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I recently was having a conversation with a very close friend. She had just broken up with her boyfriend after a long relationship; she was feeling lonely; she was having difficulties getting work; and she was feeling sad, frustrated and disappointed. At the same time she was trying very hard to be positive during our talk.
“I know that everything will work out in the long run. I know that everything is just a learning experience. I know I should be giving positive meanings to everything that’s happening to me.”
She went on and on trying to be positive, when I could tell she was really feeling miserable. She kept talking about what she “knew” she should feel (positive), instead of what she actually did feel (negative).
Most of us try to be positive
Haven’t you done the same thing? Haven’t you done your best to put a positive spin on what was happening to you, when deep inside you felt very unhappy?
Most of us do that because of the conventional wisdom that it’s better to be positive than negative, optimistic instead of pessimistic. We are constantly admonished that we shouldn’t be victims; we should look at the bright side of things. And of course it is important to banish negative thoughts from consciousness so they don’t manifest.
Pretending can get you into trouble
Unfortunately, pretending that you don’t feel what you actually feel doesn’t make the feelings go away. Yes, you can suppress them so that you aren’t fully in touch with them for a short time. But feelings that you are not in touch with still affect your health and your behavior. Suppressed fear will still inhibit your behavior and suppressed angry has been linked to heart disease. In fact, suppression doesn’t even work in the long run; suppressed feelings usually pop back into consciousness when you least expect them. So working directly on feelings to try to get rid of them doesn’t work.
Fortunately, there is an indirect way to get negative feelings to literally disappear. As I’ve explained in prior posts, almost all our feelings—positive and negative—are the result of how events occur to us (in other words, the meaning we give events) moment to moment. By dissolving the meaning we give events we are able to simultaneously dissolve any negative feelings caused by the meaning.
Events have no inherent meaning
Before I remind you how to do that, it is important to really get that events have no inherent meaning. By which I mean, you can never draw any conclusion, for sure, from an event. In other words, you can’t know anything for sure about anything merely as the result of an event or a series of events. All you can know for sure is that the event happened.
And if events have no inherent meaning, they can’t make you feel anything. Your feelings come primarily from the meaning you ascribe to events (and sometimes from stimulus conditioning).
For example, losing your job has no inherent meaning. It could mean you will now change your career to do what you’ve always wanted to do, and that meaning probably would make you feel good. It could mean that you will be out of work for a long time and use up all your savings, and that meaning would make you feel bad. What does the fact of losing your job mean? Nothing. What would the event make you feel? Nothing.
Here’s another example: You call a friend a few times and leave messages, but the friend doesn’t return the call after two or three days. The failure to return the calls would occur to most people as the friend does not care about me, he is rejecting me, and perhaps there is something wrong with me which is why the friend doesn’t care about me. In fact, the friend not calling back could mean he has been out of town and not getting his messages; it could mean he has been really busy; it could mean almost anything. What does it really mean? Can you get that the friend not calling back has no real meaning.
It should now be clear that pretending you feel good when you really don’t doesn’t work, that suppressing negative feelings doesn’t help, and the only way to really get rid of negative feelings is to dissolve the meaning that is causing the feeling.
Here’s how to do that
So here is what to do:
First, recognize that all meaning exists only in your mind, in other words, that events have no inherent meaning.
Second, when you are having negative feelings, allow yourself to experience them fully. Don’t try to cover them up with positive thoughts.
Third, ask yourself what meaning you have ascribed to the event facing you that is causing the feeling.
Fourth, make a clear distinction between the actual event and the meaning that exists in the world. The only reason the meaning is able to affect you is that it appears to be part of the event, in other words, inherent in the event. As soon as you disconnect the meaning from the event and recognize that the meaning exists only in your mind—and not in the event—it is no longer “The Truth.” At which point it loses its power to create feelings. As a result, when the meaning dissolves, the feeling it causes does also.
Thanks for reading my blog. Please share below your thoughts and questions on why trying to be positive doesn’t help you … and can actually hurt you, and how you can actually dissolve negative feelings quickly and easily. Your comments will add value for thousands of readers. I read them all and respond to as many as I can.
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Copyright © 2013 Morty Lefkoe
Use this information to improve your life
The next time you notice you are experiencing any negative feelings, use the four steps I describe in the post. It really does work.
Hello Morty, 4 months ago I was living with my boyfriend and then I thought I was “in love ” with someone else.
