Have you ever found yourself scrolling through social media, feeling worse and worse with each post?

I recently came across a post in an online forum where someone described it perfectly:

“While I know that social media is very fake, it still feels so shitty to scroll and scroll and see everyone living their best life. Sometimes I feel like I should be living my life more to get all these valuable experiences.”

I felt my heart drop when I read that. Here was someone who intellectually understood what was happening, but was still getting hurt by it.

The abundance that’s hurting us

We live in an age of incredible abundance. We have access to more information, more inspiration, and more connection than any generation in history. And in many ways, that’s been amazing.

But there’s a darker side to this abundance of information.

Every day, we’re bombarded with images of people’s highlight reels—their perfect vacations, their incredible achievements, their beautiful homes. And our brains, bless them, are doing exactly what they’re supposed to do: they’re comparing.

You see, back in our ancestral environment, comparison was a survival tool. If you were learning to make pottery, you’d compare yourself to the person next to you to make sure you weren’t falling behind. If you were a child, you’d look at the adults and think, “One day I’ll be as good as them if I keep working hard.”

But here’s the thing: everyone was working with roughly the same resources, the same opportunities, the same amount of time to learn.

The comparison trap

Today? We’re ordinary people comparing ourselves to people who dedicate their entire lives to one thing. We’re comparing our real, messy, complicated lives to carefully staged moments. We’re comparing our behind-the-scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel.

And when we do that, the meaning our minds give it is: “What I have isn’t good enough. My life would be so much better if I had what they have.”

That meaning—not the actual post, not the actual image—is what creates the pain.

Two ways to deal with it

You could become a digital hermit. Shut yourself off from social media entirely. But then you’d miss out on the genuine connection, the inspiration, and the joy that can come from these platforms too.

Or you could improve that gray mass of material behind your eyes instead—yes, your brain.

You can learn to notice when you’re giving comparison meanings to what you see, and then dissolve them.

What dissolving comparisons looks like

Let’s say you’re scrolling and you see someone on an incredible vacation to a place you’ve always wanted to visit but can’t afford right now. Your mind might think, “The vacations I go on are nowhere near as good as that.”

When you dissolve that meaning, something beautiful happens. You start to appreciate what you actually have in this moment.

One client told me:

“I realized that normal, everyday things we take for granted are things people hundreds of years ago would have given anything for. An abundance of fresh fruit whenever I want it. The security of knowing my children will grow up safely. Not having to worry about bandits knocking down my door while I sleep.”

She wasn’t settling for less. She was seeing reality clearly—including the reality that she’s holding a device in her hand that’s shining light into her eyes, not actually witnessing someone else’s life.

The freedom that comes from this

When you dissolve those comparison meanings, you get to take control. That ancient comparison instinct doesn’t have to rule your life. That social media machine designed to hook you doesn’t have to rule you either.

You can enjoy the connection and inspiration, and then use any comparisons that come up as practice—practice to unhook from those meanings and not let them steal your appreciation for what you already have.

Because here’s what I’ve learned: You can have the best goal-setting routines in the world, the most motivating objectives, the most supportive environment. But your mind will always be able to make comparisons and say the grass is greener somewhere else.

Unless you learn to dissolve those meanings as they show up.

Then you’re free to love the people in your life now, appreciate where you are now, and make choices from clarity instead of from that nagging feeling that what you have isn’t enough.

P.S. In the next goodie, we’ll talk about the most common way people try to deal with their feelings and why it often makes things worse.