Today’s post is written by my daughter, Brittany Lefkoe.  She has grown up around The Lefkoe Method (she had her first session at nine years old) and is a Certified Lefkoe Method Facilitator (she is Shelly’s facilitator when Shelly has a belief she needs help eliminating).  She has been helping friends get rid of behavioral and emotional problems since she was in high school.  She graduated from Washington University in St. Louis in May and is now living in San Diego with her fiancé, Erik.  She has opened a private practice using The Lefkoe Method with her clients.

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One day, my body finally gave out on me. It was tired. And so was I.

Before that, overachieving was simply part of my personality. It was who I was and nothing was going to change that. I was in college, taking all the hardest classes, reading every assignment page-for-page, and always getting my homework done on time. I worked three part-time jobs, played sports, kept my apartment clean, cooked, and somehow managed to have a relationship and friends. It wasn’t something I had to think about, it was just something I did.

Then, I got sick. I was competing at National Championships for the Triathlon Team at my school and I barely finished the race. After that, going for a ten-minute walk left me sitting at my doorstep in tears from exhaustion.

I had been told time and time again that I was working too hard and I needed to take some time for myself. But to be honest, I didn’t even know what that meant.

Perfectionism comes in many forms. For some people, it is feeling like failing isn’t an option, not matter what the cost. For others, it is believing that you can and should take on the world entirely by yourself, no matter how hard it gets. Sometimes it is driven by the fear of making a mistake or not being good at something. And often, it is masking one’s fear of being exposed.

Being a perfectionist is different from caring about having a professionally-finished product. Perfectionism is a behavior pattern that is caused by negative beliefs such as, “If I make a mistake or fail I will be rejected,” “I’m not good enough,” “What makes me good enough is doing things perfectly,” and “Mistakes and failures are bad.”

Working hard to put out something you are proud of is a positive thing. Doing it out of fear isn’t.

Many people think that their perfectionism drives their good work. However, we have found the opposite to be true. Perfectionism tends to cripple our creative potential, prevent us from taking risks and trying new things, and keep us stuck. Most importantly, it causes unnecessary stress, which eats up most of our energy.

Doing well in school served me well. But, being bedridden didn’t. Once I eliminated the beliefs that were underlying my perfectionism, I didn’t stop producing good results. I still did well in school, was successful at my jobs, and got done everything that needed to get done. The only difference was that I didn’t think my worth and value were dependent upon how successful or perfect I was. I was no longer afraid of making mistakes, I wasn’t stressed out all the time, and I had extra energy to fuel my passion.

Your passion and potential are fueled by confidence and determination, not by a fear of making mistakes

Michael Jordan said, “I have missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. Twenty six times I have been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I have failed over and over again in my life; and that is why I succeed.”

Thomas Edison said after inventing the light bulb, “I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

Perfectionism doesn’t serve us. It debilitates us. Finding and eliminating the underlying beliefs doesn’t make us less productive, it opens up the space for us to become our own Michael Jordan and Thomas Edison.

36 Comments

  1. magdolna mb jarvie August 1, 2012 at 10:46 pm - Reply

    raised to respect others & self, so when unwell, do what can, & believe creator has everything in hand, otherwise what else is there? namaste

  2. Lauren August 1, 2012 at 10:17 pm - Reply

    Thanks so much for this post, Brittany! My personal experience actually hinges on being such a perfectionist that I gave up before I even started. Since I eliminated the basic beliefs and conditionings plus a few more with the new conditioning bonus, I feel much more relaxed about what I do and don’t worry that I’m doing things “perfect” or about making mistakes. I’m just doing and if I fail, I fail, if I make mistakes, I make mistakes. I don’t get bogged down in every little decision I make either. And I’m writing which was one of my biggest hurdles. I am so glad you’re doing this work, too.
    Love and Light on your Journey,
    Lauren

    • Brittany Lefkoe August 1, 2012 at 11:45 pm - Reply

      I am so glad to hear that! It is pretty amazing how profoundly this works changes lives. I mentioned to someone else who had a similar experience that responses like yours are why we do what we do. Thanks for reading my post!

  3. yuan August 1, 2012 at 7:26 pm - Reply

    I love you morty! now I konw to evaluate myself and set a proper expectation

  4. Jennifer August 1, 2012 at 6:51 pm - Reply

    I really enjoyed this article. It was exactly what I needed to hear today. I’m definitely using the advice given to make a positive impact in my life starting right now. Thanks for the inspiration!

    • Brittany Lefkoe August 1, 2012 at 11:44 pm - Reply

      I’m so glad it was useful for you! Thanks for taking the time to read my post!

  5. Bob Lahl August 1, 2012 at 12:39 pm - Reply

    Too Funny Cindy. I’m with you. I posted a comment on Facebook proofed it and then posted. Went back and re-read and saw a mistake. Left it there. Brittany’s Blog Post was the answer.

  6. Janet Robinson August 1, 2012 at 11:46 am - Reply

    Very good article Brittany. Now I want to go back and re-read my own articles on the subject. I may have missed some things. Thank you and well written.

    • Brittany Lefkoe August 1, 2012 at 11:42 pm - Reply

      I am so glad you found it valuable! Thanks for reading my post!

  7. Cindy S. August 1, 2012 at 11:36 am - Reply

    Brittany, great post. Ever since I was introduced to the Lefkoe Method, I’ve applied it to the way I send emails! At work I would spend 30 minutes agonizing over every possible consideration I should reflect in one email. Once I applied TLM, I am waayy more concise, direct and get the message out promplty. (aka just be thoughtful and hit send!) So, I’m more effective than before, more confident AND I save a wholelotta time. Thanks to the work your family do! -Cindy

    • Cindy S. August 1, 2012 at 11:41 am - Reply

      Okay, and I’m not even bothered by that typo! :) Thanks for the work YOU AND your family do!

