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Many of you have used the Lefkoe Belief Process and found that permanently getting rid of beliefs has made a profound difference in your life.  Did you know that The Lefkoe Method includes eight other processes you can use to make significant changes in your life?

Depending on the problem you are trying to get rid of and what you are trying to accomplish, some of these other processes might be required.

Because recently readers have asked me to describe the difference between each   process and explain how each is used, I’ve decided to use my blog posts over the next few weeks to do just that.  I’ll provide a short description of each process, explain how it works, and tell you how it can be used to help you get rid of problems you face in your life daily.

This week I’ll discuss the Lefkoe Belief Process and the Lefkoe Stimulus Process. In future weeks I’ll write about the others.

To the best of my knowledge there isn’t another belief-elimination process out there that is guaranteed to eliminate fundamental beliefs permanently.  Moreover, I am quite confident that no one offers as complete an arsenal of processes to help you make any change you want in your life … and have it stick.  In fact, I’m not aware of any other process that produces the results that each of these processes achieve.

Here is a list of the processes that comprise The Lefkoe Method:

• Lefkoe Belief Process
• Lefkoe Stimulus Process
• Lefkoe Sense Process
• Lefkoe Expectation Process
• Lefkoe De-conditioning Process
• Lefkoe Occurring Process
• Lefkoe Belief Process—Possibilities
• Lefkoe Belief Process—Organizations
• Who am I really?

The Lefkoe Belief Process

The Lefkoe Belief Process (LBP), which I developed in 1975, was the first of the processes and still is the most important.  Most of our undesirable behavior and feelings ultimately can be traced to our beliefs, so being able to get rid of beliefs will make the biggest long-term difference in your life.

A belief, as I use the term, is a statement about reality that is the truth for us.  It is experienced emotionally as the truth, because it is possible to intellectually disagree with something we believe.

For example, you may believe that I’m not good enough, even though you know intellectually that that is not true.  So the way to know you have a belief is to say the words of the belief out loud and then ask yourself: Do the words feel true? Do they resonate even a little bit?  Do they feel even a little uncomfortable?

Most of our core beliefs about ourselves, people, and life are formed in the first six years of life as a result of interactions with our parents.  Beliefs about other areas of life—such as work, politics, relationships, and aspects of society—usually are formed when we encounter them.

The steps of LBP consist mainly of questions that enable you to discover that something you thought was “the truth,” something you thought you “saw” in the world, is really only “a truth,” that exists only in your mind.  When you make that distinction, the belief is transformed into merely one interpretation you gave a meaningless series of events, and the belief disappears.

Typical common negative beliefs include I’m not good enough, I’m not important, I’m powerless, People can’t be trusted, and Life is difficult.

Many day-to-day problems that we face—such as procrastination, selling ourselves short, and trying to impress others—can usually be resolved by eliminating the beliefs that cause them.

The Lefkoe Stimulus Process

Many emotions are caused by beliefs, for example, the belief that Dogs are dangerous will result in an emotion of fear when confronting a dog. The belief People can’t be trusted will result in the feeling of suspicion around people. When the beliefs are eliminated, the emotions usually will be also. There are many adults, however, who experience emotions that appear to not depend on beliefs.

Very often we experience negative feelings in our life on a recurring basis, such as fear, anger, guilt, anxiety, and sadness. We experience these feelings every time specific events or circumstances occur, such as fear whenever we make a mistake or someone gets angry at us, or guilt whenever we are asked to do something. In many cases the events that stimulate the feeling in us do not produce the same feeling in others, and vice versa. Why, for example, does an event that is not inherently fearful produce fear in some people and not in others?

What appears to have happened is anything that occurs repeatedly (or even once if the incident is traumatic enough) at the same time that something else is causing an emotion will itself get conditioned to produce the same emotion.

That’s how making mistakes, being criticized, not meeting expectations, being rejected, and a host of other non-scary situations get conditioned to produce anxiety (or some other emotion, such as anger).

The classic example of this was an experiment a psychologist named Pavlov conducted with dogs. When presented with food, the dogs salivated. Then a bell was rung just prior to presenting the dogs with food. After numerous presentations of the food with the bell, the bell was rung and no food was delivered. The dogs salivated anyway, because they had associated the bell with the food. In other words, a stimulus that normally would not produce a response does so because it gets associated with a stimulus that does produce a response. In other words, the stimulus gets conditioned.

Here’s an example I use with my clients that will make this very clear.  Imagine that I handed you an ice cream cone with one hand and made a fist with my other hand and drew it back as if to hit you.  What would you probably feel? … Some level of anxiety if you thought you might get hit.  Now imagine that the next few times someone handed you an ice cream cone, the same thing happened and you felt anxious each time.

What do you think you would feel the next time you were handed an ice cream cone, even if there was no menacing fist? … Probably anxious.  And yet it’s clear that ice cream cones are not inherently scary.  If this next time there was no fist, only ice cream, why would you feel anxious?  Because the ice cream cone got conditioned to produce fear when it became associated with the fist.  Something was scaring you (the fist) and ice cream just happened to be there every time you got scared by the fist.

Here is a real life example: Consider someone who experiences fear whenever he is asked to do something. When did he first experience fear associated with being asked to do something? Assume the original source of the fear was a father who always yelled, threatened, and terrified the client as a child. No matter what the client did, the father was not satisfied.

When the client reviews the cause of his feeling of fear, he discovers that the fear was not inherent in being asked to do something. What caused the fear was the meaning he unconsciously attributed to his father’s behavior: The person he depended on for his very survival was withdrawing his love. No love, no care; no care, no survival. That is what caused the fear. Can you see that fear is not inherent in not doing things perfectly or, in fact, any other specific thing you do or do not do?

In order to help people get rid of these emotional problems I developed a new process in 1997 that I call the Lefkoe Stimulus Process (LStimP).   It is simpler to use than the LBP and usually takes only five to ten minutes to completely de-condition the stimuli that cause such emotions as fear, anxiety, anger and guilt.

The Lefkoe Stimulus Process works by helping you to realize that initially “being asked to do something” never produced fear. The original cause of the fear was the meaning you attributed to the way you were asked to do something (the anger that accompanied the request), by someone whose survival you depended on (your father). You associated “being asked to do something” with a loss of love, which ultimately you experienced as “a threat to your survival.”

When the association is broken, when you realize that you made this arbitrary association, the events that got associated (being asked to do something) will no longer cause fear. When you consciously make a distinction between what really caused the feeling initially and the events that happened to be associated with it, the associated events (current stimuli for the feeling) will no longer cause the feeling.

