’m referring to the abuse heaped upon millions of children daily by well-meaning parents who don’t realize the long-term damage being done by spanking and other forms [...]
How to control anger
The first time I really allowed myself to experience my anger I fainted. I was about 36 and had successfully suppressed my anger since childhood. And there I was in a group therapy session, hitting a mat with a stick with foam wrapped around it, screaming: “Mom, I’m really angry at you.” When I started the exercise I was only mouthing empty words, but then at some point the words became real and the anger surfaced. It terrified me so much that I literally passed out on the mat. I fainted the next couple of times I tried that exercise, [...]
What is My Job As A Parent?
“How many times do I have to tell you?” “What am I ever going to do with you?” “What’s wrong with you?” “Don’t you ever listen?” Imagine yourself to be a young child listening to your parents repeatedly ask you questions like these. … If you stop for a few moments, listen to these words inside your head, and experience what it feels like, you will have a clear picture of what far too many children feel every day. But what's even worse than the momentary hurt you probably felt as a child are the beliefs that you probably formed [...]
Why Does The World Suffer From An Epidemic Of Low Self-Esteem?
Mike had become a wealthy entrepreneur, but he had a hard time enjoying his business success because it seemed that every minute he wasn’t solving a business problem he was worried about what others thought of him and what he could do to get their approval. Janet probably had as many good ideas as Mike, but because she was plagued with procrastination, she was nowhere near as successful. Roger always talked about his dream of doing something on his own, but he just didn’t have the confidence to leave his safe (and boring) job. And finally there was Marlene, who [...]
Do You Really Want Your Child to Always be Well-Behaved?
Remember the last time you heard a parent say: "My kids are wonderful. They always obey me." Or, "They never talk back." Or, "They are never a problem." Did you sigh with envy and say, "Oh, I wish my kids were like that"? Think again. What would children have to believe about themselves to always obey, never talk back, or never be a problem? I started out as a typical parent who sometimes envied those parents with “perfect” children. Then when my first daughter was about three, I developed the Lefkoe Belief Process (LBP), a technique that assists people to [...]
