How to become more grateful without adding anything new

Last spring, on a sunny day I saw two little boys jump into a nearby pool. The air was pretty cold. So I’m sure you can guess what happened next. One of them immediately popped his head out of the water and with a twisted look on his face said, “Yow, that’s cold.” The other was far less dramatic and said “Yeah, it’s freezing.” But, surprisingly, they kept playing. And after a while they hardly seemed to notice the cold. They had thoroughly gotten used to the experience.

This is similar to what happens to many of us when it comes to positive experiences as well. When we get a new car or achieve a new goal, we may be happy for a little while but eventually these positive events become part of the background of our lives.

After some time, these once joyful events hardly register any more.

In fact, studies of lottery winners show that two years later their happiness has returned to what it was before winning the lottery. So much for money making you happy. Psychologists call this the hedonic treadmill effect because it sets us up to constantly chase happiness.

Fortunately, there is a powerful solution.

The solution does not involve adding anything new to your life. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. It involves mentally subtracting something positive. This act of mental subtraction can cause you to experience gratitude for what you have now. However, it’s quite a contrast from the typical approach to becoming more grateful that involves making lists.

For example, instead of thinking “I’m glad Joe is part of my life!” you instead think “Imagine if I had never met Joe!” In several studies doing this made people feel more grateful than just listing what they are grateful for, yet most people predicted the opposite.

Why does mental subtraction make you feel more grateful?

One possible explanation is that when you imagine a good thing didn’t happen, you compare it’s imagined absence to its actual presence. You then create a meaning like “It’s so much better that it DID happen instead of it NOT happening.” As a result, you begin to feel more like you did when the events were new because you’ve recreated a positive meaning about the event.

How can you try this gratitude boosting technique?

First, think of a thing, event or person that you used to feel really good about but the joy has faded a bit. For example, maybe there’s a person in your life that you feel you don’t appreciate as much as you could. Take note of how good you feel about the thing, person or event on a scale of 0-10 with 10 being the highest. (It doesn’t have to be something you’ve lost appreciation for though, it can be anyone or anything).

Second, describe in writing ways in which the thing, person or event might never have become a part of your life AND why it’s surprising that it did become a part of your life. Spend about 10-15 minutes doing this.

Third, notice how your feelings have changed. Rate your new feelings on a scale of 0-10. When you do the exercise, you may be a bit surprised at the little happiness boost it gives you.

So to sum up …

When something positive happens in our lives we experience a happiness bump that then goes back to baseline.

To regain the happiness bump imagine that the person or thing was never a part of your life and how it’s surprising that it ever was part of your life.

You may then experience a sense of gratitude.

Now back to the pool …

The first few moments the kids entered the cold water were quite difficult.

However, they were willing to have this difficulty because they knew that fun was just on the other side. There can also be an initial difficulty when learning some of the concepts we teach in the Self Actualization Course. Fortunately, each challenge is like a short hump that you can get over pretty quickly. And on the other side is more happiness, fun and fulfillment. So keep practicing these ideas as you’ll discover that life can only grow in richness from your efforts.