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Does “reality” really exist?

Morty Lefkoe — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 17:33:52 +0000

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If you asked someone, “Do things exist?” the response would probably be, “Of course things exist! The world is full of things. Everyone knows that there is physical stuff out there—that reality is tangible and real!”

But what allows any thing—a hand, a chair, or any other object—to exist? One way to discover the answer is to imagine a specific thing—say, your hand—expanding and expanding until there is nothing in the universe except the hand. What would happen to it? … Really, just take a moment and try this. You’ll be amazed at your experience … You wouldn’t see the hand anymore, would you? Why? … It would disappear because there would be nothing in the universe that was not the hand. This is a very basic concept about reality: In order for any thing to exist, there must also be not that thing.

Consider this for a moment. Can you see that any physical object is bounded by “not that object”? If an object did not have any borders—that is, if it wasn’t surrounded by “not that object”—it couldn’t be distinguished from everything else. In other words, it wouldn’t exist.

The same principle applies to nonmaterial concepts. Love and hate, peace and war, strong and weak, beautiful and ugly—these only exist and have unique attributes because they have been distinguished from each other. For example, the state of war is distinguished from peace by the presence of armed conflict. When there is no armed conflict there is peace. But if peace existed throughout the world all the time, and if the alternative (war) was unimaginable, you wouldn’t be able to distinguish peace. Peace, as a condition distinct from war, couldn’t exist.

A Universe Without Distinctions

Now imagine everything in the universe without any distinctions. It’s all just an undifferentiated whole. Can you see that there is nothing? That’s because in order for anything to exist, it must be distinguished from everything else. If no distinction is made between a specific thing and everything else, there is only an undifferentiated everything—which is another way of saying nothing.

Everything, without any distinctions, is the same as nothing. Take a moment and think about that. Until consciousness has made a distinction, nothing can possibly exist.

Therefore, the world really isn’t the way you perceive it. In fact, it isn’t any way until you perceive it that way—that is, until you distinguish it that way. You don’t even sense what’s “out there” because there’s nothing out there to be sensed. (Nothing, as we’ve seen, however, is the potential for everything before anyTHING is distinguished.) In making distinctions, we use our sensory apparatus (the five senses) as well as our perceptual framework (language, culture, and individual beliefs).

An excellent example of this point comes from a Time magazine cover story on human consciousness.

“A baby born with cataracts—an unusual but not unheard-of condition—and left untreated for as little as six months becomes permanently and irrevocably blind. If a sixty-year-old develops cataracts, an operation can restore full sight. The distinctions most of us make unconsciously and at a glance—foreground vs. background, moving vs. stationary, vertical vs. horizontal, and dozens more—are concepts that the brain has learned. It literally has to wire itself, with neurons growing out to touch and communicate with one another in an ever more sophisticated network of connections. And if those connections are not repeatedly stimulated in the first few months of life, when the brain is still in its formative period, they atrophy and die.” (Emphasis added.)

In other words, moving and stationary or vertical and horizontal are not things “out there.” Rather they are “concepts that the brain has learned” (or distinguished) as a result of having a specific sensory apparatus (and brain), without which they couldn’t be distinguished. That means they literally wouldn’t exist.

In other words, if everyone was born with cataracts (which would be normal if everyone had that condition), our reality would not possess moving and stationary, vertical and horizontal, etc.—despite the fact that we are convinced that these are inherent attributes of reality.

Is There AnyTHING Out There?

Here’s another thought exercise that will help make it clear that what we think is “out there” is largely a function of our perceptual apparatus. Imagine that beings from another galaxy arrived on earth. Imagine further that instead of human eyes they had a different “viewing sense, namely, the equivalent of an electron microscope.” When they viewed our world they might not see the solid objects we see; instead they might see atoms: electrons spinning around protons and neutrons. They might notice that almost all of what they were viewing (the atom) was empty space. So if these creatures were the inhabitants of earth, they might not even have a concept of solid matter.

Imagine further that instead of human ears, these visitors from space had a sense that picked up radio waves but did not hear “sounds” made in their presence.

And finally imagine that they had a sensory mechanism like dolphins, who “see” the echo of sound vibrations they send out.

These aliens would experience and describe a totally different universe than the physical universe we would swear exists all around us.

Our role in creating our reality can be seen in another area. Apart from our perceptual apparatus, our most important tool in making distinctions and creating our reality is language.
As Edward Sapir, a noted anthropologist, has said: “We see and hear and otherwise experience very largely as we do because the language habits of our community predispose certain choices of interpretation.

Language Determines How We Perceive Reality

Language is far more than a tool for communication. With language we categorize, distinguish, and create the universe. Ultimately, we perceive the world consistently with our language. For example, when we think in English, we perceive a world made up primarily of objects: people, trees, and houses. These objects do things or have things done to them using verbs. We literally see everything in the world in this fashion. We don’t perceive “things out there” because there really are things out there. That just happens to be our worldview, because in our language there is a subject, which acts upon an object, which exists independently of the subject. In the English language, independent entities (subjects and objects) are primary, rather than processes or relationships. That’s not true in every language.

As Ralph Strauch points out in his book The Reality Illusion: “Some languages are structured around quite different basic word- categories and relationships. They project very different pictures of the basic nature of reality as a result. The language of the Nootka Indians in the Pacific Northwest, for example, has only one principle word-category; it denotes happenings or events. A verbal form like ‘eventing’ might better describe this word-category, except that such a form doesn’t sound right in English, with its emphasis on noun forms. We might think of Nootka as composed entirely of verbs, except that they take no subjects or objects as English verbs do. The Nootka, then, perceive the world as a stream of transient events, rather than as the collection of more or less permanent objects which we see. Even something which we see clearly as a physical object, like a house, the Nootka perceive of as a long-lived temporal event. The literal English translation of the Nootka concept might be something like ‘housing occurs;’ or ‘it houses.’”

We swear things exist because we distinguish them though our particular perceptual apparatus and through our language. Change those and you dramatically change the world that you think is “out there.” There might not even be any more “things.”

Please leave your comments and questions here about today’s post. I read all posts and answer as many as Ian.

If you found this post useful, please tell your friends and followers by using the buttons at the top of this post.

If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process, go to http://www.recreateyourlife.com/free where you can eliminate one negative belief free.

For information about eliminating 23 of the most common limiting beliefs and conditionings—which cause eight of the most common problems in our lives including a lack of confidence—and get a separate video of the WAIR? Process, please check out: http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence.

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You are both consciousness AND a “creation”

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 23:50:01 +0000

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Based on surveys of my blog readers, most of you are primarily interested in changing your “creation”—in other words, you want to improve your daily life by eliminating behavioral and emotional barriers. For example, you want to stop your anxiety and be able to take actions that you are unable to take now.

Some of you, however, seem to be more interested in growing spiritually—in other words, creating an altered state of consciousness in which you experience yourself as the creator of your life.

In fact, both are crucial to a life of happiness and fulfillment. And, I’m proud to say,The Lefkoe Method enables you to work on both at the same time.

You can’t ignore either state

Unfortunately, some people focus solely on spiritual growth, to the exclusion of improving their flesh and blood “creation.” Such people can be said to be “hiding out in spirituality, in their spiritual practice.

Here’s an example of what I mean. I was talking to a new client the other day who told me that she had been meditating and working hard on her “spiritual practice” for over 10 years, and couldn’t understand why she had seen virtually no change in her concern about what others thought about her, her fear of making mistakes, her procrastination, and the negative self-talk that filled her mind almost all the time. What was she doing wrong, she asked me.

I replied that she had neglected a crucial aspect of who she is. You see, many people have experienced a non-dual state of consciousness through meditation and think that all that is “real” is a formless, eternal, consciousness. For them, physical reality and the people named Morty, Joe, etc. are not “real.” As a result, they try to ignore, to the extent possible, “reality.”

Physical reality is “real”

There are several problems with this point of view.

First, how can you expect an improvement in your “creation,” the person who acts and feels, if you ignore it and pretend it doesn’t “really” exist?

Second, it may well be true that consciousness is the source of physical reality, in other words, that physical reality is a manifestation of consciousness. But that fact does not mean that physical reality is not real.

There is an old metaphor that explains this point clearly for me. It is as if consciousness is an ocean. The ocean creates (manifests) individual, specific waves. So there really are specific waves in different locations that are different from other waves, even though each of them comes from and will shortly return to the entire ocean.

Who you ultimately are

So who you ultimately are is formless, non-dual consciousness and, at the present moment, you also have manifested as a specific creation. Moreover, and this is crucial to remember, that creation has specific beliefs and conditionings. They, in turn, determine your behavior and feelings and—by being the primary source of your occurrings—your beliefs also determine your moment-to-moment responses to events.

I remember reading a book by Jack Kornfield, a Buddhist teacher at Spirit Rock near my home in California, who spent many years meditating and following a spiritual path in Thailand and other Far East countries. He wrote how in meditative states he totally transcended his body and dissolved in white light. He spent hundreds of hours in a state in which there was no distinction between the observer and what was observed. And yet, he reported, when he came back to America to teach he had all the same relationships problems he had had before his years of meditation.

This is not to minimize the importance of a spiritual practice. Recognizing that you are the creator of your life—as people experience in the Who Am I Really? (WAIR?) Process that is part of the Lefkoe Belief Process—provides an invaluable context to living as a creation.

Recognize you are both consciousness and a creation

So what should you do to live your best life possible? Recognize you are both the creator of your life (consciousness) and a creation (the person reading this post). And because you are both, work on both. Continue to eliminate the beliefs and conditionings that determine your behavior and feelings, and also learn to stop giving meaning to daily events, which will give you the ability to create your experience of life, moment by moment.

And find some spiritual practice, be it meditation, putting yourself in the “creator state” (an altered state of consciousness you can enter by using the WAIR? Process), or whatever else you choose. In that altered state you are able to get a valuable perspective on your life as a creation that cannot be obtained merely by working on the creation.

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Why you should be concerned about your beliefs

Morty Lefkoe — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 00:21:41 +0000

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If you have read any of the writings of the top self-help experts during the past 10 years—such as Deepak Chopra, Jack Canfield, or Joe Vitale—you’ve learned that permanent change is impossible without eliminating the beliefs that are keeping you stuck.

I agree; beliefs do have that power. But why? What gives our beliefs the power they have to determine our behavior and feelings?

There are two reasons why beliefs have the power they have—one is obvious, the other more subtle.

Our beliefs about reality ARE our reality

First, a belief is a statement about people, reality, or ourselves that feels like the truth to us. Although you might think that you would consciously agree with what you believe, in fact, it is possible to consciously disagree with something you believe.

For example, you can know intellectually that mistakes are good learning experiences and still believe that mistakes are bad. If you have that belief, you would be afraid of trying new things or allowing others to know about your mistakes, even if you consciously think that mistakes are not bad at all.

Because most of us usually act consistently with reality, we act consistently with what we think reality is, not with what reality actually is. In other words, if we believe I’m not good enough, People can’t be trusted, or Life is difficult (none of which are true)—then we will deal with reality as if these statements are the truth. As a result, they will determine what we do and how we feel.

To use one simple example, if you believe I’m not loveable, Relationships don’t work, and Men/women can’t be trusted—if that is your reality—you have virtually no chance of having a nurturing, loving long-term relationship. Get rid of those and other related beliefs and you’ve changed your reality. At which point the possibility of a nurturing, loving long-term relationships becomes possible.

Because we view reality through the filter of our beliefs, which color our perceptions, long-term fundamental change requires eliminating the beliefs that limit us. Yes, it sometimes is possible to use will power to act against our beliefs in the short run, but ultimately we will act consistently with the way we view reality.

Beliefs are the primary source of our “occurrings”

There is a second way in which beliefs determine our lives: by influencing our moment-to-moment reactions.

For about 25 years I thought that beliefs affected our behavior and feelings directly, as explained above. To some extent I still think that is true. But a couple of years ago I realized that our moment-to-moment actions and feelings are determined primarily by the meaning we unconsciously and automatically give reality, in other words, how reality occurs to us—not by what actually happens in reality.

For example, imagine a friend of yours walks in a room that you are in, notices you, and doesn’t talk to you. Most people would think: My friend is angry with me. This would be so real that most people would say to someone with them: Don’t you see that my friend is angry with me?

But all that actually happened is the friend noticed you and didn’t talk to you. That event could occur to you as: He is angry with me. And because you deal with reality based on how it occurs to you—which you are convinced is what actually happened—you would respond to your friend as if he really is angry with you. Even though his anger exists only in your mind, not in reality.

We are constantly giving meaning to events. We do it 20-40 times a day. And we are hardly ever aware of it. So our “occurrings” run our lives. And what is the relationship between our occurrings and our beliefs? Our beliefs are the primary determinant of how reality occurs to us.

The meaning we give events, which have no inherent meaning, is determined largely by our beliefs, although our moods and physical condition also play a role.

Thus our beliefs determine our lives in two ways: directly, because they are what we think reality actually is and, indirectly, by significantly influencing our occurrings, which have the biggest impact on our moment-to-moment reactions.

The bad news and the good news

As a result, the bad news is: long-term fundamental behavioral and emotional change is virtually impossible without eliminating the limiting beliefs that are running your life. The good news is: You can make massive positive changes in your life—such as taking actions you were afraid to take and ridding yourself of such negative feelings as anxiety and anger—by eliminating your limiting beliefs.

It might well be that getting rid of a bunch of limiting beliefs is the best way to reduce the negative and increase the positive in your life in 2012.

Please leave your comments and questions here about today’s post. I read all posts and answer as many as I can.

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Can you permanently eliminate a belief in minutes?

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 23:29:03 +0000

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About 30% of the people who used the Lefkoe Belief Process (LBP) to eliminate a belief told us in a survey that they thought the belief had not been eliminated. We were surprised at that statistic because well over 90% of the people we work with directly eliminate a belief. Why were so many not successful when they used the online process?

After spending a lot of time researching the issue we finally discovered that over 90% of the people who used the on-line process actually did eliminate a belief. The problem was that a large number of people who did eliminate a belief still thought that the LBP hadn’t worked. They had a hard time believing they had done what they just did.

This skepticism has produced a big marketing problem for the Lefkoe Institute since its inception 27 years ago. An awful lot of people just don’t believe it is possible to do what we promise to do.

What makes The Lefkoe Method unique

Our unique distinction is that we can help people quickly and permanently eliminate all the relevant beliefs and conditionings that cause virtually any behavioral or emotional problem in their lives. But most people have the belief: Change is difficult, takes a long time, and requires a lot of reinforcement. So telling people what we offer usually results in people expressing skepticism about our claim. Even when people actually eliminate a belief, they sometimes have a hard time acknowledging that it really has been eliminated.

Four ways to know that a belief really is gone

I’d like to suggest four questions you can ask to determine if any belief-elimination process you are using really works.

1. Does the belief you want to get rid of go away and stay away? You can know a belief is eliminated right after an exercise because the words of the belief no longer feel true; the words feel as if they have no meaning. That’s not the same as having an insight that has you conclude the belief must be gone because it no longer makes sense to hold the belief or because the belief doesn’t feel as true as it did before. In this type of situation it can seem as if the belief is really gone, but it really isn’t.

Another way to check is to say the words of the belief several days later. Do they feel true, uncomfortable? Do they resonate with you? Or do the words still feel meaningless? With no energy or discomfort? If you still feel as if the belief is gone several days later, it probably is.

2. Did you get rid of some undesirable behavior or feeling after eliminating all the relevant beliefs? Ultimately you don’t care about eliminating beliefs. Eliminating beliefs is a means to an end. The true test to know that beliefs are gone is if the problem that the beliefs caused is gone. Because most problems usually are caused by a number of beliefs, you have to eliminate at least 8-10 beliefs to know that any given problem is gone, which then is proof that the beliefs must also be gone. For example, procrastination is caused by 16 beliefs. A good test that the 16 beliefs have been eliminated is to see if your procrastination disappears and doesn’t come back. (Actually it is caused by 13 beliefs and three conditionings, but conditioning is not really relevant in this discussion.)

On the other hand, you cannot determine if any given belief is gone by checking to see if your problem is gone. Hardly ever will getting rid of just one or two beliefs eliminate a problem. Because there isn’t always any noticeable change in your behavior or emotions as a result of eliminating one or two beliefs, the absence of change is not proof that you still have the belief.

3. Did you get a guarantee that the beliefs will not come back AND the problem that the beliefs cause will not come back either.

We have helped over 13,000 clients in private sessions and about 100,000 in on-line and DVD programs eliminate beliefs and problems. We offer a year-long guarantee that the problem will not return and have a refund rate of less than 10%. To see just a few of the reviews of our on-line products, go to http://blog.recreateyourlife.com. To see some video reviews, go to http://bit.ly/3Z10LN.

4. Is there independent research that proves that the beliefs and the problems are truly eliminated and don’t return?

The most objective way to prove that beliefs and the problems they cause are really gone is an independent study with a control group. This is the “gold standard” for proof of the effectiveness of a belief-elimination process.

The University of Arizona conducted a study using The Lefkoe Method that was published in a peer-reviewed journal, Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy.

Preliminary Report on Results from
“Speaking Without Fear” Study

Prepared by Victoria Cunningham, Ph.D. & Lee Sechrest, Ph.D.
Department of Psychology, University of Arizona

May 20, 2004

“A recent study was conducted to examine the ability of Morty Lefkoe’s ‘The Lefkoe Method’ to reduce or even eliminate fear of speaking in public in a group of forty volunteers recruited from Toastmasters Clubs and other random sources and who reported fairly severe symptoms related to public speaking. Subjects were randomly assigned to an experimental or a control group… All treatment sessions were conducted by telephone, and, on average, only three one-hour sessions were required to achieve treatment goals.

“The results support our hypothesis that self-reported fear of speaking in public would be virtually eliminated. Before the experiment, both groups rated their last public speaking experience as an average of about 7 on a 10-point scale on which 1 meant ‘not at all fearful,’ and 10 indicated ‘extremely fearful’. Subjects in the experimental group experienced a reduction of about 5 points to an average score of 1.5, whereas the control group remained unchanged. In addition, after receiving the same treatment, scores for the control group were also reduced by about 5 points to yield an average of 1.5. It is important to note that all subjects rated their post-treatment scores in relation to an actual public speaking experience.

“We also asked subjects about other common physical sensations and cognitive difficulties often associated with speaking in public, e.g., increased heart rate, sweating, dry mouth, quivering voice, stuttering and difficulty staying focused. The results were quite consistent with those from the rating scale: prominent symptoms were reduced for everyone who received the treatment, and the difference between the experimental and control groups was large and statistically significant. Responses to additional questions to gauge individuals’ self-confidence as a speaker also provide evidence that ‘The Lefkoe Method’ was effective in virtually eliminating the fear of public speaking.” (Emphasis added.)

For a copy of the entire study from Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy, go to http://www.undoityourself.com/research.html.

A follow up was conducted with the subjects six months later. The average level of fear was still below 2.

The LBP has been proven effective in permanently eliminating beliefs with tens of thousands of people. It probably will work with you. If you had any doubts whether or not your belief really was gone when you tried it the first time, please try it again at http://recreateyourlife.com and keep in mind the four tests to determine if a belief really has been eliminated.

Please leave your comments and questions here about today’s post. I read all posts and answer as many as I can.

If you found this post useful, please tell your friends and followers by using the buttons at the top of this post.

To get my blog posts as podcasts, sign up for the RSS feed above or look up “Morty Lefkoe” at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly.

Stop being run by your feelings

Morty Lefkoe — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 00:36:34 +0000

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At one point or another, everyone has uttered the words: “I am happy.” And: “I am upset.”

Notice what happens when you say: “I am [something].” You are describing yourself. Any words that follow the statement “I am” is your description of yourself.

Moreover, when we say, “I am [something],” it feels as if we really are that “something.” It feels as if our entire being is happy, or upset, or anxious, or any other emotion we say we are.

But is that really who we are?

Most readers of my weekly blog have eliminated at least one belief using the Lefkoe Belief Process (see http://recreateyourlife.com) where they discovered that they are not merely a “creation,” who has beliefs and feelings and who takes action, they also are the creator of that creation.

Although the creation you think you are is comprised of your beliefs and feelings and what you do, the consciousness you really are is whole and complete, for whom anything is possible and nothing is missing.

Thus, it actually is more accurate to say: My creation has feelings, but I am not my feelings. My creation has beliefs, but I am not my beliefs. My creation takes action, but I am not what I do.

This is not merely semantics

When you experience that you are your feelings, you are totally at the effect of them. They seem to pervade your entire being and there seems to be no escape from them.

When you experience that you have feelings, but they are not who you are, you make a clear distinction between “you” and “your feelings.” That enables you to get some perspective on the feelings and to place your SELF outside the feelings, so that you are no longer at their effect.

How do you do that? There is a simple way to experience that you have feelings, but are not your feelings. I’m not talking about an affirmation, where you try to convince yourself of something you don’t really believe. I’m talking about experiencing the truth of the statement.

First, use the Who Am I Really? Process, which comes at the end of the LBP, several times. You can get a link to the WAIR? Process at http://d3n3f57qjh51zc.cloudfront.net/who-am-i-really-new.mp3.

Then, when you start having some negative feelings and you notice that you are at the effect of them, remind yourself what you experienced in the WAIR? Process: “I am the creator of my life, not merely a creation.” And then remind yourself of the experience you will already have had: “I have feelings; I am not my feelings.”

When you do that, notice how the intensity of the feeling diminishes and how the feeling starts to lose its grip on you.

Try it and let me know your experience. I promise it will transform the way you experience your feelings.

Please leave your comments and questions here about today’s post. I read all posts and answer as many as I can.

If you found this post useful, please tell your friends and followers by using the buttons at the top of this post.

To get my blog posts as podcasts, sign up for the RSS feed above or look up “Morty Lefkoe” at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly.

How we intend to increase our impact in the world

Morty Lefkoe — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 00:47:54 +0000

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For almost 27 years we have been helping people eliminate the beliefs and conditionings that limit them and keep them from living the lives they desire. We are excited that we have facilitated over 13,000 in one-on-one sessions and almost 100,000 via our on-line programs. That’s a lot of people!

From time to time our clients turned out to be CEOs of business firms. When they discovered how effective The Lefkoe Method was in quickly and permanently eliminating problems, several of them asked if we could help their managers and executives become more productive and more effective. In every case where we worked with such people, we helped them to become more successful employees and happier in their personal lives.

Until today, however, we had never contacted organizations directly to tell them how we could help them have happier and more effective managers and executives (thereby becoming more profitable) by sending their managers and executives to work with us.

We know that when we help an individual, he or she benefits along with all the people that those individuals interact with. But when we help a manager or executive in an organization have better interpersonal skills, delegate more effectively, be more creative, communicate better, reduce stress, etc.—our work with such people is impacting hundreds or even tens of thousands of people.

Lefkoe Institute has created a new service

With this in mind we have created a service specifically designed to help managers and executives overcome both undesirable business behavior and personal issues that affect them at work. A detailed description of what we are offering can be found at http://lefkoe.com.

Why am I sending this information to you?

Because you—like the tens of thousands of others who receive this blog—probably have eliminated at least one belief and know how powerfully people are impacted when they eliminate beliefs. And if you know that, I want to ask a favor of you.

I have a favor to ask of you

I would appreciate it if you would share your personal experience (not necessarily specific details, but the general result) of using The Lefkoe Method with the appropriate people at your own organization, including your HR department. Then suggest that they visit our new site that describes exactly how we can help managers and executives become more effective. http://lefkoe.com.

If you know managers and executives or people in the HR department at other organizations, please send them the link also.

I promise to keep you informed about the impact the Lefkoe Institute is having on businesses, non-profit organizations, and government agencies. I expect that helping individuals from these places will enable them to make a profound difference with everyone they interact with, including co-workers and customers.

In any case, please take a look our new website that describes how we intend to increase our impact on the world, even if you have no one to send it to. I think you’ll find it interesting. http://lefkoe.com.

Please leave your comments and questions here about today’s post. We appreciate any suggestions on how we can make an even bigger difference in the world. I read all posts and answer as many as I can.

If you found this post useful, please tell your friends and followers by using the buttons at the top of this post.

For information about eliminating 23 of the most common limiting beliefs and conditionings, which cause eight of the most common problems in our lives including a lack of confidence, and get a separate video of the WAIR? Process, please check out: http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence.

To get my blog posts as podcasts, sign up for the RSS feed above or look up “Morty Lefkoe” at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly.

How beliefs have caused a crisis in education

Morty Lefkoe — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 22:47:28 +0000

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Few institutions in our society are subject to as much passion, dissent, and, ultimately, paralysis as education. What is the source of the crisis in education and why does it seem to be so difficult to resolve?

As readers of this blog you won’t be surprised that my answer to both these questions is beliefs. Whenever you discover dysfunctional behavior—in individuals, organizations, or institutions—you will find beliefs at the source.

To understand the role of beliefs in creating the current crisis in education, let’s look at one widely accepted belief about what education should do: The primary purpose of education is to impart a prescribed amount of information about specific subjects.

As a result of that belief, we have federal, state and local programs designed to insure that students achieve a minimum level of proficiency (in other words, a minimum amount of information acquired) according to standardized tests. We rank our country compared to other countries based on scores on standardized tests that measure this.

What happened that initially led most people to accept the belief that a good education can be measured by the amount of information acquired? To answer, we must go back in time.

Compulsory education

When compulsory education was initiated in America over a century ago, its purpose was to prepare people to work in factories. Workers needed to read and write and be able to follow instructions. What a person knew about the world remained true during a lifetime of forty-some years. The amount of new knowledge produced during adult life was minimal. It wasn’t particularly important that one learn how to think independently or creatively.

Given such an environment, it made sense to conclude that there was a certain amount of information needed to succeed in life and that the function of school was to provide that information. The belief about the importance of learning a certain amount of information while in school was not wrong when it was formed. It made perfect sense and was totally appropriate, given the circumstances. It was the logical outcome of looking at the world as it existed when the belief was formed.

In today’s world, however, “facts” are in a constant state of change.

The amount of new knowledge produced every few years is greater than all the accumulated knowledge to date. The ability to succeed in the business world today (forget succeed—the ability even to get hired!) depends not so much on the quantity of information you know and how well you can follow orders but on your ability to think and act on your own. As Alvin Toffler put it, “The illiterate of the future are not those that cannot read or write, but those that cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.”

Today, people are not only changing jobs several times during their work lives; many of them are changing careers several times. Moreover, it has become increasingly clear that a satisfying life consists of more than business success. It requires a good sense of yourself, the ability to relate well to others, a positive sense of oneself, and lots more.

We need a new set of beliefs about education

The proposal for national standards to measure how much information has been learned in school is consistent with the existing beliefs about what education should be, but those beliefs are no longer appropriate. We need schools that operate consistently with a new sets of beliefs that are appropriate for today, one that opens the possibility for new educational strategies. There are some schools providing what is needed, but by definition they are “alternative” schools, operating outside the prevailing set of beliefs.

Let’s consider the difference between the “current” set of beliefs and a possible new one that is more appropriate for our time.

Compare the strategies resulting from different beliefs

Notice that the beliefs constituting the existing paradigm generate questions and strategies about how to achieve norms, obedience, and correct answers. The new beliefs lead to questions and strategies about how to motivate for lifelong learning, how to strengthen self-discipline, how to awaken curiosity, and how to encourage creative risk-taking in people of all ages.

Ron Miller, author of What Are Schools For?, describes the essence of this new paradigm:

Holistic educators recognize that all aspects of life are interconnected. They contend that education must be concerned with the physical, emotional, social, aesthetic/creative, and spiritual qualities of every person, as well as traditionally emphasized intellectual and vocational skills…. In our culture, education is implicitly equated with the transmission of information, particularly through written sources. But holistic educators have, for two centuries, asserted that education is an active engagement between a person and a vastly complex world. Holistic education emphasizes experience, not “Great Books” or a few “basic skills.” … Why limit students to a curriculum of academic subjects when the entire cosmos is at hand? Education, as John Dewey so eloquently argued, must not be seen as “preparation” for life—it is life! Education is growth, discovery, and a widening of horizons. This is just the opposite of traditional educational goals—discipline, order, high test scores—that aim to prepare children for the limited world which the adult generation has created.

If this description of an alternative model for education makes sense given today’s world, what educational strategies might we use to improve the educational system? We might focus on learning how to ask the right questions and how to think, rather than on dry facts that are not seen as relevant to one’s life. We might give students more responsibility for their own learning. We might use more learning experiences outside the classroom. We might relate the information that is taught to each student’s daily life. We might blend information from different areas together into core curricula so that students learn math when they study art and grammar when they study drama.