It is important to realize that most of our emotional problems—such as anxiety, depression, anger, and sadness—cannot be eliminated totally merely by eliminating beliefs.  You also have to use the Lefkoe Stimulus Process.

Next week’s post will describe additional processes of The Lefkoe Method that you might need to eliminate all your barriers to having the life you’ve always wanted.

Please share below any comments you have on the Lefkoe Belief Process and the Lefkoe Stimulus Process.

These weekly blog posts also exist as podcasts.  Sign up for the RSS feed or at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly.

If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process, go to http://www.recreateyourlife.com/free where you can eliminate one negative belief free.

To purchase a DVD program that I guarantee to help you significantly improve your confidence and also eliminate the major day-to-day problems that most people face, check out http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence.

copyright © 2010 Morty Lefkoe

Note: There is an email link embedded within this post, please visit this post to email it.

Because many emotions are caused by beliefs, getting rid of the relevant beliefs can frequently eradicate negative emotions. For example, the belief that “Dogs are dangerous” will result in an emotion of fear when confronting a dog. The belief “People can’t be trusted” will result in a feeling of suspicion around people. When the beliefs are eliminated, the emotions usually will be also. There are, however, emotions in adults that appear to be caused by something in addition to beliefs.  Getting rid of beliefs is not enough.

Let me explain the source of these negative emotions, such as fear and anger, and what you need to do to stop them from occurring.

During the first few years after I developed the Lefkoe Belief Process (LBP) to eliminate limiting beliefs, clients were able to make radical changes in their behavior by eliminating the beliefs that caused the behavior. Frequently, there also were meaningful emotional changes. We started noticing, however, that sometimes a client would continue to have a trace of a specific emotion such as anger or fear, even after eliminating all the beliefs we could find that seemed to be relevant. We usually assumed that there was another belief we hadn’t yet discovered, but eventually would.

Eventually we realized that, although some emotions are the direct result of beliefs, many are the result of conditioning in addition to beliefs. When that is the case, the LBP will not eliminate the conditioning. (You do, however, have to use the LBP to eliminate any relevant beliefs before de-conditioning can be effective in stopping the negative emotion. If you haven’t yet experienced eliminating a belief with the LBP, go to http://www.recreateyourlife.com to try it free.)

A few years ago I developed a process I call the Lefkoe Stimulus Process (LStP). It is specifically designed to eliminate the emotions that are caused by conditioned stimuli. It is simpler to use than the basic LBP and usually takes only five minutes to completely eliminate the stimuli for such emotions as fear, anxiety, anger and guilt.

How Associations Early In Life Cause Negative Emotions Later In Life

Very often we are plagued by repeated negative feelings in our life, such as fear, anger, guilt, anxiety, and sadness. We experience these feelings every time specific events or circumstances occur, such as anxiety whenever we make a mistake or someone gets angry at us, or anger whenever we are asked to do something. In many cases the events that stimulate the feeling in us do not produce the same feeling in others, and vice versa. Why does an event that is not inherently fearful produce fear (or some other emotion) in some people and not in others?

Let me explain: The classic example of this situation was an experiment a physiologist named Pavlov conducted with dogs. When presented with food, the dogs salivated. Then a bell was rung just prior to presenting the dogs with food. After numerous presentations of the food with the bell, the bell was rung and no food was delivered. The dogs salivated anyway, because they had associated the bell with the food. In other words, a neutral stimulus that normally would not produce a response does so because it gets associated with a stimulus that does produce a response. In other words, the neutral stimulus gets conditioned.

Here’s an example I use with my clients that will make the process of conditioning very clear.  Imagine that I handed you an ice cream cone with one hand and made a fist with my other hand and drew it back as if to hit you.  What would you probably feel? … Some level of anxiety if you thought you might get hit.  Now imagine that the next few times someone handed you an ice cream cone, the same thing happened and you felt anxious each time.

What do you think you would feel the next time you were handed an ice cream cone, even if there was no menacing fist? … Probably anxious.  And yet it’s clear that ice cream cones are not inherently scary.  If this next time there was no fist, only ice cream, why would you feel anxious?  Because the ice cream cone got conditioned to produce fear.  The ice cream just happened to be there every time you got scared by the fist.

The principle is that anything that occurs repeatedly (or even once if the incident is traumatic enough) at the same time that something else is causing an emotion will itself get conditioned to produce the same emotion.

That’s how making mistakes, being criticized, not meeting expectations, being rejected, and a host of other situations that are not inherently scary get conditioned to produce anxiety (or some other emotion, such as anger).  This process is also the primary cause of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Here is a real life example: Consider one of my clients who experienced fear whenever he was asked to do something.  I asked him when did he first experience fear associated with being asked to do something? He told me that when he was a child his father frequently got angry and yelled at him whenever he didn’t do what his father demanded of him. When my client reviewed the original cause of his feeling of fear, he discovered that the fear was not inherent in being asked to do something.

What caused the fear was the meaning he unconsciously attributed to his father’s threatening behavior that usually occurred when he was asked to do something: The person he depended on for his very survival seemed to be withdrawing his love. No love, no care; no care, no survival. That perception—that his survival was at stake—is what caused the fear. Being told to do things just happened to occur at the same time as something else that constantly caused fear.

Whatever is going on when you experience fear due to your parents’ anger (because their anger is an implied threat to your survival) gets conditioned to produce the same fear. The stimulus today—making mistakes, being criticized, not living up to expectations, etc.—is not, itself, scary.

How The Lefkoe Stimulus Process Works

The Lefkoe Stimulus Process works by assisting you to make a distinction between the original real cause of the emotion and the events that just happened to be occurring at the time.  Once that distinction is made, the conditioning is extinguished.  It’s as if you could say to Pavlov’s dogs: “Hey dogs, you can’t eat the bell.  It just happened to be ringing whenever you got food.”  If the dogs could understand that distinction they would no longer salivate at the sound of the bell.  But while dogs can’t make that distinction, humans can. And when they do, de-conditioning occurs.  Using the Lefkoe Stimulus Process and the LBP you can easily get rid of the anxiety, anger, and other negative emotions that plague you.

If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the LBP, go to http://www.recreateyourlife.com/free where you can eliminate one limiting belief free.

Please share my blog posts with anyone you think might be interested (as long as you tell people where they came from) and provide a link from your own website or blog.   http://mortylefkoe.com.

To purchase DVD programs that we guarantee to eliminate eight of the most common daily problems people face, go to http://www.recreateyourlife.com/store.

Follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/mortylefkoe and join our fan page on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/recreateyourlife) where I answer your questions about the role of beliefs in our lives.

Finally, to receive notice of new blog posts, please fill out the following form.

copyright ©2010 Morty Lefkoe

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Often when I start to explain to someone how the Lefkoe Belief Process (LBP) works, they quickly respond, “Oh, you’re just doing Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)!”

