Are you bothered by a psychological problem that you aren’t even trying to get rid of because you think it’s “human nature” and can’t be eliminated?  If so, you aren’t alone.

For example, Seth Godin recently published his 13th book, Poke the Box, that explains most people’s failure to take action by claiming that people have to overcome their natural resistance in order to take action. His Domino Project also published a book by Steve Pressfield, Do the Work, that also emphasized how resistance is the single biggest barrier to creativity and innovation, and it includes tips on how to fight this demon that lurks within each of us.

There are a number of psychological traits that are so common that most people consider them to be inherent in human beings. Don’t all people experience:

  • resistance to change?
  • fear of making a mistake or failing?
  • fear of rejection?
  • a concern with the opinion of others?
  • anger if you don’t get your way?

It is understandable that few people seek help to deal with these feelings.  So many people have them that they are considered to be part of being human.  In fact, however, they are not inherent in human nature at all.  All these psychological responses are the result of beliefs and conditioning formed early in our lives.  Thus, all can be totally eliminated when the relevant beliefs and conditionings are eliminated.

The beliefs and conditionings that cause these psychological responses

First let me list some of the beliefs and conditionings that cause the psychological responses listed above; then I’ll explain why they are so common as to be considered “human nature.”

  • I’m not good enough.
  • I’m inadequate.
  • I’m not capable.
  • I’m not competent.
  • Nothing I do is good enough.
  • Mistakes and failure are bad.
  • If I make a mistake I’ll be rejected.
  • What makes me good enough and important is having others think well of me.
  • What makes me good enough and important is doing things perfectly.
  • I’m powerless.
  • I can’t make it on my own.
  • The way to be in control is to have things be exactly the way I want them to be.

In addition to these beliefs, many people have been conditioned to feel some level of fear

  • whenever they are rejected,
  • when they don’t live up to the expectations of others, or
  • when they are criticized or judged.

These conditionings also contribute to the common psychological responses listed above.

Imagine someone to have these beliefs and to experience fear whenever these three situations occur.  Doesn’t it seem obvious that they probably would have some if not all of the psychological traits listed above?  Now imagine that tens of millions of people had these beliefs and conditionings.  Wouldn’t it seem reasonable to assume that everyone was just born with them?

The source of these beliefs and conditionings

Now let’s take a look at why these psychological responses (and the beliefs and conditionings that cause them) are so common.

The basic beliefs that underlie these common psychological traits were almost always formed in childhood, in our interactions with our parents.  Here’s how it happens.

As little kids we are always asking “why?”.  Sometimes we ask our parents to explain things to us, and sometimes we ask ourselves, “Why am I being treated like this?  Why is my life like this?”  We answer these questions for ourselves (unconsciously) during the first few years of life.  Because our parents are the people who we spend most of our waking hours with, they are involved in most of the experiences that lead to our fundamental beliefs.

And what are those experiences in most households? Parents, being adults, generally like quiet; children are not quiet and cannot even understand why anyone would value quiet.  Parents for the most part want their house to be neat; young children don’t even understand the concept of “neat.” Parents want to sit down for dinner when it is ready and before it gets cold; children are almost always doing something that is far more important to them and don’t want to stop doing it when their parents call them.  Etc.

In other words, most parents usually want their children to do things that they are developmentally incapable of doingThey want their young children to act like little adults, which they cannot possibly do.

The question is not, do children frequently “disobey” their parents?  Children are developmentally incapable to living up to most parents’ expectations. The only question is how parents react when their children are not doing what the parents want them to do.

And because few parents go to parenting school and most bring their own beliefs from their childhoods with them, their reactions range from annoyance and frustration to anger and physical abuse, with every possibility in between.

Virtually all of us have lots of negative self beliefs

Parenthetically, it is important to recognize that our behavioral and emotional problems later in life are not our parents’ fault. By that I mean we are not affected by our parents’ behavior after we grow up and leave the house.  They are no longer in our lives in the same way.  What does cause resistance to taking action, fear of rejection, etc.?  The meaning we gave our parents’ behavior, which became our beliefs.

I think there are two primary reasons why the source of self beliefs is always interactions with parents as a young child and not people or events later in life.  First, as children we depend on them for our very survival; on some level we feel that we have to be able to trust them to survive.  Second, as adults, they seem to know how to navigate reality and we know we can’t.  (What do all kids say?  “When I grow up, then I’ll be able to ….”) So they must know what they are doing and their behavior must be “correct.”  If I don’t like how I’m treated, it must be my fault.

