The worldwide pandemic
A crazy US election
Nearly two million dead
These were just some of the many difficulties of 2020.
Now it’s the holidays and most of us will not see the family and friends we are used to seeing. In some cases, we may be spending the holidays alone.
One thing that has helped me so much this year is the Occurring Process. Every day when I wake up and think “It sucks that I’m alone” or “It sucks that I can’t do anything fun” I come up with a different meaning. It has helped me tremendously.
Anytime you have a negative emotion stop and ask:
What just happened? (events)
What meaning did I give what just happened?
What else could it mean?
Is that meaning inherent in the events or in the mind?
For example, due to Covid I hadn’t seen my 7-year-old grandson for 9 months as he lives in Hawaii with my daughter. I live in California and my other daughter lives in Utah. I was feeling really down about not being with family for the holidays.
I’m not seeing my family now.
What meaning did I give?
It’s terrible to be alone.
What else could it mean?
It could mean that I’m lucky to have a family that I love and miss
It could mean that I have been so blessed to have had so many trips to see my daughter and grandson in Hawaii and I will have more
It could mean that Covid will end soon and I’ll be able to see my family
It could be that I’m so blessed to have Facetime to watch him open his presents
It could be mean that I can actually just bite the bullet and go to Hawaii
It could mean that I’m so blessed to have friends that I can be with and I’m not totally alone
It could mean that I can still have fun with friends in my bubble and maybe spend the holidays with them
But the fact that I’m not going to be with my family for the holidays has no inherent meaning. The meaning was in my mind.
After this, the sadness lifted and I felt OK about being home alone. I realized that as my mother always said “This too shall pass.”
One of the worst nights of my life was two nights after Morty died I had what I call “a dark night of the soul.” I felt excruciating guilt about every moment I was not kind to Morty in our 34-year marriage. I was sobbing from the depths of my soul. My best friend Letha was with me and she is a Lefkoe Method facilitator.
Letha asked me, “What meaning are you giving this?”
I said, “That I was a bad wife and he deserved better.”
She said, “It could mean that and it could mean that you’re a normal human being and we are not perfect. Nobody is. It could mean that those moments contributed to Morty’s growth and allowed him to become the man he was. It could mean that you were a wonderful wife who got angry from time to time and it allowed you to become the person you are today who worked on herself and pretty much stopped making him wrong. But the fact that you were not always kind to him has no inherent meaning.”
The darkness lifted and I forgave myself as I know Morty would have forgiven me. It was truly miraculous. So even if what you’re experiencing is absolutely terrible, the Occurring Process can help you get through it.
As you apply the Occurring Process to your own challenges, I suggest starting small though. Begin by using it on one of your daily frustrations. Focus on something tiny, that way you’ll have success immediately in dissolving meaning. Then work your way up to the larger things. You’ll discover that your meaning-dissolving muscle gets stronger with practice and when a big wave comes your way, you can surf it, instead of getting overwhelmed.
Many of our occurrings come from limiting beliefs and the skill of eliminating them is far more challenging than dissolving meaning. That’s why we’ve created a training program that teaches people how to eliminate limiting beliefs. It’s called the Lefkoe Method Training 1. Once you complete the program, you can eliminate a belief of someone else’s (or your own) in 30 minutes even if the client has no idea what a belief is at first.
You get to that level of speed because the program involves daily practice and feedback. As a result, we only take a small number of students in any class. We will open up registration at the end of January 2021. To be considered, you must join the waiting list. Click here to join the waiting list.