For most of my life I didn’t want to be me. In fact, I was so unhappy being me that I wanted to be someone else. When I was in my twenties I wanted to be Fred Astaire, because I liked the light and joyful sense of life he projected when dancing on screen. Later in life I didn’t care who else I was as long as it wasn’t me.
During my twenties and thirties I contemplated suicide, evidence of how utterly miserable I was at that time.
Unless you have personally experienced depression it is hard to imagine how debilitating it is. It is all-encompassing and feels like being in a black hole from which there is no escape. Doing anything at all when you feel so hopeless and helpless is an effort. Sometimes washing the dishes was my major accomplishment of the day.
I was so afraid of being alone that I put pressure on my two former wives to not leave me, as a result of which I lost both of them. Like depression, being alone was more painful than I could bear.
Photo credit: worldislandinfo.com
Why am I telling you about how miserable I was for over half my life? Because so many people today feel the same way. And because none of those feelings are present in my life today.
I no longer want to be anyone else because I am thrilled with who I am and what I do. The depression and neediness disappeared many years ago and never resurfaced, even a little bit. I’ve had a blissful marriage to Shelly for almost 30 years. I live in the “creator” space most of the time, in other words, when I look inside I usually feel that there is nothing missing (although I still have goals, I am not attached to them), anything is possible, and I have no limitations. I rarely give meaning to events and when I do I am able to use the Lefkoe Occurring Process to dissolve the meaning in seconds. In other words, I am totally satisfied with my experience of life and don’t feel the need to change a thing.
Brittany was feeling hopeless
My daughter Brittany was upset the past weekend about an illness that no one has been able to diagnose—a condition that makes her tired, nauseous, and very emotional much of the time. She was starting to feel that it would never be diagnosed and cured, and that she would have to live with it forever.
So I described to her in detail how horrible my life had been for so many years and how it is today, as I’ve just told you.
I had this conversation with Brittany because I wanted her to realize that no matter how bad things might be right now, you can never make absolute predictions about the future. And I’m repeating the essence of my conversation with her to you, because no matter how difficult your life might have been so far, that doesn’t mean it can’t turn out to be exactly how you’ve hoped and dreamed it would be.
Even if no doctor has been able to diagnose Brittany so far, that doesn’t mean we won’t find one tomorrow. And even if all the personal growth courses and workshops haven’t given you the freedom and joy you’ve been seeking thus far, that doesn’t mean that there is nothing out there that ever will.
I’ve talked to a number of people recently who have given up on ever finding a way to get rid of the barriers to a happy and fulfilling life. After 20 or 30 years of sitting through one course after another, reading one book after another, and going to one therapist after another—none of which resulted in a real change—they feel as if nothing is ever going to work. And the despair that comes from concluding nothing will ever help them makes whatever problem they started with feel even worse.
My purpose for this blog post is for people whose perspective on life is: “I’d like to be truly happy but probably never will”—to shift to: “It is possible for my life to work—and if I never give up hope it will.”
Obviously I think The Lefkoe Method is one very effective solution. It worked for me and for tens of thousands of others. But regardless of what method eventually works for you, don’t ever give up hope that someday it will all turn out and you will achieve the happiness you’ve always imagined was possible. Don’t allow frustration to destroy your dreams.
I persevered, never gave up hope, and finally created the life I had hoped was possible … and you can too.
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Please share below any comments you have on having the life you’ve always dreamed of.
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copyright © 2010 Morty Lefkoe