Although a lot of people have succeeded very well based on society’s standard for success: how much money and power they have, many—if not most—of those people are not really happy or nurtured by their “success.”

Arianna Huffington’s call for a redefinition of “success”

In a recent issue of the Huffington Post, Arianna Huffington, posted the following:

Man on yacht with phone and laptop“I’m happy to announce that next week, on June 6th, Mika Brzezinski and I will be co-hosting the Huffington Post’s first-ever women’s conference, “The Third Metric: Redefining Success Beyond Money & Power.” As the title makes clear, the purpose is to discuss ways to come up with a new definition of what it means to be successful.

“Right now, the two metrics of success that drive the American workplace are money and power, but by themselves, they make a two-legged stool — fine for balancing on for a short time, but after a while, you’re headed for a fall. And guided by this limited definition of success, more and more “successful” people are falling.

“So what we need is a more humane and sustainable definition of success that includes well-being, wisdom, wonder, empathy, and the ability to give back. But how do we recalibrate our current benchmarks of success? That’s what we’ll be discussing.”

Success without happiness

Here’s the question I think needs to be asked: Can one claim to be truly successful if one does not experience happiness and psychological well-being?  I don’t think so.  It is a very empty “success” if it includes unhappiness and psychological pain. 

As my colleagues and I have learned after working with almost 14,000 clients from 142 countries in the past 28 years, many of those who had reached the pinnacle of material success and power were still very unhappy.  Here are six of their major complaints.

  • They are often driven compulsively to be successful, usually at the cost of time with their family.
  • They are worried about what others think of them and are constantly trying to impress others with the symbols of their success.
  • They have a hard time experiencing and expressing love in their relationships.
  • They fear rejection.
  • They are often plagued with a negative sense of self that no amount of conventional success is able to cover over.
  • No matter the degree of their material success and power, they are plagued by the “imposter syndrome,” in other words, they feel they don’t deserve their success and fear it could be taken away from them at any time.

You cannot be said to be truly “successful” if you suffer from these six complaints.  Thus, I think that the third metric of success has to be an inner sense of well-being and happiness, which would require eliminating these complaints from one’s life.

Unhappiness in all its forms is caused by beliefs

In helping our clients eliminate these six complaints so that they could achieve success as evidenced by all three metrics, we discovered that the source of the complaints are beliefs about ourselves, people and life that we form early in our lives.  Beliefs like, I’m not good enough, I’m not important, What makes me good enough and important is having others think well of me, If I make a mistake or fail I’ll be rejected, What makes me good enough and important is being successful, I’m not worthy or deserving, Relationships don’t work, and I’m a fake and fraud.

Can you see how these beliefs and others like them would inevitably lead to the six complaints listed above that cause so many of us to experience unhappiness much of the time—regardless of how much money and power we might happen to have?

Are you really successful if you are overwhelmed by stress?

Arianna goes on to point out:  “One of the keys to changing our definition of success—and making sure our workplaces reflect that new definition—is getting our business leaders and shareholders to realize that what’s good for employees is also good for the bottom line. Stress costs U.S. businesses an estimated $300 billion annually, according to the World Health Organization.”   (http://www.forbes.com/sites/work-in-progress/2012/08/02/stress-at-work-is-bunk-for-business/)

There is growing evidence that people’s stress is not caused by their circumstances.  A recent study by the University of Arizona concluded that eliminating 19 of the most common negative self-esteem-type beliefs (some of the ones listed above, plus I’m powerless, mistakes and failure are bad, I’ll never get what I want, I’m inadequate, etc.) reduced stress on the Daily Stress Inventory (a popular measure highly correlated with illness) by 51.9%.  (Here is a link to that study: https://www.mortylefkoe.com/book-resources/stress-research-study/#.)

These beliefs can be eliminate

The beliefs that sabotage our happiness and psychological well-being and that cause stress can be easily and permanently eliminated.  To try an on-line, interactive process that will enable you to eliminate three of the beliefs that cause the complaints I listed above, please visit http://recreateyourlife.com.  Almost 150,000 people have eliminated a few of their negative beliefs using the process on this site.

It is time to add happiness and psychological well-being as the third metric of success.  And then eliminate the beliefs that sabotage our ability to attain that crucial new metric.

Thanks for reading my blog.  Please post your questions or comments on what you think the “third metric” should be.  Your comments will add value for thousands of readers.  I read them all and respond to as many as I can.

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If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process, go to http://www.recreateyourlife.com where you can eliminate several limiting beliefs free.