Strategies already exist that could solve most of today’s educational problems. What’s missing are the beliefs that would allow us to accept those strategies.

Please leave your comments and questions here about today’s post. I read them all and answer as many as I can.

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It Can’t Be Done

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 23:42:22 +0000

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“It can’t be done” is never the truth

What people really are saying when they utter these words is: “I don’t how how to do it.” Or, “it can’t be done the way we’ve always tried in the past.” Or, “it can’t be done according to the only way I can think of doing it.”

Here’s why “it can’t be done” is never an accurate statement, no matter what you are referring to

It is impossible to know anything, for certain, about the future. Given what we know we might be able to make reasonable predictions about the future, but we never know everything that might be relevant. Moreover, even if we did, things change all the time, making things that might have been very difficult yesterday relatively easy today

Many things that were considered impossible years ago have since happened. In fact, most “things” that exist today would have been considered impossible to someone living a couple of hundred years ago: airplanes, automobiles, television, space travel, heart transplants, and even indoor plumbing.

Actually we don’t have to go back that far. The personal computer, the Internet, video Skype calls to and from anyplace in the world (free), and cell phones would have been considered impossible even 50 years ago.

Any yet we are certain we are telling the truth when we say to others (and to ourselves): “It can’t be done.”

Steve Jobs Regularly Did The Impossible

Doing more of what we did yesterday isn’t very difficult. Even doing things a little differently or a little better isn’t very difficult. A lot of people do more, different or better every day. But doing something that has never been done before, that most people think is impossible isn’t that easy. It takes guts. It requires us to ignore the naysayers and not fear failure. Unfortunately most of us are all too willing to accept “it can’t be done” both from others and from ourselves.

Steve Jobs didn’t accept it. Ever. He transformed several industries (including mobile phones, the record business, and the personal computer) because he never accepted “It can’t be done” as an answer. And he heard that answer a lot because he was always asking people to do things that had never been done before. He insisted that it (whatever “it” was) could be done and, more often than not, the people who had told him that it couldn’t be done did it.

There are literally hundreds of examples of this from his career. One involves “gorilla glass,” the special glass used to manufacture the iPhone screen. As Walter Isaacson tells the story in his riveting biography of Steve Jobs: “Jobs decided it would feel much more elegant and substantive if the screens were glass. So he set about finding a glass that would be strong and resistant to scratches.”

Isaacson relates how a friend of Jobs told him about a glass that Corning had invented many years before that was exactly what he was looking for, but the company had never manufactured it. So Jobs went to visit the CEO of Corning, Wendell Weeks.

After Weeks told Jobs about the “gorilla glass” his firm had developed, Jobs said that he wanted as much as Corning could make within six months. Weeks responded: “We don’t have the capacity. None of our plants make the glass now.”

Issacson writes that Weeks “tried to explain that a false sense of confidence would not overcome engineering challenges, but that was a premise that Jobs had repeatedly shown he didn’t accept. He stared at Weeks unblinkingly.”

“Don’t be afraid,” Jobs replied. ”Get your mind around it. You can do it.”

“As Weeks retold this story, he shook his head in astonishment. ‘We did it in under six months,’ he said. ‘We produced a glass that had never been made.’”

The Lefkoe Belief Process—Possibilities

Some years ago after doing a lot of work in organizations I concluded that the most damaging belief in organizations was “I (or we) can’t ….” So I created a simple revision of the Lefkoe Belief Process that organizations could use to help employees quickly and easily eliminate “I can’t …” beliefs. Here is a link to a post I wrote that provides the actual steps of the LBP—Possibilities. http://www.mortylefkoe.com/get-rid-of-the-belief.

Creating Breakthroughs Can Be Fun

Many of us agree that we need breakthroughs in most of the important areas of life. In other words, what we are doing now doesn’t really work in government, in our educational system, in providing affordable health care for everyone, etc.

But breakthroughs, by definition, are something new, something that didn’t exist before. You won’t create a breakthrough if you only do things you know how to do. Unfortunately, for far too many people, anything that hasn’t existed before is considered impossible.

Breakthroughs always come for me when I try to do something I’ve never done before and that I don’t know how to do. I love to make promises that I don’t have any idea how I will keep, and then figure out how to keep them.

I did that with the first non-facilitated product we created. A friend of mine, Denis Hann, said to me that I would never really make a broad impact in the world if we only helped people eliminate beliefs in one-to-one sessions with people I had trained. No matter how many facilitators we trained, we’d never reach millions of people.

I agreed, but I had no idea how to create a product that would help people eliminate beliefs without a live facilitator. Denis said he would provide funds for a new company to create such a product if I could create it. It took over six months, but with the assistance of my wife Shelly and Denis’s friend and associate, Leszek Burzynski, I created a DVD product that helps people totally eliminates their fear of public speaking without a live facilitator

I also remember reading in a book about a fascinating distinction between reality and how reality occurs for us. I realized that most people never make that distinction between what actually happens in the world and the meaning we automatically and unconsciously give reality.

Shortly afterward I said to my staff: I’m going to create a course that will teach people how to make this distinction all the time and then easily and totally dissolve the “occurring” (the meaning we give reality). When they asked me if I knew how to do this, I replied, no, but I expected it would be a lot of fun figuring it out. (I did figure it out and the first course was a total success. We’re now in the middle of the seventh Lefkoe Occurring Course and the results improve every time we offer it.)

Good News and Bad News

I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is that it is never true that “it can’t be done.” The only questions are how and when. The bad news also is that it is never true that “it can’t be done.” It’s bad news because people have just lost one of their best excuses for avoiding action.

If you really want to make a difference in the world and have fun doing it, commit to achieving some goals that seem impossible—that you don’t know how to accomplish—and then figure out how to achieve them. If you do that you’ll change the world and have a lot of fun doing i.

Please leave your comments and questions here about today’s post. I read them all and answer as many as I can.

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The Best of MortyLefkoe.com

Morty Lefkoe — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 00:01:45 +0000

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Every month hundreds of new people sign up to receive this weekly blog. Most of them do not realize that there are now 132 posts describing the different processes that comprise The Lefkoe Method and explaining how to free yourself from your self-imposed limitations and create the life you want to live.

Even people who have been on this mailing list for over a year might not be aware of the useful material that was written before they found my blog.

So today I am going to provide you with a short description and a link to some of my favorite posts over the past few years. In addition to the ones listed below, please check out the Table of Contents on http://mortylefkoe.com for additional posts that you might find useful.

“Would You Like To Stop Worrying About What Others Think?” One of the most common problems people have is an almost-obsessive concern with the opinion of others, which often includes doing things you would not normally do just to get others to like or approve of you. In this post I explain what beliefs cause this problem. http://www.mortylefkoe.com/stop-worrying/#
“How Do Beliefs Produce ‘Driven,’ Compulsive Behavior?” Why are so many of us “driven” compulsively to do things that frequently aren’t in our own best self-interest? You probably aren’t surprised that my answer is: beliefs. But there is a specific type of belief that results in “driven” behavior. And it is formed in a very specific way. I explain in this post. http://www.mortylefkoe.com/how-do-beliefs-produce-driven-compulsive-behavior/#
“Can Beliefs Keep You From Becoming Wealthy?” Getting rid of beliefs will not guarantee that you become wealthy, but having certain beliefs about money can create a significant roadblock to financial abundance. Discover some of the most common limiting abundance beliefs. http://www.mortylefkoe.com/can-beliefs-keep-you-from-becoming-wealthy/#
“Get Into An Altered State Of Consciousness In Minutes” To experience a shift in one’s identity from “self” (one’s body, beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and behavior) to “SELF” (as consciousness, as a spiritual being) typically requires years of meditation. Some workshops claim to be able to provide that experience in several concentrated days. My “Who Am I Really?” Process assists people to make that shift in less than 30 minutes the first time and in less than 10 minutes thereafter. http://www.mortylefkoe.com/get-into-an-altered-state-of-consciousness-in-minutes/#
“Why Self-Help Often Doesn’t Work … And What Does” Knowing what to do, how to do it and why you should do it should be enough to change behavior. But it often isn’t. Why? See this post. http://www.mortylefkoe.com/111009/#
“How Relationships Are Affected By Beliefs” Because there are so many different types of relationship problems, there are many different beliefs that are the source of each of them. Here is a list. http://www.mortylefkoe.com/120109/#
“Getting Rid Of Beliefs Is Not Enough” Many problems—especially those involving emotions, such as anxiety and anger—are caused both by beliefs and conditioning. Here’s a description of how stimuli get conditioned to produce negative feelings. http://www.mortylefkoe.com/032310/#
“How To Build Confidence” What causes a lack of confidence and what can you do to increase your level of confidence? I answer these questions in detail in this post. http://www.mortylefkoe.com/040610/#
“What Do You Want A Lot Of That Will Hurt You When You Get It?” The answer might surprise you. Take a look. http://www.mortylefkoe.com/what-do-you-want-a-lot-of-that-will-hurt-you-when-you-get-it/#
“How To Control Anger” In this post I explain the source of both our anger and the fear of other’s anger. In most cases there are only a few beliefs and conditionings. http://www.mortylefkoe.com/041310/#
“Are You A Victim?” Most people have some attributes of a victim. What are they and where do they come from? Why is victimization so common? http://www.mortylefkoe.com/victim/#
“How To Create New Possibilities In Your Life” This is not about manifesting our thoughts and feelings with the Law of Attraction. This post describes how you always literally create possibilities for your life that didn’t exist before when you eliminate limiting beliefs. http://www.mortylefkoe.com/how-to-create-new-possibilities-in-your-life/#

Please leave your comments and questions here about any of my earlier posts. I read them all and answer as many as I can.

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Is it “real” or only our meaning?

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 22:47:51 +0000

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We are in the process of creating a new online program specifically for people who experience a lot of stress. As part of my research I attended a lecture on stress in San Francisco last week delivered by Dr. Sian Bieland, a University of Chicago professor.

Dr. Bieland explained to the U of C alumni audience how “stressful situations” make us “choke.” She described how stress affects us and then offered us a few tips on how to alleviate or overcome stress when we experience it in business or in sports.

As I listened I had the thought: Most psychologists and personal growth gurus assume that problems (such as stressful situations) really exist “out there,” “in the world,” and then offer solutions to deal with them. I have a real problem with that approach because I don’t think that many of the so-called problems exist independent of us. (See my post, “How To Change ‘Human Nature’,” which deals with a similar topic, http://www.mortylefkoe.com/change-human-nature/#)

In other words, if there were such a thing as a stressful situation, then it would be very useful to learn how to deal with it effectively. But I contend there is no such thing as a stressful situation. Situations, as such, have no inherent meaning. And meaningless events can’t make us feel stress or anything else.

The stress we experience is the result of the meaning we give to events, not the events themselves. Change the meaning and the stress disappears.

Here are a few examples of how we attribute meaning

Assume your business fails and you have to declare bankruptcy. Most people would agree that that is a stressful situation. If you give the bankruptcy the meaning that you failed, that it means something bad about you, that you will never be able to earn enough money to support yourself and your family, etc.—then that meaning will cause considerable stress. On the other hand, if you have read the life stories of successful people (in business and other fields of endeavor) and know that most of them attribute their success today to the lessons they learned through “failure” earlier in life, your bankruptcy would occur to you as a valuable learning lesson. And if you assigned the event this meaning, you would not experience stress. Many years ago my wife Shelly and I experienced bankruptcy and foreclosure on our home. Shelly experienced tremendous fear and stress, because she gave the events the meaning I described above. I experienced no stress whatsoever, because the events occurred to me as learning opportunities.

Here’s another example: In a recent Lefkoe Occurring Course one of the participants told us how he had helped some friends whose house had burned down, destroying virtually all their possessions. The friends were devastated. But after the people whose house burned down talked for a while to their friend (who was learning how to stop giving meaning to events in our course) they realized that they had always wanted to live out of the United States, they had an idea for a new business they had always wanted to start, etc. By the time the conversation was over the couple was excited about all the possibilities they had identified and were no longer upset about the destruction of their home.

One more story: Another student in an Occurring Course wrote about how she dealt with her daughter being taken to the hospital in a lot of pain. The doctors initially had no idea what was wrong with her, so they had to give her a lot of tests. The mother kept thinking to herself, “My daughter’s pain doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean she is going to die, or even that she is very sick.” When the doctors came in after many hours to tell her that her daughter would be fine, she realized that not giving her daughter’s condition any meaning enabled her to stay present with her daughter and help calm her down, rather than be hysterical as she would have been had she given negative meaning as she would have in the past.

For people who have never experienced that events have no inherent meaning, stories like these can be difficult to believe, and yet that is how life occurs to me every day and to many others who have learned how to stop giving meaning to events.

Back to my original point: Wouldn’t it be better to learn how to dissolve (or not even experience) stress than to learn how to cope with it while being overwhelmed by it?

Meaning we make up is the source of most relationship difficulties

Stress is not the only type of emotion that is the result of meaning. Almost all upsets and arguments are the result of the meaning we give the other person’s behavior.

There are many psychotherapists and relationship experts who offer excellent advice on how to minimize arguments and deal more effectively with them when they occur. But if upsets and arguments are the result of the meaning you give the behavior of others, and you can dissolve that meaning, then upsets and arguments are no longer inevitable. I’ve eliminated about 95% of them from my life since I learned to stop giving meaning to what my wife Shelly and my two daughters do and say.

Here’s a description of how someone in my last Occurring Course changed the meaning he gave some events and totally shifted his reaction to loved ones.

“On Sunday evening, I tried to call my daughter, but I got her voice mail. I tried to call my girlfriend, and I got her voice mail. I tried to call my son and I got his voice mail. It occurred to me that everyone else was somewhere having fun and I was not and that they were so busy having a good time that they didn’t have time to talk to me. I quickly noticed that it was not the truth, just my interpretation. It caused me to smile to myself as I noticed how I had made it mean that they didn’t want to talk to me. [As soon as I made that distinction] the bad feeling was gone. “

What a difference a little bit of meaning makes!

My tip of the week

Before you look for a solution to a problem that seems to exist “out there,” check and see if it really exists independently of you or whether the meaning you have given events in the world created the problem to begin with. If so, then dissolve the meaning that is causing the problem by realizing that there is a crucial difference between what actually happens in reality and the meaning you give those events that exists only in your mind. When you’ve done that, the meaning will dissolve along with the problem that the meaning had caused.

Please leave your comments and questions about dissolving problems we created to begin with, instead of coping with or handling problems that appear to be in the world.

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You are weird

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 22:43:24 +0000

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All of you who read my blog posts and who signed up on my website to eliminate a limiting belief are “weird,” according to best-selling author and popular blogger Seth Godin.

Why would he apply that term to you? Seth uses the term “weird” to describe anyone who is not “normal,” in other words, people who express their uniqueness and who don’t try to fit in with what “most people” are doing.

What makes YOU weird? Most “normal” people are not interested in personal growth. You—who are on my mailing list and reading this blog post—are a distinct minority. Because you want more out of life … because you are willing to spend your time, energy, and money to create a better life for yourself. Most “normal” people do not have this awareness and commitment.

Interestingly enough, many of the people who come to us to help them eliminate beliefs are normal. Thousands of clients who come to us to get rid of their fear of public speaking only want to get rid of that specific practical problem. Most of them deny they have any problems at all in their lives other than their public speaking fear. They have no interest in personal growth. They are normal.

Seth’s newest book, We Are All Weird, makes the point that there are getting to be fewer and fewer “normal” people in the world, in other words, people who aspire to be just like everyone else. More and more people are beginning to express their unique selves, which are weird to the normal people.

We want to hang out in “tribes”

And as people get interested in being their authentic selves, they also want to hang out with others who are weird in the same way they are weird, in “tribes” as Seth puts it.

So if you are weird because you are interested in living the best life you can possible live, because you are willing to put in the effort to overcome the barriers to having a life that truly works, and because you are unwilling to put up with merely getting by—then, first, I want to acknowledge you for that weirdness. You are part of a relatively small group of people on this planet.

And, second, I would like to support you. I have created a page on Facebook that over 1,400 of you weirdoes who are devoted to personal transformation already have joined. I put a link there to my blog posts each week as well as other information that I think would be valuable. I intend to make even more useful material available in the future. You can post comments and questions there and have other members of your tribe respond.

In addition, I have offered to answer any question posted on that site pertaining to personal growth.

If you would like to converse with people who have a similar commitment to personal growth, be given information that will contribute to that growth, and have a chance to get your questions answered, please join your fellow tribe members at http://facebook.com/recreateyourlife.

As one of the weirdoes who has committed his life to helping others get rid of the barriers in their lives that keep them from the lives they want to live, I look forward to interacting with you there

Please leave your comments and questions about how I can support your personal journey to a life free from unnecessary limitations.

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It took me 26 years

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 22:33:15 +0000

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Today (Monday) is a holiday and I’m sitting in my office writing this on my MAC.

No one else is around and the phones are pretty quiet. I came in on what should have been a day off because this week we are going to make available our new Lefkoe Belief Process Training and I have to work with Rodney (who works virtually from Southern California) to make sure the web site and all the emails get completed today.

This week my dream of 26 years will finally come true. Ever since I figured out how to help people get rid of long-held, limiting beliefs I have imagined that some day everyone would be able to eliminate their own beliefs and the beliefs of friends and family.

Imagine a world like this

An incident my wife Shelly told me about a few years ago vividly captures my vision: Shelly had just gotten on a Stairmaster at the gym one morning when a friend she had not seen for a few months got on a machine next to her. Shelly asked her friend how she was doing. Her friend replied that she was having some relationship problems.

What do most people do when a friend tells them about their relationship difficulties? You listen, empathize, and perhaps give some advice. Does your response really help your friend? Maybe it makes your friend feel better for the moment, but, in the long run, unfortunately, rarely does your response make any real difference.

But here is how Shelly responded: She asked, “What do you believe about relationships that could be producing the problems you just told me about?” Her friend thought a minute and then named three. Forty-five minutes later both of them got off their Stairmasters, the three beliefs had been eliminated, and her friend left the gym with new possibilities for a great relationship that she hadn’t had before talking to Shelly.

When Shelly told me this story I thought: What if everyone knew how to eliminate their own beliefs and help others when they got stuck? What if parents and teachers could help children? What if spouses could help each other (as Shelly and I do with each other when we get stuck)? What if all of us could easily get ourselves into an altered state of consciousness in which we experience that anything is possible and we have no limitations?

Every time I think about a world like that I get goose pimples. There are a lot of things that could make a profound impact on the world, but I can’t think of anything that would have as great an impact on each person’s quality of life than this.

How do we get there?

For over 26 years the only way to be able to learn how to eliminate beliefs was a three-day in-person training. Because it took a lot of time and cost a lot of money for people to travel here from all over the world, we didn’t offer the training very often. As a result there are probably less than 200 people in the entire world who have been trained to use the Lefkoe Belief Process.

In order to make a training easily available to anyone who might be interested, we had to find a way to create an on-line training that could be accessed from your computer located anywhere in the world, that didn’t require extensive travel, and that could be offered for far less money than an in-person training.

We spent the last year figuring out a way to do this and finally solved the problem a few weeks ago. The training is now complete and will be made available this week.

Shelly has been back East visiting her friends and family. After she gets home I plan to break open a bottle of champagne and celebrate a dream come true. I hope you are as excited by my vision as I am.

Please leave your comments and questions about how millions of people knowing how to eliminate their own beliefs and the beliefs of others can transform the quality of life on this planet.

If you are interested in learning how to help people eliminate their beliefs, enter your name and email in the box below and we’ll send you information.

A tribute to Steve Jobs

Steve, thank you for the words that inspire me to get out of bed every day, committed to improving the quality of life on the planet, one person at a time.

“Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… the ones who see things differently — they’re not fond of rules… You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things… they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” Steve Jobs

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Are they really stupid?

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 21:33:00 +0000

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Rare is the day when we don’t think that someone’s behavior or emotional reaction makes absolutely no sense at all. One day it might be a government official, another day it could be a loved one.

In these situations there is always the unstated assumption that they are seeing the same reality I am seeing. And their response to the reality I am seeing is either crazy or stupid.

In fact, I contend that almost always there are at least two very different “realities” involved here: one for you and a totally different one for the other person. There also can be a third: what’s really happening “out there.”

The source of our “reality”

If you’ve been following this blog you’ve read on more than one occasion that our beliefs constitute our reality. If you believe relationships are difficult, that is an absolute fact for you. If you believe life is difficult, that too is a fact and you will have loads of evidence to prove you are right.

Beliefs are generalization we make about ourselves, people, and life that, for us, are “the truth.” So our beliefs about reality determine what we think our reality is.

In addition, we constantly give unconscious meaning to events and then we usually do not recognize the crucial distinction between reality and how that reality has occurred to us.

As a result of our beliefs and our occurrings, what we think is reality more often than not is really something that exists only in our mind, a subjective, unconsciously-created, personal view of reality, not what a video camera would record.

It follows, therefore, that although people’s behavior and emotional reactions might not make sense to us given our view of reality, they make perfect sense given their view of reality. Moreover, most of the time neither our view nor their view corresponds to what actually exists “out there in the world.”

Shelly and I disagree about our children’s education

To make this clear, here’s a personal example of what I mean.

Shortly after our first daughter was born over 29 years ago, Shelly and I started to have conversations about her education. I told her that I thought most public schools were toxic environments and produce more damage than value to the children who attend. (To fully explain my reasons would take an entire blog post. To briefly summarize my reasons, most public schools encourage conformity, discourage creativity and independence, and emphasize memorizing information at the expense of critical thinking.)

So I suggested that we find a really good alternative private school for Blake to attend. Shelly said that she understood my reasons for disliking most public schools and agreed with my reasoning, but still kept arguing that Blake should attend the best public school we could find.

If Shelly really understood my “reality” about public schools, it would make no sense at all for her to continue to argue that Blake should attend one. As a result, I would get frustrated and annoyed whenever we discussed Blake’s education. I remember a lot of heated discussions on this topic.

Shelly’s “reality” about public schools

Eventually I figured out Shelly’s “reality” about schools, at which point her preference for public school made perfect sense. Thirty years ago Shelly (like me and many other people in the world) had the belief: What makes me good enough and important is having people like me. Other related beliefs included: I can’t survive without close friends. Friends are the most important things in one’s life. As a result of these and other similar beliefs, Shelly’s friends were the most important thing in her life.

For Shelly, public school was the single most important place for our daughter to make friends and be accepted. And if making a lot of friends was one of the most important things one gets from school, then a small private alternative school with about 120 students spread over eight grades would be a horrible choice for her daughter. A public school with about a thousand kids would be far superior.

Shelly has since eliminated all these beliefs, but at the time her choice of schools for Blake—which seemed absolutely insane to me given what I thought about public schools—made perfect sense to Shelly given her view of public schools: the best place to make a lot of friends and learn about friendship.

Can you see that the difference between my behavior and feelings about public and private schools and Shelly’s was totally a function of how we viewed those schools. In fact, neither view of reality was “the truth.” Each was determined by our beliefs.

After I understood Shelly’s reality about public schools, I still disagreed with her choice, but I no longer thought her choice was stupid and felt annoyed at her. I realized that I would have made the same school choice as she did if I “saw” public schools the same way she did and she would have made the same choice I did if she had the same view I did.

In fact, over the next few years as Shelly eliminated her beliefs relating to friends and to her concern about what others thought of her, she ultimately saw public schools the way I did and ended up totally supporting our joint decision to send both our daughters to a great alternative private school.

The “reality” of government officials

My personal view about the role of the federal government is very different from conservative Republicans, especially the Tea Partyers. But unlike many of my friends who are angry at them and who think they are stupid, I have come to realize that their proposed policies are a function of their beliefs about the proper role of government. If I had those beliefs, I’d espouse the same policies.

Israel and Palestine: the problem is the result of different realities

For another good example where understanding this distinction can be very useful, look at the conflict between Israelis and the Palestinians. It should be clear that each side is viewing a totally different reality. And their different behaviors are a direct manifestation of each’s reality.

What are those behaviors? Israel puts up a fence and checkpoints to keep suicide bombers out of areas where Israelis congregate. Their invasions are designed to stop rocket fire, which comes from the invaded areas. Israelis settle anyplace they want, in other words, anyplace within the borders of the State of Israel, even in areas that are predominantly Palestinian.

Palestinians uses violence as the only avenue they claim remains open to them to try to get Israel to recognize their basic human rights and give them back their homeland, which was taken from them by force and by illegal and immoral international agreements. No matter where they live today they want the right to return to their former homes on land that is now part of Israel.

This is a very condensed description what each side does and wants. Now consider the “reality” as seen by both sides and notice how each’s behavior makes sense given the respective realities.

Reality for Israelis looks like: Centuries of anti-Semitism, the Holocaust, the struggle to create a homeland of their own, trying to survive as a small nation when others have sworn to push them back into the sea, constant shelling from Palestinian areas (and other countries), and the ever-present threat of suicide bombers. Jewish people have always lived on this land and King David made the city of Jerusalem the capital of Israel 3,000 years ago. Even 150 years ago there were more Jews living in Jerusalem than Muslims.

Reality for Palestinians looks like: We were living here peaceably when Israel and international agreements (we were not a party to) forcibly drove us from our homeland; Israel has kept us from returning and denies those of us living in Israel basic rights as human beings. Jerusalem contains some of Islam’s holiest cities. Moreover, the Jews used violence against the British when they thought it was the only way to get them to give up control over what is now the State of Israel. They thought they were morally justified in their action, and it worked—they got the land they wanted. (See my earlier blog post for more details on this particular issue: http://www.mortylefkoe.com/a-tool-for-resolving-conflict/#).

When you get that people’s behavior and emotional reactions always make sense given the way reality occurs to them (which is a function of their beliefs and occurrings), you might notice that you are less confused by what people do, less angry at them for doing it, and better able to find common ground for a solution that works for all concerned.

Please leave your comments and questions about how people’s different beliefs and occurrings account for their different reactions to things, and how recognizing that can reduce your upset and increase your compassio

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Your happiness depends on knowing the difference between beliefs and occurrings

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 22:48:46 +0000

Note: There is an email link embedded within this post, please visit this post to email it.

About two years ago I realized that the failure to make a distinction between reality and how reality occurs to us is the source of many problems in our life. As I’ve learned more about this distinction I’ve written several posts about it, which led to a lot of comments from you.

Perhaps the most common questions I’ve received ask: Both beliefs and occurrings seem to be meaning we give to meaningless events. What is the difference between them? Why is the difference important.

In today’s post I’ll answer these questions and explain how our happiness depends on understanding the difference between them.

There is a crucial difference between a belief and an occurring

Beliefs are the meaning we give (usually) to a series of events. Beliefs are broad generalizations, for example, I am …. People are …. Life is …. A belief is a statement about reality that we feel and act is the truth, although it is possible to intellectually disagree with something we believe. Once formed, beliefs continue to exist and affect our behavior, feelings and perceptions forever, unless we are able to eliminate the belief. We view life through the filter of our beliefs.

Our occurrings, on the other hand, are the meaning we give to an event in reality, in other words, how reality occurs to us at a given moment. Each occurring is a distinct meaning that usually lasts only a short time and then fades away by itself when we stop thinking about the event. An example of an occurring is your boss asking you a question and it occurring to you as she doesn’t trust me, she doesn’t like me, or I’m going to get fired. That is the meaning you have given to the boss’s question. In reality all that happened is that she asked you a question. Contrast that occurring—the meaning you gave to that specific event—to beliefs that act as a filter through which we view all events, such as No one trusts me. No one likes me. I can’t keep a job.

Why occurrings are so important

Usually we don’t distinguish between reality and how reality occurs for us (our occurring), so we think the meaning we give reality IS reality. Because we think our occurring IS reality, we interact with our occurring, not reality.

For example, losing our job is a fact in reality, seeing it as a disaster or a great opportunity are two possible ways the event can occur for you. You can “see” that you no longer have a job. You can’t “see” that the job loss is a disaster or an opportunity. If your job loss occurred to you as a disaster, you would try to deal with “a disaster,” instead of with a job loss, which probably would have you feel and behave differently

The simple distinction between beliefs and occurrings

Can you see that beliefs are broad generalizations that filter your view of all events, while occurrings are “one time” meanings you give to specific events that do not affect the meaning you give to similar events in the future?

Your long-held beliefs are NOT occurrings. Occurrings require, by definition, an event, either in your mind or in the world. An occurring is how an event occurs for you. If there is no event, there is no occurring.