Although the LBP is similar in some ways to CBT (of which there are several variations), there are more things that are different than the same.  (Because I am not trained in CBT, I have no first hand knowledge of it.  But several people who are certified in CBT and who also are familiar with the LBP have helped me make the following distinctions between the two.)

First, some versions of CBT attempt to change beliefs by challenging the validity of the evidence that the client uses to support them. However, the “evidence” that people offer for a belief usually is not the actual reason they believe it. The evidence people offer usually consists of recent observations that appear to substantiate the belief. The real source of one’s fundamental beliefs, the LBP contends, is interpretations of circumstances earlier in life. Core beliefs about one’s self and life are usually formed in childhood. After a belief has been formed, however, one acts consistently with it, thereby producing “current evidence” for the already-existing belief.

Because the evidence one presents to validate one’s beliefs usually is a consequence of the beliefs, not its source, challenging the validity of that evidence may not be the most effective way to eliminate beliefs.

Second, CBT tries to show clients that their thinking is illogical, broad generalizations, self-defeating, etc.  The LBP makes no attempt to get clients to see that a current belief is wrong or not true, to see it as illogical, to accept that it does not make sense, or to reject it as self-defeating. The LBP actually validates people for forming the belief earlier in life by assisting them to realize that most people probably would have made a similar interpretation under similar circumstances. It insures that people realize that their belief actually is one valid interpretation of their earlier circumstances.

CBT attempts to get clients to realize their beliefs don’t make sense and are self-defeating; therefore they should give them up. The LBP assists people to eliminate beliefs by getting them to realize that they form beliefs by giving/attributing meaning to events that have no inherent meaning, after which they think they can “see” that meaning inherent in the events.  When clients realize they really can’t see the belief (the meaning) in the world, that it exists and has only ever existed in their minds, and when they realize the feeling of the belief was not caused by something outside of them, but by the meaning they gave the events, the belief is eradicated.

A third element that distinguishes the LBP from some versions of CBT is that CBT tries to get the client to agree to act consistently with an alternative belief to test its possible validity. In other works, homework is an integral part of CBT; there is nothing a client has to do between sessions with LBP. Because the current belief is totally eliminated by using the LBP during the session, one has no need to try to change one’s behavior when one goes back “into life”; one’s behavior changes naturally and effortlessly once the belief is gone.

A fourth distinction between the LBP and many cognitive approaches is that the latter frequently give clients tools that they are expected to use to think more rationally in order to act more rationally in the face of strong emotions such as fear, anger, depression, hostility, etc. The LBP is used by a facilitator (either a live person, or an on-line or DVD program) to assist clients to eliminate the beliefs that cause such emotions. When these emotions stop after the beliefs (and conditionings) that give rise to them are eliminated, clients no longer need a tool to deal with them more effectively.

Fifth, The Lefkoe Method includes other processes other than the LBP when appropriate.  For example, the Lefkoe Stimulus Process facilitates de-conditioning the stimuli for negative emotions, which has nothing to do with beliefs or illogical thoughts. In order to get rid of the fear of public speaking, for instance, one has to extinguish the conditioned stimuli that have become associated with fear, such as facing criticism, or feeling that one is not meeting expectations, that one is being judged, or that one is being rejected.

And in last week’s blog post I described the Lefkoe Sense Process and the Lefkoe Expectation Process, which de-condition negative senses and expectations.  To the best of my knowledge CBT does not deal with conditioning directly.

Finally, there is no explicit spiritual element in CBT.  As far as I am concerned, the “Who Am I Really?” Process, which helps you shift your identity from an ego—the sum total of your beliefs and their manifestation—to the source of the ego, is a crucial element of the LBP and is as important as getting rid of beliefs.

The Lefkoe Method, which includes the LBP and several other processes, accomplishes two distinct things with clients:

1. It helps people make fundamental changes in who they think they are, namely, their beliefs and the way those beliefs manifest in their behavior and feelings, by eliminating beliefs and de-conditioning stimuli, senses, and expectations.
2. It helps people make a distinction between themselves as the sum total of their beliefs and how they manifest, and themselves as the creator of those beliefs, and, therefore, of their lives.

Because CBT is the most researched psychotherapy (and is considered the “gold standard”), I am excited to announce a research study we are about to start.  Conducted by a major university, the study will compare the results of using our Natural Confidence DVD program, which contains 23 self-esteem beliefs and conditionings, with 10 hours of private CBT sessions.  The study will measure  changes in self-esteem, self-confidence, and stress.  Stay tuned for the results.

Thanks for reading my blog. I really appreciate your comments and questions. Please feel free to share my blog posts with anyone you think might be interested as long as you tell people where they came from.

If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process, go to http://www.recreateyourlife.com/free where you can eliminate one limiting belief free.

To purchase DVD programs that we guarantee to eliminate eight of the most common daily problems people face, go to http://www.recreateyourlife.com/store.

Follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/mortylefkoe and join our fan page on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/LefkoeInstitute) to get my latest insights on the role of beliefs in our lives.

Finally, to receive notice of new blog posts, please fill out the following form.

Copyright © 2009 Morty Lefkoe

Note: There is an email link embedded within this post, please visit this post to email it.

Getting rid of a limiting belief with the Lefkoe Belief Process (LBP) is not particularly difficult.  We can train people to do that in a weekend.  And we can create an on-line process or a DVD that will eliminate a specific belief.

The trickiest aspect of the LBP is identifying all the relevant beliefs that cause a given problem.  Getting rid of the beliefs is actually easier than finding them.

That’s why we can put together programs that eliminate specific problems when we already know what beliefs (and conditionings) cause those problems for most people.  So far we have created packages that get rid of such issues as procrastination, lack of confidence, social anxiety, fear of rejection, the need for approval, perfectionism, high levels of stress, and the critical “little voice” in our heads.

Some patterns like phobias can be eliminated by getting rid of one belief and one conditioning.  One client had a fear of small bugs, insects, or rats.  It was totally caused by one conditioning: Fear associated with being touched by small insects or animals.  When that was de-conditioned, the fear was gone.  Another client had a fear of dogs.  She had the belief: Dogs are dangerous and the conditioning: fear associated with dogs.  When they were gone, the client said she felt comfortable with dogs, unless they were barking.  We then discovered and eliminated the belief: barking dogs are dangerous.  Then her fear of dogs was totally gone.

