This post assumes you already have eliminated at least one belief using the Lefkoe Belief Process and used the “Who am I Really?” Process to experience yourself as the creator of your life.  If you haven’t please visit htp:// first so you can eliminate a belief and have that experience.

Most people think upsets and suffering are inevitable.  They aren’t.

In fact, there are two different techniques that will dissolve your upsets and suffering.  I’ll describe one of them in today’s post and tell you about the other one in my next post.

Let me start with an assertion that I will explain: All upsets result from experiencing yourself as a victim.

Do you get upset about your difficult circumstances when you know you can fix or handle them?  … Take a moment and really think about this. … No, you don’t.

You get upset or suffer when you think you can’t do anything about what is happening.  If you feel you can’t do anything about a situation, you are experiencing it as outside your control. You experience the problem as “out there.”  Someone or something is doing it to you. That’s the experience of being a victim.

What happens in the world might be outside your control, e.g., floods, the death of a loved one, and losing a job. But if you really look carefully, you will realize that events, as such, as not upsetting.  What upsets you or causes you suffering is the meaning you are giving to events that have no inherent meaning.  And in most cases one of the meanings you are giving is that you can’t deal with the events

Another interpretation is you don’t know how to deal with them right now, but you could learn how in the future.  Can you really “see” that anything is outside your control?  … What color and shape is it? …

So change the meaning you give your circumstances—from There’s nothing I can do about it, to I don’t know what to do about it now but I can figure out how to make things even better than before—and your experience of upset and victimization will disappear like ice on a hot summer day.  At that point you can start focusing on how to deal with the undesired circumstances.

For example, imagine you are fired from your job.  That is a real situation; it really does exist in the world.  You might then conclude: There’s nothing I can do about it, I’ll never get another job, I won’t have money for food and to take care of my family, etc.  These are all meanings you are giving to the event.

You can “see” that you are no longer working at the job.  You cannot “see” the meanings you are giving the event.   They exist only in your mind.

You might not be able to change the event; it actually happened.  But there might be a lot you can do to get a new job, create your own business, get money for food and to take care of your family, etc.  If you focus on finding a solution to the difficult circumstances instead of on the meanings you are giving the circumstances, you will feel empowered, not victimized.

In my life a lot of “bad” things have happened, such as two divorces, going bankrupt, and losing a job I really wanted.  But when I look back on those events today I can see how each of them ultimately made a positive contribution to the happiness and success I have today.  At the time I gave them a “negative” meaning: This is a disaster, why did this happen to me, I’ll never recover from this, etc.

There is another meaning to the same events that I didn’t see at the time and that is very clear today: This is preparing me for something even better in the future.  In every case the “disaster” led to something wonderful that would have been impossible without the “disaster.”  If I had been able to see that meaning at the time, my upset and suffering would have disappeared.  And I contend it is possible to see that meaning even before the wonderful things happen in the future.

I don’t think it is possible to permanently change specific behavior patterns and emotions without eliminating the beliefs and conditionings that cause them.  But it is possible to change your emotional state at any time regardless of the circumstances.

Circumstances can’t cause upsets and suffering; only you can. When you change the meaning you are giving your circumstances and become responsible for your experience of the circumstances, your sense of victimization will disappear and so will your upset and suffering.

Thanks for reading my blog. Comments and questions are welcomed.

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