Is it now clear that beliefs and occurrings are two totally different phenomena? There is a relationship between them, however, in that beliefs are the major source of our occurrings. In other words, how a meaningless event occurs for us is determined mainly by our beliefs. (Other determining factors can include our mood, physical condition, and stage of development [see almost any of Ken Wilber’s books for details on stages of development])

Change your beliefs and you can change how events show up for you. For example, if you believe, People are stupid, they will occur for you that way. Eliminate that belief and your future occurrings probably will change

It is important to realize that it is possible to dissolve an occurring without eliminating any beliefs. On the other hand, if you don’t eliminate the beliefs that are causing a occurring, you will continue to have the same occurring when similar events happen in your life.

I want to emphasize that the reason this distinction between reality and our occurrings is so important is that most people rarely distinguish between them, thereby acting as if their occurring IS reality. In other words, we rarely deal with what is actually in the world; we deal with the meaning we have given what is in the world, a meaning that exists only in our own mind.

Define a few relevant terms

Let me define a few other terms that are relevant to this discussion. First, reality, by which I mean what actually happens in the world. Events. What you know through your five senses, especially what you can see or hear. What you usually could capture on a video recording. Sometimes “reality” can’t be “seen” because it is inside your mind, such as thoughts, memories, projections of the future, and physical sensations. We can give all of these meaning, so we can have occurrings about all of them

The next term I want to clarify is “No meaning.” Events in reality have no inherent meaning. In other words, you can’t draw any inferences or make any predictions—for sure—as a result of observing any events, including internal events such as memories or physical sensations. All meaning, therefore, is in your mind. This idea can be difficult to prove to someone who hasn’t experienced it. I hear all the time: “Of course events have meaning! Doesn’t dying have meaning? Doesn’t it mean something if someone treats you badly?” The best way I know to make this idea real is to experience it when you do the Lefkoe Belief Process, where you experience clearly that mom’s and dad’s behavior had no inherent meaning, that the way they treated you meant nothing about you.

Our occurrings cause most of our feeling

The third idea I want to clarify is: “Reality can’t cause feelings.” Reality/events are unable to make you feel anything because they have no inherent meaning. The primary source of your feelings is the meaning you give to events.

For example: If you don’t get something you want and you give it the meaning: I can’t get what I want and I never will—you probably will get upset. If you give it the meaning: I haven’t gotten what I want yet, so what do I have to do to get it?—you probably will feel challenged and excited. The meaning we give events is the primary source of our feelings. Thus, being able to dissolve your occurrings enables you to simultaneously dissolve negative feelings, such as anxiety, anger, and upset

Although beliefs sometimes can cause feelings directly (for example, the belief men are dangerous probably would make a woman anxious around men), their major influence on feelings is via occurrings. In other words, beliefs are a primary determinant of our occurrings, and our occurrings cause most of our feelings.

For example, imagine that your boss walks in your room and says to you: “Is the project complete yet?” That is the reality, what actually happened. That might occur to you as she is dissatisfied with me, or my job is in jeopardy, or I never do anything right. That occurring, in turn, might have you feel anxious or possibly even angry.

I needed to eliminate a lot of beliefs (and some conditionings) to get rid of my depression, my neediness, my need for the approval of others, and a bunch of other problems. But I still had many occurrings daily that caused little upsets, many of which I’ve written about in earlier posts. When I stopped giving meaning to events, these minor upsets stopped completely.

Because getting rid of beliefs and occurrings are two totally different processes, it is possible for you to dissolve your moment-by-moment occurrings even before you have eliminated many beliefs

Please leave your comments and questions about the distinction between beliefs and occurrings and how each of them affects your life.

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A father’s fear for his daughter

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 20:17:10 +0000

I’m writing this on the North Shore of Oahu, Hawaii, where my wife Shelly and I are visiting our 29-year-old daughter Blake.

Shortly after she arrived in Hawaii almost 11 years ago she started surfing. She now surfs waves as big as 20 feet and she has progressed to the level where there are some real risks in what she is doing.

If surfing big waves wasn’t enough, earlier this year she told us that she had started skydiving. She fell in love with jumping out of airplanes and in no time had completed her 100th jump.

Hanging out at the “Drop Zone”

Earlier today Blake took Shelly and me to the “Drop Zone,” where she jumps. Shelly was thinking about skydiving for the first time. Also, Blake wanted us to meet her friends there and see what the sport was all about. As she introduced us to them, one by one, I noticed grins on most of the faces. They seemed as happy a group of people as I had met in a long time. As I talked to them they told me how much they loved their jobs and couldn’t imagine doing anything else for a living. It might be a dangerous sport but you never would have known it from talking to people who jump out of a plane at 14,000 feet as often as 10 times a day.

After Shelly decided not to jump, we watched dozens of people float down to the ground, their colorful parachutes swaying in the breeze. At some point Blake turned to us and suggested we leave.

I said to her, “As long as we’re already here, don’t you want to jump?” Blake answered that she would love to, but had decided not to because she thought Shelly and I might be afraid of watching her.

I did feel some fear, but I told her that as long as we were already there and she wanted to do it, she should jump and we’d watch. It actually was exciting to watch her appear through the clouds and slowly float down to the ground. I was pleased Blake had learned so much in such a short period of time (such as some simple tricks in the air, packing her own parachute, etc.).

What’s really selfish?

As we were driving away Blake commented that skydiving was a selfish sport. “What do you mean?” I asked. She replied that a skydiver is doing what she wants and is not thinking about how her friends and family would feel if there was an accident. I told her that was one way to look at it. Another was that it was even more selfish to ask someone to not live the life she wants to live in order to minimize the possibility that you might have to live with the consequences of her behavior.

I also said to her: “ I can’t imagine how I would manage if something happened to you. But everything in life has some degree of risk, and it would not be okay with me for you to give up doing what you love doing and not live the life you want to live, just to remain safe for me. I’d rather deal with the consequences than have you give up living the life you want to live.”

I’m really proud that she does what she wants to do, is independent and courageous, has created a life that works for her, and considers her life “awesome.” She is truly happy and is recognized at a distance by the smile that is usually on her face.

Parents don’t want their kids to get hurt

Parents often are afraid their kids will get hurt and, because they love their children so much, they step in and try to keep them from getting hurt. Not only from physically dangerous activities like surfing or skydiving, but also as a result of their career choices, like becoming an actor or a professional athlete, where the chances of success are very slim and the chances of disappointment are great.

Parents frequently encourage their children to choose careers where, if you have the requisite skills, you are pretty much assured of getting a job with a “good” salary.

(Nowadays there are very few skills that will assure you of finding a job. Skills that virtually guaranteed you a lifetime job only a few yeas ago, such as the construction trades or manufacturing, won’t necessarily get you a job today.)

But are you really doing your children a service if they do what you want or what you think is “safe” or “practical,” if they never discover and follow their passion, if they never experience “Thank God it’s Monday,” instead of “Thank God it’s Friday”?

Follow your dreams

I’ve been telling my children since they were old enough to understand what I was saying: “Don’t ever get a ‘job.’ Figure out what you love doing, what you would be excited to do every day whether you got paid for it or not, and then find someone to pay you for doing it.”

I’ve been talking about parenting and children, but the points I have been making are just as valid for any of us as adults. If you get a “good” job that you have no interest in and you dread showing up for work every morning, you’ve wasted your life

Yes, there is always the possibility of failing at what you attempt. But if you are going to fail, wouldn’t you be better off failing while reaching for your dreams than failing while seeking something you wouldn’t have made you happy had you achieved it?

I’ve always loved Helen Keller’s quote: “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” If you aren’t going to create your life as a daring adventure, what’s the point of being here?

Please leave your comments and questions about giving in to fear and transcending fear below.

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Why do you have relationship problems?

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 22:11:52 +0000

Thanks so much for the many thoughtful responses to my post last week asking you how we can contribute to improving your life.

The single most common response had to do with relationships. Unfortunately, there is no simple advice I can offer in this area for several reasons.

Different types of relationship problems

To begin with, many of the beliefs men have that serve as barriers to having a great relationship are different from the beliefs women have.

Moreover, relationships have a lot of different aspects, such as:

• men can have a hard time approaching women,
• both men and women can have a hard time communicating with each other,
• either can continually get involved with someone from the who is abusive (although this is far more true for women than men),
• either can fear physical intimacy,
• both can have a hard time controlling their tempers in a relationship, and
• both can have difficulty in finding the right partner.

This multitude of sub-patterns is what makes it so difficult to create an on-line program that works for most people with a relationship problem. In addition, not only are there so many different types of relationship problems, each person with a given problem can have a few beliefs and conditionings other people don’t have.

In this post I’ll point out some of the most common beliefs and conditionings for each sub-pattern and try to provide some additional insights that might help you get or sustain a truly loving, nurturing relationship.

Three different types of “problems” we want to change

First of all, it is very important to distinguish between three very different types of problems or situations we want to change:

1. Our behavior—we can want to stop doing something we are already doing (such as emotional eating) or start doing something we are not doing (such as procrastinating any given activity).
2. Our feelings—we can want to stop feeling something we are already feeling (such as anxiety or anger) or start feeling something we have a hard time feeling (such as love).
3. Something in reality—we can want to change something in reality, such as acquire more wealth or find a great romantic partner.

It is important to distinguish between these three because The Lefkoe Method is extremely helpful with the first two types of problems. It is only marginally helpful with the third one.

You can have beliefs or conditionings that would make it difficult to have a great relationship, such as I’m not loveable, men/women can’t be trusted, relationships are difficult, and I’ll never get what I want. But eliminating those and other similar beliefs will not provide you with the perfect mate, although it will enable you to do things you couldn’t do before that might increase your changes of finding the perfect mate.

In other words, although The Lefkoe Method can almost always change your behavior and feelings, and can help you remove barriers to you getting what you want in reality, it is unlikely to provide you with what you want.

Obviously you have to take action and some actions are better than others. I offered several suggestions based on my own experience that you can use to create an incredibly loving and nurturing relationship. See http://www.mortylefkoe.com/improve-relationships/#. But if you have beliefs in the way, you could have a hard time doing what I suggest.

Does the Law of Attraction Work?

Will focusing on what you want (the Law of Attraction) result in you getting what you focus on? What about the variation of focusing with emotion and then taking action? Although it would be nice if that always worked, there are many more people who complain that it doesn’t work than people who claim that it does. In any case I wouldn’t count on it to provide you with the mate you are seeking.

That being said, I’ll tell you some of the beliefs and conditionings that can influence your behavior relating to relationships and serve as a barrier to you getting what you want. In addition to the list below, the negative self-esteem beliefs and conditionings on the Natural Confidence program are relevant in most relationship problems.

Here is a list of some common relationship problems and some of the most common beliefs and conditionings that cause them:

I usually pick unavailable men

• I can’t count on/trust men.
• I’m not what men want.
• I’m not worth loving.
• Commitment is dangerous.
• Fear associated with commitment.

Getting in and staying in physically/emotionally abusive relationships

• I’m powerless.
• Men have all the power.
• Women are victims.
• I’m not worth it.
• I’m not loveable.
• I’m bad.
• I don’t deserve to be happy/get what I want.

I can’t find a great relationship

This is an example of wanting to change reality, not your behavior or feelings. So getting rid of these beliefs will eliminate some barriers, but will not necessarily get you what you want. (Before looking for beliefs, notice if you are taking the appropriate actions, for example, going to places where you might find the type of person you are looking for.)

• Fear associated with rejection.
• There are no good men/women out there.
• Men/women are evil/controlling.
• I have to give up my independence/ freedom to be in a relationship.
• I’m not loveable.
• Men/women can’t be trusted.
• Relationships are difficult.
• I’ll never get what I want.
• Life is difficult.

Difficulty with physical intimacy/sex

• Sex is bad/evil.
• I’m bad if I desire sex.
• Sex is dirty.
• All that men want is sex.
• (If a woman has been raped or incested, she is likely to have beliefs like: I’m damaged goods, men are dangerous, life is dangerous, I’m bad—all of which can make physical intimacy very difficult.)

I get angry very easily and yell at my partner

• I’m powerless.
• What makes me good enough and important is having things be exactly the way I want them to be.
• (With these beliefs if someone doesn’t do exactly what you want, the way you want, when you want, you’ll feel powerless. And then you’ll get angry at the person who seems to be making you feel powerless.)

Men having a difficult time approaching women

Because this is largely a result of a lack of confidence, all the beliefs and conditionings on the Natural Confidence program are especially relevant. Also:

• I’m not attractive.
• I’m not interesting.
• I’m weird.
• I’m annoying.
• Fear associated with approaching women.
• Women don’t want nice guys.
• All the beliefs about sex listed above.
• Fear associated with making a fool of myself.
• Women want men who are confident, who can provide financial security, who are interesting, who are attractive, etc.—and I’m not those things.

Please leave your comments and questions about relationship problems below.

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How can we serve you?

Morty Lefkoe — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 23:08:00 +0000

I am committed to making the Lefkoe Institute as helpful to you as possible. To that end I’ve created a number of products and services designed to help you make lasting changes in your life. In addition, I’ve created this blog to provide you with useful information.

In order to continue to provide you with what you want and need, I would like to know exactly what you would find useful. So I have two questions:

1. What courses or solutions would you like us to offer that would help you permanently eliminate the barriers in your life and live the life you want to live?

So that you don’t suggest a product or service that I’ve already created, here’s a run-down of everything we currently offer.

PRODUCTS

Free Belief Elimination Program

We’ve made available three videos that help you eliminate three of the most common beliefs that keep people from having what they want. They are only available in streaming video. http://recreateyourlife.com/free

Natural Confidence Program

This program helps you attain the natural state of confidence you had before you formed any limiting beliefs. Once you complete the program, you’ll take action to achieve your goals, do what you believe is right even if others disagree, and feel calm and relaxed during what used to be experienced as troubling times.

Eliminating the 23 beliefs and conditionings on this program will also help you get rid of seven other common problems, including a lack of confidence, procrastination, worrying about what others think of you, and stress. This program is available as a DVD and in streaming video formats.

The Abundance Program

This series of five videos, available only in streaming video, helps you eliminate five beliefs that can block you from having a sense of financial abundance. http://recreateyourlife.com/moneybeliefs.

The Secret For Ending Overeating for Good (free eBook)

This eBook describes the causes of and a revolutionary cure for emotional eating. Get the free book at: http://www.emotionaleatingreport.com/. You also can sign up there to get regular blog posts specifically on emotional eating.

SERVICES

One-on-one Phone Sessions

We offer private phone and Skype sessions that help you discover the beliefs and conditionings that cause any behavioral or emotional problem, and then eliminate them. To find out how we can help you, please call us at 415-884-0552.

Courses

The Lefkoe Occurring Course

This powerful course, which is only offered three or four times a year, teaches you how to dissipate the fear that keeps you from taking action and dissolve the anger that harms relationships. You achieve this by dissolving your “occurrings,” which arise from the meanings you give to events moment-by-moment. These automatic, unconsciously created occurrings determine how you experience your life. When you complete this course, you will have made the Lefkoe Occurring Process—the Process that enables you to dissolve your “occurrings” in moments—so automatic that you’ll rarely have to use it consciously any more. The course results in you experiencing a peace of mind that is possible only when your mind stops creating negative meanings for events. As Krishnamurti once said, "The highest stage of human intelligence is to observe without evaluating."

Lefkoe Belief Process Training Course

This nearly completed tele-course will teach you how to help yourself and others eliminate beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process.

2. What topics would you like more information about?

During the past few years I’ve written 124 posts on this blog, the equivalent of over two full-length books, which have led to 3, 138 comments and questions from readers and my responses.

Because you—my readers—read these posts because you are interested in improving something in your life, I’ve mainly written about how you can make fundamental changes in your behavior and emotions. I intend this blog to be the “go to” site for people wanting to discover the real underlying source of their problems and learn about the best solutions.

Here’s a link to a list of topics I’ve already written about

http://www.mortylefkoe.com/table-of-contents/#

How can we serve you?

Please answer my two questions, which I’ve copied below, so we can continue to give you what you want and need.

1. What courses or problems would you like us to offer that would help you make the changes you want to make and live the life you want to live?

2. What topics would you like more information about?

We are committed to being the best place to get information on how to improve your life and to being the best company to obtain effective and permanent solutions to the problems in your life.

Please leave your comments and questions below.

If you found this post useful, please tell your friends and followers by using the buttons at the top of this post.

To get my blog posts as podcasts, sign up for the RSS feed at mortylefkoe.com above or look up “Morty Lefkoe” at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly.

How to build your self-confidence

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 22:51:28 +0000

NOTE: One of the most frequent questions I get is about what causes a low level of self-confidence and what can be done to improve it. To answer those questions I’ve posted an updated version of a post from early last year on this topic.

Most of us would like to improve our level of confidence.

But why?

What is confidence anyway?
Where does it come from? Why do some people have more of it than others?
How can we improve our level of confidence?
How does a low level of confidence affect us and what changes in our lives when we gain confidence?

As someone who has helped literally thousands of people build more confidence, I think I am qualified to answer these questions. (By the way, I had very little self-confidence for most of my life but now I consistently experience a high level of confidence.)

What is confidence?

Confidence actually exists on a continuum, ranging from a sense of victimization to a sense that we can handle whatever life throws at us. Some people are almost totally lacking in confidence and some feel confident that they can handle almost anything; most people are in-between. So the issue for most people is where they currently are on the continuum and how they can raise their level of confidence.

It is important to distinguish between confidence about being able to perform a specific task (such as fly a plane or speak a foreign language) and confidence in yourself. One might not be confident about being able to perform a specific task even though one has high level of self-confidence. Such a person knows that her inability to perform a specific task means nothing about her as a person.

Confidence is ultimately a function of the self-esteem beliefs we hold. For example, someone who believes I’m not good enough, I’m not capable, I’m powerless, I’m not worthy or deserving, etc. will likely have a low level of self-confidence. On the other hand, someone with the beliefs I am good enough, I am capable, I impact my reality, I’m worthy and deserving, etc. will likely have a high level of self-confidence.

In other words, your confidence in yourself as a person is the result of having positive beliefs about yourself.

How to improve your level of confidence

The way to gain confidence about specific abilities is to learn those skills and practice a lot. The way to improve our internal level of confidence that we apply to life in general is to eliminate our limiting beliefs. Every negative self-esteem-type belief we have lowers our internal level of self-confidence; every one we eliminate raises our internal level of self-confidence.

Once you understand that negative self-esteem beliefs lower your level of self-confidence and getting rid of them raises it, you will realize that the commonly-held notion that self-confidence comes from succeeding or failing at specific projects in life is a serious misunderstanding.

Even if you usually succeed at tasks as a kid, but your parents constantly tell you that you should have done better, you are likely to conclude, Nothing I do is good enough and other similar beliefs, which will lower your self-confidence. On the other hand, if you don’t succeed at tasks a lot of the time as a kid and your parents say things like: “That’s okay, no one gets it right the first time. If you keep practicing you will get better and better”—you are likely to conclude: If I keep trying I can do anything. That belief would raise your level of self-confidence. In other words, your level of self-confidence is a function of your beliefs—the meaning you give your results—not your actual results.

And if you create a bunch of positive self-esteem beliefs early in life, failures later on probably will be experienced as learning experiences or temporary set backs that have nothing to do with who you are as a person.

Some of the consequences of low self-confidenc

A low level of self-confidence can result in a host of other emotional problems, such as worrying about the opinions of others (we don’t have confidence in our own opinion), a critical “little voice” in our head that constantly criticizes almost anything we do (because nothing we do is really good enough), and stress (because we are constantly worried that what we are doing is just not good enough and we will fail.)

Low self-confidence also can result in self-defeating behavior. It can keep you from ever getting started. Or it can have you quit at the first sign of a problem. Or it can lead you to sabotage yourself when you get close to success because you feel you don’t really deserve to get what you want. Or if somehow you manage to get some of what you want, a low level of self-confidence will keep you from truly enjoying your success. The best illustration of this latter point is a study of large company CEOs done many years ago in which most of them admitted they were terrified that they would be “found out” and that everything they had achieved would be taken away from them. This fear is so common that it has been given a name: “The Imposter Syndrome.

How building confidence improves your life

Some of the benefits of increased self-confidence include: You’ll take more chances. You’ll stop procrastinating. You’ll do whatever you need to do to move your vision forward. You’ll finally start things you’ve always wanted to do and never got around to doing. It will make social activity easier. Talking to people and meeting new people will become easier and effortless. Failure and mistakes will no longer be dreaded. And you’ll do what you want without worrying about what others will think

Do you still have any questions about confidence? Is the difference clear between a lack of self-confidence and the inability to perform a specific task? Please leave your comments and questions below

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Do you know the difference in the many personal growth materials?

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 22:48:08 +0000

I’d like to slightly modify a story we’ve all heard before in order to enable you to get greater value from the many personal growth products and services.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat fish today but not have any fish for future meals. If you teach a man to fish, he will be able to eat fish forever as long as he is willing to catch the fish.

There is a third possibility that is not often talked about: If you transform the man’s diet (for instance, have him become a vegetarian) so that he doesn’t eat fish any more, his problem of not having fish to eat is solved forever.

Let’s apply the principle of this story to the rash of personal growth products and services we are offered daily.

Giving a man a fish is equivalent to doing something that will make people feel better. Workshops that result in participants leaving “on a high” are a good example of this. There is nothing wrong with seeking and enjoying products and services that merely provide a good experience at the moment, but it is important to realize that such “high” experiences usually have no lasting impact.

Teaching a man to fish is equivalent to giving people information, which if they used, would improve their lives. Workshops and books that provide people with useful information are a good example of this. There clearly is some “take-away” value, but the material must be used to be useful.

Transforming a man so he doesn’t need fish any more because he no longer eats fish is equivalent to eliminating the source of, or transcending, people’s behavioral or emotional problems. For example, when you eliminate the beliefs and conditionings that cause procrastinating, feeling anxious, or worrying about what others think of you, those problems disappear. No further action is required to achieve these benefits.

What’s been your experience with all three types?

Most people who are reading this probably have attended a workshop or read a book that promised a transformation, which gave you the feeling of being “transformed at the time,” but then resulted in you feeling disappointed when the “high” wore off a few days later and there were no permanent improvements in your life.

Most of you probably have attended some type of course or read some book that offered some really useful information. This material spelled out in detail how to improve your relationships (like my blog post last week) or become successful. The information truly is valuable because most people will achieve what the courses and written material promise if you implement what they teach.

Lasting change

Relatively rare are spiritual practices or belief-eliminating programs that actually transform you permanently, so that thereafter you deal with life differently and feel differently about specific situations.

The third category of personal growth material is not inherently better than the second. Both the second and third types of personal growth material can make a profound difference in your life, but there is still a significant difference between the two. And in order for you to get the most value from what you spend your time and money on, you should be clear about the difference.

Before you purchase material that teaches you how to do something, make sure you are committed to fully implementing the information. Not using it at all or stopping before the full benefit is achieved will result in a lot of frustration and wasting your money. If you are committed to using what you learn, then books like Jack Canfield’s The Success Principles, Marci Shimoff’s Happiness For No Reason, John Gray’s many Mars-Venus books on relationships, and any of Ivan Misner’s books on networking. are invaluable. My weekly blog posts are another example of the second type of personal growth material.

Certain meditation classes, workshops with people like Andrew Cohen (founder of Enlighten Next, and sessions where you use The Lefkoe Method to eliminate beliefs and conditionings (and create yourself as the creator of your life) are examples of the third type of personal growth material. You leave these experiences with a different experience of who you really are, there are permanent changes in what you do and how you feel, and your life is demonstrably improved from then on.

There is value in each of these three types of personal growth offerings, but the value is very different. Be clear what you are looking for and then make sure that what you purchase provides you what you want.

What do you think about the three different types of personal growth products and services? Please write your comments below.

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For information about eliminating 23 of the most common limiting beliefs and conditionings, which cause eight of the most common problems in our lives, and get a separate video of the WAIR? Process, please check out: http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence.

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What is the relationship between financial success and personal growth?

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 22:58:02 +0000

The tens of millions of people who are interested in self-improvement have two different but related focuses: financial success and personal growth.

People who primarily are interested in financial success seek out products that promise to help them make more money and end up with more wealth. Such people are usually willing to pay more for their courses and webinars than for courses that only improve their emotional well-being.

People who primarily are interested in personal growth usually want to change their behavior, such as stop procrastinating, and their emotions, such as stop their anxiety and anger. People for whom this is the goal usually are willing to pay far less for such products. Some of these people, especially those who have a strong spiritual bent, even think that being spiritual precludes them from pursuing money.

So although sometimes there is an overlap between these two groups, people tend to have one focus or the other.

There is an inextricable connection

But even for the people who do pursue both goals, I’m not sure that many people interested in self-improvement are aware that there is an inextricable connection between the two areas of life.

Although financial success can be affected by many different factors—including what product or service you are offering, the quality of the offering, to what market, competition, at what price, etc.—one of the most critical factors that is often ignored but that significantly affects your financial success is your mental/emotional state.

Because my expertise is on how beliefs affect our lives, I’ll focus on the impact of beliefs, but whether the source of dysfunctional behavior and emotions are beliefs or anything else, the chance of achieving and enjoying financial success in today’s world is slim unless you are able to get rid of your dysfunctional behavior and emotions.

Let me explain why.

For many years, success in business depended on showing up every day and doing what you were told. If you did it well enough for long enough, you’d usually move up through the organization you worked for and end up with a nice pension.

Financial success requires personal growth

Today showing up and doing the “right” thing is no longer enough, whether you work for yourself or for others. More and more organizations are looking for creative, innovative, imaginative people who will figure out for themselves what needs to be done instead of waiting to be told. And if you work for yourself, then merely doing what others do, the way others do it, is unlikely to provide significant financial success.

Today the world is looking for the intellectually curious, the people who are willing to take risks, who, as Seth Godin puts it, are willing to “poke the box.”

If that is what financial success requires in today’s fast-changing world—where what worked yesterday is probably not what is going to work today and certainly won’t be what works tomorrow—than your behavior and emotional state are crucial.

Beliefs that hinder financial success

What is the chance of you being innovative, taking chances, doing what makes sense to you whether others approve or not, etc. if you have even just a few of the following beliefs?

I’m not good enough.
Mistakes and failure are bad.
If I make a mistake or fail I’ll be rejected.
I’m inadequate.
I’m not important.
What makes me good enough and important is having others think well of me.
I’m not capable.
I’m not competent.
I’m powerless.

And that list of self-esteem beliefs doesn’t even include specific beliefs about money, such as:

Money is hard to get.
Money is a struggle.
There’s never enough money.

In addition to the beliefs, what if also you have been conditioned to feel fear if you are rejected, if you are criticized or judged, or if you don’t live up to the expectations of others?

People with beliefs and conditionings like these will have a hard time doing what they need to do to achieve financial success. Yes, they can learn what to do from a lot of great books and courses, but it will still be difficult to implement that really useful advice.

A client buys the house of her dreams

My wife Shelly—who is a Certified Lefkoe Method Facilitator who helps over 25 clients a week get rid of limiting beliefs—told me the following story that illustrates this point. She had a client who eliminated a few negative self-esteem beliefs and other negative beliefs about achieving financial abundance. One day she got a call from this client who wanted to share some exciting news with her. The client and three of her friends had attended a T. Harv Eker workshop, after which she had bought the summer house of her dreams.

The client attributed her new possession to what she learned in the workshop. Shelly listened and then asked the client what her friends had purchased. The client responded that they hadn’t bought anything or done anything to improve their financial condition after the workshop.

At that point Shelly pulled out the client’s file and read her some of the beliefs she had eliminated before she attended the workshop: I’m not deserving, Money is scarce and hard to get, You should always save for a rainy day, I’ll never get what I want, and I’m not important.

Shelly then asked her, “Do you think you would have spent the money and bought the summer house of your dreams if you still had the beliefs you eliminated?” The stunned silence at the other end of the phone line was the answer.

Obviously merely getting rid of limiting beliefs and conditionings is not sufficient to insure financial abundance. You have to take action. But the ability to take the type of actions required for financial success in today’s world require the ability to not be stopped by your fear of making mistakes, by what you think others may think of your behavior, or by a lack of confidence.

So if financial success is your focus—and there is nothing wrong with that focus—make sure you handle your personal growth first. It probably will give you a better chance to achieve financial success and it certainly will enable you to enjoy it more.

What do you think about the relationship between personal growth and financial success? Please write your comments below.

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How to improve your relationships

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 23:21:02 +0000

I rarely give advice in my weekly blog post. I focus on the relationship between beliefs/conditioning and having the life you want to have. That is my area of real expertise.

