How Can You Transform The “Chores” You Don’t Like Into Choices That Give Meaning To Your Life?

The physicists coaxed the ferret into the particle accelerator. They were quite happy with the result.

The ferret’s name was Felicia. She had just scurried through a 300-foot-long metal tube with a string tied to her collar. Afterwards one of the scientists Frank Beck, head of research services reported that she looked “a little tired and bemused but otherwise quite healthy.”

Why were they sending the ferret through the tube?

To fix a problem with the particle accelerator at National Accelerator Laboratory in Batavia, Illinois. The accelerator uses 20-foot high magnets to get pieces of atoms racing along at massive speeds. But there was a problem. The machine kept breaking once the particles got past a certain velocity. This happened because the magnets were so strong they would pick up tiny bits of metal and do damage to the machine.

Cleaning the accelerator would require getting a swab through some tubes to remove the metal debris periodically. And since the high tech solutions they tried didn’t work, they turned to an animal that goes into dark tunnels to hunt rabbits for a living – the common ferret. And it worked. After Felicia, the ferret came through the tunnel with the string, workers then used the string to pass a swab through the tubes that removed the metal slivers.

Although the particle accelerator is a pretty complex piece of technology, the solution was not complicated. In fact, it was extremely simple. And the way to free ourselves from feeling burdened by chores is also quite simple. In fact, it can be boiled down to one question asked over and over again.

The question is: Why is that important to me?

Here’s an example of how it was used. I was talking to a friend who was writing an article and she said at some point “I just want to get this over with.” I could see a tired look on her face. When I heard that I knew this was an opportunity to help her access a much higher level of motivation for her task.

So I asked “Why is it important to you to write this article?”

Tears welled up in her eyes and and then she answered, “I know that what I’m writing here can save lives.”

I waited a moment for it all to sink in for her before asking my next question. “How do you feel about writing the article now?”

“It feels better now. I feel more like engaging with the challenge.”

Over the next few days she continued to write her article, get feedback from others and make changes. But now she felt differently about it. She went on to say that it was the first time she felt she really nailed an article.

Why did her experience of writing transform so dramatically?

It’s the difference between controlled motivation and free motivation. When you experience controlled motivation, you might find your task boring or burdensome. You can’t wait to get it over with. It feels like you “have to” do the task. When you experience free motivation, you feel engaged with the task, you may even feel grateful to be of service. It feels like you “get to” do the task.

This question gives you more free motivation when you take action

It makes you feel free to choose your actions because it taps into your values – what you care most deeply about. When you are connected to your deepest values, actions just feel easier and more natural.

Here’s a case study

To make this more real, I’d like to show you how this question can be used over and over to get to your deepest reasons for doing something by showing how it transformed one man’s relationship to a simple chore.

Jacob procrastinated on many things, one of them was doing the laundry. Below is what happened when he was asked “Why is that important to me?” about getting his laundry done.

Note: He dissolved meaning about laundry first. Often a good step.

Facilitator: How do you feel about doing the laundry?

Jacob: I don’t feel much. Just meh.

F: What meaning do you give to doing the laundry?

J: It sucks. Just a time-consuming chore.

F: OK. It sucks and is time-consuming. I’d like you to imagine yourself doing it.

J: OK.

F: What do you feel when you imagine doing it?

J: I just see myself putting clothes in the laundry machine and the clock ticking by.

F: And how does that feel?

J: It makes me feel a bit unmotivated.

F: And when you think of doing it, does the meaning “it sucks” “it’s just a time-consuming chore” come up?

J: Yes.

F: Now I’d like you to notice the distinction between doing the laundry and the meaning the mind has created that it sucks and it’s just a time-consuming chore.

J: OK. I’ve done it.

F: Does that feel different?

J: Yes. It feels a bit lighter.

F: Now that we’ve opened that space, I’d like to take you through the power of why so you can access a higher level of motivation in regards to that task, if that’s OK with you.

J: OK.

F: Why is it important to you to do the laundry?

J: Hmmm. So I can have clean clothes to wear.

F: Why is it important to you to have clean clothes to wear?

J: So I can look nice and wear clean clothes. Also, I don’t want to have to wear dirty clothes.

F: Why is it important to you to look nice and wear clean clothes?

J: Well, I don’t want to have nasty, smelly clothes when I’m with friends and family.

F: Why not?

J: Because that would make them uncomfortable. That would make them less happy.

F: Why is it important to you to keep them from being uncomfortable?

J: Because I care about them.

F: So you do your laundry to keep your family and friends from being uncomfortable because you care about them?

J: Yes, that’s right. I never looked at that way before. It’s kind of weird to see laundry as relating to that. It seems almost too much but it seems to be true. I do the laundry not just for myself but for my family and friends too.

F: How do you feel about doing the laundry now?

J: It’s odd. It feels different. I’m smiling now. It feels … like it’s a bit more meaningful. It feels more infused with purpose. It’s kind of hard to believe. I usually avoid doing the laundry but now it feels important in a bigger sense than it did before. I do have some laundry to do now and I feel like I really want to get it done. It feels like something I want to do not just have to do. Thanks.

After this dialogue Jacob reported that he not only did the laundry but that he was more careful with it.

He looked up information on how to sort the laundry and followed it. He said he was motivated to learn more about how to do a good job, even though he had never shown any interest in it before. When asked about how he felt doing the laundry, he said he didn’t feel anything, he just noticed afterwards that he had been engaged instead of resisting.

Jacob’s example shows how powerful it can be to find your why about even the most menial of tasks. Once his sense of purpose was activated, he was so engaged in the laundry that he wasn’t even thinking about his feelings. He was living in the moment. Doing the laundry was no longer a “should do” or a “have to.” He had access to “get to” motivation as in “I get to do this” “I’m grateful for the opportunity.”

Here’s how you can use this exercise to transform your life:

1. Think of a task you have been avoiding, or that you do but don’t enjoy.

2. Then dissolve any negative meanings you’ve given to the task. After you dissolve the meaning, the negative feelings about the task may be gone … but you may not feel free motivation when you think of doing the task. If not, follow the next steps.

3. Start from either “Why do I want to x” or “Why is x important to me'” or “Why don’t I want to x?” or “Why is x not important to me?” Then ask “why” again and again until you go as deep as you can go. At some point you realize you’ve found your deepest reasons for doing something.

4. Once you do, reflect on the task or goal you started with. How does it feel now when you think about it? Do you feel a greater sense of freedom or fulfillment when you think about the task or goal? If so, congratulations, you’ve just accessed free motivation on your task.

Do you remember why they chose a ferret to take the string through those tunnels?

It was because ferret’s hunt for rabbits by digging into rabbit holes. They believed that ferrets were made for the job of going down dark tunnels. But what job are humans made for? We are made to pursue a meaningful life. When you can uncover your values and see the positive purposes behind what you do, you are taking advantage of the best of human nature and living at your highest potential in that moment. So keep asking “Why is that important to me?” and see how your life slowly changes.