If you’re reading this, you are probably interested in personal growth. And if you are interested in personal growth you’ve probably read a lot of books, taken a lot of workshops, and purchased a lot of programs. And if you are a typical buyer, you’ve probably been disappointed many times by the results. Right?
And what is your response when you don’t get the desired result? It’s got to be someone’s fault: Either what I purchased is not effective or it’s my fault.
Sad to say, some of the programs for sale in the personal growth market are not very effective and don’t work for most people. You have to be a smart shopper and check the reputation of the people you deal with before making a purchase. But the worst that happens if it’s “their” fault is that you lose a few bucks.
The alternative response when a program doesn’t work for you is much deadlier. “If the program is good and it didn’t work for me (or if I never got around to even using it), then it must be my fault. If a program that works for others doesn’t produce change in me, I must be in even worse shape than I thought.” This response just piles more guilt on the guilt we already felt for having the condition that led us to buy the product in the first place.
It’s not your fault and it’s not the fault of the program
Our behavior is determined primarily by our beliefs and the meaning we give events moment by moment, in other words, how events occur for us. (See my earlier post for more details on the relationship between beliefs and “occurrings,” http://www.mortylefkoe.com/beliefs-dont-behavior/#) As a result, if you read a really useful book, like Jack Canfield’s The Success Principles, you may not be able to apply his valuable strategies, which, if implemented, would help you get what you want in life. (This in not an affiliate link and I don’t get anything if you buy the book—except the satisfaction of knowing I helped someone find some useful information.)
It’s not Jack’s fault if you don’t get results because his strategies can work. And it’s not your fault because the beliefs I’m not good enough, I’m not capable, I’m not competent, and Mistakes and failure are bad, among others, can literally prevent you from acting on Jack’s good advice.
Any time you find yourself not doing what you know you should do or even what you want to do, recognize that you aren’t a bad person, a lazy person, or a forever hopeless person for not acting—only a person with limiting beliefs and destructive “occurrings.”
What’s upsetting is not our failures as such, but the meaning we give our failures. The purpose of today’s post is to help you shift that meaning by giving you an insight into “free will.” That is the first step to truly achieving freedom in your life.
What we feel and what we do is almost totally determined by our beliefs and occurrings at any given moment. On the other hand, we are free to choose to eliminate the beliefs and dissolve the occurrings that run our lives. That is where real free will lies, not in trying to override our beliefs and occurrings at the moment.
Beating yourself up for feeling anxious, angry or depressed—or for not doing what you know you should do—keeps you stuck in a never-ending loop of helplessness and hopelessness. Eliminating the source of your negative feelings and your inability to act is the first step to creating your life instead of merely living it.
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