Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Knowing what to do rarely changes your life. Taking action often does. Transforming the way you experience your life—eliminating beliefs, getting rid of conditionings, and dissolving your occurrings—almost always results in profound positive change.
I’ve been writing posts for this blog for over three years and recently decided to turn the best of the posts into a book. As I tried to figure out how to make the book as valuable as possible, I thought about the three-part statement I started today’s post with. So I asked myself: How could I help you translate the information in the posts into action that would make a noticeable improvement in your life? Even better, how could I help you use the posts to transform how you experience your life?
Here’s what I decided to do. At the end of each post in the book I am adding a short assignment, suggesting a way to use the information in the post to improve your life. As I started writing these assignments for the old posts in the book I had this further thought: Why don’t I start doing that with my weekly posts from now on? Why don’t I suggest a way to use the information in my weekly posts that will improve the quality of your life?
I liked that idea so much that I intend to implement it from now on.
To get you a sense of how valuable these weekly exercises will be for you, try it now. Here is a link to one of my favorite posts from a couple of months ago that describes how to get rid of the negative feelings that plague us by dissolving the meaning that gives rise to them. https://www.mortylefkoe.com/important-improve-life/#
Read the post and then complete this assignment
As I acknowledged in the post, merely understanding the information I present won’t change anything. So to start dramatically improving the quality of your life, for the next seven days notice each time you experience any anxiety or fear at all. Then ask yourself what meaning you just gave what happened that could have produced those emotions.
For example, imagine you notice anxiety and realize you were just thinking about starting a new project. Ask yourself: What meaning did I give starting the new project that could have made me anxious? In most cases it will be something like: I can’t do it. I’ll probably fail. People will laugh at my failure. Can you see that if the event occurs to you this way you would feel anxious?
Then make a clear distinction between the event and the meaning, in other words, make real to yourself that the meaning is not inherent in the event—that the event is in the world and you can see it—while the meaning is in your mind and you can’t see it. For example, you can see that you have a new project that should be started. That is a fact. But that you can’t do it and that you’ll fail and that others will laugh is not in the world—it is not a fact—it exists only in your mind!
There are only three simple steps:
1. Notice the negative feeling you are having.
2. Identify the meaning that is producing the feeling.
3. Make a clear distinction between the meaning and what actually happened.
When you make a clear distinction between the event and how the event occurred to you, your occurring will dissolve along with the emotion it had caused.
If you do this exercise for seven days you will notice that both your sense of victimization and your negative feelings will be significantly reduced. And you will experience being a lot happier.
What do you think about adding exercises like this each week? Will you do them? If not, why not?
Please comment both on this post and on your results from the exercise.
Your comments and questions increase the value we all receive. I read them all and respond to as many as I can.
If you found this post useful, please tell your friends and followers by using the buttons at the top of this post.
If you would like information about having a Certified Lefkoe Method Facilitator help you permanently eliminate any behavioral or emotional problem in your life, please call us at (415) 506-4472.
If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process, go to http://recreateyourlife.com/free where you can eliminate one negative belief free.
To get my blog posts as podcasts, sign up for the RSS feed above or look up “Morty Lefkoe” at iTunes to have the podcasts sent to you weekly.
copyright ©2012 Morty Lefkoe
Your work is amazing. It has really had an impact on my life. I think it would be really helpful to give action exercises at the end of your blogs. Thanks Morty.
Hi Morty,
Are judgmental thoughts about others (e.g. “that person has poor taste in music”) occurrings? I often unconsciously translate “that person is different from me” into “that person isn’t very good,” and I would like to get away from these thoughts.
Best,
Michael
Hi Michael,
Yes, judgments are always occurrings. And you can learn how to dissolve all your occurrings.
Love,Morty
Hi Morty,
Most of my feelings of anxiety or fear seem to be random and not linked to a specific thought. How do I track down where these negative feelings are stemming from so that I can separate them from the event? Nothing is more annoying than suddenly feeling like something is wrong and not being able to pin point the cause..
Thank you,
Marilyn
I would buy into this if it wasn’t for all the BS surrounding it, like fake posts and not letting me actually comment here.
Hi Fili,
I’m not sure what you mean that you can’t comment here; you just did.
And if you don’t believe the posts from others, that’s fine.
And if you think this is all BS, that’s fine too.
Why don’t you just try the exercise and see if it works? It doesn’t cost a thing.
Thanks for expressing your feelings about this post.
Love, Morty
Hi Morty,
First of all I’d like to apologize for being rather rude, I believed that my comment wouldn’t even appear here.
I’ve had experiences in the past with pages and products that look similar, fake testimonial pages where your comment doesn’t actually even get put online.