The source of specific self beliefs

Here is the common source of a few negative self-esteem beliefs.

  • If I trust my parents and they must know what they are doing, and if they are angry with me, it must be my fault.  I’m not good enough.
  • If I can’t get them to spend the time with me that I want or if they are physically around but not paying attention to me, it must be my fault.  I’m not important.
  • If I can’t get them to give me what I want most of the time, it must be my fault.  I’m not worthy or deserving.
  • If my parents make all the decisions that affect my life and I have little say, I feel powerless.  I’m powerless.

Is it clear now that the devastating psychological traits that are considered to be human nature are, in fact, the result of beliefs and conditionings caused by a typical childhood?

I’d love to hear from you with your thoughts about what is human nature and what can be changed. Please write your comments below.

If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process, go to htp:// where you can eliminate one negative belief free.

For information about eliminating 23 of the most common limiting beliefs and conditionings, which cause eight of the most common problems in our lives, please check out:

These weekly blog posts also exist as podcasts.  Sign up for the RSS feed or at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly.


Copyright © 2011 Morty Lefkoe


  1. Pieter Verasdonck November 5, 2022 at 5:04 pm - Reply

    Good article, but ‘you are what you eat’: people can change from sly predators to meritocratic herbivores by not exposing themselves to the substances hidden in animals, like fear in cow adrenaline, pecking order in fowl. Predators live in small clans. Charge consumers for their FOOTPRINT: their beliefs are a right, but costs should reflect biosphere destruction.
    Population growth has passed nature’s capacity to regenerate. Humans are not predators by nature, but nurture. Several human herbivore cultures, groups prove this. It is time to outlaw environmental destruction, like humans banned duels, marrying relatives, theft, drunk driving, etc.

  2. vpn reseller August 19, 2013 at 10:38 pm - Reply

    Hello There. I found your blog using msn. This is an extremely well
    written article. I will be sure to bookmark it and come back to read more of your useful information.
    Thanks for the post. I’ll certainly return.

  3. Ali Al-Shishani November 18, 2012 at 1:23 am - Reply

    Great post, analyzing the sources of most peoples problems. You have mentioned the root behavior of parents and children that cause these problems. My question is what is the suggested behavior for parents to prevent these problems. I mean instead of waiting for the children to grow up and then disable these formed beliefs, why not teach parents to never cause these beliefs in the first place.


    • Morty Lefkoe November 18, 2012 at 11:18 am - Reply

      Hi Ali,

      You are right on. If parents realized the importance of helping their children form positive beliefs, adults wouldn’t have to get rid of their negative beliefs.

      My wife Shelly, who is a certified Lefkoe Method facilitator, has put together an incredible CD series on parenting. You can take a look at


  4. Michael B. October 24, 2012 at 8:07 pm - Reply

    I am a graduate student. Having read your piece i found out that, It is useful and above all your insight in human nature and change is just a confirmation of what i recently studied.
    I saw aubscridtion thing at the top of your window, May I please know more about you?

  5. aj October 13, 2012 at 11:57 pm - Reply

    Dear Morty,
    I am also having the same problem, especially the one that i am good for nothing and fear of failure is always with me. Can you please guide me how can i get rid of this. I will be waiting for your reply.


    • Morty Lefkoe October 15, 2012 at 10:12 am - Reply

      Hi AJ,

      You fear is the result of beliefs, most of which you can eliminate in our Natural Confidence program. You can get more information about it at

      Love, Morty

  6. Mutua August 10, 2012 at 12:13 am - Reply

    Thanks Morty for the great work you are doing. Am from a Christian background. Just been wondering if there is a corelation between what you teach and what Christianity teaches about human nature. For instance, when the Bible ( or was it my pastor) tells me that I was “conceived in sin”, “born a sinner” etc, so I need to be “saved”, what does this really mean? I think its these kind of religious teachings that cast a person first in bad light that eventually lead to many emotional and behavioural problems when “we” Christians realise we can’t live upto the expectations of our religion and religious leaders.

    God help us!

    Love and greetings from Kenya.


