Many of you have written to me saying you understand how to eliminate a belief, but you don’t know how to find the specific beliefs that cause specific problems. You’ve asked when we are going to offer a training class that will teach you how to do that.
The first training class we will offer in a couple of months will teach you how to eliminate beliefs when you already know what they are. The second course to be offered shortly thereafter will teach you how to find the relevant beliefs for different problems.
In the meantime, however, I wanted to support you as best I could by giving you a few tips to tide you over until the course is available. If you follow the instructions given below, you will be able to find at least some of the beliefs that cause specific problems.
Interestingly enough, getting rid of a limiting belief with the Lefkoe Belief Process (LBP) is a lot easier to do than finding the relevant beliefs in the first place. As you already know, we have created an on-line process and DVDs that eliminate specific beliefs. We still do not know how to automate the process of finding the relevant beliefs.
The trickiest aspect of the LBP is identifying all the relevant beliefs (and conditionings) that cause a given problem.
The number of beliefs can vary
Some patterns like phobias can be eliminated by getting rid of one belief and one conditioning. One client had a fear of small bugs, insects, or rats. It was totally caused by one conditioning: Fear associated with being touched by small insects or animals. When that was de-conditioned, the fear was gone. Another client had a fear of dogs. She had the belief: Dogs are dangerous and the conditioning: fear associated with dogs. When they were gone, the client said she felt comfortable with dogs, unless they were barking. We then discovered and eliminated the belief: barking dogs are dangerous. Then her fear of dogs was totally gone.
Other patterns like depression and eating disorders can have upwards of 30-40 beliefs (in addition to conditionings, senses, and expectations). These patterns can have as many as 15 negative self-esteem-type beliefs, along with negative beliefs about life, such as life is difficult. Emotional eating has several different causes, including both self-esteem and eating beliefs and a unique type of conditioning.
Many patterns share a lot of the same beliefs
If you eliminate all the beliefs that usually cause a lack of confidence (the 19 beliefs and 4 conditionings in our Natural Confidence program), you also will be eliminating all the beliefs that cause several other problems, such as procrastination, social anxiety, fear of rejection, seeking approval, perfectionism, high levels of stress, and the critical “little voice” in our heads. These other problems have fewer beliefs and conditionings (as few as 6 beliefs and 3 conditionings for fear of rejection) and different combinations of them.
So how can you figure out what beliefs cause different problems? The first step is just to figure out logically what beliefs could cause the problem.
For example, if you aren’t able to create a lasting, nurturing romantic relationship, you probably have beliefs about yourself, the opposite sex, and relationships. What do you think they are? … Logical possibilities include: I’m not loveable, women/men can’t be trusted, and relationships don’t work.
If you are afraid to take chances, what are some of the beliefs you might have? … Mistakes and failure are bad. I’m not good enough. Nothing I do is good enough.
And if you’re an approval junkie, what are some of the beliefs you might have? … I’m not good enough. I’m not important. What makes me good enough or important is having people think well of me.
The best technique for finding beliefs
The best single technique for finding the relevant beliefs is to notice what you are thinking and feeling as the problem occurs. They will be a clue to the underlying beliefs. For example, if the overall problem is social anxiety—not feeling comfortable with people in social situations—then when meeting someone at a party you might notice yourself thinking: I don’t feel comfortable when people are putting their attention on me. And you might be aware of an anxious feeling as if something bad is going to happen. Two beliefs that “go with” those thoughts are: Something bad will happen if people put their attention on me and I’m not good enough. A conditioning that could account for the feeling is: fear associated with people focusing on me.
Ultimately, experience is the best way to find all the beliefs and conditionings that cause any given problem. The more you do it, the easier it will become. (As I mentioned in a recent post, a negative sense of self and life, along with negative expectations, sometimes have to be eliminated before an undesirable behavior or feeling is totally gone.)
My vision is to have The Lefkoe Method so thoroughly incorporated into the culture that everyone learns the relationship between beliefs and behavior at an early age and also learns how to help others eliminate beliefs and change behavior. I also want parents to know the child-rearing techniques that minimize the number of crippling beliefs their children form.
An experience my wife Shelly had a few years ago symbolizes the way I envision how the world will utilize TLM in the future. She went to the gym and got on the Stairmaster. A couple of minutes later a friend of hers who she hadn’t seen for a few months got on the machine next to her. Shelly asked her friend how she was doing. The friend told Shelly about some relationship difficulties she was having.
What would most women do in a situation like this? … Empathize with their friend’s predicament and give some advice. Shelly empathized but didn’t give any advice. Instead she helped her friend identify three of the most relevant beliefs that were responsible for the relationship difficulty and then helped her friend eliminate them all … in 45 minutes. As a result, the friend had the possibility for a good long-term, nurturing relationship that she didn’t have before talking to Shelly.
Let’s create this world
Can you imagine a world in which it was commonplace for everyone to be able to do that for everyone else? That’s my vision and what my life is dedicated to creating.
Thanks for reading my blog. I really appreciate your comments and questions. Please feel free to share my blog posts (see the Twitter and Facebook buttons at the top of this post) with anyone you think might be interested.
If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process, go to http://www.recreateyourlife.com/free where you can eliminate one negative belief free.
For information about eliminating 23 of the most common limiting beliefs and conditionings, which cause eight of the most common problems in our lives, please check out: http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence.
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Copyright © 2011 Morty Lefkoe