Other patterns like depression and eating disorders can have upwards of 30-40 beliefs (in addition to conditionings, senses, and expectations). These patterns can have as many as 15 negative self-esteem-type beliefs, along with negative beliefs about life, such as life is difficult.  It is easier to get rid of bulimia than overeating, because you can stop bingeing and purging, but you can’t stop eating.  And overeating is really a combination of several different issues, for example, people can eat to keep feelings down, to reward themselves, to take care of themselves when they think others won’t, to keep from thinking about unpleasant things, and woman sometimes gain weight to remove themselves from the dating game.

Many patterns share a lot of the same beliefs. So, for example, if you eliminate all the beliefs for a lack of confidence (19 beliefs and 4 conditionings), you also will be eliminating all the beliefs that cause several other problems, such as procrastination, lack of confidence, social anxiety, fear of rejection, seeking approval, perfectionism, high levels of stress, and the critical “little voice” in our heads.  These other problems have fewer beliefs and conditionings (as few as 6 beliefs and 3 conditionings for fear of rejection) and different combinations of them.

I am frequently asked how one can figure out what beliefs and conditionings cause specific problems.  We spend an entire three-day weekend teaching people how to do this, so I can’t teach you in a short blog post.  But the first step is just to figure out logically what beliefs could cause the problem.

For example, if you aren’t able to create a lasting, nurturing romantic relationship, you probably have beliefs about yourself, the opposite sex, and relationships.  What do you think they are? … Logical possibilities include: I’m not loveable, women/men can’t be trusted, and relationships don’t work.

If you are afraid to take chances, what are some of the beliefs you might have? … Mistakes and failure are bad.  I’m not good enough.  Nothing I do is good enough.

And if you’re an approval junkie, what are some of the beliefs you might have? … I’m not good enough.  I’m not important.  What makes me good enough or important is having people think well of me.

The Best Technique For Finding Beliefs

The best single technique for finding the relevant beliefs is to notice what you are thinking and feeling as the problem occurs. They will be a clue to the underlying beliefs.  For example, if the overall problem is social anxiety—not feeling comfortable with people in social situations—then when meeting someone at a party you might notice yourself thinking: I don’t feel comfortable when people are putting their attention on me.  And you might be aware of an anxious feeling as if something bad is going to happen.  Two beliefs that “go with” those thoughts are: Something bad will happen if people put their attention on me and I’m not good enough.  A conditioning that could account for the feeling is: fear associated with people focusing on me.

Ultimately, experience is the best way to find all the beliefs and conditionings that cause any given problem.  (As I mentioned in a recent post, a negative sense of self and life, along with negative expectations, sometimes have to be eliminated before an undesirable behavior or feeling is totally gone.)

Luckily, not knowing what beliefs cause which problems is not really a problem because we at the Lefkoe Institute already know what beliefs (and conditionings) cause common problems.  In other words, probably 90% of people will be able to get rid of a given problem if they eliminate the beliefs and conditionings we’ve already identified for those problems.  And we offer packages that eliminate the beliefs and conditionings for those problems.

And if you have a problem for which we don’t yet have a package, Certified Lefkoe Method Facilitators are able to help you find the beliefs and conditionings that cause any problem you want to get rid of, and then help you eliminate them.

My Vision

My vision is to have The Lefkoe Method so thoroughly incorporated into the culture that everyone learns the relationship between beliefs and behavior at an early age and also learns how to help others eliminate beliefs and change behavior.  And to have parents know the child-rearing techniques that minimize the number of crippling beliefs their children form.

An experience my wife Shelly had a few years ago symbolizes the way I envision how the world will utilize TLM in the future.  She went to the gym and got on the Stairmaster.  A couple of minutes later a friend of hers who she hadn’t seen for a few months got on the machine next to her.  Shelly asked her friend how she was doing. The friend told Shelly about some relationship difficulties she was having.

What would most women do in a situation like this? … Empathize with their friend’s predicament and give some advice.  Shelly empathized but didn’t give any advice.  Instead she helped her friend identify three of the most relevant beliefs that were responsible for the relationship difficulty and then helped her friend eliminate them all … in 45 minutes. As a result, the friend had the possibility for a good long-term, nurturing relationship that she didn’t have before talking to Shelly.

Let’s Create This World

Can you imagine a world in which it was commonplace for everyone to be able to do that for everyone else?  That’s my vision and what my life is dedicated to creating.

NOTE: We’re offering another tele-seminar answering your questions about beliefs on August 13, from 6:00-7:00 Pacific Time.  For information and to submit a question, please click on https://www2.gotomeeting.com/register/357775698

Thanks for reading my blog. I really would appreciate your comments and questions. Please feel free to share my blog posts with anyone you think might be interested as long as you tell people where they came from.

If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using The Lefkoe Method, go to http://www.recreateyourlife.com/free where you can eliminate one limiting belief free.

To purchase an on-line interactive program where you can eliminate 19 beliefs and four conditionings, go to http://www.recreateyourlife.com/sales.html.

Follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/mortylefkoe and join our fan page on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/LefkoeInstitute) to get my latest insights on the role of beliefs in our lives.

Finally, to receive notice of new blog posts, please fill out the following form.

Copyright © 2009 Morty Lefkoe

Note: There is an email link embedded within this post, please visit this post to email it.

Last fall I conducted a one-hour tele-seminar in which I answered questions I had been sent about beliefs.  I thought I would devote this week’s blog post to answering a few of the most common questions I received.

Question: Once you have eliminated a belief, what does one need to do to move forward and leave their dysfunctional behavior patterns behind?

Answer: In a word, nothing.  Once you have eliminated all the beliefs (there is rarely only one) that cause any given behavioral or emotional problem, the problem just dissolves and there is nothing more you have to do.

Question: How critical is it to identify the origin of a belief correctly, and how accurately does one need to identify it?

Answer: Our experience is that you do need to find the real source of a belief in order for the Lefkoe Belief Process (LBP) to be effective in eliminating the belief.  For example, if you think the source of a belief is experiences you had in school, when the real source is interactions with your parents, the belief might not be eliminated.  Why?

Remember that in the process you are asked: Imagine being a child and observing the events that led to the belief.  Doesn’t it seem as if you can see (the belief)?

For the belief to go away for visual people, you need to get that what you’ve spent a lifetime thinking you saw in those events, you never really did see. If you truly can see something, then it really is there.  The trick is to realize that you didn’t see what you thought you saw.  The belief (in other words, the meaning you gave the events) exists only in your mind, not out there in the world to be seen.

If you mistakenly choose other events that aren’t really the source, you still will think you saw (the belief) in interactions with your parents and the belief will still be there.

For people who are predominantly emotionally kinesthetic and “felt” the belief instead of seeing it, they need to get that the events didn’t make them feel (the belief); it was the meaning they gave those events. Again, if you have the wrong source, this part of the LBP might not work.