My other reason for judging so harshly is from links in your second email I received to this page
http://www.occurringcourse.com/discover/
Which due to its long sales page nature screams out to me that its amateur/scammy, these kinda pages are very similar and look like:
http://bit.ly/SW2IAH
Or for magic weight loss pills or products that don’t actually work.
I would seriously advise updating those sales pages.
Thanks for your time and valuable material
Kind Regards
Fili,
Hello Morty,
I am a voracious reader of all your posts. They have helped fix a part of my personality which I couldn’t even understand for last 25 years. Many thanks for that.
I wanted you insight on the following: You always say to “dissolve our occurring”. But I think “without occurring” – there is no difference between human and life-less objects like stone.
For example, after every event we unconsciously give meaning to that event. But that meaning or “occurring” comes from our past experiences. If we do not have a meaning, how would we react to an event?
Out of the many different meaning – the meaning we gave to that event, MAY BE CORRECT!
In your following examples:
Reality: My co-worker is asking me to find some information for him instead of doing it himself.
Occurring: He doesn’t respect my time.
—
Reality: It is the last day of my vacation and I get an e-mail from my co-worker asking me to do some work.
Occurring: She is inconsiderate of me.
—
Reality: I’m supposed to study with a friend of mine today and he’s not calling me.
Occurring: He doesn’t want to study with me.
—
Reality: My friend cancelled on me.
Occurring: He doesn’t value my time or our friendship.
—
What if the above “Occurrings” are correct?
All of the above CAN BE correct: “He doesn’t respect my time.”, “She is inconsiderate of me.”, “He doesn’t want to study with me.”, “He doesn’t value my time or our friendship.”
We really need to give a meaning to an event to proceed further in any situation, isn’t it?
Do we really need to dissolve all our “occurrings”??
Please share your insights.
Thanks
Prakash
Hello Morty, Prakash,
Liked this post and waiting for the exercises. I’ve also got interested in that question: “What if we give true meaning to the event?”, but what’s more interesting why do we need to change that meaning about surrounding reality? For example:
Reality: My co-worker is asking me to find some information for him instead of doing it himself.
Occurring: He doesn’t respect my time.
What’s in not respecting your time by some co-worker, if it’s true? The event is that co-worker asking your to… meaning is that he doesn’t respect me. Does it mean that there is some other occuring or belief we can’t see? Like I’m not respected etc. because otherwise it won’t be a problem and it could solved be just explaining your co-worker that he should respect your time. The example is simple but there are some situations where those questions play significant and dramatical role.
Thank You!
P.S. Hope to catch up on next Occuring Courses.
I would really love to hear Morty’s opinion on it. And I think it will help other readers too. Thanks :-)
Hi Prakash,
An occurring is a meaning you think is The Truth. You can’t know another person’s motives or the future … for sure. Your meaning might turn out to be true, but you don’t know that for sure. So all occurrings are always merely a meaning in your mind, not a FACT in the world.
After you dissolve the occurring, you can look at what actually happens and consciously come up with possible meanings and check them out to see which are actually true. Checking on hypotheses is different than thinking your unconsciously created meaning is always a FACT.
Yes, you should dissolve all occurrings and then look clearly at reality and investigate.
Thanks for your questions and interest.
I cover all this material in detail in the occurring course. There are many many other subtle aspects that take me ten weeks to cover.
Love, Morty
Hello Prakash, Muza, and Morty,
When I first came across Morty’s website and began reading his posts, I too had the same question: what if my occurings are real though? What if, given the preceding situation cited, my co-worker asked me to find the extra information because he honestly did not respect my time?
Reality: My co-worker is asking me to find some information for him instead of doing it himself.
Occurring: He doesn’t respect my time.
So if my occurring were true, if he really doesn’t respect my time, then I have a right to be upset, right? So this program must be flawed, right? But then I realized that I would only be upset if I held a belief that allowed his actions to dictate my happiness. For example, maybe I believed that “I am only valuable if co-workers respect my time,” or “I must not be a competent, influential worker if my co-workers aren’t respecting my time.” And these are the beliefs that are not true. Even if this man openly tells everyone else in the office that he does not respect my time, in fact even if I can’t find a single person in the world who respects my time, there is no reason that that should upset me.
Morty recently covered this idea in his post “How to find the beliefs causing your problems.” I liked that post very much, hopefully it can help you too!
Laura
I am post occurring , pre-belief , so I am was not sure about it all , so I asked the question.
I was thinking of things such as procrastination or fear of failure , fear of success.
I am very aware I have about 30 or more a day. I have had some major shifts since I have taken the occurring course. Good ones.
I am working through the Confidence Course again and going into the feelings side. also very powerful .
Thank you
This is a great idea. I wanted to find a way of keeping my ongoing learning fresh and challenging.