  7. priyanka sharma October 17, 2011 at 2:47 am - Reply

    i am very soft by nature and everybody wants to take a benifits because of my nature so tell me what to do and my own confidence level is so low pls tell me the right way…………

    • Morty Lefkoe October 26, 2011 at 5:33 pm - Reply

      Hi Priyanka,

      We have a program that we guarantee to significantly improve self-confidence by eliminating the beleifs that undercut self-confidence.

      Check it out, it will make a significant difference in your life.

      Love, Morty

  8. SB September 12, 2011 at 8:17 am - Reply

    Hi Morty and Thank you for your work. I have spent the last 21 years in a “start, spurts and stop” mode of living (self help tapes books and seminars) with great success and great failure and no consistency and the first 34 years in a fog. Its as if , when walking back in time my core beliefs have been, I have to fight to survive, I have to fight to be heard, i have to fight to be seen Now I did grow up in a housing project ( that confirmed my beliefs,I’m not good enough, I’m not worthy, I’m not important)but prior to that I was always fighting from my earliest memory. I fought at school, i fought at work , I fought in my family with those i was closes to. So fighting made me somebody yet I never really got what I wanted. Along with these beliefs, dishonesty becomes a core character trait to cover up all the feeling of inadequacy and inferiority so when found out the fighting kicks in. So, I suppose I learned very early in life that the way to get attention, to be as the say (needed wanted and loved) was to fight, yell and scream. Lack of nurturing at a very early age would have given me an interpretation of how to survive without even having the words to describe it. My belief ” Im not good enough was confirmed the minute my mother brought my younger brother into the house which of course lead me to act out believing that’s how to get the attention i need and with older siblings I learned how to fight to survive. Always fighting, always finding fault and nothing was ever good enough, no goals but to get through the day, no desire to do anything . Looks good on the outside,dying on the inside and I’m thought of as quite a success by those around me (ha, fooled them and fooled me) So here I am discovering your work completely blown away. I knew it, I knew it all along that the answers were in here but never could get the language to say YES thats it. I got bits and pieces from here and there ,this program ,this book,this or that tape but nothing quite like your stuff. I finally have the (epiphany) the answer to WAIR. Thank you. The AA program says ” Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely” And as you have said, to eliminate a problem we must eliminate all the beliefs that caused the problem or (eliminate all our old ideas or the result will be nil). I understand your language and for that I am grateful, once again Thank you. Please comment on the beliefs associated to violence .Thank you once again.

  9. mayuk July 26, 2011 at 8:19 am - Reply

    do all self esteem beliefs have a strategy belief .


    • Morty Lefkoe July 26, 2011 at 8:40 am - Reply

      Hi Mayuk,

      Not every self-esteem belief has a survival strategy belief, but I think most people do have at least one survival strategy belief. The most common is What makes me good enough and important is having people think well of me.

      Love, Morty

  10. Noni May 15, 2011 at 10:27 pm - Reply

    Hi Morty. I agree with you that our beliefs were mostly formed in childhood and the reason that is so is because as a child, we were very dependent on other people, most especially our parents for how we view ourselves/our world. At a very young age, we were highly programmable. And it is only when we have grown up that we realize that we are the creators of our life and that we can deprogram ourselves from those beliefs that were drummed into us by our parents, teachers, religious elders and other influencial figures while we were at a young age.

  11. Owen May 14, 2011 at 10:30 pm - Reply

    Thanks for another insightful and clearly written post!


  12. Leila May 14, 2011 at 6:31 am - Reply

    Hi Morty, this post reminds me of another post I’ve just read about Alexander technique. It said that most people have a faulty kinaesthetic sense which makes them feel that their bad posture is in fact correct. When they are shown how to correct the posture – it feels wrong to them. Can you relate this ‘right feeling wrong’ aspect to how it might feel to get rid of old beliefs formed in childhood.