I told that to my boyfriend and then I took it back because I realized it wasn’t truth.
After that happened our relationship became a hell, because I took the guilty part and he took the blaming part.
He started being really verbaly aggressive, yelling, insulting etc for a period of 3 months, this continue to go even worst and my daughter one day asked me : why I was with someone who treated me so badly. So he went on a trip and I told him no to return to my house anymore and that we were over. I arranged some people to took all his stuff out .
I know that that was the right desition to make, according to the circumstances, I don’t think there would be another way to do it because of his agressiveness towards me.
But I still sometimes repent and wonder why a told him I thought I was in love with someone else.
I fill guilty and sad, not all the time… But it’s there.
Can you help me to see what other meanings I can give to this event.
Thank You
Love
B
rt now i am facing some hard hitting facts abt my life………..Uptill this time……….i have forced myself to remain +ve hoping things to change only to realise……….i better grow up and face facts instead of remaining +ve………and ur belief………remove the emotions from the events…….is helping……….thank u………..
mag
you say one should try to “dissolve the negative feeling about a given event”. of course when you are exterior to the event (with a neutral view) you see the event has no meaning, eg. when someone(for whom you have no feeling) doesn’t take your call, this event would probably mean nothing for you, but when the person is your friend, your lover, this event should have a meaning, otherwise, there’s no meaning for your relationship to that person. you couldn’t have a constant reaction for all the event, otherwise you wouldn’t be human, you wouldn’t be you with your feelings.
Hi Rima,
I’m not saying you should or should not give meaning to events. I’m only saying that whether we like it or not events don’t have an inherent meaning, only the meanings we make up and that are never The Truth.
I experience being human as do hundreds of people who have taken my occurring course, and we have stopped giving meaning to events. And I have a great relationship with my family and friends.
Thanks for your interest in our work.
Love,Morty
Hi,
interesting point of view “Events have no inherent meaning”, That’s what I did the day my friend broke up with me (implicitly, refusing to take my calls, and for him that meant he broke up with me). that worked for a few days, but my emotions rushed out after that(when the truth stroke me), and till now, I am still feeling sad and angry about that event (this happened two years ago).
And about when you really know exactly “the inherent meaning” of the event? that time it’s about controlling your feelings. Let’s see the example of calling a friend, and you know(at 100%) that he doesn’t want to talk to you(when he doesn’t want to take the call). What do you want me to think (or feel) about this? you say I can’t hide the feeling and fake positive thought and feeling about that. I could tell myself he’s not my friend anymore(this makes me sad), or he’s not deserving as a friend(this doesn’t make me feel better).
Hi Morty
I’ve used your belief changing programme and I’ve had some success, but it hasn’t helped with a persistent problem of waking up in the early hours of teh morning worrying about things that I haven’t done – generally work tasks that I am certain I will be criticsed for leaving incomplete. I wake quickly with a feeling of fear and a wash of adrenaline, leaving me dreading the day ahead. I know intellectually that this is ineffective, but I’ve been unable to stop it for over 10 years now.
What can I try that will help?
Many thanks.
Peter
Hi Peter,
I have two suggestions for dealing with your daily sense of dread:
First, it is directly caused by the meaning you are giving events. If you can learn to stop giving meaning, the dread will stop. We teach people how to do that in our Lefkoe Freedom Course. (http://lefkoefreedomcourse.com/discover)
Second, the meaning is the result of beliefs and a conditioned sense. Our certified Lefkoe Method facilitators can help you eliminate the relevant s and decondition the relevant senses so the feeling of dread will stop.
Call us at (415) 506-4472 for more information.
I look forward to being able to help you.
Love, Morty
thank you for every thing – you are great man
thanks a lot Morty for this post , you know I sometimes feel little low and flipping through your post gives me the charge, the spark to to excel, to carry on… will apply those steps for sure… and will let you know the result. Thank you !
How does this apply in a situation where a loved one is an alcoholic or a drug abuser? Let’s say that these facts were discovered and now the discovery of those facts are causing anxiety. How does one take the meaning out of that?
Hi LightHeart,
I’m not talking about taking meaning out of an event. I’m suggesting that events don;t have inherent meaning.
Okay, so you discover that a loved one is an alcoholic. What does that mean? Do you know what that means about you, about the loved one, about the future of the relationship, and people in general, etc.? You can’t make any predictions about the future for sure.