But there is one aspect of life in which I think I am an expert, where I think I can give some very useful advice: how to improve your relationship with your significant other (spouse or steady partner). Shelly and I have created an incredible relationship and I think some of the things we do can significantly improve your relationship, although you might have to eliminate some beliefs in order to implement some of the suggestions.

The door closes

After Shelly and I had decided to get married but before the wedding, she complained about the fact that I was already leading a couple of evening seminars a week and was thinking about taking on an additional one. She said that it didn’t make sense for her to live with me if I was never going to be home to be with her. It wasn’t a threat, but the clear implication was that it made no sense to her for us to live together if I was going to be away “so often.”

I said, “I only have one demand if we are going to get married.” Now, Shelly is not someone who does well with demands, so she responded with surprise: “Excuse me!” I said, “I promise I will never cheat on you, I will never do anything I know will hurt you, and I am willing to work on myself to fix anything that is a problem in our relationship, but if we are going to be together, as of this moment you have to give up the right to leave, your commitment has to be absolute. If you are going to marry me I want your word that this is forever.”

I explained, “If we agree there we will never ‘entertain leaving,’ then we will have to find a way to make our relationship work. As long as leaving is a possibility, then there will never be a total commitment to making it work.”

Shelly was stunned. She told me later that she was terrified to make such a commitment. She had experienced the “freedom of a single life” for over 30 years. But she said that at that moment when she chose to give me the commitment it was as if a safe vault door was shut and she was on the inside. She later told me that the freedom she had experienced when she made the commitment was amazing.

In the early years of our marriage when we did argue a lot and had a lot of disagreements, this commitment that we had both made always kept us focused on finding a solution instead of thinking that we could leave if it didn’t work out.

Love for no reason

I’ve written about this next “tip” before, so let me review it briefly and give you a link to read about it in more detail. http://www.mortylefkoe.com/love-unconditionally/#

When Shelly and I were living together, shortly before we got married, she asked me why I loved her. I answered her, “Just because I say so.”

She didn’t like this answer. She wanted to know which qualities about her made me love her. I kept insisting that I only loved her because I said so, not for any particular reason.

At some point I explained what I meant. “If I love you for specific reasons, then my love is conditioned on you being a certain way. If you stopped being that way or if you weren’t that way at a given time, I wouldn’t love you. But if I love you just because I say so, then my love is unconditional and I can and will love you no matter what you do or don’t do.” I’ve repeated this to Shelly many times during the past 30 years and I think it’s finally okay with her.

As a result of this unconditional love, whenever I haven’t feel love toward Shelly at any given moment, I realized that I was not creating it and that it was up to me to figure out why and to start creating it again. I wasn’t blaming her for anything and I wasn’t waiting for her to change in some way. That gave me complete control over the way I felt about her, in other words, there was not only nothing she had to do to make me love her, there was nothing she could do that would lead to me not loving her.

I love a lot of things that Shelly does—such as the way she supports me, the way she loves me, and the way we read each other’s minds—but I don’t love her because of those things. So I am able to love her just as much when she doesn’t do those things as when she does.

This tip alone has me able to love Shelly 24/7, 365 days a year, regardless of what she does or doesn’t do. It makes for an incredible relationship.

Create love newly every day

Closely related to the prior suggestion is the importance of creating love for each other every day. I don’t try to remember how much I loved Shelly yesterday, I just wake up and create loving her, newly, every day. The first thing I say to her every morning is: I love you. Which is usually the last thing I say to her before we go to sleep at night.

I probably tell her how much I love her at least five times a day and frequently send her Google chats or emails that say: “Just in case you forgot: I love you massively.”

I find that the very act of saying “I love you” makes it easier to create that feeling in me.

(While I was editing this post Shelly suddenly appeared in my office, walked over to me, kissed me, and then walked out. Does life get any better than that?)

Stop giving meaning to things your partner says and does

As a result of implementing the relationship suggestions I’ve made above, Shelly and I have always had a very good relationship, even when we argued a lot in the early days. But even after eliminating all the beliefs we could find about ourselves and relationships, and after living the suggestions I’ve made in this post, there were still daily things that Shelly did that resulted in me feeling frustrated or annoyed with her.

For example, when I married Shelly over 30 years ago I was a mess. I had just been divorced for a second time and was getting depressed frequently. When we argued my way of coping with my upsets was to withdraw … and not just for a few hours. I’d withdraw for a couple of days! Shelly, on the other hand, would “get off it” (in other words, let go of the upset) in an hour or so and then wonder why I was reacting to something that had ended hours or even days before.

As I used The Lefkoe Method (TLM) to eliminate beliefs and conditionings, the time it took me to let go of my upset decreased, until, like Shelly, I could get off it in an hour or so after the argument was over.

At some point we created a friendly competition to see who could get off it first, in other words, who would be the first one to let go of the upset totally and be back in relationship with the other person. I ultimately acquired the ability to do that during an argument (as opposed to after it was over). I was able to stop right in the middle of it and just smile and say: “I’m sorry that whatever I am doing is upsetting you. Is there anything I can do to resolve this? I love you.”

Here’s what’s important about what I was doing. I didn’t say these words to placate Shelly or use extreme will power while still being upset. I was able to stop the upset and then say words that were true for me.

How did I learn to do that? I started asking myself what meaning I was giving Shelly’s behavior and comments. I realized that my upset was due to the meaning I was giving her behavior, not due to what she actually said or did. And then I followed two steps to get rid of that meaning.

First I realized that Shelly’s behavior had no inherent meaning, in fact, I realized that all events in the world have no meaning. Then I asked myself if I could literally “see” the meaning I had given her actions and statements. Obviously I never could “see” the meaning I had given, I could only “see” the events.

So it became clear to me that the meaning existed only in my mind. What she was doing and saying had no inherent meaning. The only meaning was the one I had given it.

As you know if you’ve eliminated at least one belief using the Lefkoe Belief Process, events that have no meaning can’t make us feel anything. So the upset that I thought Shelly had “caused” was, in fact, caused by the meaning I had given what Shelly did and said. When that became real, the upset literally disappeared.

For example, if your partner doesn’t do something you asked her to do and then you give the event the meaning that you can’t get what you want, you will get angry. If you give the event the meaning that your partner doesn’t care about what you want, you will be hurt or upset. If you say that your partner’s behavior has no inherent meaning, you will feel nothing. You’ll probably just calmly do what you needed yourself or ask your partner again if she will do it.

And that is something you can learn to do consistently, with practice.

Try implementing these four suggestions and then use the comment section below to let us know how they affect your relationship. Great relationships really are possible.

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Why Do We Need To Create Meaning?

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 23:48:06 +0000

Why do we usually make up a meaning for events that have no inherent meaning? And how does that automatic, unconscious meaning-making process create problems for us?

Why we need to create meaning

As a human being, your survival is conditional—it is not guaranteed. In other words, there are some things that help insure your survival and some things that threaten your survival. As a very young child, having loving, caring parents makes us feel our survival is insured; having parents who do not love or care about us (or who we feel do not love or care about us) makes us feel our survival is threatened. As an adult having someone on a dark street stick a gun in your face and demand your money makes you feel as if your survival is threatened.

Human beings seem to have a hard-wired “meaning making” mechanism that judges almost everything: conducive to my survival or inimical to my survival—for me or against me. One of the first words that children learn, and then repeat incessantly, is “why.” We need to understand what is happening and why so we can better judge the effect it might have on our lives.

The need to discover an event’s probable impact on us leads us to look for the meaning in events that have no inherent meaning. As I’ve explained in earlier posts and as is clear to anyone who has eliminated at least one belief using the Lefkoe Belief Process, no event has an inherent meaning because any event could have a multitude of meanings and you can’t ever draw any conclusions, for sure, from any event. Meaning exists only in the mind, not in the world.

For example, if parents get angry when their children didn’t meet their expectations, most children will assign such behavior the meaning that they aren’t good enough. In fact, however, the fact that parents are angry at their child tells you nothing for certain about their child. As a result, you can’t know anything for certain about a child from the fact that his parents frequently got angry at him. In other words, the events involving the parents and children have no inherent meaning.

We create two different types of meaning

There are two fundamental types of meaning we give to events:

The first type is the meaning we give to a pattern of events, such as mom and dad being busy a lot of the time (leading to: I’m not important) or mom and dad arguing a lot and getting divorced (leading to: Relationships don’t work). These meanings become beliefs, which are generalized statements about ourselves, people and life that stay with us forever unless we find some way to eliminate the belief. Such beliefs are often variations of “I am …, or “People are …, or “Life is ….” Beliefs are statements about reality that we feel are “the truth,” thereby determining our behavior.

The second type is the meaning we give to specific events, both external (events in the world) or internal (such as thoughts, feelings, memories, physical sensations, etc.). These meanings last only as long as our focus on an event lasts. Like beliefs, such meanings are created unconsciously and automatically. The meaning we give this type of event determines how it “occurs” for us. Most of us most of the time never distinguish between actual events and how the events occur to us. We think the latter is real and therefore we deal with the “occurring” as if it is the actual reality.

In other words, if a friend walks into a room and doesn’t speak to us, and this event occurs to us as: my friend doesn’t like me, it seems to us as if the reality is my friend doesn’t like me. At which point we deal with this person as if he really doesn’t like me, when all we know for sure is that when he walked into the room he did not talk to us. In other words, because we usually don’t distinguish between an event and the meaning we give the event, we deal with the meaning as if it is what actually happened.

Ultimately, both types of meanings (beliefs and our occurrings) get substituted for reality in our mind and we don’t deal with what really is. In other words, we think our beliefs and occurrings are “the truth.”

Getting rid of these meanings

When you eliminate beliefs, you create new possibilities in your life because “your reality” has changed. The filters through which you view reality are gone. Barriers to action, such as procrastination and anxiety, have been permanently eliminated.

When you dissolve the meaning/occurring you give events moment by moment, you are better able to deal with the situation (if it needs dealing with) because you are clear on the difference between the event to be dealt with and the meaning that exists only in your mind. So you are able to see more possibilities for solving a problem. Moreover, because meaningless events cannot cause feelings, most of our negative emotions, such as anxiety and anger, come from the meaning you give events. By dissolving the meaning, you simultaneously dissolve the negative feelings.

Dissolve beliefs and occurrings by making a distinction

As I pointed out in an earlier blog post, we think our beliefs and the meaning we give events moment by moment are true because of a distinction we failed to make earlier, namely between the event(s) and the meaning we assign the event(s). Therefore, the way to eliminate or dissolve beliefs and current meanings is to make the distinction we did not make earlier. When we are able to make that distinction, the belief and the current meaning/occurring disappear.

When people are told they can eliminate beliefs, some respond: But won’t that force me to do things that might be dangerous, for example, if I eliminate the belief life is dangerous, won’t that make me oblivious to some real dangers. The answer is no. Eliminating beliefs does not make you do anything. It only offers new possibilities, from which you can freely choose.

A similar thing happens when I tell people that they can learn to stop giving meaning to events. One person asked: Won’t that lead to people becoming sociopaths? What he meant was: if your have no feelings, won’t you stop caring about other people? Won’t you lose all sense of morality? Again, the answer is no.

Not giving an arbitrary meaning to moment-to-moment events does not affect your values at all. You can still value human life and have a desire to alleviate the suffering of others.

In addition, you do not need meaning to get you to take action. If you lose your job, you don’t need to assume it means that you will not be able to pay your bills, that you will lose your home, that you will never get another job, etc. in order to start looking for a new job. In fact, you will be better able to create strategies for finding a new job if you are not overwhelmed with the fear that would result from such occurrings.

How can I decide what to do without any meaning?

But if nature built a meaning-making mechanism into us because we need to know if what we encounter in reality is conducive to or threatens our survival, how will we be able to survive if we stop making meaning?

There is a significant difference between making reasonable assumptions that we know are assumptions and that we continually check for accuracy, and unknowingly giving meaning to an event and then thinking that the way the event occurred to us is what actually happened. We can never be better off by being blind to what actually is.

Automatic meaning-making might be useful in a world where real danger lurks beneath every bush, where a saber-tooth tiger might jump out at you at any moment. In such a world, we need to automatically give meaning to events and respond without conscious thought. We are better being safe than sorry and assuming the worst will probably save our lives at some point.

But we no longer live in a world where we need automatic, unconscious meaning. In virtually every situation we have the time to carefully think about events and consciously determine their most likely meaning—all the while realizing that our consciously-created meanings are provisional and need to be checked for usefulness from time to time. We know they are our best guesses at that time and do not mistake them for the truth.

In today’s modern world, thinking your beliefs and occurrings are “the truth” can never be useful. So eliminate your limiting beliefs and learn how to stop automatically giving meaning to current events. You’ll be surprised at how much happier and more successful you will become.

What do you think about our biological need to create meaning and how not giving meaning to events enables us to have a better life? I’d love to read your comments and questions.

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Eliminate The Fear That Stops You

Morty Lefkoe — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 00:58:12 +0000

Have you ever told yourself that you were going to do something—something you really wanted to do—and then just never get around to it? If you are, you are like millions of others and Seth Godin’s new book is about you.

I read his newest book, Poke the Box, a few months ago and it’s just the right book for our times. It probably will become his 13^th best-seller.

You need to take action

If you’ve read any of his earlier books or his daily blog (which I devour as soon as it arrives in my inbox), you know that Seth is passionate about innovation and change. And, he stresses repeatedly, if you want to produce something new and change anything, you have to start and you have to “ship,” in other words, create a product or service and then make it available.

In other words, get an idea for something new that people will find valuable and willing to pay for and then stay with it until it’s ready to ship. But everyone knows that. Do we need another book that repeats that obvious truth?

He is talking about business, but the point he is making applies to all of us, all the time, outside of business. Life is about making things happen, not just thinking about what we would like to make happen.

The reason we need Seth’s book is that, despite the fact that the need to start and ship (the need to move forward in life) is obvious, most people don’t do it.

Seth correctly says that the major reason is fear of failure. We are afraid to make mistakes and to fail. And anytime you are trying something new, something that hasn’t been proven to work before, there is always the possibility of a mistake or failure.

Why do we all fear failure?

Seth spends most of his latest book encouraging people to overcome this fear and giving them tips on how to do it.

I totally agree with Seth that what is needed most in this world is innovation that is turned into products and services and then shipped. I also agree that fear of mistakes and failure is the biggest barrier to people doing this.

But I have a slight disagreement about why so many people are afraid. Yes, we do have a reptilian brain where the only thing that counts is our survival. That’s why anything we perceive as threatening our survival will produce the emotion of fear.

But what determines what we perceive to be a threat to our survival? If you are a regularly reader of my posts, you won’t be surprised when I say the answer is beliefs. In this case, two specific beliefs.

What makes people fear mistakes and failure are two beliefs that most people seem to have: Mistakes and failure are bad and If I make a mistake or fail I’ll be rejected. If you think it is bad to make a mistake or fail and that you will be rejected if you do either of these two things, you will experience fear and, in far too many cases, the fear will inhibit action.

The source of the “fear of failure” beliefs

Why are these two beliefs so common? Well, let’s take a look at how they were formed. Most parents never take parenting classes on learning how to be an effective parent and most parents bring their own “baggage” with them to the job of parenting. Moreover, most parents have unreasonable expectations for their children. For example, most parents expect toddlers to come when called, sit still, not make too much noise, and do what they are told to do. All of these things are virtually impossible for a toddler.

How do parents respond when their expectations are not met? In the best of cases with mild annoyance and frustration—in the worst of cases with physical abuse. The reaction of most parents is in-between these two extremes. Most parents get angry and repeat the phrases that have become clichés in our society: “How many times do I have to tell you?” “Don’t you ever listen?” “Why can’t you do what I tell you?” “What’s wrong with you?” Many of our clients tell us about their parents’ “look.”

What meaning does a four-to-six-year-old give to his parents’ response? I’m not doing what my parents want. I don’t seem to be able to give them what they want. I’m making mistakes and failing. And because mom and dad are angry, that must be bad. And because it feels like my parents don’t love me when they are angry at me and it feels like they are withdrawing from me, it feels like I’m being rejected.

Yes, most schools also create an environment in which these two beliefs are likely to be formed. Unfortunately most kids have already created these beliefs at home before the age of six, before they ever got to school.

How do I know this? Because my associates and I have helped over 13,000 clients eliminate the beliefs that cause most of the problems in their lives and most of these clients have had these two beliefs about mistakes and failure. And the type of parenting behavior I described above is the source of the beliefs for almost all of them.

That’s the bad news. Here’s the good news.

Beliefs like these can be quickly and permanently eliminated. And what I’ve discovered from my work with clients is that as soon as these two beliefs are eliminated (sometimes a few other core beliefs are required), the fear of failure literally disappears. Forever.

So maybe the best way to create a world in which most people are willing to “poke the box”—to create a new idea, then start work on it and then ship it—is to help millions of people get rid of the beliefs that are preventing such behavior.

Steps of a process to eliminate the beliefs

Here are the steps of a modified version of the Lefkoe Belief Process^® that will enable most people to eliminate these two beliefs about mistakes and failure (and most other beliefs) permanently. (Literally tens of thousands of people have gotten rid of these beliefs using this process.) Just ask someone these questions and allow them to answer. I’ll provide the answers that most people with the belief, Mistakes and failure are bad, have given.

Step 1: What is the belief?

Mistakes and failure are bad.

Step 2: What is the source of the belief? What happened (usually before the age of six if it’s a self-esteem belief) that led to this belief being formed?

Mom and dad were critical of me when I didn’t do what they wanted, when they wanted, or the way they wanted. They said things like: “Can’t you do anything right?” “When are you going to learn?” Sometimes they’d just look and sound disappointed and sometimes they got angry and yelled.

Step 3: Can you see that, although the meaning you gave the events (your belief) is one logically valid interpretation, there are three of four others? Name a few other possible meanings for my behavior and mom and dad’s reaction to it.

Mom and dad’s annoyance at me when I didn’t live up to their expectations could have several meanings: Mom and dad thought mistakes and failure were bad, but they were wrong. Mistakes and failure were bad in my house; they might not have been bad in other households. Mom and dad didn’t understand that mistakes and failure can be great learning experiences and aren’t bad at all. Mom and dad got annoyed at me, not because mistakes and failure are bad, but because they had unreasonable expectations of me as a young child.

Step 4: After helping find several other interpretations, ask: Can you see that your interpretation (your belief) is not the truth, it is only a truth, one possible interpretation of several that explain the events? The answer usually will be, yes.

Yes. It is only a truth.

Step 5: Imagine being present during the earlier events where your belief was formed. Doesn’t it seem as if you can see [the words of the belief]? The answer usually will be, yes.

I did see it.

Step 6. Can you really “see” [the words of the belief]? If you can really “see” it, tell me what it looks like, the shape, color, and location?

I can’t see it. The belief was only in my mind, not in the world.

Step 7. Can you get that, although there certainly were consequences of mom and dad’s comments and behavior, it had no meaning? In other words, you don’t know anything for sure about mistakes and failure merely from how your parents responded to your behavior as a child, do you?

No, I don’t. The childhood events have no inherent meaning. Only the meaning I gave them.

Step 8. Say the words of the belief. … Does this statement still feel like the truth? The answer usually will be, no.

The belief is gone.

As always, don’t take my word for what I claim. I urge you to try the exercises I present in my posts so you can discover for yourself that they work and result in profound changes in people. To see the steps of this process in action and to eliminate the belief, Mistakes and failure are bad, yourself, please go to: http://recreateyourlife.com/free/mistakes.php.

Try this and then let me know what results you produced. Tell me if your fear of taking action disappears.

What do you think about how our fear of failure beliefs stops us from acting? I’d love to read your comments and questions.

These weekly blog posts also exist as podcasts. Sign up for the RSS feed or at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly.

(This post is an edited version of a post I wrote for Amex Open Forum on March 18, 2011.)

Evidence that beliefs determine behavior

Morty Lefkoe — Wed, 06 Jul 2011 23:50:44 +0000

I’ve been telling you for years that our beliefs determine our behavior and the only way to permanently change our behavior is to eliminate limiting beliefs. An article in Time (“The Optimism Bias,” June 6, pp 40-46) describes an experiment that demonstrates this point and shows the profound impact of beliefs and expectations on our behavior.

The problem with pessimistic expectations … is that they have the power to alter the future: negative expectations shape outcomes in a negative way. How do expectations change reality?

To answer this question, my colleague, cognitive neuroscientist Sara Bentsson, devised an experiment in which she manipulated positive and negative expectations of students while their brains were scanned and tested their performance on cognitive tasks.

To induce expectations of success, she primed college students with words such as smart, intelligent and clever just before asking them to perform a test. To induce expectations of failure, she primed them with words like stupid and ignorant. The students performed better after being primed with an affirmative message.

Examining the brain-imaging data, Bengtsson found that the students’ brains responded differently to the mistakes they made depending on whether they were primed with the word clever or the word stupid. When the mistake followed positive words, she observed enhanced activity in the anterior medial part of the prefrontal cortex (a region that is involved in self-reflection and recollection). However, when the participants were primed with the word stupid, there was no heightened activity after a wrong answer. It appears that after being primed with the word stupid, the brain expected to do poorly and did not show signs of surprise or conflict when it made an error.

A brain that doesn’t expect good results lacks a signal telling it, “Take notice—wrong answer!” These brains will fail to learn from their mistakes and are less likely to improve over time. Expectations become self-fulfilling by altering our performance and actions, which ultimately affects what happens in the future. (Emphasis added.)

If merely saying or hearing words like stupid and ignorant can produce a measurable negative change in someone’s behavior, imagine what impact beliefs like, Mistakes and failure are bad, I’m not good enough and I’m powerless will have on our behavior.

Positive and negative expectations can be formed solely by beliefs; they also can be formed by conditioning. For example, if you don’t do well at something a number of times, in addition to forming negative beliefs you also can get conditioned to “expect” to not do well in the future.

The implications for parenting

Moreover, this and other similar studies should be additional evidence for parents to realize that their most important job is helping their children to form positive beliefs about themselves, people, and life. (The parenting course created by my wife, Shelly, is the only one I know of that teaches parents how to do precisely that. For information about that course, go to http://www.parentingthelefkoeway.com.)

What do you think about how our beliefs affect our behavior? I’d love to read your comments and questions.

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Change your life by changing your brain

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 23:33:32 +0000

Most of the time we are only interested in attaining results and we don’t really care about detailed explanations for how we got those results. But sometimes knowing precisely how we achieved specific results enables us to have more control over producing those results consistently. I think I’ve just figured out how one of my processes works as well as it does.

I’ve told you on several occasions how most of us don’t make a distinction between reality and the meaning we give it, and then deal with the meaning (that exists only in our mind) instead of what is actually happening in the world.

A simple example is someone you know walking in a room and not saying hello to you. That is all that actually happened. But most of us would give it a meaning like, he is angry with me or she doesn’t like me any more. And here’s the real problem: we think that the meaning actually occurred, as if we can see it, when, in fact, it’s only in our mind.

I’ve explained to you that the Lefkoe Occurring Process (LOP) enables us to make a clear distinction between the reality and the meaning, and then quickly and easily to dissolve the meaning, so we can clearly see and deal with the events/reality.

The new field of neuroplasticity

I’ve never known how the LOP worked; I only knew that it did. After learning about a intriguing new area of science called brain plasticity I think I now understand how the LOP works so well.

Until the past 20 years or so, most scientists were convinced that the brain developed for the first few years of life, growing new connections and then stopped and could no longer be changed. In a fascinating book, The Brain That Changes Itself, Norman Doidge, M.D., points out: “The common wisdom was that after childhood the brain changed only when it began the long process of decline; that when brain cells failed to develop property, or were injured, or died, they could not be replaced.

He tells of meeting scientists who in the past few decades had made “a series of unexpected discoveries. They showed that the brain changed its very structure with each different activity it performed, perfecting its circuit so it was better suited to the task at hand. … They began to call this fundamental brain property “neuroplasticity.”

At this point Doidge’s book gets really exciting because it enabled me to create a theory as to why the LOP works so well. Doidge discusses the work of Donald O. Hebb, a Canadian behavioral psychologist, who in 1949 proposed “that when two neurons fire at the same time repeatedly (or when one fires, causing another to fire), chemical changes occur in both, so that the two tend to connect more strongly. Hebb’s concept—actually proposed by Freud sixty years before—was neatly summarized by neuroscientist Carla Shatz: ‘Neurons that fire together wire together.’ Hebb’s theory thus argued that neuronal structure can be altered by experience.” (Emphasis added.)

How the LOP actually changes how the brain works

In other words, I suspect that there are parts of the brain that add meaning to events and that our perceptions of the world normally pass though those parts of the brain. By repeatedly dissolving the meaning we have given events, we are able to create a new neural circuit in the brain that bypasses those parts of the brain so that we are able to view our perception of events without meaning.

Many of the people in my Lefkoe Occurring Courses (including me) are able by the end of the course to stop giving meaning to most events and are able to dissolve any meaning we do give in a matter of moments. How did we achieve that result? We practiced dissolving the meaning we had automatically given to events hundreds of times. Somehow that repetition created a new circuit that bypassed the meaning-giving part of the brain.

I am excited about finding some neuroscientists who I can partner with to check the brains of a bunch of people before taking my Occurring Course and then again after, so we can see exactly what changes in the brain and where. (I’d also love to see what changes in the brain at the moment a belief is permanently eliminated!)

If you’d like to learn more about the upcoming Lefkoe Occurring Course, please go to http://occurringcourse.com.

Dissolving meaning enables unconditional love

Parenthetically, when I tell people that with practice they can stop giving meaning to most events, I am often asked: But what about positive emotions, like love? If you don’t give meaning to what people do, won’t you stop loving them?

Actually, just the opposite is true. Many of us want to give our family unconditional love, but even when we intend to do that, the meaning we give our spouse’s, our parents’, and our children’s behavior often leads to annoyance, frustration and even anger. At that moment we are not experiencing or expressing unconditional love, even if we intend to express unconditional love. When we are angry at someone our love is experienced as conditioned on them not doing the type of things they are doing at that moment, which we are annoyed or angry with.

But when you have laid down new neural pathways that bypass meaning, you are actually able to love unconditionally. My wife Shelly has remarked that in the past year or so (since just after I started offering the Lefkoe Occurring Course, which I took as a participant in the beginning) she has experienced a whole new level of love from me. I don’t think I love her any more, but I no longer get annoyed at little things she does and says, so I am able to express and she is able to experience my unconditional love. The same is true with my two daughters.

For information about how to create love “for no reason,” please see my blog post, http://www.mortylefkoe.com/012610.

What do you think about neuroplasticity? What do you think about my claim that by not giving meaning to the behavior of your loved ones you are able to express unconditional love? I’d love to read your comments and questions.

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How Making Distinctions Can Change Your Life

Morty Lefkoe — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 23:37:35 +0000

My post today is about “distinctions.” And why should you care about distinctions? Because most of the problems in your life today exist because of distinctions you failed to make earlier in your life. Moreover, the way to permanently eliminate those problems from your life is to make those distinctions now.

I’ve known for a long time that the act of creating something is dependent on making distinctions. But I now also see in a way that I never did before that the effectiveness of The Lefkoe Method results from its ability to help you make distinctions you haven’t made.

Creation is an act of distinction

First let me explain what I mean by creation results from an act of distinction. I first realized this when I heard a presentation by Werner Erhard over 30 years ago. Let’s do a little thought experiment he used to make real that making a distinction is an act of creation. Really do the exercise.

Imagine your hand expanding and expanding until it fills the universe, so that there is nothing in the universe but your hand. What happens to your hand? … If you actually do this exercise you will experience your hand disappearing. Why? … Because any “thing,” in order to exist, must have a not “it.

A hand is a palm and fingers with space around it. If there were nothing but hand, it would crease to exist because it couldn’t be distinguished from everything else. In other words, any “thing” (or everything), without any distinctions, is nothing.

This is not only true for physical objects, it also is true for abstractions. In order for “up” to exist, there has to be a “down.” “Peace” requires “war.” If there were only peace all the time, the idea of peace, as distinct from war, could not exist.

So the existence of any specific thing requires the non-existence of that thing. This is what is meant by a “dualistic universe.”

Is it now clear that we create by distinguishing some “thing” from everything else?