More often than not, a belief is formed from the meaning we give to a pattern of events, such as the way mom and dad reacted when you didn’t live up to their expectations or the fact that mom and dad weren’t around very much.  Not the one time you remember dad yelling or mom not being home one afternoon.

There is no way to know for sure if you have found the “real” source of a belief.  One test is whether or not it feels true for you that a repeated pattern of events led you to form the belief. Another is that you need to be able to answer yes to the question: Wouldn’t most people have formed the belief you did in those same circumstances?

In other words, the events must be a logical source for a given belief.

Question: When going through the process of eliminating beliefs, I have a hard time with the concept of ‘seeing’ the belief.  I usually don’t think I saw it; it’s more like I felt it.  So sometimes beliefs don’t go away because I don’t get it.  Is there a way around this?

Answer: I provided part of the answer to this question in my answer to the prior question.

Emotionally kinesthetic people generally do not “see” the belief in the situations that led to the belief being formed, they “felt” it.

The end of the Lefkoe Belief Process has a section specifically for people who are kinesthetic, so if you don’t think you saw the belief, just skip that question and go to the next step of the Process (the events that led you to form the belief have no meaning) and then finish the Process.  If you complete the LBP, the belief will be eliminated.

Question: How do you apply the technique [Lefkoe Belief Process] on your own?

Answer: Most people cannot do it by themselves; a few can. Try it; it might work for you.

There are at least three reasons most people can’t do it.

First, without a lot of training it is hard for most people to identify all the beliefs and conditionings that cause any given problem.  And if you don’t find and eliminate all of them, the problem might lessen, but not be eliminated totally.

Second, even when you know the belief you want to eliminate, it can be tricky to find alternate interpretations for certain beliefs and sources.

Third, most problems can be eliminated by eliminating the beliefs and conditionings that cause it.  From time to time it is necessary to use additional processes that eliminate negative “senses” (of oneself, life, etc.) that were conditioned early in life or negative expectations, where one is conditioned to expect negative things to occur.  You need to be trained to use those processes.

After helping thousands of people eliminate tens of thousands of beliefs, I find that I am able to walk myself through the LBP or the Lefkoe Stimulus Process (to eliminate conditionings) some of the time, but when I discover a new problem and I’m not sure what beliefs or conditionings cause it, I still need a trained Lefkoe Method facilitator to help me.

Question: Is it possible for limiting beliefs to have not originated with your parents?  Is it possible for limiting beliefs to have formed in adulthood, say after romantic disappointment?  If so, how does one locate the source of the limiting belief?

Answer: Almost all negative self-esteem beliefs are formed through interactions with parents during the first five or six years of life.  We form many other beliefs later in life when we encounter new situations.

We form beliefs about school in school, politics as we start reading and hearing about it, and romantic relationships as we start having them.

How do you find the source of beliefs formed later in life?  Training and a lot of experience.

Question: I think the biggest belief I have that keeps me from transformation is that I can’t do it – I don’t have what it takes to follow though.

Answer: That’s possible, but this is an example of how it can be tricky to identify all the relevant beliefs that cause a problem.

You might believe I don’t have what it takes to follow through, but what beliefs would you have to have to have formed that one?  Probably many, including I’m not good enough, Nothing I do is good enough, I’m inadequate, I’m powerless, and I’m not capable.

In other words, there are probably a bunch of beliefs that led you to not follow through, and now you believe you can’t follow through.  You have to find and get rid of all those earlier beliefs too.

Question: One of the biggest roadblocks is identifying the core belief that is holding me back.  I come up with a lot of peripheral beliefs.  What is the best way to determine what is the core belief that needs to be changed?

Answer: As far as we are concerned, there is no “the core belief.”  There are almost always many core (self-esteem) beliefs and many other beliefs causing the problem you want to get rid of.

NOTE: We’re offering another tele-seminar answering your questions about beliefs on August 13, from 6:00-7:00 Pacific Time.  For information and to submit a question, please click on https://www2.gotomeeting.com/register/357775698
Thanks for reading my blog. I really would appreciate your comments and questions. Please feel free to share my blog posts with anyone you think might be interested as long as you tell people where it came from.

If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using The Lefkoe Method, go to http://www.recreateyourlife.com/free where you can eliminate one limiting belief free.

To purchase an on-line interactive program where you can eliminate 19 beliefs, go to http://www.recreateyourlife.com/sales.html.

Follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/mortylefkoe and join our fan page on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/LefkoeInstitute) to get my latest insights on the role of beliefs in our lives.

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Copyright © 2009 Morty Lefkoe

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“Change is difficult, everyone knows that!”  This is the response I frequently get when people ask me what I do and I reply that I can help them make fundamental life changes, easily, quickly and permanently.

Why do so many people believe that they have to put in a lot of time and effort, and need a lot of reinforcement, in order to produce a lasting change in their life?  This belief comes from the same place all beliefs come from: the meaning we give our experience.

People hold this belief because they have tried unsuccessfully to change a variety of things in their lives, such as eating junk food, not sticking to an exercise program, getting into relationships they know are bad for them, having negative feelings like anger and anxiety, and procrastination.  When I ask clients what they have done to produce change in the past, I get a litany of answers: therapy, books, workshops, hypnosis, EFT, NLP, willpower, support systems, etc.

For people who have spent years trying a variety of techniques to produce a real change in their behavior or feelings, and they haven’t succeeded, it was reasonable for them to conclude: Change is difficult, if not impossible. That’s why so many people hold this belief.

That leads us to the obvious question: Why is change so difficult? Very often we know our current behavior doesn’t make logical sense and is self-defeating.  We know what we should do instead.  We know the value of change.  So why doesn’t all that information and motivation result in change?

People Who Know Reality Through Their Eyes

The answer to this question lies in how we know what we know.  The overwhelming majority of people are visual, which means they know the truth about reality because they can see it.  “What do you mean you disagree with me, can’t you see that I’m right?  Look at the evidence.”

So if you think you see something out there in the world, it must be true.

For those of you who have used the Lefkoe Belief Process to eliminate a belief, you’ll remember there is a place in the process where the facilitator says: “Imagine being a child and observing the events that led you to form the belief.  Doesn’t it seem as if you can see your belief?”

The answer for visual people is always: “Yes, I can see it.”  And that is why it is so difficult to get rid of old, limiting beliefs and the behavior they engender:  Because we think we saw the belief out there in the world many times.

When mom and dad are critical, we think we can see I’m not good enough in their comments and behavior.  When mom and dad aren’t available when we want them, we think we can see I’m not important in their comments and behavior.  When mom and dad make all the decisions and what we want is ignored, we think we can see I’m powerless in their comments and behavior.