    • Lauren May 14, 2011 at 8:57 am - Reply

      I think the word “shown” says a lot. I had bad posture for years and I found it nearly impossible to “sit up straight”. I even tried the suggestion of an aunt’s friend to “imagine I am a marionette on a string”. This is supposed to align one’s spine naturally. Anyway, it didn’t work for me and neither did the exhortations to just “sit up straight.” It hurt my back. Then, a chiropractor discovered I had mild scoliosis making it impossible to just sit up straight like my aunt wanted. Then, I discovered Tai-Chi and doing the postures, paying attention to stance as I performed the routine, I gained that natural sitting up and standing up straight posture. With my brother, he walked so that he pushed himself up high-turned out he was compensating for one leg being shorter than the other. There are ways to discover kinasthetic “rightness” that are natural rather than forced.
      Love and Light,

  13. John Groberg May 12, 2011 at 3:28 pm - Reply

    Thanks for this article. Very well written. So clear. When it comes to understanding “Human Nature” it’s helpful to be clear on the distinction between what is innate and what is learned. I believe there are certain qualities that we all innately come with that are not learned- they just exist. For example- we are natural born explorers, we’re curious, we’re playful, we’re trusting, we’re loving, we want to connect to others, etc. I call this the “factory installed” operating system. None of these are “beliefs” they are just innate qualities. Then on top of the factory installed operating system we add all sorts of beliefs that we “learn” like the one’s you’ve discussed in this post. Many of the beliefs we add are in direct opposition to our innate nature. Over time, what is natural about our human nature gets smothered by all our beliefs- and those beliefs seem “normal” because nearly everyone has them and we call them human-nature. But really they are human-normal, not human-nature. So the other distinction I like to make around this is between what’s natural and what has become normal. What’s natural is what is innate. What’ become normal is what we’ve learned and added on top of what’s innate. The end result is there is tension between the innate quality and the learned belief. That tension ultimately manifests in our minds as stress and in our bodies as symptoms of dis-ease. Many things are attempted to release the tension, and they work for a while, but until the underlying source of the tension is un-done (the conflict between innate qualities and learned beliefs) the tension just returns eventually.

    • Owen May 14, 2011 at 10:18 pm - Reply

      Very well put, John. Parents, schools and society do their best to smother our true human nature. And teach us we’re not good enough (see: school grading systems).


  14. Melody | DeliberateReceiving May 12, 2011 at 9:51 am - Reply

    Morty, I couldn’t agree more. I love how you point out that just because we pick a lot of our beliefs up from our parents, doesn’t mean we should go around blaming them. It’s so easy to get stuck in that. I also think that we pick a lot of our beliefs us vibrationally – the beliefs of our parents, grandparents and community, so even if we never made a decision about something specifically, we can still be carrying it around. And once that belief is formed, of course, we use it to create more and more proof that it’s “true”.
    Love your work!


  15. Lauren May 12, 2011 at 9:15 am - Reply

    The discussion on self-esteem is interesting; I think having very little esteem for one’s self is as limiting as having an exaggerated amount of self-esteem. What is the the definition of esteem: having a balanced sense of self. The LBP effectively helped me raise my self-esteem and in the schools where it was “raised” without considering what beliefs sustained the low-self esteem just gives us people with “high self-esteem” still affected with their unconscious beliefs. I can see how this could possibly influence kids to turn into bullies also. The LBP and LOP are both great tools for bringing our self into balance and alignment.
    Love and Light,

  16. Claudia May 12, 2011 at 1:41 am - Reply

    I have done your natural confidence program and it has helped me tremendously. It has brought me to a calm and relaxed space where all these questions, whether I am worthy or important or deserving, are not an issue any more. What concerns me about this article is that “limiting belief” is basically only related to a set of beliefs that are causing people to make themselves “smaller” then they are. But what about beliefs that actually cause people to make themselves bigger than they are? Aren’t they also limiting and don’t we have to deal with these as well? Especially the belief that ” I am deserving (of pretty much anything)” is I feel at the root of destruction of nature, or “I am capable of pretty much any thing (like managing the risk of nuclear power or deep sea drilling)” is having severe consequences to the world. How do we deal with this stuff? Aren’t they also limiting beliefs that make us perpetuate practices and systems that are destructive? Because we believe ourselves to be more powerful, entitled or “successful” or “exceptional” than we actually are? It has been a relief that I am not so much concerned with other people’s opinion about me, but I can also see that this can go into a wrong direction, when we basically don’t care any more what other people feel or think about our actions. That’s how the States often act out in the world and I find this also somehow “limiting” to humanity. Just curious…

    • Manny May 12, 2011 at 2:22 am - Reply

      I really liked this comment. I was also thinking of this in a different sense. Say a person has a belief that “i’m not important” and they act out by engaging in negative behavior in order to feel that they are important such as, become a bully at school, or an abusive husband, or even a corporate criminal. Can we condition ourselves as well as be conditioned by others to feel a certain way like “i’m important” when we engage in a negative behavior? is there such a thing as negative or positive behavior? any comments?