Copyright © 2013 Morty Lefkoe

12 Comments

  1. KenWert@MeantToBeHappy June 6, 2013 at 4:51 pm - Reply

    Success, as I see it, is issue specific. We can be successful lovers and still be failures at finance; successful marketers, but failures as parents; successful golfers and failed entrepreneurs.

    So I don’t think success per se needs a redefinition. We just need to be more concerned with some kinds of successes over others. Culturally, we do think of successful people in very limited ways. That’s a shame. What good is power and wealth if anger, fear, depression and dissatisfaction dominate our emotional lives?

    So in that sense, adding your happiness metric would be very valuable. It would be looking at a life more holistically. To the degree we celebrate only some kinds of successes, we encourage others to pursue lopsided lives and paint incomplete pictures of truncated futures.

    • john June 6, 2013 at 7:24 pm - Reply

      Ken, thanks for that perspective. Once in a while I tend to get tunnel vision, nice to be able to shake that off, and look out at a wide open field. Your comments helped open that field up for me!

      • Ken Wert@MeanttobeHappy June 7, 2013 at 9:23 pm - Reply

        Hey John,
        I think we’re all prone to varying degrees of tunnel vision from time to time. Nothing unusual there. But it is good to be able to step away from our tunnels to see the larger perspective. I’m thrilled to have mentioned something in my comment to help with that. Thanks so much for sharing, John.

  2. Mike Faucher June 6, 2013 at 2:38 pm - Reply

    Success is the ability to tailor your wants around your needs.

  3. Thomas June 5, 2013 at 12:48 pm - Reply

    So Morty.

    Would you consider your friends from the “Secret” successful, even though what they sell is simply made up ? An illusion ?? Cultism ???

    • Morty Lefkoe June 5, 2013 at 12:58 pm - Reply

      Hi Thomas,

      I suggested adding one’s inner state as a third metric of success. I don’t know if the people involved in The Secret experience happiness and well-being or not. They certainly have attained the current definition of success; you can’t really tell from the outside if they’ve attained the third metric.

      I’m not sure that the LOA is any more “made up” than many of the current forms of psychotherapy. Many of them provide no real lasting value.

      Love, Morty

  4. Heather June 5, 2013 at 10:02 am - Reply

    “You give them a Big Mac and a pair of Nikes and they’re happy. I can’t relate to ninety-nine percent of humanity.” – Seymour in Ghostworld.

    This world is mostly an illusion. Love is the only thing that matters. When we leave this world, it’s the only thing I’m aware of that goes with us. (That’s not to say we should be lazy slobs, but we should act consciously with love for others and self, not in greed.) So, all this talk of success is just more pandering to the great illusion. I think many people will be sad when they cross over one day and realize that chasing after money, power and success means nothing. Their whole lives will mean nothing. Their time was wasted on things that didn’t matter one whit. The best advice I can give is to follow your heart and don’t worry what other people think. Like my dad has always said, if you really knew how little time others spend thinking of you, you would be shocked. So many are focused only on themselves. Break the pattern.

    • john June 5, 2013 at 10:14 am - Reply

      Heather, spend more time with your dad, he sounds like a very smart man. Who, by the way, probably raised a very smart daughter. :)

  5. john June 5, 2013 at 8:53 am - Reply

    Money and power is probably a good definition of success in business. Unconditional acceptance, and love for self and others, is a definition for success in life. You can have one or the other, or both, or neither….it’s strictly up to you! Happiness, or unhappiness is a byproduct of those choices. I don’t have to look far for the source of my happiness…..I was born white, in the United States, and am at the top of the food chain! Being eternally grateful for that….anything else is gravy! Just being born would have been good enough, but the other two kind of helped it along! :)

  6. Suzanna Kiraly June 5, 2013 at 7:31 am - Reply

    Work-life balance is definitely important. If all you do is work to try to make a lot of money to have a good life, you can end up missing out on a lot of your life.

  7. Thomas June 5, 2013 at 3:34 am - Reply

    I’ve followed the business community for quite some time now, as well as those who think they have a grip on the human element. In america we have a huge problem simply born of bad thinkers. I recently saw an article in the LA times that talked about how the ca legislature was considering fines for companies that don’t pay living wages. They were targeting the largest companies and yet the problem is much greater than they think. Some might see this as a step in the right direction, however I see it as yet another bandaid solution, which seems to be fairly typical of the leadership and their inability to see the consequences of their actions.

  8. Alex June 4, 2013 at 11:45 am - Reply

    Agreed. I like money but who cares about it if you’re not happy?

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