Later in life we use logic and a bunch of other techniques to try to erase the belief. But our subconscious seems to be arguing: Maybe the belief doesn’t make sense, maybe it is self-defeating, maybe the behavior and emotions coming from the belief are ruining my life… but I saw it in the world, so it must be true.

What makes the Lefkoe Belief Process so effective is that it helps people realize that they actually never did see their belief in the world, that what they think they saw was, in fact, only one arbitrary interpretation of a series of events that has only existed in their minds.  For example, not being able to get mom and dad’s attention could mean I’m not important.  It also could mean that mom and dad just had poor parenting skills or they felt uncomfortable around kids, and their behavior had nothing to do with my importance.

When we give meaning to events that have no inherent meaning, it seems as if we can see that meaning in the events. Therefore, that meaning (belief) must be true.  But, in fact, we don’t discover (see) the meaning in the events, we attribute the meaning to the events.

People Who Know Reality Through Their Feelings

For those people who know the truth through their feelings, earlier in their lives they felt the belief to be true. In other words, whenever mom and dad were critical, they didn’t see I’m not good enough, they felt I’m not good enough.

Why do such people trust their feelings to tell them the truth about reality?  Because they think that their feelings are caused by reality, that their feelings tell them something about reality.

For example, if I feel uncomfortable with you and decide not to deal with you any more, why would I act on those feelings?  Because I think there is something about you that is causing the feeling, so the feeling must be an accurate reflection of the way you really are.

For such people, using logic or motivation or most other techniques to get rid of beliefs doesn’t work because their subconscious is saying:  But I felt (my belief) hundreds of times in the past, so it must be true despite evidence to the contrary right now.

Here the Lefkoe Belief Process helps people to realize that reality didn’t cause them to feel their beliefs; they caused the feeling by giving a particular meaning to the events that appear to cause the feeling.  In other words, the fact that mom and dad were disappointed or angry at you didn’t cause you to feel I’m not good enough.  You had to first say that those events meant I’m not good enough before you could feel that. If you had said instead that mom and dad’s behavior meant: Mom and dad have unreasonable expectations of me and their frustration or anger has nothing to do with me, their same behavior would have made you feel that meaning, instead of I’m not good enough.

So the next time you are trying to change something in your life (or are trying to help a friend change), remember that change without getting rid of the beliefs that cause the current behavior or feelings is almost impossible.  And that change probably is difficult when you are convinced you either saw or felt the belief causing your current behavior or feeling on numerous occasions earlier in life.  When you realize you never saw your belief and you caused the feeling, not reality, your belief will just dissolve.  And when all the beliefs that cause an undesirable behavior or feeling are eliminated, the behavior and feeling disappears also.

When you know how to produce lasting change, it actually is very quick and easy.

Thanks for reading my blog. I really would appreciate your comments and questions.

If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using The Lefkoe Method, go to http://www.recreateyourlife.com/free where you can eliminate one limiting belief free.

To purchase an on-line interactive program where you can eliminate 19 beliefs, go to http://www.recreateyourlife.com/sales.html.

Follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/mortylefkoe and join our fan page on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/pages/The-Lefkoe-Institute/54781675766?ref=ts) to get my latest insights on the role of beliefs in our lives.

Note: There is an email link embedded within this post, please visit this post to email it.

A few months ago I asked people on our mailing list which beliefs they thought were keeping them from becoming wealthy.  The top five were:

•    You have to work hard to make money.
•    I’m not deserving.
•    I’ll never have enough money. /There is never enough money.
•    Money is a struggle.
•    Life is difficult.

If you have any doubt about the impact of beliefs on your ability to earn and retain money, ask yourself this question:  Imagine someone having these five beliefs.  Then ask yourself:  Do you think such a person is likely to be wealthy? … Do you think Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, or any other really wealthy person has these beliefs?

Here’s another way to demonstrate the power of beliefs to interfere with your ability to make money and accumulate wealth.  Think back to the last book you read or the last workshop you took that told you exactly what you needed to do to make huge sums of money.  You learned what actions you needed to take, didn’t you?  Now answer this question: Did you do what you learned to do … on a consistent basis? For most people the answer is “no.”

Why People Don’t Use the Expensive Courses They Buy

In fact, as amazing as it might seem, people who sell courses that promise to help you make money report that many of the thousand dollar and up courses that are purchased at workshops are never even opened when the buyers get them home.  Moreover, the free email support that accompanies many of these courses is rarely used.

The only way to make sense of these astonishing facts is to remember that knowing what to do is useless if you have beliefs in the way of acting on that knowledge.

•    If you believe you have to work hard to make money, it just might not be worth the effort.
•    If you believe you aren’t a deserving person, you would likely sabotage any effort you make to become financially successful.
•    If you believe I’ll never have enough money, then what’s the point of trying?
•    If you believe money is a struggle, your life becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
•    And if you believe life is difficult, then you will create a life that is difficult in most respects, including a lack of money.

Anne Lieberman, ranked among the country’s top 100 financial advisors just a few years ago, recently pointed out:  “Many people do not have a workable relationship with money.  When they don’t, it shows up in one or more of three realms: earning, spending and saving/investing.”

Wealth Can Elude You For Many Reasons

In other words, wealth can elude you because you don’t ask for the money you deserve or do what you know you should do to earn it, because you spend money you don’t have and get into debt unnecessarily, and/or because you don’t save or invest wisely.  Limiting beliefs can cause all three of these inappropriate behaviors.

We can guarantee that eliminating the relevant beliefs will change your behavior and feelings. But having wealth involves much more than beliefs, although getting rid of crippling money beliefs is certainly a precondition.

In order to insure financial success, it would be useful to have, in additional to the absence of limiting money beliefs, a positive attitude about earning and having money, an effective strategy for getting it, and then the commitment to fully implement your strategy.

For more information about our program, “Bust Your Money Beliefs,” please go to http://recreateyourlife.com/moneybeliefs/

Thanks for reading my blog. Comments and questions are welcomed.

If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using The Lefkoe Method, go to http://www.recreateyourlife.com/free where you can eliminate one limiting belief free.

To purchase an on-line interactive program where you can eliminate 19 beliefs, go to http://www.recreateyourlife.com/sales.html.

Follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/mortylefkoe and join our fan page on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/pages/The-Lefkoe-Institute/54781675766?ref=ts) to get my latest insights on the role of beliefs in our lives.

Why are so many of us “driven” compulsively to seek or do things that frequently aren’t in our own best self-interest?

You probably aren’t surprised that my answer is: beliefs.  But there is a specific type of belief that results in “driven” behavior.  And it is formed in a very specific way.  Let me explain.