      • Claudia May 12, 2011 at 3:05 am - Reply

        Hello, thank you for your comment on my comment :-). I think it is commonly accepted that people act up in order to compensate for low self esteem which again, is often caused by “limiting beliefs” in the sense of the above article. That they kind of learn that they become important in the eyes of others when doing something “extraordinary”, be it negative or not. What I was addressing was, however, that I perceive that people are also conditioned, directly, without detour through “diminuishing beliefs” into “limiting beliefs” in a sense that makes them feel to be superior to others. History gives manifolded proof of this, be it slavery, class system in India, “Nobility” as a social class. I think what I am concerned with is that the blogpost gave the impression that beliefs are only limiting when they are putting people down. But I feel that also” positive” beliefs are limiting. They might be more pleasant, but they are statements about reality and thus not reality. And they seem to bear as much the danger of being wrong than those beliefs that put us down, at least in my perception. I have just read an article that many young people in the States feel “deserving to have or worthy of having” pretty much anything without having to do something for it. That’s what I mean. They don’t have a problem with “feeling unworthy”, but society and economy has a problem, as there are no “doers” anymore, only “deserving getters” who actually start to get angry when they are not treated according to their “limiting beliefs” that they deserve everything. At least I start to feel that any belief is ultimately “limiting” when it distorts our perception of reality, one way or the other. It is actually much easier to get rid of “limiting beliefs” that put us down, as things can only get better. But releasing beliefs that have allowed people to live in a state of “superiority” is probably much harder as it might feel like a loss, at least the willingness to do something about it is probably much lower, as it seems that society rewards people with exaggerated beliefs about themselves to some extent, even at the expense of others having to suffer.
        About negative and positive behaviour: I think that these terms don’t really say anything. What we need in order to judge a behaviour is a referencepoint. If we want to live in a certain way or accomplish something, then we can say, this behaviour is productive or detrimental. It’s a classic that in certain cultures, killing somebody to protect the clan’s honor is considered to be “productive”, in other cultures it is called murder, during war it is called “service for your country”. It is definitely stupid to keep up practices that drive people to behave contradictory to what we want, like believing bullshit about themselves, so in any case I think the work Morty does is very valuable. I just wanted it to be extended to the whole range of “limiting beliefs”.

        • Claudia May 12, 2011 at 8:11 am - Reply

          Hello again, I just found the following paragraph from the website, by Roger Elliott:
          “Firstly people with genuinely low self-esteem, a poor self image and low confidence, have been insensitively lumped together with bullies, narcissists, criminals and child abusers. No, really!
          Popular assumption was that people did bad things to other people because they, themselves have low self esteem. But if you have ever asked yourself: “Do I have low self esteem” fear not. All the evidence points to the conclusion that low self esteem is a distinct condition, so if you do have self esteem you don’t have to feel that you are in the same group as bullies or abusers.
          Research has found that people with genuine low self esteem tend to treat themselves badly not other people. Stopping people being bullies by trying to lift their self esteem may be like trying to get an obese person to lose weight by feeding them lots more cake.
          In the 1980’s there was a movement to raise self esteem in schools in the belief that this would stop bullies bullying and prevent future crime in society. But peer reviewed research has shown schools trying to raise self esteem don’t prevent bullies bullying (2) (because low self esteem wasn’t causing them to bully).
          Artificially and ineffectively focusing on lifting self esteem doesn’t raise academic performance either (3) As you’ll see in fact 4 the methods schools attempted to raise self esteem may have even damaged the sense of self worth in those suffering genuine low self esteem.
          Low self esteem is not to blame for nearly as many problems as has traditionally been thought. It was also assumed that self esteem could never be too high.”
          I thought this was very interesting…

          • Claudia May 12, 2011 at 8:15 am

            And it continues like this (same source like above):
            “Too high Self Esteem Linked to Criminality
            It is now clear that too high self esteem or ‘High Self Esteem Disorder’ is often more of a problem. (This is NOT merely a ‘disguised’ form of low self-esteem, as commonly thought). So, if you are the victim of a bully then you can rest assured you don’t have to feel sorry for them.
            Hundreds of pieces of reliable research now show that bullies and many criminals are much more likely to suffer from unrealistically high self esteem and impulse control problems than low self esteem. An exaggerated sense of entitlement – expecting much from many situations – is more likely to lead to frustration and aggressive, antisocial, or even criminal behaviour. If self esteem can be too low it can also be too high. It was a crazy and unwarranted assumption that all human behaviour could be explained a way by low self esteem. ”

            Shutting up now. But I find this interesting with respect to beliefs and how they limit our perception.