Love, Morty
How do you work these steps if you believe in God or karma?
How do you not see meaning in something bad happening if you believe that it is a lesson or in some cases, even punishment from God’s for not leaving things in His hands? Or if you believe in karma, that something bad is now happening because of something you did in this life or another?
Thank you!
Hi Laura,
What I mean is that you never know anything for sure as a result of an event happening. You can’t any prediction for sure. You suggest: maybe it’s Karma, or God teaching us a lesson, or God punishing us, etc. What do you know for sure from the event? Nothing. There is no inherent meaning to any event.
Love, Morty
Thank you Morty. I will try to keep that in mind! :)
I have a friend who is passing thru a very difficult time in her life. Broken relationship, financial problems, weak health… We are very intimate, so she feels free to tell me how she feels. But among other people she is motivated to pretend that every thing is going to be all right, its just a matter of time… in fact we both know that that is not true. Once, a person met her at a coffe breack and ask her for a smile… she couldnt do it, of course!!! indeed, positive thoughts do not solve the real problem… only covers it.
Hi Rodrigues,
I’m not talking about creating positive thoughts to cover negative thoughts. I’m saying that events can be disasters or opportunities–in other words, they have no inherent meaning. When you make that real, the negative feelings caused by the negative meaning just dissolve. There is no need to pretend they aren’t there or try to cover them up.
Hundreds of people have reported dissolving negative meanings regardless of the events.
Love, Morty
One question.Last Sunday I had a very negative event.My fiance was drunken and came near to struck me. He told that he tired of me and ordered to leave his home ( to go to other town immediately)-in other case he couldn’t be responsible for his acts. I was very scared of him.It was the first time since we are together ( 10 years). I escaped from his home and went to my mother. Next day he told me that he failed and overdone, and it was because of drunk.
I try to understand him and to separate this event from my feelings and emotions, but I’m still scare of him. What is your advice?
thanks
Hi Tanja,
If you are scared of someone, you ought to question if you should be spending time with them. And it makes sense to be scared of someone who gets drunk and abusive when drunk.
What I am talking about in this post is the fact of him hitting you has no meaning. It means nothing about you or about relationships in general. And it also doesn’t mean he can change if he really wants to and gets help.
Love, Morty
.
Hi Morty,
This is timely advice. I am currently dealing with giving my long-time girlfriend “space and time” to figure out what she wants after I professed my love and commitment plans. I really thought she wanted to spend her life with me, but now I’m not so sure as she backed away. She made it clear that she is not saying ‘no,’ but also obviously hasn’t said ‘yes.’ Needless to say, I’m gutted. I’ve been in a severely depressed state for a few weeks now. I’m essentially waiting for her to make up her mind and in the meantime there has been zero communication between us and I have no idea what she is doing.
It’s INCREDIBLY difficult for me to not assign a meaning to these events. Like: I’ve been rejected. She’s not coming back. I lost her forever. I blew it. There’s no one else like her for me, etc.
Objectively I understand that there are no inherent meanings in these events, but honestly I’ve never felt so low in my life. My imagination is running wild with horrible thoughts. I desperately want to feel better, but can’t stop thinking about her. I’ve even begun seeing a therapist to see if I can sort some of this out, as it has been affecting the rest of my life profoundly.
Is there any chance you can do a post on break-ups and broken hearts? You started here, but I guess what I’m looking for are some examples of how to dissolve the specific meanings associated with heartache and relationships.
Thanks for everything, Morty!
-Scott
Hi Scott,
The process for dealing with romantic breakups is no different from any other event.
Try the four-step process on your situation and let me know.
If you really want specific help, one phone or Skype session with us would enable you to dissolve a few of the beliefs underlying your reaction and we also could coach you on how to use the Lefkoe Occurring Process to dissolve the meaning you are giving the situation.
For more information please call us at (415) 506-4472.
Love,Morty
Scott, I’ve been in the exact place situation. Basically you see more bads than goods in your current situation. It’s like seeing your life situation with a pair of 3d glasses but you can inly see negative. Think if your glasses are gonna be 3d if you WERE to allow yourself to see positive things what could they be ? If you truly search for these things then you will have more balanced healthy perspective . Examples: 1. what are the benefits for me having her taker her time to process? And ask these of all areas of your life. How does this help me spiritually? How does this help me mentally? How does this help me financially? How does this help me socially and familialy? How does this help me physically? I bet in your case you really have not gone down that path of questioning which ultimately show a more healthy balanced perspective if which will take you to be grateful for how reality is…. Which reality is that she is takin time for herself to process. Keep asking those questions over and over and you’ll be training your mind to accept reality with grace and more peace.