Imagine you are a young child who has created a host of negative beliefs about yourself or about life. (Very few of us escape childhood without forming a bunch of negative self-esteem beliefs.  I’ll explain why in a future blog.) At this point you are in school, interacting with lots of other kids and adults. It dawns on you that you are going to grow up and will have to make your own way in life. You are confronted with a real dilemma, albeit an unconscious one: “How will I make it in life if there’s something fundamentally wrong with me or the world?”

Imagine the fear and anxiety you must feel when you experience these two conflicting “facts”: On one hand, you sense that you must make it on your own in life. On the other hand, you have concluded that “There’s something fundamentally wrong with me or life that will make it difficult, if not impossible, to make it on my own.”

Fear and anxiety are unpleasant and painful feelings, so children who have them try to find ways of not feeling them. In tens of thousands of sessions with clients, I’ve discovered that people have two basic ways of dealing with the unpleasant feelings that are caused by negative self-esteem beliefs:

First, they use alcohol, drugs, sex, food, or other substances to cover up the feelings and numb themselves or to make themselves feel good.

Second, they develop strategies that help them deal with the anxiety that stems from their negative beliefs. I call them “survival strategies” because the fear one experiences when one has negative self-esteem beliefs often makes one feel as if his survival is being threatened.

When a survival strategy is formed, the child also forms a belief about that strategy:
“What makes me good enough (or important, or worthwhile, etc.) is ….”  A variation of that is: “The way to survive is ….”

Survival strategies are based on a child’s observation of what it takes to feel good about herself, to be important, to be worthwhile, or to be able to deal with life in spite of negative self-esteem beliefs.

For example:

Susan’s parents placed a heavy emphasis on friendships, on what others thought of them, and on impressing people, so Susan concluded that the way to survive was to get everyone to like and approve of her.

Fred formed a similar belief in a different way:  When he got praise and acknowledgement from his parents he really felt good about himself, in a way he normally didn’t.  So he concluded what made him good enough and important was having people think well of him.

Here’s Lauren’s story: She noticed that people treated her dad with respect and admiration because he had been so successful in business and had so much money, so Lauren concluded that what made her important and good enough was being financially successful.

Art lived in a community where the people who were considered important and given respect were in gangs and carried guns, so he chose that as his survival strategy.

(By the way, one way to know if you have negative self-esteem beliefs is to ask yourself: What makes you good enough [or important, or worthwhile, etc.]?  When you answer anything other than: “Nothing,” it becomes clear that you need whatever you answered in order to be okay.)

Once you decide that a positive sense of yourself is “because of” anything, you’ve created a lifelong problem.  For example, if you believe the only way to be good enough is to be wealthy and have a big house, your sense of worth is linked to those conditions. If you aren’t wealthy and don’t have a big house, you are forced to face your belief that you’re not good enough, which produces anxiety. Moreover, even if your survival strategy is achieved, there’s the danger of losing it. Total disaster is always just around the corner for you. Life becomes a sea of anxiety, in which you are constantly struggling to meet the conditions you have made for being good enough. Your self-esteem is always in question.

Tom, an executive in a Wall Street firm, earns over $200,000 a year. His core belief is I don’t matter, and his survival strategy belief is: “What makes me worthwhile is being seen as important by others.” As a result, Tom becomes anxious whenever a new person gets hired, or a colleague wins praise, or he isn’t included in a meeting, or his boss doesn’t acknowledge him after he’s completed a project.

Miriam has the survival strategy belief: “What makes me acceptable is being beautiful.” For most of her life, she has lived comfortably with that belief. Her beauty earned her quite a bit of attention, admiration, and even love. But now Miriam is approaching fifty, and she’s frightened. The march of time is threatening to rob her of the one thing that she believes makes her acceptable. She has become increasingly depressed; every time a man fails to look at her admiringly, she has a deep feeling of not being okay.

One consequence of being run by survival strategy beliefs is that instead of living out of choices and pleasure—doing things because you want to do them—you do them primarily to survive (to feel okay about yourself). You experience your survival as dependent on the success of your survival strategy. The need to fulfill the terms of your survival strategy dominates your life.

Someone once said, “You can never get enough of what you never really wanted in the first place.” That’s an excellent description of trying to live using survival strategies to compensate for negative self-esteem beliefs. Once you say you’re not worthwhile just the way you are, no amount of accomplishment or praise will provide the unconditional sense of self-esteem you want and need.

People who have beliefs that are indicative of low self-esteem are not just criminals or drug addicts or unsuccessful people or those who suffer from deep depression. Many people with low self-esteem are visibly successful, living in nice homes with stable families. What distinguishes people is not their self-esteem beliefs, but their survival strategies—the ways they cope with a negative sense of themselves.

Although the dysfunctional behavior that people exhibit is usually a direct result of their survival strategy beliefs, the energy that drives the survival strategies is the underlying negative self-esteem. We don’t want to have to acknowledge the negative self-esteem belief (it’s too scary), so we do whatever it takes to manifest the survival strategy belief.  That’s why the underlying self-esteem should be eliminated before the survival strategy belief.

The role of survival strategy beliefs explains why therapies designed only to improve self-esteem rarely produce fundamental and lasting changes in people’s behavior and feelings.

If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using The Lefkoe Method, go to http://www.recreateyourlife.com/free where you can eliminate one limiting belief free.

To purchase an on-line interactive program where you can eliminate 19 beliefs, including two of the most common survival strategy beliefs (“What makes me good enough or important is having people think well of me” and “What makes me good enough or important is doing things perfectly”) go to http://www.recreateyourlife.com/sales.html.

Thanks for reading my blog. Comments and questions are welcomed.

Follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/mortylefkoe and join our fan page on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/pages/The-Lefkoe-Institute/54781675766?ref=ts) to get our latest insights on the role of beliefs in our lives.

Many psychotherapists tell us that our current difficulties are a direct result of our childhoods.  As a result many people “blame” their parents for any upsets or suffering they experience as adults.

When you eliminate a belief using the Lefkoe Belief Process it becomes quite clear that what happened to you as a child has no impact at all on you as an adult.  What runs your life today is the meaning you are giving those childhood events.

This is not merely a semantic difference.  If your life were controlled by childhood events, you would never be able to get free of those events because the events did occur and there’s nothing you can do to have them not have occurred.

Moreover, if your upsets and suffering today really were a function of what mom and dad did and said to you as a child, then in a very real sense your problems today would be their “fault.”  And if that were the case, it would make sense to “blame” them for your difficulties today.

On the other hand, if your life today is a function of the meaning you gave those events, meaning you now hold as beliefs, then you can change that meaning at any time and become totally free of your childhood.