Beliefs are caused by a failure to distinguish

Now let me explain my insight the other day when I realized that all the processes of The Lefkoe Method are based on making distinctions that had not been made earlier and most of our behavioral and emotional problems (which are caused primarily by negative beliefs and destructive conditioning) ultimately are the result of not making crucial distinctions earlier in life. Let me explain

Let’s start with the Lefkoe Belief Process. To begin with, most people have never distinguished their beliefs as the primary cause of their behavior and feelings. Moreover, when you form a belief you are not distinguishing between the events and the meaning you are giving the events; it seems to you as if you have discovered the meaning (the belief) in the world, which leads you to think the meaning is inherent in the events, which leads you to think you can “see” the meaning in the world.

A belief is eliminated for most people when they distinguish between the event and the meaning, which leads them to realize they cannot “see” the belief in the world, at which point they get that the meaning exists only in their mind and not in the world. Emotionally kinesthetic people eliminate the belief when they make a distinction between reality as the source of their feeling/belief and the meaning they gave reality as the source of their feeling/belief.

In other words, the belief got formed because we failed to make a distinction earlier in life and is eliminated today when we make that distinction. If we had made the appropriate distinction earlier between the event and the meaning we attributed to it, the belief never would have been formed.

Conditionings also are caused by a failure to distinguish

What is the role of distinctions in the Lefkoe Stimulus Process (LStimP)? Let’s use my ice cream story to explain how stimuli are conditioned to produce emotions and how the LStimP de-conditions those stimuli so that they no longer trigger those emotions.

Imagine you were being handed an ice cream cone with one hand while the other hand made a fist that looked as if it was going to hit you. What would you probably feel as you observed both the ice cream and the fist? … Probably some degree of anxiety. If this happened repeatedly, at some point the ice cream would get conditioned to produce anxiety even when there was no fist accompanying it.

A common example of this in real life is being criticized as a child by your parents, who usually got angry and yelled at you when they criticized you. The criticism as such did not produce anxiety; the meaning a child gives the yelling produced anxiety because, for children, yelling means parents are angry, which means they don’t love me any more, which means I could be abandoned, which means I could die. That is what causes the anxiety.

The principle is: anything that repeatedly accompanies something else that produces anxiety can itself easily get conditioned to produce anxiety … when we don’t distinguish between the stimulus actually causing the anxiety and the other stimulus that itself does not produce anxiety but that repeatedly accompanies something that does.

The LStimP works by making a distinction that you didn’t make earlier in life when the conditioning took place. You realize that the ice cream was never scary; the fear was caused by the fist and you now make a distinction between the two. Being criticized was never scary; the fear was caused by the meaning you gave your yelling parents and you now make a distinction between the two.

Other Lefkoe Method processes help you made distinctions

There are other Lefkoe Method processes, such as the Lefkoe Occurring Process, which dissolves the meaning we give current events, the Lefkoe De-conditioning Process, which de-conditions emotional eating, the Lefkoe Sense Process, which de-conditions a negative sense of life or sense of self, and the Lefkoe Expectation Process, which de-conditions negative expectations.

These processes work in much the same way as the Lefkoe Belief Process: they enable you to make distinctions today that hadn’t been made earlier in life. When the distinction is made, the belief, the sense, the occurring, the expectation, or the conditioning is eliminated, as are the problems they cause.

Yet more to come

A lot of research has been done in recent years that proves conclusively that the brain is plastic, meaning it can change up until death. And making new distinctions is what enables the brain to create new pathways and learn. I have a strong sense that a better understanding of “distinctions” will enable me to create additional processes to facilitate easy and permanent change.

What do you think about distinctions? Do you have any questions about why they are so important in understanding both why people get stuck and how to get them unstuck? I’d love to read your comments and questions.

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The Relationship Between Buddhism and The Lefkoe Method

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 22:38:43 +0000

About 20 years ago I had the opportunity to discuss my work (which was only a few years old at that point) with Dr. Larry Dossey, a pioneer in the mind-body and holistic health fields. I told him how the Lefkoe Belief Process (LBP) eliminated beliefs and how the Who Am I Really? (WAIR?) Process seemed to help people get into an altered state of consciousness in which they experienced nothing was missing and anything was possible.

After discussing my work with me for a few minutes, Larry asked if I had studied Buddhism. I replied that I had read a little about it, but certainly was not a student of it. He then told me that I had “re-invented Buddhism.” I think what he meant by that was I had created a simple, practical process that was based on many of the tenets of Buddhism.

Does the Lefkoe Ocurring Process facilitate “witnessing”?

Last week I realized that my newest course—which teaches people how to distinguish between reality/events and the meaning we give those events, and then how to dissolve the meaning—also seems to have much in common with Buddhism.

The process of dissolving the meaning of events using the Lefkoe Occurring Process (LOP) seems to be diametrically opposed to the techniques Buddhists use: Buddhists say we should just “witness” the stream of thoughts and emotions and not do anything about them. I on the other hand suggest you actively dissolve them. Witnessing is supposed to be a passive state while the use of the LOP is a very active process. But the purpose of the two seems to be the same: to get to the point where you have detached from the events and can “witness” them without giving them any meaning.

And because meaningless events can’t cause you to feel anything, because only the meaning you have attributed to them causes feelings, when you merely witness events without giving them any meaning there are virtually no feelings. (Sometimes conditioning causes feelings, but this is a relatively small source of our feelings. And obviously, a real perceived threat to our survival would cause fear.)

In fact, people in my Lefkoe Occurring Courses have discovered that by the end of the course you actually stop giving meaning to most events and are able to quickly and easily dissolve the few meanings you do create. At which point you merely “witness” the events in front of you.

The value of being able to witness

What is the value of being able to observe events without meaning and emotions? As Ken Wilbur put it during an interview: “The better able you are to witness, the better able you are to embrace life fully, because there is no fear.”

And as one of the participants in the current course put it:

Dissolving the meaning does not mean that you give up your option to have and maintain an opinion about an event. It just gives you the freedom to think more clearly and objectively about the issue, and then the freedom to choose your own opinion based on “clear-headed” ideas that are not clouded by strong, usually negative emotions that limit your ability to see the possibilities clearly. This process then allows you to live the life that you choose, act the way that you deliberately and consciously desire, rather than to be tossed around in a sea of limiting and negative emotions and beliefs that tend to be so pervasive and overwhelming to most of us much of the time.

I found a short description of the witness state on the Internet that gets at the heart of it. (http://scienceofenergyhealing.com/developing-the-witness-observer/)

The witness/observer is basically a “persona” within you that is not identifying with what is going on. It’s just noticing what’s happening. It’s response is always one of curiosity. Another part of your mind might be judging or labeling the experience—the favorite one being “This is bad”—but the witness/observer perceives everything from the premise of allowing and trust in a good universe. It’s an open mental stance, not closed or contracted. In Buddhism, developing the witness/observer is a foundational piece of their teachings. …

When we give meanings to meaningless events that lead to “negative” emotions such as anxiety and anger, the body secrets stress chemicals that cause inflammation, the major cause of degenerative diseases and aging. By using the witness/observer with its innocence, openness and trust, we can sail through adversity in a healthier way.

The results produced by The Lefkoe Method

So the LBP helps people permanently rid themselves of specific illusions (beliefs) they have about themselves, people, and life. The WAIR? Process helps them experience themselves as the space in which their life shows up—as the creator of their life, not merely the creation. And the Lefkoe Occurring Process helps people to easily witness events without the meaning and emotions that usually accompany our observation of events.

Maybe The Lefkoe Method is a practical Buddhism for our time.

I still haven’t read much about Buddhism so some of what I’ve attributed to Buddhism in this post might not be accurate. If you are more familiar with it tell me what you think. What are the similarities and the differences between The Lefkoe Method and Buddhism? Please post your comments below.

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Attract Money Now

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 22:23:05 +0000

If you are a reader of my weekly blog, you probably are interested primarily in

personal/spiritual growth, by which I mean improving the quality of your life and/or becoming more spiritual,
achieving more success, by which I mean earning more money or having an abundance of wealth in your life.

Negative, limiting beliefs are a barrier to both goals, but I usually tend to write more about the first goal. Today I want to focus more on the second one.

Over the weekend I read a book by Joe Vitale, a friend of mine and one of the people I love spending time with at our twice-a-year Transformational Leadership Council meetings. Because he has written a lot about the Law of Attraction and was one of the teachers in The Secret, I expected his book, Attract Money Now, to focus mainly on how to attract money merely by having positive emotions about abundance.

As I’ve written before, I think there is something to the Law of Attraction, but I don’t think that merely focusing on something, with emotion, is enough to have it show up in your life.

So I was pleasantly surprised. I not only enjoyed reading the short (160 pages) book, I think it just might be the best book I’ve ever read on exactly what you need to do to create abundance in your life.

The first step is getting rid of negative, limiting beliefs

As you might imagine, if I liked the book so much Joe must talk of the importance of beliefs, which he does. The first of the seven steps to financial abundance that he describes is “Alter How You Think.” He writes, “Limiting beliefs are like thieves in the night. The first step to attracting money is to change your thoughts and address these underlying limiting beliefs.” (Emphasis added.) Although he doesn’t mention the Lefkoe Belief Process in that chapter, he does list my work as a reference in the back of the book.

By the way, one of the reasons we no longer promote a package of abundance beliefs is that getting rid of limiting beliefs is necessary, but not sufficient, to achieving abundance in your life. We like to guarantee results and we couldn’t guarantee that you would increase your wealth merely by eliminating the five beliefs in the package, so we withdrew it. We now provide it only on request and after explaining that it doesn’t carry a guarantee like our other automated programs.

Joe also recognizes that eliminating beliefs is not enough, so he presents six other crucial steps.

One of these other steps explains that one way to change your mindset about money is to give without any expectation of return. Such action implies a mindset of abundance. Being afraid to give implies a mindset of scarcity. And your mindset is crucial to achieving financial abundance.

In Step 4 Joe points out the importance of asking for help, both from the universe and from specific people. He urges people to form or join a Mastermind Group, which is a group of several people with varying backgrounds who meet regularly to support each other. In fact, he was so convincing that I decided that I would either join one or form one of my own by the end of this month.

Why “adding” emotion to your images of the future is important

The way he described another one of the steps gave me an insight I had never had before. He, like so many others, talks about the importance of imagining the desired result and making it as emotionally real as possible. When others have told me this before, it sounded a little “airy fairy” and I couldn’t see why adding emotion to a vision would help make it come true.

But Joe makes the point that “You are telling your mind to pay attention to the avenues and opportunities that will help you meet these goals. Does this mean these opportunities don’t exist. No. It just means your mind filters them out because you haven’t told it these opportunities are important. … You’re telling yourself that these opportunities are important so it [your mind] should sit up and take notice.”

In other words, by getting emotionally excited about a future state of affairs, you are telling the mind to notice any opportunities for achieving that future state. It then seems as if new opportunities are being created by your emotional state, when, in fact, they aren’t being created, but noticed.

The importance of action

I especially like the fact that Joe emphasizes the importance of action: “You can’t just sit there thinking positive thoughts without DOING anything to turn around your finances. You must take immediate inspired action, and come up with a new plan and work it. … This isn’t a magic formula; it’s practical advice with no nonsense.”

If you aren’t familiar with Joe’s work, he is a spiritual teacher and Internet marketer extraordinaire who really is committed to help people reach their goals.

Joe’s book is available free at http://attractmoneynow.com. If you are interested in more financial abundance in your life, there is no better place to start. But be prepared to take action and follow each step in Joe’s seven-step program. Merely reading the book will accomplish nothing.

For information about our package of five beliefs that can serve as barriers to financial abundance, please call us at 415-884-0552.

For information about eliminating 23 of the most common limiting beliefs and conditionings, which cause eight of the most common problems in our lives, and get a separate video of the WAIR? Process please check out: http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence.

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Get Into An Altered State of Consciousness in Minutes

Morty Lefkoe — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 22:49:33 +0000

It usually requires years of meditation (or an uncontrollable “bolt from the blue”) to experience a shift in one’s identity from “self” (one’s body, beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and behavior) to “SELF” (as consciousness, as a spiritual being). Some workshops claim to be able to provide that experience in several concentrated days. The Lefkoe Belief Process (LBP) assists people to make that shift in less than 20 minutes the first time and in less than 10 minutes thereafter.

For the first 10 years or so after I created the LBP in 1985, the only thing I was aware the Process did was eliminate beliefs. And that was more than enough for me! I eliminated scores of my own beliefs and made many fundamental changes in my life. I also helped friends and referrals from friends eliminate beliefs and entire problems, and found a way to apply a variation of the Process in organizations to change employees’ behavior by changing their beliefs about their jobs.

Then one weekend I took a course in meditation that was presented by an associate of psychologist Lawrence LeShan. By Sunday afternoon I realized that the LBP seemed to be getting people into a “spiritual” state similar to that of deep meditation.

Over the next few months I tried to determine if there really was a “state shift” after a belief was eliminated. At some point I started asking clients several questions to see if they noticed feeling different and, if so, what was the difference.

Three of the questions included:

Is there anything missing?
What’s possible?
What limitations do you have?

How is The Shift in Identity Experienced?

I discovered that most of my clients said they experienced that nothing was missing, anything was possible, and they had no limitations. When I asked them to describe this experience in their own words, I heard: powerful, serene, calm, peaceful, whole, complete, satisfied, empowered, nothing missing, no limitations and unlimited possibilities.

Asking them the same questions before doing the LBP got totally different responses. Clients described various things they thought were missing from their lives; many said that a lot was possible to them, but certainly not anything; all described various limitations they experienced at the moment.

At some point I figured out what part of the process seemed to be most responsible for the shift. After a belief had been eliminated, I asked the client: “Is it real you created your beliefs.” The answer was usually, yes. Then I asked: “Is it real now that your life has been consistent with your beliefs?” The answer again was usually, yes. Finally I asked: “If you create the beliefs that create your life, what does that make you?” The answer usually was: The creator of my life (or words to that effect).

I realized at one point that the clients who experienced anything was possible and no limitations had already made a shift in identity. Whenever people described limitations, I realized that the shift had not occurred.

To insure that every client experienced that shift in identity from merely a physical being to also a spiritual being, I added some material after the belief had been eliminated. This material got clients to explicitly distinguish/create themselves as the creator of their lives so that they knew it, not as something to be understood or even experienced, but as something they experienced almost as natural knowing. After I did that, almost everybody made the shift.

For many years I used the term “creator space” to describe the spiritual state the client got into and called this new material, the “creator space process.” Because I wanted the name of the process to more accurately describe what the process is all about, at some point I renamed the process “Who am I Really?” (WAIR?). You experience the answer to that question when you complete this short process.

The Lefkoe Belief Process Combines the Best of Psychotherapy and Spiritual Practices

At some point I realized that the LBP was unique in that it combined the best of psychotherapy and spiritual practices.

Most psychotherapists try to help clients deal with reality more effectively. In other words, most clients in therapy have a hard time dealing with some aspect of reality, and experience depression, anxiety, anger, procrastination, social anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, relationship problems, etc. So the various forms of psychotherapy use different techniques to eliminate these problems so that clients are able to deal with reality more effectively and have happier lives.

Most spiritual practices, on the other hand, attempt to help people experience themselves as a spiritual being and realize that they are not merely physical bodies living in a material world. The goal is to deeply experience that “We are spiritual beings having a physical human experience.”

So there are “two of us”: a “creation,” the human physical being, which is experienced as one’s body, thoughts, behavior, and feelings. This physical being is born, lives a while, and dies. There is also a “creator”—the consciousness, energy, spiritual being—that is timeless, always was and always will be. While most disciplines deal with one or the other, the LBP deals with both.

First, the LBP enables people to eliminate the beliefs that cause their thoughts, behavior and feelings. As a result they are better able to deal with reality and they experience new possibilities as a result of not being limited in life by crippling beliefs. Their “creation” changes and people experience the difference in their internal thoughts and feelings and they observe a difference in their behavior.

Second, the LBP enables people to distinguish and then experience themselves (not merely know intellectually) on a deep, profound level that they are not merely a creation, that who they really are is the creator of the creation. It is a profoundly spiritual experience.

To have that experience yourself, eliminate one belief free at http://www.recreateyourlife.com/free. The process there includes the WAIR? material at the end.

For information about eliminating 23 of the most common limiting beliefs and conditionings, which cause eight of the most common problems in our lives, and get a separate video of the WAIR? Process please check out: http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence.

These weekly blog posts also exist as podcasts. Sign up for the RSS feed or at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly.

Are You Happy With Who You Turned Out To Be?

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 17 May 2011 19:36:38 +0000

For most of my life I didn’t want to be me. I was so unhappy with my life that being almost anyone else would have been preferable to being me. For many years I wanted to be Fred Astaire, because I loved the joyful, bright sense of life he projected, an experience that I rarely felt.

Today is my birthday and I am 74 years young. I feel and look at least a decade younger than my chronological age. And today I am happy to be me and wouldn’t consider being anyone else.

What is the source of this dramatic shift?

Getting rid of all the beliefs and conditionings that led me to be depressed and unhappy most of the time. And then learning how to stop giving meaning to the daily events in my life. Today I experience myself as the creator of my life almost all the time and I’ve stopped giving meaning to events most of the time, which has almost totally eliminated stress from my life. I’ve stopped seeking; I know I’m already there. I feel anything is possible and that I have no limitations. I experience virtually all my circumstances as okay just the way they are.

Why am sharing this with you?

Because what I did to reach this state is available to you too. Anyone (including you, yes, even you!) can experience a sense of wholeness, feeling totally okay with the way you are, and that you are the creator of your life. It doesn’t have to take a lot of time and it isn’t very expensive.

Please don’t give up your dream of a life of joy and success. I was about as low as you can get and I’ve now reached a state of total satisfaction with my life. You can too. Don’t wait until your 74^th birthday to be truly happy with your life.

I’d love to hear from you with your thoughts about overcoming all your barriers and living a life of true bliss. Please write your comments below.

For information about eliminating 23 of the most common limiting beliefs and conditionings, which cause eight of the most common problems in our lives, please check out: http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence.

These weekly blog posts also exist as podcasts. Sign up for the RSS feed or at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly.

How To Change “Human Nature”

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 10 May 2011 22:57:00 +0000

Are you bothered by a psychological problem that you aren’t even trying to get rid of because you think it’s “human nature” and can’t be eliminated? If so, you aren’t alone.

For example, Seth Godin recently published his 13^th book, Poke the Box, that explains most people’s failure to take action by claiming that people have to overcome their natural resistance in order to take action. His Domino Project also published a book by Steve Pressfield, Do the Work, that also emphasized how resistance is the single biggest barrier to creativity and innovation, and it includes tips on how to fight this demon that lurks within each of us.

There are a number of psychological traits that are so common that most people consider them to be inherent in human beings. Don’t all people experience:

resistance to change?
fear of making a mistake or failing?
fear of rejection?
a concern with the opinion of others?
anger if you don’t get your way?

It is understandable that few people seek help to deal with these feelings. So many people have them that they are considered to be part of being human. In fact, however, they are not inherent in human nature at all. All these psychological responses are the result of beliefs and conditioning formed early in our lives. Thus, all can be totally eliminated when the relevant beliefs and conditionings are eliminated.

The beliefs and conditionings that cause these psychological responses

First let me list some of the beliefs and conditionings that cause the psychological responses listed above; then I’ll explain why they are so common as to be considered “human nature.”

I’m not good enough.
I’m inadequate.
I’m not capable.
I’m not competent.
Nothing I do is good enough.
Mistakes and failure are bad.
If I make a mistake I’ll be rejected.
What makes me good enough and important is having others think well of me.
What makes me good enough and important is doing things perfectly.
I’m powerless.
I can’t make it on my own.
The way to be in control is to have things be exactly the way I want them to be.

In addition to these beliefs, many people have been conditioned to feel some level of fear

whenever they are rejected,
when they don’t live up to the expectations of others, or
when they are criticized or judged.

These conditionings also contribute to the common psychological responses listed above.

Imagine someone to have these beliefs and to experience fear whenever these three situations occur. Doesn’t it seem obvious that they probably would have some if not all of the psychological traits listed above? Now imagine that tens of millions of people had these beliefs and conditionings. Wouldn’t it seem reasonable to assume that everyone was just born with them?

The source of these beliefs and conditionings

Now let’s take a look at why these psychological responses (and the beliefs and conditionings that cause them) are so common.

The basic beliefs that underlie these common psychological traits were almost always formed in childhood, in our interactions with our parents. Here’s how it happens.

As little kids we are always asking “why?”. Sometimes we ask our parents to explain things to us, and sometimes we ask ourselves, “Why am I being treated like this? Why is my life like this?” We answer these questions for ourselves (unconsciously) during the first few years of life. Because our parents are the people who we spend most of our waking hours with, they are involved in most of the experiences that lead to our fundamental beliefs.

And what are those experiences in most households? Parents, being adults, generally like quiet; children are not quiet and cannot even understand why anyone would value quiet. Parents for the most part want their house to be neat; young children don’t even understand the concept of “neat.” Parents want to sit down for dinner when it is ready and before it gets cold; children are almost always doing something that is far more important to them and don’t want to stop doing it when their parents call them. Etc.

In other words, most parents usually want their children to do things that they are developmentally incapable of doing. They want their young children to act like little adults, which they cannot possibly do.

The question is not, do children frequently “disobey” their parents? Children are developmentally incapable to living up to most parents’ expectations. The only question is how parents react when their children are not doing what the parents want them to do.

And because few parents go to parenting school and most bring their own beliefs from their childhoods with them, their reactions range from annoyance and frustration to anger and physical abuse, with every possibility in between.

Virtually all of us have lots of negative self beliefs

Parenthetically, it is important to recognize that our behavioral and emotional problems later in life are not our parents’ fault. By that I mean we are not affected by our parents’ behavior after we grow up and leave the house. They are no longer in our lives in the same way. What does cause resistance to taking action, fear of rejection, etc.? The meaning we gave our parents’ behavior, which became our beliefs.

I think there are two primary reasons why the source of self beliefs is always interactions with parents as a young child and not people or events later in life. First, as children we depend on them for our very survival; on some level we feel that we have to be able to trust them to survive. Second, as adults, they seem to know how to navigate reality and we know we can’t. (What do all kids say? “When I grow up, then I’ll be able to ….”) So they must know what they are doing and their behavior must be “correct.” If I don’t like how I’m treated, it must be my fault.

The source of specific self beliefs

Here is the common source of a few negative self-esteem beliefs.

If I trust my parents and they must know what they are doing, and if they are angry with me, it must be my fault. I’m not good enough.
If I can’t get them to spend the time with me that I want or if they are physically around but not paying attention to me, it must be my fault. I’m not important.
If I can’t get them to give me what I want most of the time, it must be my fault. I’m not worthy or deserving.
If my parents make all the decisions that affect my life and I have little say, I feel powerless. I’m powerless.

Is it clear now that the devastating psychological traits that are considered to be human nature are, in fact, the result of beliefs and conditionings caused by a typical childhood?

I’d love to hear from you with your thoughts about what is human nature and what can be changed. Please write your comments below.

These weekly blog posts also exist as podcasts. Sign up for the RSS feed or at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly.

Why Do People Have Prejudice?

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 03 May 2011 00:01:43 +0000

Just as we in 21^st Century America look back at cultural practices of years gone by with a combination of repulsion and amazement, future generations probably will look back at the prejudice that runs rampant in the world today with similar reactions.

Just as it is almost impossible for us to understand the Roman thinking that feeding people to lions is a spectator sport, in a few years people will try to understand why millions of otherwise sane individuals would consider some people “less than” others because of the color of their skin, their ethnicity, or their sexual preference.

Rather than wait for future generations to try to figure out what made the widespread prejudice possible in the early days of the 21^st century, let me offer one possible explanation while we are living in the middle of it.

All attitudes are the result of beliefs

Because our beliefs are the primary determinant of what we do and feel, and even what we perceive, all prejudice can be traced to beliefs.

People who are convinced that African-Americans, or Muslims, or gays are not as good as them (usually white heterosexual Americans) are expressing their beliefs about those people. (Actually, many people in those groups have similar feelings about white heterosexual Americans.)

A belief is a statement about reality that we experience as the truth. It is a fact about reality for the person who holds the belief. So when we hold a belief about something, we are convinced that we know the truth about that something.

But, in fact, no belief describes the truth about reality. Without exception, all beliefs are nothing more than arbitrary interpretations of actual events in reality. Physical objects and events certainly occur in the world, but the meaning we give the events exists only in our minds, not in the world.

How prejudicial beliefs are formed

A few years ago Leeza Gibbons devoted the entire hour of her daytime talk show to an investigation of the causes and cures for prejudice. I had been on the show before talking about how beliefs cause most of our thoughts, feelings, and behavior, so she asked me to come back to discuss the relationship between beliefs and racial prejudice.

Before the show we went into the audience looking for a volunteer who would acknowledge having prejudice and who also would like to get rid of it if possible. We found Chad, a young man in his mid-20s, who said that he was “prejudice against any ethnic group, the way they act and the things that they do.” After getting rid the primary belief that caused that feeling before the show started, he announced during the show to a nationwide audience that the feeling he had when he started, he didn’t have any more.

Let me tell you about the conversation I had with Chad before the Leeza show went on the air.

When we started the conversation he had told me that he felt that members of ethnic minorities, especially African-Americans, couldn’t be trusted. So I asked him: “What do you believe about these people that would have you not trust them?”

He answered: “Blacks are dangerous.” (He used the word “Blacks”; I used the word “African-American.” Moreover, there probably were additional beliefs, but this was one the most relevant.)

I replied: “It’s clear that anyone with your belief would feel the way you do. But you didn’t have that belief when you were a year or so old. What happened that led you to that conclusion?”

“When I was 10 my dad took us to the gun cabinet and said we had his permission to kill a Black if he stepped on our property. Areas where Blacks lived were very dangerous—a lot of crime and killing. The news was full of it. Most of our friends had the same negative attitudes about Blacks. I heard this constantly at home and at school. I also remember driving my car once and saw a Black man get into an accident that was clearly his fault.”

How prejudicial beliefs can be eliminated

I said to Chad: “Your belief about African-Americans—that they are dangerous—is one explanation for what you saw and heard as a child. What else could the same events mean?”

Here’s what he answered:

“What my father and others said might have been true of some Blacks, but not all of them.”

“Some Blacks are … (almost anything) just like some whites are … (almost anything).”

“The behavior I heard attributed to Blacks is true of some people from every race, not just Blacks.”

“Because what people say is a function of their beliefs, and do not necessarily reflect the truth, the fact that some parents, families, or friends have negative thoughts about Blacks doesn’t mean that those thoughts are true, only that they believe it. Had they had different childhoods with people telling them different things, they wouldn’t have the beliefs they do and they would be saying just the opposite.”

It was immediately clear to Chad that his beliefs about African-Americans were only one arbitrary interpretation of what he had heard about African-Americans as a child, and not the truth.

I then asked him: “Didn’t it seem as if you could see African-Americans are dangerous when your father and friends talked about the crime and the killings in African-American neighborhoods?”

“I did see it,” he replied. “Anyone would have seen it.”

“Okay, if you could see it, tell me what does ‘African-Americans are dangerous’ look like,” I asked.

“Well, it looks people getting robbed or killed in Black neighborhoods.”

“Yes,” I said, “you could see that, or hear people tell you about that. But that fact could have a lot of different meanings. You just gave me four of them. I want to know what ‘African-Americans are dangerous’ looks like.”

After a moment’s reflection he replied, “Now I understand what you mean. I can’t see ‘Blacks are dangerous’. I now realize I only saw certain people saying things to me. My beliefs about Blacks are interpretations that exist only in my mind. I made them up. They have nothing to do with reality.”

It was after this short interaction with me that Chad announced on national TV that his prejudice was gone.

The prejudice that exists today against Muslims, African-Americans, gays, or any other group is based on beliefs that are nothing more than arbitrary meanings we gave to a series of events (9/11, what we read in the newspaper, what we were told by parents, what lots of other people already believe, etc.). The beliefs are not facts. They are not the truth.

I’d love to hear from you with your thoughts about having and getting rid of prejudice. Please write your comments below.

These weekly blog posts also exist as podcasts. Sign up for the RSS feed or at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly.

Stop Worrying About What Others Think

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 23:10:36 +0000

One of the most devastating problems people have is so common that nearly everybody views it as “human nature.” Few people even try to get rid of the problem because they assume everyone has it; it’s part of the “human condition.”

What is this problem? Worrying about what others think and doing things just to get people’s approval.

How you know if you have the problem

How do you know if you are one of the tens of millions of people who have this problem?

Do you often walk away from people thinking, “Did I say the right thing”; did I offend someone”; “should I have said or asked …”?