Examples of some answers to finding new possible answers: spiritually I can devote more time to find out what’s truly important to me, I can go to church or I can meditate more often, I can write down goals I have or update them. I can save the money I would normally spend if she were around, or I could buy some things for myself. I now have time to spend time with some friends who I haven’t been spending time with, or family members. I can use this time to kick start my fitness routine again because it was overdue and I’d like to place my health higher on my values.
You can also ask , how have I done what my girlfriend Is doing? ( taking time to process) if you realize that you have done the same perhaps to colleagues, friends and family, you’ll feel a shift in yourself for recognizing how it can be healthy to take some time or that you’ll have some understanding for why she is taking time to process.
Make your search for all the possible benefits genuine for yourself and you see your mind shift and actually kinda of fun process.
Also what Morty is saying that events have no inherent meaning is true, but we feel strong emotions and to various degrees so maybe just accepting that doesn’t feel true or you yet. First you assigned your GF takin time off as Negative, so what does your brain do? It gives you all of the reasons, thoughts, and evidence of why its negative.
If you search for all the reasons why the event is can also be POSiTIVE then your mind can go to work on that. You’ll see a shift from the original “negative ” assignment to: not so negative, to kinda negative, to not so bad, to oh this is actually kinda good, to wow this is actually something I can be grateful for. And to wow ! I can actually thanks my GF and myself for this whole thing. Askin quality questions to bring out the wisdom and gratitude takes some practice but you’ll grow exponentially. In essence Mortys process Is to get your mind to release meanings and release the bad feelings to a place of neutrality. We are all connected so to take it a little bit further and see how the wisdoms and power of questioning leads to gratitude for anything an everything because you will surely have another paradox in your life. Luckily there are many different processes to come to inner composure, neutrality, acceptance, or what is called LOvE.
Wow. Great responses, Anonymous. You have brightened my day. Thanks for taking the time to help. I genuinely appreciate it and will be looking at the positives now. Thanks!
What if the ‘event’ ended in someone you love no longer speaking to you because they’re blaming you for something that occurred? Even if you give the event no meaning, they’re still not speaking to you. How do you not give that meaning??
Hi ANgie,
You can give meaning to the fact that someone you love is no longer speaking to you, but the event still has no inherent meaning. What do I know for sure about you, the person no longer speaking to you, relationships, the rest of your life, etc.? I don’t know anything for sure. That’s what I mean by events have no meaning.
Love, Morty
I am confused about the meaning I give something. Suppose the meaning is: people are not doing their jobs and this is correct, and it makes me angry how do I change the meaning? I understand if the meaning is my negative meaning, but what if my meaning is correct and not only my negativity. Can you help me understand that, it is a large problem for me.
Hi Sharon,
If people are not doing what they are supposed to do, that is an event in reality. But it has no meaning. The fact they aren’t doing their jobs will not produce any feelings. The feelings come from the meaning you attribute to the event. What meaning are you giving the event?
Love, Morty
I think for smaller things it may work to be positive to turn things around. You might ask yourself, how much will this really matter in a week, month or year? And you might be able to easily turn your emotion around. But when you are hit with major bad news like a loved one dying or having a serious health problem, you can’t just put on a happy face and pretend that everything is okay. It takes time to digest the problem and to heal.
Suzanna,
I’m not tlaking about trying to put a posititve feeling on top of a negative feeling. I agree; that won’t work.
I’m talking about dissolving the meaning that is causing the negative feeling. When the meaning dissolves, the feeling just disappears. I’ve done it myself hundreds of times and have heard from hundreds of others that they have been able to do the same.
Try it and let me know.
Love, Morty
Hi Morty,
I was trying to say that the more meaning you give to something the bigger the problem related to it can seem and the harder it can be to dissolve the meaning. For example, a person would give more meaning to their loved one dying than to a bug dying because their loved one has more meaning for them. So we have a hierarchy for “meaning giving” and the meanings that are higher up on the hierarchy can be harder to dissolve. I have tried dissolving meanings before and I think it’s a good approach, though not always easy to do, but practice helps as with anything. Being in love is an interesting example of giving somebody a lot of meaning. Then when you are no longer in love, you might think “What did I ever see in that person?”, because you are no longer giving the things about that person the same meaning as you did before.