  17. Nicholas Godwin May 12, 2011 at 12:53 am - Reply

    Great work and immensely insightful too.
    Got to know your work via Steve Pavlina’s site and it’s been pretty amazing how helpful you’ve proved. Thanks for the information

  18. benjamin May 12, 2011 at 12:50 am - Reply

    I completely agree with you. It totally makes sense to me that we would form these beliefs and conditionings from the reactions of our care takers as you described above. So I can understand this intellectually but I cant seem to get it to transfer over to my subconscious and body to the point that I really feel like I KNOW this to be true. For example, I still get that fight or flight response just asking a question in class! Im at a point where i just feel really annoyed that my body still reacts that way even though i know the beliefs behind the reaction are not truee! I purchased your Natural Confidence program about a year ago and have gone through it a couple times and I will say that it did help. But for me it seemed to fade and i never could get rid of that dang fight or flight response. Do you have any suggestions? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP because i deep down feel like i am capable of making a large positive contribution to society but I dont think I’ll ever become a potent enough individual to do so if I cant get over these debilitating beliefs. Thank you

    • Lauren May 12, 2011 at 9:20 am - Reply

      You could have other beliefs not covered by the Natural Confidence program as well as conditionings. It could also have to do with your thinking that, “I am capable of making a large positive contribution to society” that is fueling your flight or fight reaction.
      Love and Light,

  19. mike t May 11, 2011 at 9:35 pm - Reply

    Justin. Your comment is right on. Could it be that 10% of a given sales force producing 80% of the total production a statistically accurate representation of the percentage of people without limiting beliefs? If so, then there are a lot of people who need the Lefkoe method!

  20. Lauren May 11, 2011 at 9:29 pm - Reply

    The “human nature” label reminds me of a couple of memories both recently and my father’s experience growing up. When my father was a little boy-around four or five-his older brother pinned him to the ground and wouldn’t let him up. Dad, in his frustration, said, “You hooman being you!” It was the worst thing he could think of. Dad grew up in a household that thought human beings were somehow flawed and he was always looking for “redemption” through religion, then finally just his own reading of the Bible. I was just so open I wanted to study anything that offered “freedom” and that I was okay. Another incident was right around MLK Day and I posted a link of one of his speeches to my FB page. I received a comment from a guy that said “Human beings are basically flawed.” to which I said, “Why would a perfect being create a flawed being?” With my dad I think that he busted through a limiting belief that “Human beings are basically flawed” like the post I received and that he finally accepted himself. Here’s another curious post: I commented to an article one of my FB friends posted that I had eliminated a bunch of limiting beliefs and she responded, “I don’t think I’ve ever eliminated a limiting belief.” She is an EFT practitioner and uses tapping. Sometimes I think the best they think they can do is rid themselves of the bad feeling coming from the belief rather than the belief itself.
    An underrated movie about human nature and change I would recommend is “Pleasantville”. It shows how the people in a community go from being unconscious(unaware) to conscious and what happens in the aftermath.
    I’d like to see you blog about hoarders and why they hoard.
    Love and Light,

  21. Justin| Mazzastick May 11, 2011 at 4:26 pm - Reply

    If you write enough posts about limiting beliefs than people will finally get the message that limiting beliefs serve no one.

    I often wondered what made people successful in business as an example. What I discovered is that they are not any smarter, better educated, or even lucky. What they have is a free vision to carry-out their desires without limiting beliefs getting in their way.

  22. Esperanza May 11, 2011 at 3:53 pm - Reply

    I was just coaching one of my clients regarding her “desire to please others”. In otherwords, her need to get Love from others, perhaps not knowing that Infinite Love exists when we connect to the Universal Love. There is a belief that comes from our parents: “I love you when….” — this type of ‘conditional love’ is inherent (generally speaking) in our society (human nature) and has damaged the self esteem of many, including mine (in the past). Morty, your work with conditioning and beliefs is very powerful.