Do you frequently hear that “little voice” in your head saying: “What will they think?”?

Do you often feel you need to be a certain way and you can’t just be yourself?

Although these thoughts and behaviors seem to be a much a part of who we are, in fact, however, you can eradicate these thoughts and behaviors forever.

How? By eliminating the beliefs that cause them. Although this problem can be caused by different beliefs in different people, there is one specific belief that anyone with this problem almost certainly has: “What makes me good enough is having people think well of me.”

How this belief is formed and why it is so common

Today, I’m going to tell you how this belief is formed, why so many people have it (maybe even you) and how getting rid of this belief will transform your life.

Early in life many of us form negative beliefs about ourselves like “I’m not good enough.” (Almost every one of the 14,000 clients we’ve had from almost 60 countries around the world has had this belief.) Because most parents expect children to do things that are unrealistic for their age (such as be neat and quiet and come when called at the age of three or four), and because most parents get frustrated, annoyed or angry when their children don’t do what they’re told, most children conclude “there must be something wrong with me” when mom and dad are upset with me so often, or I’m not good enough.

Because our beliefs about ourselves are usually formed during the first six years of life, most of us already have this belief when we leave our homes and go out into the world of teachers, other kids, school, etc. Obviously a belief like this would make us think as we start school: “How will I get people to like me and how will I make it in the world if I’m not good enough?”

And those thoughts, in turn, would lead to us feeling “not okay” about ourselves and anxious to some extent.

The belief gets formed

And then one day a solution appears. We do something that our parents (or perhaps a teacher or coach) like and they give us a very positive response. How does that make us feel? Happy and very good about ourselves.

The first few times that happens we feel good but don’t make anything of it. And then after this progression of events occurs a few times we conclude: If I didn’t feel good about myself, and then after getting praise and/or positive attention I do feel good about myself, what that means is: “What makes me good enough or important is having people think well of me.”

Survival strategy beliefs

This is a very special type of belief. It is a belief that tells us what needs to happen in order to experience being okay. And when it doesn’t happen we don’t feel very good about ourselves.

Well, if we don’t experience being good enough the way we are and we need something outside ourselves to become good enough, how often would we want that outside something to occur? All the time! Anytime anyone doesn’t like us, rejects us, or thinks poorly of us, we have lost our “survival strategy,” our method for making us feel good about ourselves. At that point the underlying belief: “I’m not good enough,” is uncovered and stares us in the face, leaving us feeling not good enough and producing some level of anxiety.

As a result, the need to have others think well of us is experienced like a drug addiction by many people. When they achieve it they feel good for the moment, but it’s only a matter of time before they need another “fix.” At that point they become obsessed about getting it.

There are other “survival strategy” beliefs, such as What makes me good enough is doing things perfectly; what makes me good enough is being successful/wealthy (can you see now see why some people are obsessed with this?); and what makes me good enough is taking care of others. And it’s possible to have more than one. But based on our experience in our private practice, “having people think well of me” is the most common.

It now should be clear why so many people are obsessed about what others think about them: Most people have the belief I’m not good enough (or some variation of it) and “having people think well of me” is the remedy most of us have found to cover up the anxiety that stems from having that belief.

Get rid of the beliefs to get rid of the obsession

If the obsession about having people think well of us is a direct result of having several beliefs, the way to get rid of the obsession is to get rid of these beliefs. You can eliminate “I’m not good enough” using our free interactive web program at http://www.recreateyourlife.com. You also can buy a program that will enable you to eliminate “What makes me good enough is having people think well of me,” as well as a number of other crippling beliefs. See our Natural Confidence program at http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence.

Thanks for reading my blog. Are you worried about what others think? Do you now understand why? Can you now understand why this is such a common phenomenon? Please share your experience.

You Can Get Rid Of Your Depression

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 23:12:29 +0000

It is possible to permanently eliminate your depression.

The purpose of this post is to assure those of you who are feeling depressed (or who know anyone who is depressed) that it is possible to get rid of it totally. I was depressed for about 30 years, so much so that I thought of suicide frequently. I haven’t felt anywhere near depressed for over 15 years. If I can do it, you can too.

Depression is ultimately the result of feeling hopeless and helpless. It is experienced as an overwhelming sense of despair. Unfortunately, this mental disorder is very prevalent, with estimates that almost one in six Americans will experience depression in their lifetime. Moreover, many people whose symptoms are not serious enough to be classified as chronically depressed still experience bouts of despair that they are unable to shake for days on end.

There are some people who claim that depression is chemical and that the brain of depressed people is actually different than the brain of normal people. A study conducted a few years ago did show that MRIs of depressed people were different from the MRIs of “normal” people. The study went on to describe, however, how after a few months of cognitive behavioral therapy the brains looked the same. In other words, it is more likely that the mental state caused the changed brain state than an abnormal brain state produced depression.

Luckily, depression, like most mental problems, is the result of beliefs and conditionings, all of which can be eliminated by the Lefkoe Belief Process (LBP) and the Lefkoe Stimulus Process (LStimP).

The following is a list of some beliefs that clients with depression have identified and eliminated. Can you see that almost anyone with most of these beliefs would have to feel depressed, at least to some extent?

If someone didn’t have any of these beliefs and, instead, held their opposite—such as “I control my life, not other people or circumstances” “My life is whatever I make it,” “I am good enough, important, and deserving”—could they possibly feel depressed?

Say each of the following beliefs out loud. If any of them resonate with you, it’s a belief you hold. Even though you may have held it since you were a child, and even if you’ve tried a number of ways to get rid of it, LBP can assist you to eliminate it.

Typical beliefs that underlie depression

I’m powerless.
I’m not good enough.
I’m not deserving.
I’m inadequate.
I’m not important.
I’m worthless.
I’m not lovable.
Who I am is not okay.
I have no value.
There’s something wrong with me.
Happiness doesn’t last.
It’s not safe to be myself.
Life is hard, painful, a struggle, and stressful.
Being responsible is a burden.
I have to be perfect or people won’t accept me.
I can’t have what I want.
I don’t matter.

Ruth eliminated her life-long depression

Ruth Bonomo of Westport, CT, who used the LBP to eliminate many beliefs like these, described how she totally ended her life-long depression:

“I used to walk around enclosed in a veil of depression, fear, and self-loathing. I was always at the edge of the pit, ready to jump in and relinquish responsibility for my life and how it was turning out. I was on the verge of abandoning my family when my son became ill. After he spent several days in the hospital I realized I better get myself together; this kid needed and deserved me and I needed to be a responsible parent.

“I found Shelly Lefkoe and the Lefkoe Belief Process. Immediately I began to shed emotional pounds. It was as if I had been running around on an exercise wheel in a hamster cage my whole life, and now I was free.

“Now I experience my emotions very differently. I’m not at the effect of them; I just have them. I get to feel all my emotions without having to worry about the pit. The most remarkable thing I’ve gained from eliminating beliefs with the Lefkoe Belief Process is self-love and acceptance. Now that I love myself, I am much less judgmental of others. I no longer worry about who I am and what people think of me. Everything is easier to deal with. The problems of life are still there, but I experience them without the drama and feeling that the world is coming to an end.”

When people are feeling depressed it feels like there is no way out and never will be. It feels like there is not much point in doing anything because nothing will make any difference. There isn’t even motivation to try to get better because it feels like nothing will help, like you will be stuck like this forever.

Psychotherapists have used The Lefkoe Method successfully

Margaret Carter, M.A., Family Therapist, said the following about using The Lefkoe Method to treat depression:

“I have used The Lefkoe Method numerous times in my practice for depression. In one such case the client had life-long depression and had made several prior attempts at counseling, to no avail.

“The client’s behaviors were self-destructive and self-limiting, and self-esteem was very low.

“After using The Lefkoe Method the client reported increased self-esteem, peace of mind, relief—for the first time in life—from depression, and expanded maturation and hope.

“The Lefkoe Method can be life transforming. It also meets our great need for an effective, brief therapy.”

Please forward this post to anyone you know who suffers from depression. Let them know that they don’t need to suffer any longer.

I’d love to hear from you with your thoughts about having and getting rid of depression. Please write your comments below.

These weekly blog posts also exist as podcasts. Sign up for the RSS feed or at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly.

Why Do We Have Moods?

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 21:45:11 +0000

Usually in my weekly posts I present some information that I think will be useful to you, something I’ve learned that I want to pass on to you. This week I want to reverse that process: I’d like your collective wisdom to educate me and everyone else who reads my blog.

The topic is moods.

This mental state first became an issue in my occurring courses where the participants and I were trying to identify all the factors that seemed to influence how reality “occurred” for us, in other words, what determined the meaning we gave events as we experienced them, moment by moment?

We realized that probably the major source of our occurrings was our beliefs and conditionings. Other relevant sources included our physical condition and our “moods.” But when we tried to state specifically what we meant by a mood and where our moods came from, we were stumped.

After a lot of thinking and a bunch of research, I came up with a few ideas, which I’d like to share with you in this post. But instead of ending with my conclusion, I’m going to end with a request that you take a look at what I’ve presented and then tell me and my readers what you think, and let’s see if our collective thinking can figure out what moods really are, where they come from, and how to change them if they are negative.

What do the experts say?

I checked to see what Wikipedia had to say. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mood_(psychology)

“A mood is a relatively long lasting emotional state. Moods differ from emotions in that they are less specific, less intense, and less likely to be triggered by a particular stimulus or event.

“Moods generally have either a positive or negative valence. In other words, people typically speak of being in a good mood or a bad mood. Unlike acute, emotional feelings like fear and surprise, moods often last for hours or days.

“Mood also differs from temperament or personality traits which are even longer lasting. Nevertheless, personality traits such as optimism and neuroticism predispose certain types of moods. Long term disturbances of mood such as depression and bipolar disorder are considered mood disorders. Mood is an internal, subjective state, but it often can be inferred from posture and other behaviors.”

Some of my thinking

Moods seem to be like emotions in some respects and different in other respects. They both can be positive or negative. Moods tend to last longer than emotions. Usually emotions are set off by a specific stimulus (in the case of stimulus conditionings) or by the meaning we give specific events at the time (in other words, our occurrings). I’m not sure what creates our moods.

A mood colors one’s perception and behavior. It is like a filter through which one views reality. Therefore it can affect the meaning you give to an event, which determines how events occur to us. Although our occurring can influence the mood we are in, it seems more common that moods affect our occurrings.

I said earlier that our physical condition, such as being in pain or being tired, can affect our occurring. It also can affect our mood.

In an earlier blog post on emotions I wrote: “Sadness, unhappiness, grief and sorrow are emotions that result from feeling powerless in the face of not having (or not being able to have) what we want, or losing what we had.” (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/why-negative-emotions/) Now that I think about it, these four emotions have many of the characteristics of moods.

Could moods be affected by the same principles that determine emotions? (In that earlier post I explained the source of our negative emotions.)

It is possible that moods have a stimulus just like emotions, but it is usually easier to identify the stimulus for an emotion because we are aware of the emotion starting and thus can usually see what precedes it. A mood is more diffuse and we can be in a good or bad mood for a while before we are aware of it, so if there is a specific stimulus it might be more difficult to identify it.

Emotions can be quickly and easily eliminated using either the Lefkoe Stimulus Process (if the emotions are caused by stimulus conditioning) or the Lefkoe De-conditioning Process (if they are caused by our occurrings, in other words, the meaning we give to current events). I’m not sure how to get out of moods.

People’s moods are confusing

When I try to apply all that I know about moods to a specific situation, I realize how little I really understand about this topic. For example, when I think about my two daughters when they were teens, I remember that they usually were in very “good” or “bad” moods. When they were in a “bad” mood they would get angry very easily over the slightest thing, would yell at me and others seemingly without provocation, and would give negative meanings to almost everything. On the other hand, when they were in a “good” mood, the opposite would happen. They would be very loving and would put a positive spin on almost everything that happened.

Is a mood the way our life is occurring to us at the moment? And will a mood, like inertia, keep going once it gets started until something stops it? If a mood is the result of our beliefs then why can the same person with the same beliefs, such as my daughters, be in a very good mood and a very bad mood in the space of a single day? What would determine which mood she is in as she has the same beliefs in both cases? Could it be her occurrings that are determining the mood as opposed to vice versa?

What do you think?

I’ve given you some of my random thoughts and a little of the research I’ve done. Now tell me what you think. Here’s what I’d like you to address:

1. What is a mood?

2. What determines our moods? What is the source of moods?

3. Once we have a mood, what can we do to dissolve it intentionally or change it from negative to positive?

Please write your thoughts on any one or all of these three questions. And then come back to this blog in a few days to read what others have written, which might stimulate you to write more.

Maybe as a group we can come up with some good answers to these three questions. I can’t wait to read what you have to say.

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Don’t Just Reduce Your Problem, Eliminate It

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 23:09:30 +0000

A friend of mine who has been a teacher in, and a student of, the personal growth business for over 25 years called me the other day for help.

He seemed to be sabotaging himself in a project that he thought could make a profound difference in people’s lives. The problem seemed to be that in order to move it forward he might have to hire some people and actually start a business. In other words, he’d have to “become a businessman.” He didn’t want to do that—and that led us to the root of the problem.

He discovered a bunch of negative beliefs he had about running a business and making money—as distinct from contributing to people and making a difference in their lives, which is all he’s wanted to do for most of his life. (He had run several businesses earlier in his life and, while successful, his experience had been deeply unsatisfying.)

As I named some beliefs that could account for his self-sabotage, he said: “I’ve been working on these beliefs for over 25 years. But something is still there. It’s like the beliefs are ropes that started with over a hundred strands and are now down to the last one or two. The beliefs you just mentioned still seem a little bit true.”

I realized at that moment one of the crucial differences between The Lefkoe Method (TLM) and most other personal growth disciplines (including most psychotherapies) is that the latter frequently attempt to improve your situation while TLM is committed to totally eliminating your problem, by getting rid of all the beliefs and conditionings that cause a problem.

For example, we ask clients with a fear of public speaking to rate their fear on a scale from 1-10, one being no fear at all and 10 being terror. People who rate their fear from 8-10 often say they would be happy to reduce their fear to below a 5 level. Nonetheless, we offer a money-back guarantee that the fear will be eliminated, in other words, reduced to no more than a “2,” which is barely noticeable and that has no adverse impact on them at all.

So if you work on a problem long enough using other disciplines, you probably can reduce its impact on you. But the problem is unlikely to disappear completely until you eliminate the real source of the problem: all the relevant beliefs and conditionings.

In last week’s post I explained how beliefs are formed and what it takes to eliminate them totally, http://www.mortylefkoe.com/eliminate-beliefs-good/. Anything less than that and some sense that the belief still is true (a few strands of the rope) probably will remain.

At best, if you try to get rid of the relevant beliefs by trying to convince yourself that the beliefs are illogical and self-defeating, you will not succeed if you still think you “saw” them in the world and you still think that repeatedly feeling your beliefs means they must be true.

At worst, if you try to get rid of a problem without even attempting to eliminate the beliefs and conditionings that are the primary cause of the problem, the problem might be reduced somewhat, but it’s unlikely to disappear.

In either case, the last “couple of stands” will continue to affect you in major or subtle ways.

I don’t know that TLM is the only technique that completely and permanently eliminates the beliefs that cause the problems that undercut your happiness and success in life. But if you are looking for a solution to your problems, make sure you find one that promises to permanently and completely eliminate it, not merely one that claims to reduce it.

Please let me know with a comment below what your experience has been in minimizing problems versus eliminating them.

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How You Can Eliminate Beliefs For Good

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 22:32:17 +0000

Most of the techniques that proclaim to permanently eliminate long-held beliefs don’t work. Why? And what do the successful techniques do that make them successful?

In order to understand precisely what it takes to get rid of beliefs, you need to understand how we form beliefs.

Because our survival as human beings is always at stake (even though our spiritual being is eternal), we have a built in survival mechanism that has us constantly asking about everything we encounter: Good for me or bad for me? Conducive to my survival or inimical to my survival? In other words, we are constantly appraising everything we come in contact with and asking (unconsciously): What does this mean?

As children we want to know why mom and dad (on whom our lives depend) are angry with us, or why they aren’t around when we want them, or why we can never seem to please them. For most kids between the ages of two and six, the answers to these three questions usually are: Mistakes and failure are bad. I’m not important. I’m not good enough.

Here’s how the beliefs are formed

After asking ourselves: What do these events mean?—we then “make up” one possible meaning. And then we “attribute” that meaning to the events, after which it seems as if the meaning is inherent in the events. In other words, it then seems to us as if we discovered the meaning in the events.

Because the overwhelming majority of people are “visual”—in other words, they know reality based on what they can “see”—they know their beliefs are true because they think they can see them in the world. Once you think you can see something, logic will never talk you out of what you think you have seen “out there.”

Let’s apply what I’ve just explained about how beliefs are formed to the most common belief people have, I’m not good enough. Mom and dad want quiet. Young kids are rarely quiet. Mom and dad want the house to be neat. Kids are rarely neat. Mom and dad want to serve dinner when it’s ready and leave the house when they are ready to leave the house. Kids are busy playing and doing what they want to do; mealtime and leaving the house are not always a priority for them. As a result, many times each day children do not live up to their parents’ expectations.

At best parents respond with annoyance and frustration, expressed in facial expressions, a tone of voice, and comments like: “What’s wrong with you?” “How many times do I have to tell you?” “Don’t you ever listen?” (At worst, parents use physical abuse and other punishments.)

When a child asks herself, what does it mean that she is not doing what her parents want repeatedly and what do her parents’ responses mean, the answer 99% of all children give is: I’m not good enough. (My associates and I have talked to well over 13,000 clients who have told us this.)

If she actually were not good enough, her parents’ responses to her behavior would make sense. In other words, this belief is a reasonable interpretation of mom and dad’s response to her when she is a very young child.

Here is the important part: Once she gives this meaning to the events, it seems to her as if her meaning (her belief) is inherent in the events—as if when she looks at the events she is discovering the meaning “out there” in the world. Once that happens, her belief about the way the world is becomes an entrenched “fact.”

Most of the techniques designed to get rid of beliefs never deal with how the belief got formed and what a belief actually is: A statement about reality that it seems you saw in reality. And because you think you saw your beliefs, you will hold on to them—despite understanding logically that the belief isn’t true and despite understanding that it is self-defeating to continue to hold on to the belief. It is virtually impossible to not believe something you think you “saw.”

How to get rid of the belief

So how can you eliminate the belief quickly, easily, and permanently? Here are the simple steps.

Take a look at a given belief and realize it is one “valid” interpretation of your experiences. And then realize that there are other possible interpretations that hadn’t occurred to you at the time you formed the belief, but, nevertheless, could just as easily account for the events. At which point you realize your belief is “a truth” and not “the truth.”

Then the crucial part comes: Put yourself back into the events that led to the belief and, as you look at them, ask yourself: Doesn’t it seem as if I can “see” [the belief]? The answer for visual people will always be: “Yes. And you would have seen it too if you had been there.”

Then ask yourself: Did I really “see” it? Because if you really saw it, you would be able to describe it: color, shape, location, etc. When you realize that you can’t describe it, you immediately realize that, in fact, you never really “saw” the belief. You only saw events, but the meaning of the events—in other works, the beliefs you formed about the events—existed only in your mind.

At this point, for most visual people, the belief is gone. It existed and resisted being extinguished because you thought you had seen it. As soon as you realize you never saw it, that it existed only in your mind, it is no longer something you thought you discovered and saw in the world; it is only one interpretation of many possible interpretations that has existed only in your mind.

As the final clincher, ask yourself if the events that led to the formation of the belief have any inherent meaning. Did they have any meaning before you give them a meaning? By that I mean, can you draw any conclusion for sure from these events? You will quickly realize that the events that led to your belief have many different possible meanings; there is no one meaning that is inherently true. So, while the events might have had consequences at the time they happened, they have no inherent meaning. Any meaning exists only in your mind, not in the world.

At that point, for predominantly visual people, the belief is permanently gone.

Emotionally kinesthetic people are slightly different

The scenario is slightly different for those people who are not visual, who are primarily emotionally kinesthetic. If you are one of these people, you don’t know reality primarily based on what you see, but based on what you feel. If you feel something a lot, it must be true. Why would you be having a feeling over and over if there weren’t something in the world causing it?

These people—when asked: Didn’t it seem as if you saw [your belief]?—answer: “I don’t know what you mean by seeing it; I felt it.”

Here’s how to get rid of a belief if this describes how you function. Ask yourself if the events that caused the belief made you feel [the words of the belief]. The answer will be, yes

Then remind yourself that you had said earlier that the events had no inherent meaning and ask yourself: Is it possible for events that have no inherent meaning to make you feel anything? The answer, of course, is no. So if the events that seemed to have caused the feeling didn’t cause the feeling, what did?

The answer is simple: the meaning you had previously given the events. In other words, the feeling is the result of the belief you had formed. If you had given the events a different meaning, that different meaning would have produced a different feeling. The way to prove this is to imagine the earlier events, observing them as a participant, and then giving the events one of the alternative interpretations you had given the events earlier in the process.

When you do that the “feeling of the belief” is gone.

It becomes clear that having the feeling of the belief repeatedly tells you nothing about the validity of the feeling, because the feeling was not caused by events in the world. It was caused totally by you, by the meaning you already had given the events.

When you say the words of the belief at that point, they will sound meaningless and silly. The belief will be gone.

To summarize: Beliefs are statements about reality that we feel are the truth, that are facts about the world. We are convinced our beliefs are true because we think we saw them in the world and because we felt them so often that they must be true (or else why would we have felt them so often?). Once we realize we never saw the beliefs in the world, that they were only in our mind, and that the feelings we had repeatedly were only because of meanings we gave meaningless events—the beliefs will be gone forever.

Getting rid of beliefs quickly, easily, and permanently is actually very easy when you understand how beliefs are formed and what it takes to eliminate a belief. And now you understand that.

We are in the process of creating an on-line training where you can become proficient in each of the steps of the Lefkoe Belief Process for eliminating beliefs. If you are interested in receiving advance notification, please let me know.

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What Do YOU Want To Know About Occurring?

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 15 Mar 2011 23:27:41 +0000

I have a question to ask you but before I ask, I’d like to give you some background.

First, you, along with tens of thousands of others who have used The Lefkoe Method, have sent me many hundreds of testimonials about the incredible results you’ve gotten from eliminating one of the common beliefs on the free program, from one of our DVD or streaming video programs, or from one-on-one sessions. Thanks for taking the time to do that. We at Lefkoe Institute are inspired each day by your messages.

But some of the most profound testimonials we’ve received have come from people who’ve taken one of the four courses we’ve offered on how to dissolve your occurrings. If you’ve been following my blog for a while, you’ve read one of my posts about how the single most powerful thing you can do to improve the quality of your life is to learn how to dissolve your occurrings. If you don’t know much about it, check out this short (12 minute) video that will explain it in detail. http://occurringcourse.com/occurring-works/

Essentially, you and I give meaning to events as they happen (which is how they “occur” for us) and don’t realize that there is a difference between the actual events and the occurring. For example, our spouse asks us: Did you do so-and-so for me? That is the actual event, in other words, what actually happened. For many of us, however, it would occur as either: He/she doesn’t trust me to do what he/she has asked. Or, why won’t he/she get off my back and leave me alone! Or, why should I do it; why doesn’t he/she do it him/herself? Etc.

And because we don’t distinguish between reality and our occurrings, we assume that our occurrings are reality and we respond as if they are.

I’ve learned so much during the past four courses about why we have occurrings, how to distinguish between them and reality, four different techniques to dissolve them quickly and easily, why it is more difficult to dissolve them when you have strong emotions, how to be able to do that when in the grip of strong emotions, why the testimonials from people in the occurring courses seem to be more profound than people who’ve only eliminated beliefs, etc.

Please tell me what you would like to know about occurring? I’ll either write a blog post or make a short video that answers the most commonly asked questions.

P.S. Thanks to the 80+ people who commented on my last blog post. Thanks for taking the time to provide a thoughtful response and for your suggestions. We are looking into how to implement some of the most popular recommendations. We will definitely offer a training in the next few months to teach you how to eliminate a belief once you’ve identified it.

For information about eliminating 23 of the most common limiting beliefs and conditionings, which cause eight of the most common problems in our lives, please checkout: http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence.

These weekly blog posts also exist as podcasts. Sign up for the RSS feed or at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly.

What Should I Do With The Rest Of My Life?

Morty Lefkoe — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 00:26:38 +0000

I’ve always been the youngest person doing whatever I was doing. I was just 16 when I graduated high school. I was working on Wall Street as a securities analyst at 22. I was an Assistant Vice President of a financial firm listed on the New York Stock Exchange at the age of 24. And I already had articles published in Fortune and was an editorial writer for the Wall Street Journal by 26.

Then one day I woke up and discovered I was 73. Instead of being the youngest person doing what I was doing, I was suddenly one of the oldest. There is only one person older than me in the Transformational Leadership Council, a group of transformational leaders who meet twice a year. And I am the oldest among all my friends.

Where did the time go?

What I’ve accomplished

I am proud and grateful for all that I have accomplished in my lifetime, especially my incredible 30-year marriage to my wife Shelly and the two girls we raised together to be independent spirits, each of whom is proud of who she is. And I am really proud of creating The Lefkoe Method (TLM), which has helped almost 100,000 people eliminate at least one limiting belief, enabling them to enjoy life more and experience themselves as the creator of their lives.

I cherish the relationship I have with those of you who have written me and I am inspired by all the changes you have created in your lives. On days when I don’t feel like going to work, all I need to do is read a note from one of you telling me how TLM helped you shed some “baggage” and enjoy your life more and I can’t wait to get back to work.

But now at 73 a question is popping up almost daily: Now what? What should I do with the rest of my life? I have been thinking about that question for the past six months or so and I still don’t have a good answer.

For over 26 years my vision was very clear: To significantly improve the quality of life in the world by having people recreate their lives and live as the unlimited possibilities they are.

My vision made me important

For a while I “needed” to do that. Right after I developed the Lefkoe Belief Process (LBP) having that as my vision is what made me an important person, a person better than other people. “Look what I’m doing with my life!” But as I eliminated a bunch of negative self-esteem beliefs and realized I was okay the way I was and that I didn’t need to do anything to be okay; my vision became a choice—a game I decided to play —rather than a survival strategy, something I needed to do to prove I was worthwhile.

But in the past year or so I have started to realize I no longer have “forever” to do what I want to do and I’ve started asking myself: What is the best way to spend the rest of my life? What is the greatest contribution I can make in the time I have left?

Let me tell you some of my thoughts and then I would like to hear from you. What do you think? What could I do that would make the biggest difference in your life?

Projects worth undertaking

Here are a few projects that seem to be worth completing:

1. For people who are visual, who know reality because they can “see” it, the Lefkoe Belief Process (LBP) works about 98% of the time. For people who are emotionally kinesthetic, who never “saw” their belief in the world but who ”felt” it, beliefs sometimes come back once or even twice. The effectiveness rate with such people is over 90%. I want to figure out how to make the LBP more effective for emotionally kinesthetic people.

2. The Lefkoe Occurring Process (LOP) seems to make more of a difference in people’s lives than anything I’ve done in 26 years. It gives people the ability to create their experience of life moment by moment. The many testimonials we’ve received from people who have taken the Lefkoe Occurring Courses go beyond anything we have received in 26 years—and we’ve had thousands of people tell us the TLM has provided relief that nothing else they had ever done had provided. The problem is it takes me ten weeks of my time working personally with only 20 people to produce the incredible value the LOP provides. For people who can afford it, it is the single best thing they can do to make a profound difference in their lives. For people who can’t afford it, it’s useless. Right now the only way I am able to produce the results this course provides is to personally coach each of the 20 people each week. My goal is to find a way to put this course into a DVD product that I can sell for a price anyone can afford.

3. We just completed a two-year research study conducted by a major university that proved that our Natural Confidence DVD product significantly reduces stress, which means it can help anyone with an illness that is at least partially caused by stress—which is most of them. The study will be published soon in a peer-reviewed psychological journal. In order for psychologists and governmental officials to take TLM seriously, we need a lot more research that validates our experience with almost 100,00 people over the past 26 years. I am convinced we could help returning soldiers with PTSD, relieve depression, stop most anxiety, and free people from almost all the day-to-day problems that affect most people on earth. We need to prove that with independent scientific studies.