Morty,
The more I engage in your work the more freedom from negative emotions and the effects of them I experience.
Thanks you for your patience and loving us enough to continue to make the distinctions that you do which when followed lead to freedom from negative emotions.
Hi James,
I’m glad to hear our work has been useful to you. Thanks for letting us know.
Love, Morty
My step-daughter and her three very young children recently moved in with me and my wife. I have very mixed emotions about this event. On one hand I know without us she and her kids would be in a shelter or the kids would probably be in foster care and it would be very difficult for my step-daughter to get her life back on track. On the other hand my once peaceful home has done a 180. Three kids running around the house, a baby crying, my wife having to care for the kids while her daughter is at work, higher utility bills, etc. etc. As I have said, I struggle with the mixed emotions. I am glad we have the resources to help, but she made really bad choices to but me, her mother, and her kids in this situation. I have tried to stay positive, and I even feel like a jerk for having negative emotions tied to this event.
rEALLY XCELLENT INSIGHT!
This perspective is very interesting. The idea that event has no meaning, tells me that has not the only meaning that we give. The example of calling a friend and not getting response is a good one. It happens to me and I decided not to respond to my friend, even I love her so much. My ego was hurt. The meaning that I gave to this fact, was only a meaning that come from my limitations and I think it relates to some other beliefs we hold as I am not important or not good enough etc. One of the meaning is that my friend doesn’t care but there are so many other meanings as: her kid was sick and she was so bad feeling; or her son has used her mobile and the missed call disappeared from screen; she has lost her voice and not able to speak; she lost her mobile etc. All these meanings may be true, but are they a real truth? We can’t know. So why to focus on one interpretation. My concern is the feeling sad for some situations as problems with health, caused by the non professional physician; or non professional trainer in gym, when you can have some serious personal hurt. Eg. I was couple of years ago in the gym and my instructor was putting me to use heavy weights. After some weeks of trainings I experiences damage of my muscles, that resulted in weakness of pelvic floor muscles, related to other discomforts. What interpretation can I give to this event. There are many, but I regret I allow that person to experience with me. I feel stupid and can’t forget my self. I know that I can apply forgiveness but this suggestion is like feel positive instead of negative. I know intellectually I should forgive, but is not easy. Any perspective?
Hi Anila,
That you followed the instructor’s instruction that hurt you has no meaning. It could mean you were stupid to listen. It could mean you had good reason to trust the instructor who made a mistake this one time. It could mean that the instructor was right in his instructions but you misunderstood them. It could mean almost anything.
What do I know for sure about you as a human being from the fact that you listened to someone who you had good reason to trust and then you got hurt? I don’t know anything for sure because the event has no inherent meaning.
When you really get that your negative feelings will dissolve.
Love,Morty
Thanks for the reminder.
Life is a process of outcomes, moment to moment, not a process of meanings. But does taking away the meaning make us less human?
Thanks for the food for thought
Oliver
Hi Oliver,
It depends on how you define being human. I think we can still be human without being run by unconsciously created meanings that are never The Truth.
Love, Morty
I see that you are offering others a good grasp of getting in touch with the ability that we all have to see ones own power, the power of choice in any given moment, the choice to believe one thing or nothing..however, I dont agree that any event has ‘no’ meaning. That statement is in itself quite incorrect. One must not deny that events have meaning and to each individual person involved in ‘any’ event will however have a differing ‘truth’ about it.
However I dont mean to say that you personally are meaning to offer an incorrect train of thought…I can see quite clearly that you are trying to get others to see that there is a ‘choice’ in what they feel, see or believe about any given event. My point is that all events have meaning, however most of the events that we experience in our lives are not necessarily in their truthful state as we see them. In other words, if I received your message on my phone from three days ago, yet I have not had time to return your call, then the truth of the event from my end is just that I am busy at that point. However, “my’ truth is always based on my own set of ‘current’ core beliefs about myself, my relationship with those around me amongst other things. So, depending on ‘my’ current core beliefs, my ‘truth’ of this particular event will most likely or often be different to the other person/s truth of that event. In this instance for example if I have had a very insecure upbringing, a set of sad/bad or broken down relationships or for whatever reason I feel insecure about how others feel about me deep down then I can almost guarantee that I will, at least after a time of not hearing back from you, regard YOUR truth in the event to be of an untoward nature. That you are upset with me, I have done something wrong, or that I become anxious about you personally, thinking something is wrong with you etc..