    Many blessings to you and your work,

  23. Dale Harvey May 11, 2011 at 3:43 pm - Reply

    Well Done , Morty!
    I am so proud of you.
    You have learned to creatively use the wisdom that God gave you to really make a difference in people’s lives.
    Once everyone learns that they never were at fault,
    they will begin to understand the concept of what it means to truly be ‘forgiven of sin’.
    This is essential information for any individual to know if they are ever going to be able to open themselves up to the wonderful world of discovery and joys that a truly fulfilling life has to offer.
    Once enough individuals embrace what you are trying to show them, our communities and nations will truly enter an age of ‘enlightenment’. And we will discover that the ‘Kingdom of Heaven’ that so many pray for is actually a supportive earthly paradise that has always surrounded us.
    Morty, may you be richly blessed with Enlightened Authority and Heavenly Power.

  24. Manny May 11, 2011 at 2:02 pm - Reply

    Dear Morty,
    Thank you for your insight it in mind blowing! I am very interested in your views on substance addiction and how it relates to beliefs if at all? I have an inclination that there has to be some deep belief that leads one to continually to engage in this action. Your insight would be very appreciated.

    • Owen May 14, 2011 at 10:29 pm - Reply

      I’ll give you an answer to your question about substance addiction. People do tend to get that from their parents but it usually has little to do with beliefs, they inherit the tendency to become addicted. It’s usually genetic.

      There is often a belief acquired by children of alcoholics in particular, however. That is that it’s normal behavior. Their parents do it and their parents’ friends do it.

      (I work in the drug and alcohol treatment business)

      • Manny May 14, 2011 at 10:55 pm - Reply

        Thank you Owen for your insight, but I have to respectfully disagree with the belief “addiction is genetic”. The reason I was drawn to Morty’s views were mainly because I do not believe addiction is genetic and I do believe our beliefs lead us into the path of addiction. I’m sure since you are in the “treatment business” you probably have been involved in AA programs. My view is that they are geared to instilling the belief “addiction is genetic” and “change is difficult and takes a long time” i.e. the further use of alcohol is a day to day process that we have no control over unless we follow the principles of AA for the rest of our lives. I am a proponent of eliminating the belief “change is difficult and takes a long time” it is also discussed in a method called Rational Recovery, a school of thought started by Jack Trimpey that says each of us can end the further use of alcohol by making a decision and commitment to never drink again. The process is similar to the belief elimination system in that we have to understand and separate “I” from the belief “I am powerless over alcohol” this is the view of AA and I believe is very dangerous and creates additional negative beliefs . I recommend you take a look at although Jack Trimpey the author of this program has his own method I think it is very similar to Morty’s, and I would like to hear Morty’s viewpoint on this if possible because if he feels his program works in truly eliminating beliefs, then in my opinion Morty should take a deep look and show how it applies to beliefs about addiction. Please Morty respond to this inquiry.

        • Owen May 15, 2011 at 9:37 am - Reply

          You obviously don’t have a very good understanding of 12 Step programs. First of all, the First Step doesn’t say “we are powerless over alcohol” it says “we WERE powerless over alcohol”.

          Second, the AA belief is not that” “addiction is genetic” and “change is difficult and takes a long time” i.e. the further use of alcohol is a day to day process that we have no control over unless we follow the principles of AA for the rest of our lives ” as you claim. When AA was formed, they didn’t have any idea that alcoholism was genetic, that was discovered much later, by science. Nor does anyone in AA, NA, CA, MA, etc. say that change is difficult or that it takes a lot of time.

          The fact is, the AA program and those modeled after it work to change our beliefs about ourselves and our perceptions of others and of life – that’s a big part of the ongoing work of the steps.

          I’m not going to try to get you to change your beliefs, even if I disagree with them. You believe what you want. But please don’t go around trying to get others to adopt your flawed beliefs about something you know little about.


          • Manny May 15, 2011 at 10:48 am

            Owen, first of all you have no idea what I know or don’t know just like I don’t anything about you. I have the right to say what I feel like and you have no right to tell me what I can or can’t say or that I don’t know what i’m talking about. Just like you decided to throw in your two cents about my question to Morty, I didn’t ask you for it but I thanked you and then added my own observations. I’m not trying to get anyone to adopt my beliefs because just as Morty’s program says there is no ONE truth! Just like there are many ways to stop the use of Alcohol. So don’t go around trying to silence me or others who don’t share your views. Morty is the only person who can delete comments since he runs this site. That’s all I have to say to you.