4. Most of all, I want to reach far more than the 100,000 or so people we’ve helped so far. I am truly grateful that my associates and I have been able to help each and every one of these people. But there are hundreds of millions of people throughout the world who lack confidence, who constantly worry about what others think of them, who procrastinate, whose relationships are characterized by constant bickering and dissatisfaction, who fear rejection, and whose beliefs and conditionings sabotage their ability to have sufficient income and wealth so that money is no longer an issue in their lives. I’m not satisfied with reaching only about a hundred additional people every day. I no longer have 30 or 40 years to play this game. I need to find a way to break out of the box and reach hundreds of thousands in the next year or so and then grow geometrically from there.

If you are on my mailing list, you’ve probably eliminated at least one belief and have personally experienced the power of my work. If you’ve purchased one of our products like Natural Confidence or worked with one of our Certified Lefkoe Method Facilitators in phone or Skype sessions, you’ve seen a lifelong problem disappear in a matter of hours and never return. So you have a good sense of the impact my work can have in the world.

I guess the bottom-line question I’m trying to answer is: What legacy do I want to leave the world?

What do you think I should be focusing on? Where should I be devoting the bulk of my time for the next few years? What could I do that would make the biggest difference to YOU? And do you have any suggestions on how I can make TLM available to millions of people?

Please post your answer below. I might not be able to respond to every post, but I do promise to read and seriously consider each one of them.

For information about eliminating 23 of the most common limiting beliefs and conditionings, which cause eight of the most common problems in our lives, please checkout: http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence.

These weekly blog posts also exist as podcasts. Sign up for the RSS feed or at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly.

How To Create A Better Relationship

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 20:34:52 +0000

Are you one of the millions of people who have been unable to find a loving, fulfilling, and exciting relationship?

I am convinced that everyone can have the relationship of his dreams if he got rid of the beliefs that get in the way. I speak from experience because I had two marriages that failed because of my limiting self-esteem and relationship beliefs. After eliminating them I found and married Shelly, to whom I will be married 30 years in just a few months. People who know us are inspired by the incredible relationship we have.

People can have several different types of relationship problems. Either they can’t find one (and they hate the dating game), or they had one and it failed (leading to a lot of emotional pain and upset), or they are still in one that just doesn’t work or isn’t nurturing (leading to constant unhappiness, frustration, and anger).

There is a fourth possibility that is even worse: being in a relationship that doesn’t really work and assuming that this is the best a relationship can possibly be. That leads to constant dissatisfaction, but no hope for improvement because people in this situation don’t think anything better is possible.

We’ve been asked many times to create a package of beliefs and conditionings that would help people in each one of these situations. Unfortunately, because each relationship is so different, the beliefs and conditionings involved also can be different, so a generic DVD program for the “average” person is impossible (at least at the moment, because nothing is ever really impossible in the long run).

I can, however, describe the type of beliefs and conditionings involved in different types of relationship problems. To begin with, negative self-esteem beliefs are usually involved in all of them, apart from the specific beliefs and conditionings related to specific problems. So beliefs like I’m not good enough, I’m not important, I’m powerless, I’m not deserving, etc. are a partial cause of almost any relationship problem.

Here are some of the beliefs that our clients, who have had a wide variety of relationship problems, have shared with us.

If you are having a hard time forming a relationship, you probably believe: Relationships are difficult. This can exist in various forms, such as Relationships don’t work, relationships require a lot of effort, etc. You probably believe men/women can’t be trusted. Other common beliefs are: There are no good men/women left out there. Marriage is suffocating. I’ll lose myself in a relationship. Men are jerks/selfish/dangerous/ have all the power/cheat. One self-esteem belief that is very applicable to relationship problems is I’m unlovable. All of the beliefs that cause a lack of confidence (see the list in the Natural Confidence program [http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence]) could be relevant in this situation. And there is at least one conditioning applicable to this situation: fear associated with rejection.

If you’re just left a failed relationship, you are likely to have concluded a bunch of negative beliefs about yourself and your former partner (which you probably hold as applicable to an entire gender) based on the specific problems you had in the relationship. You also ought to check out the beliefs involved in feeling like a victim, which include: Life is difficult, I’ll never get what I want, Things never work out for me, People can’t be trusted, and I can’t count on others.

If you are in a relationship that doesn’t work but you stay in it, you probably have many of the beliefs already mentioned, in addition to: This is all I deserve. I’ll never find anything better. I can’t make it on my own. I need a man/woman in order to survive. One very common problem in non-nurturing relationships is a fear of conflict and anger. This is usually caused by Anger is dangerous and Conflict is dangerous, along with two conditionings: Fear associated with anger and fear associated with conflict. The fear of anger and conflict keep people from standing up for themselves and saying what they want and need. And when their partner expresses anger it leads to withdrawal instead of a conversation to resolve the issue. (That was a major problem of mine for most of my life.)

In my recent post about not knowing what you don’t know (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/dont-dont/), I pointed out that often we don’t strive for something better in various areas of our life because we don’t think there is anything better. This is certainly true of relationships. Despite the fact that half of all marriages end in divorce, there are so many unhappy couples that stay together because the partners aren’t aware that something better is even possible. Such people can have any of the beliefs already mentioned, in addition to beliefs that blind them to the possibility that a better relationship is possible.

Please share your thoughts about what makes relationships work and not work with me and your fellow readers. And if you’ve identified any specific beliefs I didn’t mention that underlie any type of relationship problem, please share them also.

For information about eliminating 23 of the most common limiting beliefs and conditionings, which cause eight of the most common problems in our lives, please checkout: http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence.

These weekly blog posts also exist as podcasts. Sign up for the RSS feed or at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly.

Increase Your Happiness With One Distinction

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 22:41:32 +0000

Note: There is an email link embedded within this post, please visit this post to email it.

Do you know the difference between beliefs and occurrings? They are totally different phenomena. And you need to be able to eliminate both of them to have a truly satisfying life.

Do you usually make a distinction between reality and how reality occurs for you?
Very few people even realize there is a difference between the two, which leads them to deal with a “reality” that exists only in their mind.

Do you know why the ability to make that distinction is crucial to having a truly happy life? Most people have no idea.

I was preparing a handout for the new Lefkoe Occurring Course starting February 1 that discussed these three issues and I realized that the information in the handout would be useful to all the readers of my blog. So I am reprinting most of the handout below.

Definitions

Reality: What actually happens in the world. What you know through your five senses, especially what you can see or hear. What you would capture on a video recording.

Occurring: The meaning you give to events in reality. Usually we don’t distinguish between reality and how reality occurs for us (our occurring), so we think the meaning we give reality IS reality. For example, losing our job is a fact in reality, that it is a disaster or a great opportunity are two possible ways the event can occur for you. You can “see” that you no longer have a job. You can’t “see” that the job loss is a disaster or an opportunity.

No meaning: Events in reality have no inherent meaning. In other words, you can’t draw any inferences or make any predictions, for sure, as a result of observing any events. When you do the Lefkoe Belief Process you experience clearly that mom’s and dad’s behavior had no inherent meaning, that the way they treated you meant nothing about you.

Distinctions

The difference between a belief and an occurring and why that difference is important: Beliefs are the meaning we give to a series of events. The meaning usually is a statement about ourselves, people or life. A belief is a statement about reality that we feel and act is the truth (it is possible to intellectually disagree with something we believe). Beliefs are generalizations, for example, I am …. People are …. Life is …. Once formed, beliefs continue to exist and affect our behavior, feelings and perceptions forever, unless we are able to eliminate the belief.

Our occurrings are the meaning we give to a specific event. Each occurring is a distinct experience that usually lasts only a short time and then fades away by itself when we stop thinking about the event. An example of an occurring is your boss asking you a question and it occurring to you as she doesn’t trust you or she doesn’t like you or you’re going to get fired. That is the meaning you have given to the boss’s question. In reality all that happened is that she asked you a question.

Your long-standing beliefs are not occurrings. Occurrings require, by definition, an event. An occurring is how an event occurs for you. If there is no event, there is no occurring.

So beliefs and occurrings are two totally different phenomena. There is a relationship between them, however, in that beliefs are the major source of our occurrings. In other words, how a meaningless event occurs for us is determined mainly by our beliefs. Change your beliefs and how events show up for you will be different. For example, if you believe, People are stupid, they will occur for you that way. Eliminate that belief and your occurring probably will change.

But because each is a distinct phenomenon, it is possible to dissolve an occurring without eliminating any beliefs. If you don’t eliminate the beliefs that are causing a occurring, you are likely to continue to have the same occurring when similar events happen in your life.

The reason this distinction between reality and our occurrings is so important is that most people rarely distinguish between them, thereby acting as if their occurring IS reality. In other words, we rarely deal with what is actually in the world; we deal with the meaning we have given what is in the world, a meaning that exists only in our own mind.

Reality can’t cause feelings: Because events have no inherent meaning, they are unable to make you feel anything. What produces your feelings (apart from some conditioning) is the meaning you give to events.

So beliefs (which are meaning you have given to a series of events) can result in feelings, such as anger resulting from the beliefs, I’m powerless and What makes me powerful (in control) is having things exactly the way I want them. When people don’t do what you want them to do you feel powerless and then feel anger at the people who didn’t do what you wanted them to do. If you didn’t have these two beliefs, you’d either ignore the people who aren’t doing what you want or you’d ask again, giving reasons for what you want.

The meaning you give specific events—your occurrings—also result in feelings. If you don’t get something you want and you give it the meaning: I can’t get what I want and I never will, you will get upset. If you give it the meaning: I haven’t gotten what I want yet, so what do I have to do to get it?—you will feel challenged and excited. Therefore, dissolving your occurrings enables you to simultaneously dissolve negative feelings, such as anxiety, anger, and upset.

Please let me know if these definitions and distinctions are clear and if they are useful. I look forward to hearing from you.

For information about my next Lefkoe Occurring Course, where you learn how to use the Lefkoe Occurring Process to automatically dissolve your occurrings and your negative feelings, please check out: http://occurringcourse.com/discover.

For information about eliminating 23 of the most common limiting beliefs and conditionings, please checkout: http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence.

These weekly blog posts also exist as podcasts. Sign up for the RSS feed or at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly.

Get The Law of Attraction To Work For You

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 21:38:09 +0000

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This past week I was attending my bi-annual meeting of the Transformational Leadership Council in New Orleans. At one point I was talking to Paul Scheele of Learning Strategies about the important distinction between inspiration, which comes from who we really are (consciousness, the “creator”) and intention, which comes from who we think we are (the ego, the “creation”).

(See my recent blog post where I discuss this distinction in detail: http://www.mortylefkoe.com/create-happiness/.)

In the middle of the conversation I had a thought that might explain why the Law of Attraction works sometimes and not other times.

When you are inspired to do something (inspirations are created out of nothing, “just because”), the creator that you really are will help to manifest that inspiration. The “universe” will support you.

On the other hand, when your ego sets an intention (intentions are shaped and limited by our prior beliefs), you generally will not be supported by who you really are, by consciousness, by the “universe.”

In other words, consciousness will help to manifest the visions it inspired to begin with. And the ego will have to work hard to bring its intentions to fruition.

What I am suggesting is that the Law of Attraction is nothing more that consciousness manifesting its own creations (namely your inspirations). The “Law” is not applicable to intentions it did not create.

Obviously it is possible to achieve ego-created intentions with effective strategies and actions, but you will not have the Law of Attraction’s support in the same way as you would if you were focused on implementing an inspiration.

Take a look in your own life. Think about the times that the Law of Attraction seemed to be working, when merely thinking about something seemed to be enough for it to manifest. And then think about the times that you struggled to get something you wanted. Was the goal you were striving to achieve a function of an intention or an inspiration?

Does this distinction explain when the LOA works for you and when it doesn’t? Tell me and my readers your stories.

For information about eliminating 23 of the most common limiting beliefs and conditionings, please checkout: http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence.

These weekly blog posts also exist as podcasts. Sign up for the RSS feed or at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly.

You Can Create Your Own Happiness

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 18:11:46 +0000

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What if there was one principle about human feelings that would enable you to control your own experience of life?

Well, there is, and here is the principle: The meaning you give to what happens to you totally determines your reaction to what happens to you. One meaning can lead to upset and suffering; another meaning of the same event can lead to excitement, challenge, and happiness.

Take a moment and think about this. … Because events in the world have no inherent meaning, when you give meaning to events it seems as if your meaning (how the event is occurring to you) is what is actually happening. In fact, however, your occurring exists only in your mind.

This very important principle is relevant in two ways.

Our meaning creates our beliefs

First, all of our beliefs about ourselves, others, and life itself are nothing more than the meaning we have given to meaningless events. I’m not good enough is the meaning we have given to parental criticism or dissatisfaction with what we do as a child. Relationships are difficult is the meaning we have given to our parents arguing all the time or to our first couple of unpleasant relationships. Life is difficult is the meaning we have given to difficult childhood experiences where we and our family struggled a lot. Etc.

So our anxiety, procrastination, concern with the opinion of others, lack of confidence, difficulties in relationships, stress, etc. are all primarily the result of beliefs: the meanings we gave earlier in our lives to meaningless events. (Conditionings also play a role.)

Our meaning determines how reality occurs to us

Second, the meaning we give events determines how they occur for us at the moment. One meaning can lead to a positive occurring; another meaning can lead to a negative occurring. Unfortunately, most of the time most of us never distinguish between what is actually happening and the meaning we are giving what is happening.

For example, your boss asks you a question. If you give it the meaning that your boss is dissatisfied with you, you likely will feel anxious or angry. If you give the same question the meaning that your boss is just trying to get some information, you will feel calm and provide the information.

Another example: Your spouse asks you to do something. If you give it the meaning that he is asking because he doesn’t trust you to do it on your own, you will be angry or upset. If you give it the meaning that she is just telling you what she wants, then you probably will feel nothing at all.

Meanings that turn into beliefs are generalizations about ourselves, people, and life that stay with us forever, unless we eliminate them. Meanings that determine how an event occurs for us disappear as soon as we stop thinking about the event.

When people eliminate all the beliefs that cause a given behavioral or emotional problem, the problem disappears. People who have done this have reported profound changes in their lives. And yet the changes reported by people who have learned how to dissolve their negative occurrings and be left either with just the unvarnished facts or a positive occurring are even more profound.

Here are just a few stories from people in recent Lefkoe Occurring Courses to show how powerful it is to be able to control the meaning you give events.

“Occurrings dissolve instantly”

I’ve found that almost all of my occurrings dissolve instantly this week, that there was nothing to really stop and work through except for the one incident above. I feel much lighter emotionally now and a LOT less reactive – I find myself looking at situations fairly dispassionately now with a little bit of curiousity as to what may be going on. LOVE IT!!

–Renee Maxfield

“I’ve continued to shift my occurrings fairly quickly”

This week I’ve continued to shift my occurrings fairly quickly. If something happens that triggers a negative feeling, I’m able to distinguish that it is due to my occurring. I then look at alternate meanings, preferably positive ones, and am able to shift to feeling pretty neutral or sometimes more positive. Practicing this technique definitely puts me into the creator space, where I know that I’m creating my reality at every moment.

–Raechel Morgan

“In the past I would have been angry. This time, nothing.”

I experience negative occurrings less frequently now and those that do arise are often removed with little or no conscious effort. Here are some examples from this week’s experiences.

My body is shocked by an unexpected loud noise caused by someone dropping a heavy object. In the past I would have been angry. This time, nothing. No occurring. No emotion. Just awareness of the noise and the bodily sensation. Pleased by this I take the chance to put in place a positive occurring – I’m getting good at this.

I’m about to buy the latest igadget when the occurring that is pushing me to do so, the sense that it is a must have, just dissolves leaving me easily able to make the more reasonable decision to not buy. (The ability to dissolve occurrings and the habit of dissolving ones that aren’t useful provide great protection against increasingly sophisticated and manipulative marketing strategies)

–Robert Macfarlane

“It has made my life a lot easier”

So much has happened with my husband and our relationship. He is very negative about everything and is feeling powerless. His eyes are going bad and his walking is very bad as well. He feels his control is gone. [He just turned 91.] The more powerless he feels the more control he needs over me and everything happening to us. My occurring is always that he thinks I am dumb or can’t do anything right when he berates me or tells me what to do all day long.   Then I remember what he is going through and he doesn’t mean it to hurt me. He need to feels some control. Then I feel better and know it’s not me. All day long different things happen and I think what is the occurring and it is always negative. Then I think of other interpretations and the feeling disappears. It has made my life a lot easier and happier. Thank you Morty.

–Hilda Fogel

You can learn to do what these people have done. Learn how to control the meaning you give to meaningless events and you control your experience of life.

Please share below your thoughts and questions on how, by changing the meaning you give events, you can control your experience of life.

For information about my next Lefkoe Occurring Course, where you learn how to use the Lefkoe Occurring Process to dissolve your occurrings and your negative feelings, please check out: http://occurringcourse.com/discover.

For information about eliminating 19 of the most common limiting beliefs and conditionings, please checkout: http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence.

These weekly blog posts also exist as podcasts. Sign up for the RSS feed or at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly.

Would You Like To Be Able To Love Unconditionally?

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 18:21:13 +0000

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Early last year a good friend and colleague, Marci Shimoff, contacted me and told me she was writing a new book to be titled, Love For No Reason. She said she had read a post I had written about my unconditional love for my wife, Shelly. Marci asked if she could interview me for the book and use what I had written. Of course I agreed.

Her book has just been published and I want to strongly recommend that you read it, because she explains, in a way that I had never thought of, how to create a life of unconditional love. Because I’ve been able to love unconditionally, I know how incredible that experience is, so anything you can do to have that experience yourself is worth doing. http://www.thelovebook.com

The book opens with an inspiring story about love for no reason that sets the tone for the entire book. I was hooked from the start.

Early on Marci uses part of her interview with me, where I described my experience of unconditional love.

When I married my wife, Shelly, almost twenty-nine years ago, she asked me why I loved her. I answered, “Just because I do.”

She didn’t like this answer. She wanted to know which qualities about her made me love her. But I kept insisting that I simply loved her, not for any particularly reason.

I explained: “If I love you for specific reasons, then my love is conditioned on you being a certain way. If you stop being that way or you aren’t that way at a given time, I may not love you. But if I love you ‘just because,’ then my love is unconditional and I can and will love you no matter what you do or don’t do.”

If I don’t feel love toward Shelly at any given moment, I realize that I’m not experiencing love inside myself and that it’s up to me to figure out why and to start experiencing it again. I’m not blaming her for anything and I’m not waiting for her to change in some way. This gives me complete control over the way I feel about her. In other words, there’s nothing she has to do to make me love her, and there’s nothing she can do that will lead me to not love her.

Marci’s book is filled with many inspiring stories about love and she also offers some useful tips regarding what it takes to learn to love unconditionally.

For example, she points out that you need to be able to experience self-love before you can truly love another.

Almost all of us carry around this same underlying belief of “I’m not good enough”—or some variation of how we are flawed or inadequate. Yours might be “I’m not smart enough,” “I’m not worthy,” or “I’m not loveable.” It really doesn’t matter which edition of the “I’m not Okay” manual you have, when you don’t love yourself, you hold yourself back from receiving life’s richest experience: Love for No Reason. It’s like having a winning lottery ticket and not showing up to claim the millions.”

Marci describes a meeting she attended with the Dalai Lama, who radiates love for no reason:

Just sitting within ten feet of this great spiritual master was transformational. His presence was incredibly calming, bathing the entire room in an aura of quiet, unconditional love.

The Dalai Lama graciously welcomed us to the meeting, and before taking our questions, he shared a few words that put us instantly at ease. He said that whether he is addressing the president of a nation or a homeless person on the street makes no difference to him, because he treats everyone the same.

“Differences in religious beliefs, politics, social status, and position are all secondary,” the Dalai Lama explained. “When we look at someone with compassion, we are able to see beyond those secondary differences and connect to the primary essence that binds all humans together as one.” (Emphasis added.)

He added that when we are in this state of being, we feel love for ourselves and others, not because of what we do, but simply because we are.

Marci identifies one of the biggest barriers to unconditional love:

One of the biggest blocks to experiencing Love for No Reason is being judgmental, which is different from exercising good judgment or voicing an opinion. Being judgmental is condemning another person or situation, which creates tension and separation in our relationships, effectively cutting off the flow of love.

I was excited that she also discussed love for no reason at work. She quoted from an interview she had with another one of my friends and colleagues, Stewart Emery.

When you’re living in a state of love, it automatically brings the ability to “be a good one” to whatever you are doing. It’s love that causes that to happen. Without love for your work, you can’t get good at it.

What’s interesting is that if you ask people who love their work why they love it, they’ll invent reasons, because we’re socialized to have reasons for everything, but the truth is that the love we’re talking about “passeth all understanding”: it’s beyond reasons. And it’s this love that produces the greatest artistic, scientific, and business achievements.”

Near the end of the book Marci has a quote from Martin Luther King Jr. that is especially relevant in today’s world, where there is conflict wherever we look.

Though it’s tempting to reject or even try to destroy the people we feel are hateful, Dr. King said that returning hate with hate “only intensifies the existence of hate and evil in the universe … It just never ends … The strong person is the person who can cut off the chain of hate, the chain of evil … and inject within the very structure of the universe that strong and powerful element of love.”

Although these words were spoken more than fifty years ago, we still face the same challenge today: to love people we don’t agree with and who don’t see the world the same way we do.

There is nothing like the experience of loving for no reason. I’ve had that experience many times and it usually is accompanied by a feeling of bliss. If you want to know more about it and learn how to create it yourself, read Marci’s book. To order the book on-line, please click on the following link (I don’t earn an affiliate commission, I just think you should read the book) or go to your nearest book store. http://www.thelovebook.com

Please share below your thoughts and questions on unconditional love.

These weekly blog posts also exist as podcasts. Sign up for the RSS feed or at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly.

To purchase a DVD program that I guarantee to help you significantly improve your confidence and also eliminate the major day-to-day problems that most people face, check out http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence.

What Drives You: “Intention” or “Inspiration”?

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 04 Jan 2011 20:07:42 +0000

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Everyone knows that success in life is a function of your “intention.” Right?

I just read an excellent blog post by Joe Vitale (http://blog.mrfire.com/why-i-gave-up-intentions) that challenges this point of view. Joe’s perspective makes a lot of sense to me and, because New Year’s Resolutions are usually all about our intentions, I thought I would use my first blog post of the new year to take a fresh look at this topic.

Joe questions the value of intention

Joe makes this point: “Today I realize that most intentions are limitations. Intentions come from your ego and can actually limit what is possible for you to receive.”

He goes on to explain:

STAGE ONE:

In the first stage you are a victim. We’re all born into it and most of us stay there. With coaching or the right books or the right movies, you one day break free.

STAGE TWO:

In the next stage you realize you have more power than you ever thought before. In this stage intentions are fun and exciting and useful. You aim your life where you want it to go. It’s exhilarating to manifest things like new cars or a new house or anything else you can imagine.

But there’s a stage after that.

STAGE THREE:

In the third stage you realize you have choice but you don’t have control. You realize you don’t have all power. This is where you surrender. This is where you can receive inspiration from something greater than your ego awareness.

I was filmed for two more movies last week. One of them is all about letting go to inspiration.

For me, I want inspiration.

When it comes, that becomes my new intention.

But the intention comes from inspiration, not from limitation.

The intention comes from the Divine, not my pipsqueak ego.

In short, when I receive an inspiration to do something, it becomes my intention.

So I still believe in intentions, but not those of the ego, but those of the Divine.

A distinction between intention and inspiration

Joe made an important distinction between inspiration, which comes from who we really are (the “creator”) and intention, which comes from who we think we are (the ego, the “creation”).

Because our creation is pretty much run by our already-existing beliefs and conditionings, our intentions are not really freely chosen. Our intentions are determined by our past, or, to be more precise, the meaning we gave past experiences. In other words, our intentions are limited by our beliefs. We can’t intend to achieve more than our beliefs will allow.

Inspirations, on the other hand, are created out of nothing. Inspirations don’t depend on anything and they are not limited by our beliefs.

If you were asked: What is the source of any goal you might have—and you explain why you have the goal, you probably have an intention that is a function of your beliefs. If your answer is, “just because” or “why not” or “just because I said so,” you probably have an inspiration that was created independent of your beliefs.

As soon as I realized the power of The Lefkoe Method (TLM) about 25 years ago to make a profound difference in the world, I said to myself: I intend to spend the rest of my life using TLM to make a difference in as many lives as possible. A worthwhile intention, isn’t it?

But when I first created this intention about 25 years ago it mattered to me. I used it to define who I was. It became my identity. I had to do it. It was a better way to spend my time than how most other people spent their time. The world needed what I had to offer.

My intention became an inspiration

And then about 10 years ago there was a shift from: I need to do it, to: I choose to do it. And I would be okay if I didn’t do it. The world didn’t need me; it would be okay without me.

My intention had shifted to inspiration and it no longer defined who I was. My ego was no longer involved.

I’ve actually been thinking about what to do with the rest of my life (I’m now 73 years old) during the past two weeks while I was on vacation in Hawaii with Shelly and my two daughters.

On the one hand I felt I could stay on vacation for the rest of my life. Either my associates or I have worked one-on-one with well over 13,000 clients and over 70,000 people have used an online and/or a DVD program to eliminate at least one belief. Most of these people experienced a freedom that they had never experienced before. One of my daughters pointed out that very few people in history had helped so many people. I felt that was okay to stop.

On the other hand I felt excited about getting back to work. I was looking forward to implementing the many ideas I have for 2011, including a way to reach a few hundred thousand more people in 2011, leading a new occurring course, and creating several new products.

After weighing each possibility, I choose to go back to work. I don’t need to help people for ego reasons. I am okay whether I continue to make The Lefkoe Method available in the world or not. However, for me this is still the best game in town and I am interested in playing for at least one more year.

Look at your own intentions

Take a look at your intentions for 2011 and see if they are freely chosen or not. Are they something you are choosing to do or something you need to do to be okay?

If you discover that the source of your intentions is your beliefs, get rid of any negative self-esteem beliefs so that you realize you are okay just the way you are and that you don’t need to do anything to be okay. Make sure you get rid of any survival strategy beliefs, so that your sense of okayness is not dependent on anything outside yourself. Do the Who Am I Really? Process and experience that you are the creator of your life, not a creation.

Allow yourself to ruminate about the question: What do I want to do with my life, just because I want to do it—not because of what it means about me or because of what others will think?

When you discover what you choose to do, not what you need to do, what you would do even if no one else ever knew that you did it, you are probably in touch with divine inspiration, rather than ego-driven intention. At that point the universe likely will support you in manifesting your inspiration in the world.

Please share below your thoughts and questions on living out of inspiration versus intention.

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The Causes And Cure For Overeating

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 18:19:02 +0000

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The more we work with clients who have a problem of overeating, the more convinced I am that we have come up with an effective solution to a major health crisis.

Over 70% of American adults are either overweight or obese. That is a disastrous situation for those people who have an eating/weight problem and a serious crisis for society as a whole.

As more and more clients de-condition eating as the compulsive response to emotional triggers and as I better understand the role of beliefs in overeating, it is clear that a long-term solution to overeating now exists that does not involve dieting, drugs, or will power.

These are all attempts to deal with the symptoms of the problem. Our approach is to deal with and eliminate the cause.

So 25 years after creating the Lefkoe Belief Process we now have all the processes we need to help millions of people totally stop their overeating problem. I don’t yet know how to create a DVD that will do the job, but hopefully I will figure out a way eventually. In the meantime, we can help people in one-on-one phone and Skype sessions.

I’ve written an eBook that describes the true causes of overeating and presents an effective solution. The eBook is free and is available at http://emotionaleatingreport.com.

In addition, because this issue is so crucial and affects so many people, and because we have a real solution to the problem, I intend to create a new blog that I will post to weekly that will focus solely on the causes and cure for overeating problems. It will be shorter than my blog at http://mortylefkoe.com and may include reviews of books that I think might be useful, comments on news items involving food and weight, case histories from clients I am working with, new insights I have about the problem, etc.

If you or a friend or a loved one have an eating/food/weight problem, please take a look at the free eBook and at the same time sign up to get the blog weekly. You can see the existing posts and sign up at http://emotionaleatingreport.com/blog/.

Please share below your thoughts and questions on my decision to write an emotional eating weekly blog.

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Are Your Beliefs Making You Ill?

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 18:45:48 +0000

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The Placebo Effect

One of the best proofs that beliefs have a powerful impact on our health has existed for years right under the noses of every physician in the world: the placebo effect, “a change in a patient’s illness attributable to the symbolic import of a treatment rather than a specific pharmacologic or physiological property.” In other words, it is your natural healing ability triggered by belief in a treatment, doctor, or institution.