      • Brittany Lefkoe August 1, 2012 at 11:41 pm - Reply

        I am so happy to hear that! The TLM is pretty outstanding. Responses like yours are why we do what we do. Thanks for reading my post!

  8. Angelica August 1, 2012 at 11:21 am - Reply

    Brittany, thank you!!!!
    something in me came back to life and truely it’s easy to breath :-)
    just became tired of thinking and suffering and afraid
    i was trying to prove my mother all my life that it’s impossible to be perfect and i can’t be one, but sometimes it’s more impontant to explain it to myself and stop trying to be “perfect” ;-) and free this idea from my own mind
    it’s much more easy now to wake up every morning free from suffering :-D

    • Brittany Lefkoe August 1, 2012 at 11:40 pm - Reply

      Angelica,

      I am so glad my post had such a positive effect on you! It is true- once we let go of being perfect our lives just sort of fall into place. I can remember how exhausting life seemed before I eliminated the pattern. Good luck to you! I really appreciate your response and positive feedback!

      • Angelica August 2, 2012 at 9:26 am - Reply

        Brittany hello!!!!
        It was a good day today after yesterday reading your post :)
        today was the first day when i was happily talking to all the girls and men from my job – we were celebrating one of our friend’s Birthday and i was talking and laughing with all the people from our departament!!
        It was hard but it happened!!
        all the times before I usually ignored all these parties, just tried to continue working very soon from the start of celebrating, thinking that it’s not worthy to be there, and my own world of perfection is better :-D
        it was still very scary to talk and laugh- unusually, I felt a little panic when i was standing among the other people – but i’ve done it today!!! :-)

        Thank You Brittany!!!!!!!

  9. Bob Lahl August 1, 2012 at 7:21 am - Reply

    Britttany, Great post. Like your perspective on Perfectionism. Rings true for me.

    • Brittany Lefkoe August 1, 2012 at 11:38 pm - Reply

      I’m glad you liked my post! Thanks for the positive feedback!

  10. Jasmine August 1, 2012 at 6:55 am - Reply

    Brittany,
    Excellent article… I have been guilty of this to the point of it being detrimental. It is something that was foisted on me as a child and not “my own” even though I still want things to be right.

    • Brittany Lefkoe August 1, 2012 at 11:37 pm - Reply

      I am glad you liked my post! Perfectionism, like other negative patterns, can be very debilitating. This work has an incredible way of getting to the source of these problems. Good luck to you! Thanks for the response!

  11. Kim August 1, 2012 at 6:54 am - Reply

    Well done, awesome article Brittany; ah the writer, teacher, facilitator collide and no doubt will provide the next generation(s) with new hope for being. Kudos.

    • Brittany Lefkoe August 1, 2012 at 11:34 pm - Reply

      Thank you! I am so happy the article was valuable for you. I appreciate the positive feedback!

  12. James August 1, 2012 at 6:29 am - Reply

    Brittany, this is a great post! I too have struggled with perfectionism – in particular the fear of making a mistake. But in the end it tends to be self-defeating. To have massive success you have to be prepared to make plenty of mistakes and fail a lot.

    • Brittany Lefkoe August 1, 2012 at 11:33 pm - Reply

      I am glad you liked my post! I agree completely! Mistakes are a great indicator that we are on the right track. Good luck to you!

  13. Dean August 1, 2012 at 6:22 am - Reply

    Excellent post!

    • Brittany Lefkoe August 1, 2012 at 11:31 pm - Reply

      Thanks! I am so glad you found it valuable!

  14. Taye Bela Corby August 1, 2012 at 5:49 am - Reply

    Go Brittany! xoxoxo

    • Brittany Lefkoe August 1, 2012 at 11:31 pm - Reply

      Thanks Taye!

  15. Mohlomi August 1, 2012 at 4:02 am - Reply

    I agree that we should always strive for excellence!

  16. Michael C August 1, 2012 at 4:02 am - Reply

    Wow. I knew the Lefkoe method worked, but it is still quite impressive reading/meeting a flesh and blood example of its efficacy.

    Hear, hear!

    • Brittany Lefkoe August 1, 2012 at 11:30 pm - Reply

      The Lefkoe Method is pretty incredible. I feel very blessed to have it in my life. I am yet to find anything quite like it. If you are interested in this work, Morty’s occurring course is also very powerful. Thanks for reading my post!

  17. Mohlomi August 1, 2012 at 3:52 am - Reply

    I agree that we should rather aim for excellence!

    • Brittany Lefkoe August 1, 2012 at 11:28 pm - Reply

      Excellence is a great thing to aim for! When one works from passion, excellence is much more gratifying than perfection.

  18. Leon Winnert August 1, 2012 at 2:30 am - Reply

    Yes, I can indenify with that. A big problem is that as we get older, we have less energy and tire more quickly. So does that make “attaining perfectionism” more elusive? More frustrating? Therefore as a result we end up beating ourselves up more and more beacuase we are not achieving?

    • Brittany Lefkoe August 1, 2012 at 11:26 pm - Reply

      I think trying to attain perfection at any age and at any time is a deeply challenging and debilitating pattern. Maybe we become less able to perform as we would like to as we grow older and are less able to push ourselves so hard. Thanks for reading my post!

  19. Dan August 1, 2012 at 2:23 am - Reply

    Awesome post, Brittany. I’ve found the same to be true.

    • Brittany Lefkoe August 1, 2012 at 11:22 pm - Reply

      Thanks!

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