BUT if “I” “MY” truths come from a place internally from me that are secure, and not from my insecure intellect alone, and distorted subconscious beliefs, or what I call ‘other peoples alibi’s’ then I will be far less if at all likely to buy into any untruths about any such event until I know the facts. If you then did not make contact after a reasonable period I would then feel good about making further contact and checking on you etc..rather than believing without any ‘truthful’ basis that its something else etc.
My intent is not to offend anyone, rather to share a further perspective on the subject as I have been teaching similar to many for over 30 years :)
If the author is interested then please get in touch with me to talk further at any time I would be delighted to do so :)
Hi Dragon Fly,
Thanks for joining the conversation and for expressing your point of view.
Can you point to a single event that has inherent meaning, that everyone would agree has the same meaning just by observing the event? I have never seen such an event nor has anyone ever been able to name one.
It is difficult to explain no meaning to someone who hasn’t experienced it directly, but I mean that you don’t know anything for sure as a result of the event, you can’t make any projections. The only thing you can know for sure is that the event happens.
Love, Morty
I agree with U as well as with Morty, if u see in reality u both come with different set of understanding as well as belief.Morty teaching has different style I don’t about U. Thks. Salim
Morty has a different style of teaching, I don’t know about U. Thks. Salim
These are good suggestions. But emotions are like an elephant and the conscious mind is like its rider. The conscious mind may be convinced of the logic of a teaching it hears and want to implement it, but the elephant, or subconscious mind, where emotions reside, has been deeply conditioned to react to stimuli in certain ways and is not easily persuaded to change using logic alone. That “self” underneath has its own view of reality and won’t give it up easily. However, I will give this a try and be in touch. Thanks
Hi Gary,
I understand your point of view but hundreds of people (including me) have tried this process and discovered that if you apply the four steps the meaning dissolves along with any feelings caused by the meaning.
Take a look at this short video for more details of how it works: http://occurringcourse.com/how-lop-works/
Love, Morty
Thanks Morty
Their is a negative mood that stays with me for a time[days sometimes]when my favorite club losses a big match…like Barcelona yesterday or my heartaches with the Lakers this year.And this spills over to all my daily activities…..work&play.My play can get pretty competitive….even ‘non-playlike’.How can I use your technique to address this issue.Being positive,seeking out new meanings…..’like it’s just a game’, are falling short of the mark. Kindly note I am a sports ‘junkie’&very competitive and just passed 60.Your feedback please
N-j0y
nAz
Hi Nazeer,
The four step process applies to your situation just like any other. Try it and let me know what happens.
Love, Morty
So simple, yet so powerful. Thanks for reminding me of this again Morty. I am going to start using this technique on friends, and myself of course. I’ll let you know how i get on.
Thank you for this. I made a very big mistake a few days ago and I have been having a difficult time moving past all of the negative emotions and beliefs associated with the event. This really makes sense; I am going to apply it immediately!
Hi Michelle,
Let me know how you feel after you apply the four steps.
Love,Morty
Hi Morty,
I applied it immediately after reading it (for me it helps to write things out), and I discovered for myself that I had attached my own meanings from my mind to the event that were not related to the event itself. The event itself has no meaning. Although the consequences may have meaning, at this time they are nothing more than possibilities that we are unaware of at this current point in time, so therefore THEY MEAN NOTHING. It was liberating. I was finally able to rest deeply last night and I woke up refreshed for the rest time since the event occurred. I also discovered that the event itself was caused by some deep rooted self-esteem issues, so I plan on purchasing the Natural Confidence program to help dissolve the beliefs that have caused problems in my life for years.
Thanks again for your help and guidance.
Michelle
Haha. Nice “canned” response. Bravo!
Was never really interested in Lefkoe, mainly because of the name. In Dutch koe means cow so…, but however I receive mail for some reason.
And this article is really good, it touches a question that bothered me!
Thanks!
Hi Ronald,
Glad you found this post useful.