Every new drug is tested for safety and efficacy before it is put on the market. Part of all testing involves giving the drug to human subjects to determine if it is effective in dealing with the condition it’s intended to alleviate. At the same time, a pill containing an inert substance, sometimes sugar, is given to other subjects with the same illness. The drug is approved for distribution if it is determined to be safe and significantly more effective than the placebo.

As Deepak Chopra points out: “By giving a placebo, or dummy pill, thirty percent of patients will experience the same pain relief as if a real painkiller had been administered. But the mind-body effect is much more holistic. The same dummy pill can be used to kill pain, to stop excessive gastric secretions in ulcer patients, to lower blood pressure, or to fight tumors. (All the side effects of chemotherapy, including hair loss and nausea, can be induced by giving cancer patients a sugar pill while assuring them that it is a powerful anticancer drug, and there have been instances where injections of sterile saline solution have actually led to remissions of advanced malignancy.)”

Chopra and many others explain the placebo effect as an example of the power of suggestion. I don’t think it is the suggestion as such; it is the belief that results from the suggestion that affects the body.

Cancer

An excellent example of the mind-body connection is cancer. The old saying, “Many a truth has been spoken in jest” was never more true than when Woody Allen said in the film Manhattan, “I don’t get mad, I grow tumors.”

Cancer is a disease caused by a failure of the immune system. What causes the immune system to fail in some people and not in others? Increasingly, scientists and cancer specialists are reaching the same conclusion Norman Cousins wrote about in Head First.

Cousins summarized research showing that “depression is a demonstrated cause of physical ill health, including deleterious effects on the immune system. Equally striking is the fact that liberation from depression produces an almost automatic boost in the number of disease-fighting immune cells.” Cousins concluded, “If you can reduce the depression that almost invariably affects cancer patients, you can increase the body’s own capacity for combating malignancies.”

Depression is experienced as an overwhelming sense of hopelessness and helplessness. Those attitudes are the result of such beliefs as I’m not good enough, I don’t matter, I’ll never get what I want, I’m powerless, I’m alone in the world, I’m worthless, Life is difficult, and I’m unlovable. By eliminating beliefs such as these, depression can be eliminated and the immune system can be strengthened.

Dr. Sandra Levy of the Pittsburg Cancer Institute conducted research that led her to conclude: “Perhaps the course of cancer can in part be altered by changing the emotions associated with depression, helplessness, and the failure to cope.” (Emphasis added.)

There are many additional studies showing the impact of the mind on cancer other than the impact of depression.

Heart Disease

Another example of the mind-body connection is heart disease. Scientists have long been puzzled by the fact that, although the “risk factors” for heart disease (like high blood cholesterol, diabetes, high blood pressure, and cigarette smoking) are well known, more than half the new cases of heart disease occur when none of these risk factors is present. Something else is going on.

Scientists have also learned that the most reliable factor in determining survival rates for patients with heart disease are job satisfaction and a sense of “overall happiness.” Those who were alone and depressed had the poorest survival rates.

Lynda H. Powell, an assistant professor at the Department of Epidemiology and Public Health at the Yale University School of Medicine, has done extensive research on the relationship between mental states and heart attacks.

Dr. Powell points out: “Hostility and cynical mistrust are consistently associated with coronary artery disease. The constant ongoing vigilance associated with being mistrustful appears to promote coronary heart disease by speeding up the disposition of the atherosclerotic plaques on the walls of the arteries. How we think this happens is that the hormones which enter the bloodstream during times of stress act to keep the sticky LDL cholesterol, which is considered the bad type of cholesterol, circulating in the bloodstream longer, and this increases the rate of blockage on the coronary arteries.”

The role of beliefs

In a well-researched book, The Health of Nations: True Causes of Sickness and Well-Being, Dr. Leonard Sagan concluded: “The data reviewed in this book demonstrate that those who are competent and have confidence in themselves and in their ability to control their own lives will experience better health outcomes than those who do not. … Another dimension that must be incorporated into our notion of health is an understanding and appreciation for the preeminent role of early childhood informing the attitudes and values that are fundamental in the formation of a healthy personality.

“… Our current biomedical paradigm focuses narrowly on adult behavior, on diet and particularly on physical fitness as the primary determinant of health, and largely ignores the fundamental role of our self-esteem, and our ability to form affectionate relationships with others, and finally, to feel ourselves in charge our of own lives. It is in these qualities that true health lies.” (Emphasis added.)

Please share below your thoughts and questions on the relationship between our beliefs and our illnesses.

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How To Be More Effective At Work: TLM Part 4

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 18:41:27 +0000

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In addition to the seven processes that can help free individuals from their limitations (which I’ve described in the last three blog posts), The Lefkoe Method has two additional processes that were designed specifically for use in organizations.

If you use them in your own firm, you will be more successful. If you use them at a company where you work, you will become a more effective and valuable employee.

The Lefkoe Belief Process-Possibilities

The first process, the Lefkoe Belief Process-Possibilities, was created when I discovered during my years as a management consultant that employees on every level in every organization were sabotaging themselves and their organizations with many beliefs that started with the words: We (I) can’t ….

Almost everyone in every organization—whether it be non-profit, for profit, or governmental—has a number of beliefs about what can’t be done and what must be done. Based on my experience I contend that these beliefs are an organization’s biggest barrier to innovation. In fact, they are probably the single biggest problem organizations face.

“We can’t out-source that job.”
“We can’t find the type of employees we need.”
“I can’t get the support I need.”
“We can’t possibly finish the project as quickly as the customer wants.”
“We can’t afford to do that.”
“That suggestion is crazy. It can’t possibly work.”

Sound familiar? If you work in an organization it is unlikely you get through an entire day without hearing, We (I) can’t …, at least once. And if the right someone (or lots of someones) believes something “can’t be done,” then the chances are slim to nil that it will get done.

Either this type of belief will stop a new initiative cold, or, if the organization manages to get it off the ground, the people with the belief will have a hard time supporting it, which will lead to the belief becoming a self-fulfilling prophesy.

When I first discovered the widespread prevalence of this type of belief, I realized that the Lefkoe Belief Process (LBP) could easily eliminate it. The problem was that it was impractical to train everyone in an organization to use the LBP. It would take much too much time. So I had to revise the Process so that anyone could learn to do it very quickly.

At some point I realized that if you were eliminating a belief whose source was not childhood and that was always the same—namely, something hadn’t worked before—I could create an easy-to-learn-and-use variation of the LBP that only eliminated We (I) can’t … beliefs.

I call this process the Lefkoe Belief Process-Possibilities because when you eliminate a We (I) can’t … belief you create possibilities that literally didn’t exist before. The LBP-P can eliminate a belief in less than five minute and can be taught to groups of people in only an hour or so.

For more details about the LBP-P, including the actual steps of the Process, please visit http://www.mortylefkoe.com/get-rid-of-the-belief-%E2%80%9Ci-can%E2%80%99t-%E2%80%A6%E2%80%9D/.

Changing the culture of an organization

Right after I created the LBP in 1985 my associates and I did a lot of management consulting work. One of the most exciting assignments we had was helping many of the newly-formed telephone companies that had just split off from AT&T to create a new customer-driven culture.

For about a hundred years AT&T had a culture that was focused on internal measurements for improvement. Because the company had a monopoly and customers had no place else to go, it didn’t focus much on what customers wanted. AT&T gave them what it thought they needed. After AT&T split up into a number of “Baby Bells,” each operating company had to change its culture to focus more on customer service.

The Lefkoe Institute was brought in by seven of those companies to work with thousands of their employees. I created a process that had employees in all the workshops realize that what they did on a daily basis made perfect sense given the beliefs they had created about what to do and how to do it. They also came to realize that these beliefs made perfect sense given the environment that existed when the beliefs were formed.

So instead of telling the employees that what they were doing was wrong or that they needed to change, we validated their behavior and their beliefs.

Once they realized the many ways in which the “old environment” had changed, they were able to consciously create new beliefs about their jobs, policies and procedures that were consistent with the new, current environment. And obviously their behavior changed to be consistent with their new beliefs.

We were very successful both in helping change the behavior of employees and the culture in which they operated.

Important organizational distinctions

In addition to the two processes that were developed specifically for organizations, I have made several important distinctions that are very valuable for organizations, such as the distinction between first, second, and third order change.

Here is a short summary of the difference between the three types of change:

First order change is incremental and consists of improving what already is. It is change consistent with existing beliefs.

Second order change is more fundamental and consists of creating a new set of beliefs that make behavior possible that had been impossible before.

One way to distinguish between a second and third order change organization is that the former creates a new and better culture in which to operate; the latter creates a culture that recognizes that there is no ”right” culture for all times. A third order change organization is able to easily create new cultures as new environments require.

For examples and more details see my blog post: http://www.mortylefkoe.com/relationship-personal/.

Summary of The Lefkoe Method

In this and the last three blog posts I have provided a summary of the nine processes that comprise The Lefkoe Method and provided links to get additional information about each process.

It should be clear that not only is each process unique in what it does and how it does it, but all of them together as The Lefkoe Method offer a revolutionary approach to freeing us from our limitations and providing us with the freedom to create our lives exactly the way we want them to be.

Please share below any comments you have on the two organizational processes or any other process in The Lefkoe Method.

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This Way To Well-being: TLM Part 3

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 23 Nov 2010 17:53:29 +0000

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The Lefkoe Occurring Process (LOP) and the Lefkoe De-conditioning Process (LDP) are the two newest processes that constitute The Lefkoe Method (TLM). I’ve mentioned them before in other posts; today I will summarize each of them and describe how each offers a unique benefit not found in any other process in TLM or, to the best of my knowledge, in any psychotherapeutic or personal growth technique. I also will describe the Who Am I Really? (WAIR?) Process, which helps you enter an altered state of consciousness.

The Lefkoe Occurring Process

Our beliefs are the meaning we gave to a series of events in the past, which we now feel is “the truth.” For us, a belief is an accurate description of reality, which gives it the power to influence our thoughts, feelings, and behavior.

We also give meaning to reality moment by moment and the meaning we give events determines how reality “occurs” for us. For example, someone you know walks into a crowded room and doesn’t say hello to you. That is a fact. It may occur to you, however, that she doesn’t like you, or that she is being rude, or that she didn’t see you. All of these “occurrings” are possible meanings for her behavior—that exist only in your mind.

But here’s the problem. For most of us the way the world occurs for us is our reality, because we never distinguish between the two. And because the way we think reality “is” determines our thinking, our feelings, the possibilities available for our actions, etc., for most of us most of the time our responses to “reality” are really responses to our occurrings.

Because our emotions are usually the result of our occurrings and not reality itself (because events have no inherent meaning, they usually cannot cause feelings), the ability to dissolve our occurrings enables us to eliminate most negative emotions at will.

Unlike beliefs, which once formed become our reality forever (unless they are eliminated), our occurrings are only the meaning we have given transient events and then disappear either immediately or shortly after the events are gone. As a result current occurrings rarely affect us in the future.

The single best, easiest, and fastest way to control your experience of life is to consistently make a distinction between reality and how reality occurs for you, and then to dissolve the occurring, so you are left with nothing but the facts of reality.

For more details on “occurring,” see a short video I made that visually explains how we create occurrings and how we can dissolve them: http://occurringcourse.com/how-occurring-works/. See also a blog post devoted entirely to this topic: http://www.mortylefkoe.com/create-experience-life/.

Although eliminating beliefs and conditionings can make a profound difference in how you experience your life, you will gain more minute-by-minute control over it using the Lefkoe Occurring Process. (For information about the next course where I teach participants how to use it, see http://www.occurringcourse.com/discover/.)

The Lefkoe De-conditioning Process

This process has the potential to be used in a wide variety of problems, but it was created for and currently is only used for eating problems.

I discovered after years of trying to help people stop their overeating by eliminating beliefs that that approach was insufficient.

I had known all about “classical” conditioning, in which a stimulus is conditioned to produce a behavioral or emotional response. So rejection or making a mistake can be conditioned to produce anxiety. Or being told what to do can be conditioned to produce anger. This type of conditioning was demonstrated by Pavlov’s dogs that were conditioned to salivate by the ringing of a bell. The Lefkoe Stimulus Process can easily de-condition this type of conditioning. But that type of conditioning didn’t seem relevant for overeating, which involves a behavior that seems compulsive.

There is another type of conditioning called “operant” conditioning. This type of conditioning is the result of rewarding or punishing a behavior. As a result you become conditioned to act in a certain way in order to achieve the “reward” or avoid the punishment. This also didn’t seem relevant to the way eating gets conditioned.

So at some point I realized that overeating was largely the result of a different type of conditioning. Here’s how eating gets conditioned: When we have some type of negative feeling—such as anxiety, depression, neediness, and loneliness—and then eat, two things happen: we are distracted for the moment from the negative feeling and we have substituted a positive feeling (eating) for the negative feeling. After experiencing a “pleasurable distraction” (or a comforting or a numbing feeling) many times when we eat, eating gets conditioned and becomes a compulsive reaction whenever the negative emotional “trigger” it was associated with shows up in your life.

Other behaviors could get conditioned the same way, but so far eating is the only compulsive behavior I have found to be conditioned this way.

The Lefkoe De-conditioning Process makes several distinctions that enable eating to be de-conditioned, so that it is no longer an automatic compulsive behavior whenever the trigger appears.

For more details, see an eBook I recently wrote about how overeating is caused by this type of conditioning and how it can be totally stopped using the Lefkoe De-conditioning Process and, in some cases, the Lefkoe Belief Process: http://eatingreport.com

These are my two newest processes and I’m very excited about them. One of them will help people stop overeating for good without using will power. The other will enable you to create your experience of life, minute by minute. Do you know anything else that can do this?

The Lefkoe Method is both practical and spiritual

It wasn’t until several years after I had been using the Lefkoe Belief Process that I realized that it opened the gate to a profoundly spiritual experience of oneself. After a while I created a process—that I now call Who Am I Really? (WAIR?)—that supports the spiritual part of the Lefkoe Belief Process.

WAIR? enables people to distinguish themselves as the creator of their lives. This awareness is not merely a thought process, where you understand that you create your life. It isn’t even merely the experience of creating your life. It is a creative process, where you distinguish yourself as the creator of your life, at which point you know it on a very profound level that goes way beyond understanding or even experience. In this altered state you experience that anything is possible and that nothing is missing.

All the other individual processes that comprise TLM help you change the “creation” you think you are in some way. The WAIR? Process helps you realize that you aren’t merely your creation, you ultimately are the creator of the creation.

All in all, TLM is a profoundly spiritual method to improve your life. It not only helps you in a very practical, day-to-day way, it also helps you distinguish yourself as the creator of your life.

You really have to do the WAIR? Process to get how powerful it is. It is included at the end of the free beliefs at http://recreateyourlife.com and it also is a stand-alone process in all of the streaming video and DVD products we offer at http://recreateyourlife.com/store.

For an entire blog post devoted to a detailed examination of the WAIR? Process, see http://www.mortylefkoe.com/get-into-an-altered-state-of-consciousness-in-minutes/.

Next week’s post will describe the final two processes of The Lefkoe Method.

Please share below any comments you have on the Lefkoe Occurring Process, the Lefkoe De-conditioning Process, and the Who Am I Really? Process.

These weekly blog posts also exist as podcasts. Sign up for the RSS feed or at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly.

Don’t ever give up hope

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 02 Nov 2010 18:01:23 +0000

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For most of my life I didn’t want to be me. In fact, I was so unhappy being me that I wanted to be someone else. When I was in my twenties I wanted to be Fred Astaire, because I liked the light and joyful sense of life he projected when dancing on screen. Later in life I didn’t care who else I was as long as it wasn’t me.

During my twenties and thirties I contemplated suicide, evidence of how utterly miserable I was at that time.

Unless you have personally experienced depression it is hard to imagine how debilitating it is. It is all-encompassing and feels like being in a black hole from which there is no escape. Doing anything at all when you feel so hopeless and helpless is an effort. Sometimes washing the dishes was my major accomplishment of the day.

I was so afraid of being alone that I put pressure on my two former wives to not leave me, as a result of which I lost both of them. Like depression, being alone was more painful than I could bear.

Photo credit: worldislandinfo.com

Why am I telling you about how miserable I was for over half my life? Because so many people today feel the same way. And because none of those feelings are present in my life today.

I no longer want to be anyone else because I am thrilled with who I am and what I do. The depression and neediness disappeared many years ago and never resurfaced, even a little bit. I’ve had a blissful marriage to Shelly for almost 30 years. I live in the “creator” space most of the time, in other words, when I look inside I usually feel that there is nothing missing (although I still have goals, I am not attached to them), anything is possible, and I have no limitations. I rarely give meaning to events and when I do I am able to use the Lefkoe Occurring Process to dissolve the meaning in seconds. In other words, I am totally satisfied with my experience of life and don’t feel the need to change a thing.

Brittany was feeling hopeless

My daughter Brittany was upset the past weekend about an illness that no one has been able to diagnose—a condition that makes her tired, nauseous, and very emotional much of the time. She was starting to feel that it would never be diagnosed and cured, and that she would have to live with it forever.

So I described to her in detail how horrible my life had been for so many years and how it is today, as I’ve just told you.

I had this conversation with Brittany because I wanted her to realize that no matter how bad things might be right now, you can never make absolute predictions about the future. And I’m repeating the essence of my conversation with her to you, because no matter how difficult your life might have been so far, that doesn’t mean it can’t turn out to be exactly how you’ve hoped and dreamed it would be.

Even if no doctor has been able to diagnose Brittany so far, that doesn’t mean we won’t find one tomorrow. And even if all the personal growth courses and workshops haven’t given you the freedom and joy you’ve been seeking thus far, that doesn’t mean that there is nothing out there that ever will.

I’ve talked to a number of people recently who have given up on ever finding a way to get rid of the barriers to a happy and fulfilling life. After 20 or 30 years of sitting through one course after another, reading one book after another, and going to one therapist after another—none of which resulted in a real change—they feel as if nothing is ever going to work. And the despair that comes from concluding nothing will ever help them makes whatever problem they started with feel even worse.

My purpose for this blog post is for people whose perspective on life is: “I’d like to be truly happy but probably never will”—to shift to: “It is possible for my life to work—and if I never give up hope it will.”

Obviously I think The Lefkoe Method is one very effective solution. It worked for me and for tens of thousands of others. But regardless of what method eventually works for you, don’t ever give up hope that someday it will all turn out and you will achieve the happiness you’ve always imagined was possible. Don’t allow frustration to destroy your dreams.

I persevered, never gave up hope, and finally created the life I had hoped was possible … and you can too.

Please forward this to anyone you think it might help.

Please share below any comments you have on having the life you’ve always dreamed of.

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What is the relationship between personal and organizational transformation?

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 19 Oct 2010 21:03:13 +0000

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I wrote about three types of organizational change in my book, Re-create Your Life, many years ago. Let me draw from several passages in that book because the business applications of this distinction should make the personal applications I wrote about last week even clearer.

Organizations, as well as individuals, require all three types of change to be successful.

First order change in an organization consists of improving on what already is. It usually consists of finding ways to do things a little better, faster or easier. It results in incremental improvements consistent with the existing culture of the organization (which is a function of the organization’s beliefs). You can make a lot of money doing this well.

Second order change consists of creating something totally new. It is characterized by behavior change that requires a new culture. In other words, the desired behavior is inconsistent with the existing set of beliefs and requires a new set in order to open up the possibility for the desired new behaviors.

An example of this would be a company where certain employees see themselves as “Service Technicians,” for whom fixing and installing equipment is their “real” job and for whom taking care of customers is an imposition. Giving such employees information about the importance of taking care of customers would be useless. Such information is inconsistent with their existing beliefs about themselves. They would need to change those beliefs so that they saw themselves as “Customer Satisfiers,” at which point taking care of customers would be natural and normal behavior.

Whereas first order change is incremental and consists of improving what already is, second order change is more fundamental and consists of creating a new set of beliefs that make possible behavior that had been impossible before.

A third order organization is always operating from questions rather than answers, such as, What makes sense today? It is an organization that is willing to question and change its beliefs and culture at all times.

As Eric Hoffer, the San Francisco longshoremen philosopher, once stated: “In a time of drastic change [such as the world is currently experiencing], it is the learners who inherit the future. The learned find themselves equipped to live in a world that no longer remains.” (Emphasis added.)

Continuous improvement is, by definition, a process, not merely a state change. Second order change substitutes one state for a better one. An organization committed to continuous improvement requires third order change, which is a process, not merely a state change.

A third order organization would welcome change because change would be its biggest competitive advantage. First and second order change organizations initially wouldn’t even see changes in the environment as they occurred. Eventually they would acknowledge the environmental changes and try to deal with them. They’d start with some first order change. Eventually some of them might make second order changes. By then what would have happened to the environment? It would have changed even more. Such organizations would never be dealing with the world as it is, moment by moment. A third order organization would.

No limitations

When I lead workshops to help an organization create itself as a “third order” organization—in other words, an organization that creates third order change on a regular basis—I frequently ask participants: What limitations would a third order organization have? The answer is always the same: “There wouldn’t be any limitations.”

This is exactly the same experience that individuals have when they distinguish themselves as the “creator” and not merely a “creation.”

Examples of second and third order organizations

It is relatively easy to identify a second order change organization. It usually is doing something totally different from what everyone else in its industry is doing. Often it is something that everyone else says is impossible.

A good example of such a company is Southwest Airlines, founded by Herb Kelleher. At a time when everyone in the airline business knew that you couldn’t possibly fly from point to point profitably and that the only way to run an airline was to fly in and out of major “hubs,” Kelleher decided that the conventional wisdom was wrong and created what has become the most profitable and successful airline in the U.S.

He challenged the existing industry beliefs and created a new set of beliefs about running an airline.

It is much harder to identify a third order change organization because it must be watched over time to see if one major challenge to conventional wisdom is followed by another. In other words, because third order change consists of repeating second order change over and over as the environment demands, you need to observe a company over time to see if it makes fundamental change repeatedly.

One such company appears to be Amazon. Jeff Bezos started by challenging the notion of retail as requiring physical locations and decided to sell retail over the Internet. He started with offering a larger selection of books than even the super-sized bookstores with physical locations, such as Barnes and Noble and Border’s, at a substantial discount.

But his next second order change was even bigger than adding a lot more products, it was deciding that if a lot of people were interested in buying digital books, he would manufacture the Kindle, a digital book reader. Whether he succeeds in the long run or whether the iPad or similar products defeat him is beside the point. He and Amazon have observed the environment and continued to change as new opportunities arose. They have created second order change at least twice, which probably makes it a third order change organization.

The relevance of change in business to personal life

How is the distinction between three types of business organizations relevant to personal growth and transformation? I think the distinction between a second and third order organization is directly applicable to individuals: It is important to not only get rid of existing fears and barriers to action—so as to become a happier, more successful individual—but also to be constantly willing to grow, to learn, to change, to expand as your environment and experience require.

An individual who knows deep within that he is not his creation at any given moment, but the creator of any creation—in other words, someone who does not identify with his creation—would be willing to give up the creation he thinks he is at any given moment when he realizes it doesn’t serve him and create another one.

Second order change is reaching a better destination. There is nothing at all wrong with that. Run, don’t walk, to any opportunity to experience second order change.

A third order organization has a culture that holds there is no right way of operating at all times and under all circumstances, and is always open to change.

A third order individual distinguishes himself as the creator who creates his experience of life, minute by minute, always knowing that he is the creator of his creation, not any specific creation.

Please share below any comments you have on first, second, and third order change and my ideas on transformation in business.

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Eliminating Beliefs in Organizations

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 19:21:50 +0000

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You probably already know that The Lefkoe Method can improve your personal life. Did you also know that it can be used to improve your work environment?

Although the Lefkoe Institute is not doing much corporate work right now, we have helped over 10,000 employees from over 50 companies—ranging from Fortune 500 to small family owned businesses—to change their organizational beliefs and their individual beliefs about their jobs. As a result, those organizations were able to produce significant change and improved results. Here is a fascinating case history of how the Lefkoe Belief Process (LBP) was used effectively in one of those companies.

One small manufacturing company we helped a few years ago had a typical top-down managerial hierarchy, with the bosses making all the decisions and the workers doing little more than following orders. Morale was low. Results were only fair.

Our goal was to totally transform the way the company operated, with a focus on giving the workers a tremendous amount of authority to make day-to-day decisions, with the managers acting as support instead of as “bosses.”

We conducted workshops with all of the company’s employees during which each eliminated one personal belief and all eliminated a bunch of limiting beliefs about their company. We taught them how to use a simplified version of the LBP.

Within days many of the employees started making suggestions for improvements in the company. (Change beliefs and behavior changes effortlessly.) Supervisors were allowing workers to make more and more decisions on their own. A lot of excitement was generated; many of the changes workers suggested were instituted.

At this point Bob, the manager of a department of about thirty-five workers, went on vacation for a week. Two days after he left, Jean, one of the supervisors who reported to him, handled something in her own that everyone had agreed would be done by the workers. When Rick, one of the workers, complained to her, Jean said, in effect, “So what? I’m still the supervisor.” When Rick continued to protest, Jean took him to the Operations Manager’s office.

The other workers observed the heated argument and most of them concluded, “We’re back where we started. Nothing has really changed. If you speak up you get into trouble.”

The next week Bob returned from vacation to discover that morale and productivity had sunk to a new low, with virtually no suggestions or worker participation. What would most managers do in a situation like this? Talk to the supervisor involved in the altercation? Yes, but that in itself would have little effect on the other thirty-some workers. Talk to the workers individually and as a group, telling them that one incident isn’t really important and that the new era of openness and involvement will continue? Yes, but through what filter will anything the manager says be heard by the workers? “I hear what you’re saying, but you weren’t here last week, and you didn’t see with your own eyes as I did that ‘We’re back where we started. Nothing has really changed. If you speak up you get into trouble.’”

Here’s what Bob actually did. He called a meeting of the department’s entire workforce and asked that someone explain exactly what happened while he was away. One of the workers described the incident between Jean and Rick. Bob thanked him and replied, “So most of you concluded, ‘We’re back where we started. Nothing has really changed. If you speak up you get into trouble.’ Right?”

A scattering of “Yeah” could be heard.

Bob continued, “That’s a reasonable conclusion, based on what happened between Jean and Rick. Right now, however, I’d like you to play a little game with me. It’s called Possibilities. I’d like you to tell me at least four or five other things that last week’s incident could possibly mean. I’m not trying to invalidate your conclusion, which is as good as any other we’ll find. I’d just like you to tell me what other interpretations might be possible?”

After a few minutes the answers started coming from the floor.
* It could mean that Jean hasn’t bought into our empowerment program, but all the other supervisors have.
* It could mean that Jean has it in for Rick, but she wouldn’t be a problem for any other worker.
* It could mean that Jean was having a bad day and she is as committed to the new empowerment program as anyone.
* It could mean that Jean is willing to delegate most of her work except for the job involved in last week’s problem.

After several more responses, Bob said, “Can you see that what most of you concluded—‘We’re back where we started. Nothing has really changed. If you speak up you get into trouble’—is only one valid interpretation of what happened, but that a number of other explanations are just as valid?”

Heads started nodding up and down.

He continued, “Didn’t it seem last week when Jean and Larry were arguing that you could see right here on the factory floor, ‘We’re back where we started. Nothing has really changed. If you speak up you get into trouble?’”

One worker yelled out, “If you had been here, Bob, you’d have seen it too!”

Bob smiled. “Did you really see that? If you did, I’d like to know, was it on the wall or the floor? Was it red or green, striped or polka-dotted? Big or small?” Bob waited a few seconds … “Or did you just see Rick and Jean arguing, and the only place—‘We’re back where we started. Nothing has really changed. If you speak up you get into trouble’—has ever been is in your mind, as an interpretation of what you really did see?” They got the point.

Bob turned to Rick. “By the way, what happened when you went to the Operations Manager’s office with Jean?”

“He told us to work it out ourselves,” Rick answered.

Bob turned back to the group. “Anything else?” He saw a lot of sheepish grins. “Let’s go to work.”

In most companies, hardly a day goes by that some employees don’t observe something and then reach a conclusion that negatively affects their behavior from then on. Usually their manager will try to change their behavior using Information + Motivation. (See my blog post, http://mortylefkoe.com/111009, on why that doesn’t work.) Sometimes if the belief surfaces—“So-and-so can’t be trusted” or “That new plan will never work”—the Lefkoe Belief Process (or a variation) can be used easily, with one employee at a time or with a large group, just as Bob did.

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