I was sitting at my desk when the text arrived.
I’d done a podcast interview that had gone beautifully. My friend, a podcaster with 25 million downloads, had asked all the right questions, and I’d found words I hadn’t expected to find. I remember thinking: that was the one.
Then the text.
“Shelly, I’m so sorry. I think the recording may have been lost.”
I felt my heart drop.
And then my mind did something it was very good at.
It went straight to the worst case.
If we do it again, it will never be as good as this one. That was a once-in-a-lifetime conversation. All that preparation, all that hope. Gone.
In the space of about thirty seconds, a single text had pulled me into a spiral.
Why do our minds do this?
Why is it that the moment something goes wrong, even something that hasn’t been confirmed yet, our minds leap straight to the most catastrophic interpretation?
This is what happens when we give an event a meaning. We don’t just experience things as they are. We experience our interpretation of them.
A text arrives. It’s just words on a screen. But in a flash, the mind adds a meaning. And when something feels important, that meaning is often the worst possible one.
The meaning feels like reality. But it’s something the mind creates. It’s not the event itself.
What I actually did
I used the Occurring Process. On my own, sitting quietly with what was happening inside me.
The first step is to notice the feeling. That was easy. I was devastated.
The second step is to identify the event. Just the facts: I received a text saying the recording might be lost.
The third step is to notice the meaning I was giving it. This is the one that changes everything.
My meaning: If we do it again, it will never be as good as this one.
That was the thought causing the devastation. Not the lost recording itself. The meaning I had attached to it.
The question that dissolved it
Once I could see the meaning, I asked myself: is this the only possible interpretation?
Of course it wasn’t.
Maybe the next conversation would be even better. My friend and I had done it once. We’d know what to emphasize the second time. I’d feel more at ease. We might find something in a second recording we’d missed in the first.
I couldn’t see any of that from inside the spiral. The spiral had made the worst case feel like the only case.
But once I separated the event from the meaning I was giving it, once I saw that If we do it again, it will never be as good as this one was something my mind had added and not something the event itself contained, the heavy feeling dissolved completely.
And then. I want you to know this part.
Shortly after I’d worked through the process, my phone buzzed again.
Another text from my friend.
“Good news. We found the recording.”
I smiled. The catastrophe I’d been grieving had never actually happened.
The spiral had been entirely self-generated.
Now, I want to be clear about something. I’m not telling you this story because it has a happy ending. The Occurring Process isn’t a lucky charm that makes bad things turn out fine.
Sometimes the recording really is lost. Sometimes the thing you feared comes true anyway.
But my suffering wasn’t caused by the lost recording. It was caused by the meaning I gave it, a meaning I had added all on my own. And that was something I could work with, whether or not the recording was ever found.
What you can do
The next time you notice a spiral starting, try this:
1. Notice the feeling
2. Identify the event (just the facts: what actually happened)
3. Find the meaning you gave it
4. Ask: is this the only possible interpretation?
5. Come up with a few alternatives you can also see as possible
6. Notice whether the feeling shifts
You might be surprised how quickly it moves.
The Occurring Process is something you can learn to use on your own, in any situation. If you want to go deeper, I teach it in The Occurring Course. The course opens on August 11th for 20 people. Join the waiting list now to get free resources on how to gain the power of a quiet mind. We only offer the course to people on the waiting list.
Click here to join the waiting list and claim your goodies.
The spiral doesn’t have to be where you live.