Love,Morty
Morty thanks for post,I have found our old programming and beliefs define how we feel about an event ,I really try to get to the route of why I feel a certain way and what is within me causing the true upset
Hi Frances,
You feel a certain way because of the meaning you have given an event. That is what’s causing your upset.
Follow the four steps and the meaning will dissolve, along with the upset.
Love, Morty
thanks Morty ,infact I applied this today to an event and used the process and then had the ah!ah! moment which changed everything!
Morty,
Sounds like what you are saying is to simply re-frame a negative meaning you ascribe to an event, into a positive meaning so as to experience positive feelings.
My question then, is how do you get around your negative beliefs about a situation, which have been formed from negative experiences from your past; which are now bringing up your negative feelings within this now-occuring situation?
Hi Kevin,
Your beliefs are a major influence on the meaning you give events, but it is possible to dissolve meaning without getting rid of the beliefs that caused it.
Try the four steps and you’ll discover that they really work. I’ve heard from hundreds of people who have used this process successfully.
Love, Morty
Morty,
I’m not trying to say that your process doesn’t work. I can tell just from your very lucid explanation, that it does work. I also tried one of your free belief buster videos, and it absolutely worked. I think what these other folks and myself are trying to explain without knowing exactly what it is we are trying to say, is that this process is not meant specifically for every event in a person’s life. For the events it is meant to be applied to, it will work just fine. I noticed you asked Dragonfly for an example of an event that has inherent meaning. See if this fits the bill: A guitarist is playing on a street, when suddenly a bank robber comes flying out of the door of the bank next door, and in order not to be identified, he shoots the guitarist dead. Anyone seeing this scene is going to ascribe the exact same meaning to the state of the guitar player; he has been killed. The reason he was killed is not being debated here, just the fact that he has been shot and killed. The why of the event is not going to change the fact that he has been shot and killed. Do I win the cigar?
Kevin,
No cigar. The event is the man being killed. That is not meaning, that is a fact.
Meaning might be that it is terrible that he got killed, or that being a guitar player on the street is dangerous, or that the guitar player was unlucky. That he was killed has no inherent meaning.
Love,Morty
Now it looks like what is happening is that people not very practiced with the process, need to keep practicing ascribing meaning to the correct part of the event, until they have the idea down correctly. Thanks for your patience with a newbie.
Thank you for the post. Separating the meaning from the event is a very useful and clarifying thing to do. However, I have in my mind something for what I cannot use this method to dissolve the negative feeling. The event: a colleague, who is also a good friend, gave gave me feedback from a recent work project, he basically says that it should be redone (and his comments make sense). the meaning I associate with it: I am not able to do my job well enough. I am sad for that, and I am afraid that I will lose this job that I like very much. Would you have a comment on this? Thank you in advance.
The if-then you’ve added is that you can’t do the job which leads to that you will lose it.
Just use the steps on this.
In fact, that may be a valid meaning but it is only one meaning. Other meanings might be that you can’t do an adequate job yet on that particular aspect of the job and you need to apply your genius to moving through the learning curve quickly. This learning may need to be done carefully if colleagues tend toward ‘cutthroat’ measures. Another meaning may be that in learning you will need to gain allies and tap into personal resources like never before. It’s a growth time to enjoy. Be wary but enjoy and realize that in times of intensity were you are forced to rise to the occasion you may in fact grow the most.
Hi Marie,
Virtually all negative feelings come from meaning and ALL meaning is made up in our mind. Telling you a job should be redone has no inherent meaning.
It could mean you are not able to do your job well enough. It could mean you do your job very well and this one assignment needs improvement. This assignment could be fine and the colleague thinks it needs improvement and he is wrong. It could mean many many things.
It has no inherent meaning. When you really get that the meaning will dissolve along with the sadness.
Love,Morty
hi, sorry to bother you but you just take it from me ‘You ain’t gonna loose your job’ No way, ok because you love your job, it will reflect in whatever you do and sooner everybody around would realize that doing ‘a little less well’ in a project doesn’t mean that you are not good enough for the job, so please stop worrying, figure out the things need little improvement, keep doing your best, because ‘You Are The Best’
Thank you for the last part. It cleared up a little bit of confusion that I had before in regards to “reality”. It is more understandable for me to say “Separate the meaning from the event” than it is to say “Separate the meaning from reality” I was always like, What do you mean by reality? That’s too broad. But now it’s clear.