Take a moment and reread the last paragraph.  When you really get it, your life will transform.

And if your feelings and behavior are the result of beliefs (and conditionings) you formed in childhood, beliefs and conditionings that easily can be eliminated as an adult, then fault and blame become irrelevant.

Your parents acted the way they did because of their beliefs, just as you act the way you do because of your beliefs.   Sure, it would have been nice if they had had some parenting training and had eliminated a bunch of beliefs that would have enabled them to be better parents. But—no matter what happened during your childhood interactions with your parents—you can have your life today be whatever you want it to be.

So we need to stop blaming our parents for what doesn’t work in our lives, eliminate the beliefs that are causing our upsets and suffering today, and then go out and create the lives we want.

If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using The Lefkoe Method, go to http://www.recreateyourlife.com/free where you can eliminate one limiting belief free.

Thanks for reading my blog. Comments and questions are welcomed.

Follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/mortylefkoe and join our fan page on Facebook (The Lefkoe Institute) to get our latest insights on the role of beliefs in our lives.

Would you like to get rid of the anxiety or anger you feel much of the time?

Because many emotions are caused by beliefs, getting rid of the beliefs can frequently eradicate negative emotions. For example, the belief that “Dogs are dangerous” will result in an emotion of fear when confronting a dog. The belief “People can’t be trusted” will result in the feeling of suspicion around people. When the beliefs are eliminated, the emotions usually will be also. There are, however, emotions in adults that appear to be caused by something in addition to beliefs.  Getting rid of beliefs is not enough.

Let me explain the source of these negative emotions, such as fear and anger, and what you need to do to stop them from occurring.

During the first few years after I developed the Lefkoe Belief Process (LBP) to eliminate limiting beliefs, clients were able to make radical changes in their behavior by eradicating the beliefs that caused the behavior. Frequently, there also were meaningful emotional changes. We started noticing, however, that sometimes a client would continue to have a trace of a specific emotion such as anger or fear, even after eliminating all the beliefs we could find that seemed to be relevant. We usually assumed that there was another belief we hadn’t yet discovered, but eventually would.

Eventually we realized that, although some emotions are the direct result of beliefs, many are responses that appear to be the result of conditioning and unrelated to beliefs. When that is the case, the Lefkoe Belief Process is not sufficient to eliminate the conditioning. (You do, however, have to use the LBP to eliminate any relevant beliefs before de-conditioning can be effective in stopping the negative emotion. If you haven’t yet experienced eliminating a belief with the LBP, go to http://www.recreateyourlife.com to try it free.)

A few years ago we developed a process we call the Lefkoe Stimulus Process (LStP). It is specifically designed to eliminate the emotions that are caused by conditioned stimuli. It is simpler to use than the LBP and usually takes only five minutes to completely eliminate the stimuli for such emotions as fear, anxiety, anger and guilt.

How Associations Early In Life Cause Negative Emotions Later In Life

Very often we are plagued by repeated negative feelings in our life, such as fear, anger, guilt,anxiety, and sadness. We experience these feelings every time specific events or circumstances occur, such as anxiety whenever we make a mistake or someone gets angry at us, or guilt whenever we are asked to do something. In many cases the events that stimulate the feeling in us do not produce the same feeling in others, and vice versa. Why does an event that is not inherently fearful produce fear (or some other emotion) in some people and not in others?

Let me explain: The classic example of this situation was an experiment a physiologist named Pavlov conducted with dogs. When presented with food, the dogs salivated. Then a bell was rung just prior to presenting the dogs with food. After numerous presentations of the food with the bell, the bell was rung and no food was delivered. The dogs salivated anyway, because they had associated the bell with the food. In other words, a stimulus that normally would not produce a response does so because it gets associated with a stimulus that does produce a response. In other words, the stimulus gets conditioned.

Here’s an example I use with my clients that will make this very clear.  Imagine that I handed you an ice cream cone with one hand and made a fist with my other hand and drew it back as if to hit you.  What would you probably feel? … Some level of anxiety if you thought you might get hit.  Now imagine that the next few times someone handed you an ice cream cone, the same thing happened and you felt anxious each time.

What do you think you would feel the next time you were handed an ice cream cone, even if there was no menacing fist? … Probably anxious.  And yet it’s clear that ice cream cones are not inherently scary.  If this next time there was no fist, only ice cream, why would you feel anxious?  Because the ice cream cone got conditioned to produce fear when it became associated with the fist.  Something was scaring you (the fist) and ice cream just happened to be there every time you got scared by the fist.

The principle is that anything that occurs repeatedly (or even once if the incident is traumatic enough) at the same time that something else is causing an emotion will itself get conditioned to produce the same emotion.

That’s how making mistakes, being criticized, not meeting expectations, being rejected, and a host of other non-scary situations get conditioned to produce anxiety (or some other emotion, such as anger).

Here is a real life example: Consider one of my clients who experienced fear whenever he was asked to do something. When did he first experience fear associated with being asked to do something? His father usually got angry and yelled at him whenever he didn’t do what his father demanded of him as a child. When my client reviewed the original cause of the feeling of fear, he discovered that the fear was not inherent in merely being asked to do something.

What caused the fear was the meaning he unconsciously attributed to his father’s threatening behavior that usually occurred when he was asked to do something: The person he depended on for his very survival seemed to be withdrawing his love. No love, no care; no care, no survival. That perception—that his survival was at stake—is what caused the fear. Being told to do things just happened to occur at the same time as something else that constantly caused fear.

Whatever is going on when you experience fear due to your parents’ anger (because their anger is an implied threat to your survival) gets conditioned to produce the same fear. The stimulus today—making mistakes, being criticized, not living up to expectations, etc.—is  not, itself, scary.

How The Lefkoe Stimulus Process Works

The Lefkoe Stimulus Process works by assisting the client to make a distinction between the original real cause of the emotion and the events that just happened to be occurring at the time.  Once that distinction is made, the conditioning is extinguished.  It’s as if you could say to Pavlov’s dogs: “Hey dogs, you can’t eat the bell.  It just happened to be ringing whenever you got food.”  If the dogs could understand that distinction they would no longer salivate at the sound of the bell.  But while dogs can’t make that distinction, humans can. And when they do, de-conditioning occurs.  You really can get rid of the anxiety, anger, and other negative emotions that plague us.

If you haven’t yet enjoyed the experience of eliminating at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using The Lefkoe Method, go to http://www.recreateyourlife.com/free where you can eliminate one crippling belief free.

Thanks for reading my blog. Comments and questions are welcomed.

Follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/mortylefkoe and join our fan page on Facebook (The Lefkoe Institute) to get our latest insights on the role of beliefs in our lives.