I have a pretty good idea that your posts will not involve my favorite complains and they will challenge my comfort levels.
I will be forced out of them. Which is very good. I look for ways to do that.
I was going to write you and see if what you did in the Natural Confidence Course , could be replicated in a common occurring s list . As in , if you have boiled it down to 19 beliefs , a list of common occurrings could be associated with holding those beleifs. I thought that it would be a wonderful way of reinforcing the Natural Confidence course work. Plus at the same time seeing how it all is connected and use that to do my own work in light of my own past.
Just a thought.
I suppose this would be just an expansion of the fear of public speaking connection you have made to include other tough areas in life if those beliefs are being held. Personally I do not see myself doing any public speaking but there are a lot of other things that come up in the course of life that could use a little help.
At any rate ,,this is a good development, I look forward to the book and the new blog format
Thanks
Looking forward to the posts.
Hi Bryant,
There is no list of common occurrings. Each person can have 30-50 different ones in a day and different people can have different ones. You need to learn how to identify and dissolve them, that way you don’t have to know what they are in advance.
I teach that in the Occurring Course.
Love, Morty
Hi Morty,
Thanks for the post and for the assignment.
Today there were two specific times I’d like to mention where I used the process.
The first I was sitting in front of my computer looking at all the work I have to do and I started to feel anxiety.
The occurring: I wont make money off this project until at least next week.
When i separated the event and the meaning i gave it I simply decided to prioritize and do the most important tasks. That dissolved the anxiety and I was able to continue in a focused way
The second time is that whilst I was sitting in the cafe working it started raining. Then my girlfriend mentioned she had left the washing in the garden including my $300+ ski jacket. Normally this brings on frustration and annoyance but this time I observed the occurring very quickly
The Occurring: More of my clothes ruined
Then I separated the meaning (my girlfriend ruins all my clothes – which she does :-) ) from the event and calmly said no problem I’ll get it dry cleaned when its dry
I have been using this quite a lot since i first read about it and listened to your webinar.
I’m looking forward to finding out more about your University course about beliefs so that I can get to the root belief that underlays the occurings and dissolve it
Thanks Morty
Carl
Hi Carl,
I’m happy to hear you got real value from the Natural Confidence program. For more information about the Lefkoe Method Training go to http://lefkoeuniversity.com. There is another training starting in the next couple of weeks.
Love, Morty
Yes I will do the exercises each week and post my results soon!
Hey there,
I just got done reading this and like a few other replies, I too am bad with negativity and fears. I just shared it with my own Facebook profile blog of what’s going on with me and that I’m going to focus more on good that’s going to come and happen for me, instead of the fear of failure, or being laughed at, and other things or thoughts that keep popping up! Am somewhat unemployed here in Converse, Texas and doing what I can on the side to help out. Got some sewing requests that I’m with hope will become orders for sure, while I’m also working on a fun project that I’m going to shoot a video for to help promote and make it a Kickstarter project as well, plus do a Facebook profile and Etsy shop. Working for temp agencies is okay if the work were steady, but in reading about other folks who have made it big with one thing or another, I tell myself that I can too and keep telling myself while fighting my subconscious thoughts!! I wish everyone a great day too!
Steve – Do the Natural Confidence course – I just completed it and I guarantee it’s going to shift your self image and make it easier for you to focus on the positive aspects of your life. I note you said you’re unemployed – if the money for the course is a push just write a simple goal on a sheet of paper and you will find a way. Make it a priority. (I hope you don’t mind me giving feedback on your post) – Carl
Mmm… great for the practicality you’re introducing. Yes, I should be able to do this for seven days… it’s going to take some discipline though – mainly because this is not what I’ve been doing like every other day. It’s new, but I think the value is worth the effort.
Thanks
Hi Morty,
I am in the process of doing the Natural Confidence program and have noticed a subtle shift, mostly at work because that’s where my issues seem to be magnified (I’m a recruiter). I think this occurings exercise sounds really interesting. I’m going to try it out and see how it works for me. I think your programs and exercises are a way of bringing out of the muck of our day to day mundane life and operate on more of a conscious level. It’s that awareness that is the key to freedom from suffering. Easier said than done, however.
Thank you, Morty. By using your method I have already eliminated some of my most debilitating limiting self-esteem beliefs. I find all your posts useful and have already begun sharing your method with my own (grown-up) children.
Again, thank you.
Hi Morty,
What a great way of relieving anxiety and pressure. I think that I am very involved with victimizing my self and there for creating massive amount of anxiety within myself for no good reason. I am going to try this exercise during the next week and so I can relive the negative feelings I have about myself while I start my finale thesis to finish my degree.
Thanks