  25. Karina May 11, 2011 at 12:58 pm - Reply

    So insightful!! I had a very violent father and depressed, emotionally absent and, at times, abusive mother so I can definitely relate to taking on these negative beliefs! Especially the “powerless” one! You’re blog is an immense help to seeing life more clearly!! :)
    Thanks, Morty!

    • Rachel May 12, 2011 at 1:44 am - Reply

      Hi Karina (and Morty)

      Me too. My dad (though loving when sober) had regular violent outbursts after drink. This started before I was born. Our house was often smashed up and he hit my mum a lot. I grew up very hurt, confused and I felt totally worthless for so many years on the inside. (although no-one would EVER have known it). After quite a few years of slowly working on this, I am so much better.

      Still learning and growing of course, but so so much better and Morty, your posts are a great addition to my journey.

      I thank you for taking the time to post. It is possible to heal.
      It really is.

      Love Rachelx

  26. Kate Garrity May 11, 2011 at 12:03 pm - Reply

    Saludos from Puerto Rico, Morty. My work as a Rebirther BreathWorker has involved healing the very same perceptions
    you so eloquently write about. I’ve had the enormous good fortune to have been witnessing real transformational change for over 20 years now with each and every one of my students (and myself!) once these belief systems are brought to light of intelligent examination. The breath allows for further release by clearing the concommitant emotional charge associated with the thoughts. The relief is spectacular. I thank you so much for putting this down so succinctly. This one in particular I would like to translate with your permission. I will continue recommending the recreate-your -life site to all my students for further enlightenment.

    Many, many thanks. ¡Gracias mil!

    • Morty Lefkoe May 11, 2011 at 12:13 pm - Reply

      Hi Kate,

      Feel free to translate this post with a link back to the actual post. Thanks for recommending our work.

      Love, Morty

  27. Dima May 11, 2011 at 11:59 am - Reply

    I agree 100%. Some people dismiss your recreate/eliminate beliefs as another spin of NLP. I disagree. I think Morty’s approach has a lot more in common with Victor Frankl’s Logotherapy (book: Man’s search for meaning). The meta belief, if you will, is that we are creators of our own life, and we do it through our beliefs that are most often formed subconsciously in our early years and then re-lived over and over again like a broken record in our later years.

    Would you agree that your approach has a lot in common with Victor’s thesis that we shape our experience through the meanings we attribute to that experience?

    Thank you for your amazing work!

  28. Mara May 11, 2011 at 11:59 am - Reply

    I like the direction Horacio was going in. Every person needs some sense of power in order to survive and thrive after they leave the nest. And each person’s position of power is determined by their interpretation of what the world is and who they are in relation to that world. So, if I change my interpretation of the world, or change the perspective from which I view the world, I can spontaneously affect change in my behavior. And yet, also consider the reverse: if the world or society in which I exist actually changes at an intrinsic level, may it spontaneously trigger a change in my perception or interpretation of who I am in relation to this new world? Each person is moving toward their place of power within the system they are in. What if there is a fundamental intrinsic change in the world system itself? More food for thought.

  29. kurt May 11, 2011 at 11:37 am - Reply

    Down thru the ages man’s problems have been written of. Wisdom and truth never change, yet parenting and culture do change.

    Would you say it’s always been about acquiring wrong beliefs from the former generation?

  30. Horacio May 11, 2011 at 10:47 am - Reply

    Morty, I believe that this is related to “life is meaningless” and even when someone is born with some kind of limitation we have to find an interpretation from which we
    get power but never forget that is our interpretation. Thank you Morty you really went deep this time.

    • Morty Lefkoe May 11, 2011 at 10:48 am - Reply

      Hi Horacio,

      Thanks for taking the time to post. Glad you found my post useful.

      Love, Morty

  31. Brandon Jones May 10, 2011 at 7:26 pm - Reply

    Morty, you’re a genius and spot-on with this post. If people think something is “normal” they’re not likely to change it. Unfortunately, so many people have self-esteem issues it’s easy to see why people would start to think it’s normal. It’s not. The problems are simply the symptoms of an unhealthy belief system. If it were normal to have psychological problems we would be born with them.

Leave A Comment