About two years ago I realized that the failure to make a distinction between reality and how reality occurs to us is the source of many problems in our life. As I’ve learned more about this distinction I’ve written several posts about it, which led to a lot of comments from you.

Perhaps the most common questions I’ve received ask:  Both beliefs and occurrings seem to be meaning we give to meaningless events. What is the difference between them?  Why is the difference important.

In today’s post I’ll answer these questions and explain how our happiness depends on understanding the difference between them.

There is a crucial difference between a belief and an occurring

Beliefs are the meaning we give (usually) to a series of events. Beliefs are broad generalizations, for example, I am ….  People are …. Life is ….  A belief is a statement about reality that we feel and act is the truth, although it is possible to intellectually disagree with something we believe. Once formed, beliefs continue to exist and affect our behavior, feelings and perceptions forever, unless we are able to eliminate the belief.  We view life through the filter of our beliefs.

Our occurrings, on the other hand, are the meaning we give to an event in reality, in other words, how reality occurs to us at a given moment.  Each occurring is a distinct meaning that usually lasts only a short time and then fades away by itself when we stop thinking about the event.  An example of an occurring is your boss asking you a question and it occurring to you as she doesn’t trust me, she doesn’t like me, or I’m going to get fired.  That is the meaning you have given to the boss’s question.  In reality all that happened is that she asked you a question.  Contrast that occurring—the meaning you gave to that specific event—to beliefs that act as a filter through which we view all events, such as No one trusts me.  No one likes me.  I can’t keep a job.

Why occurrings are so important

Usually we don’t distinguish between reality and how reality occurs for us (our occurring), so we think the meaning we give reality IS reality.  Because we think our occurring IS reality, we interact with our occurring, not reality.

For example, losing our job is a fact in reality, seeing it as a disaster or a great opportunity are two possible ways the event can occur for you. You can “see” that you no longer have a job.  You can’t “see” that the job loss is a disaster or an opportunity.  If your job loss occurred to you as a disaster, you would try to deal with “a disaster,” instead of with a job loss, which probably would have you feel and behave differently

The simple distinction between beliefs and occurrings

Can you see that beliefs are broad generalizations that filter your view of all events, while occurrings are “one time” meanings you give to specific events that do not affect the meaning you give to similar events in the future?

Your long-held beliefs are NOT occurrings. Occurrings require, by definition, an event, either in your mind or in the world.  An occurring is how an event occurs for you. If there is no event, there is no occurring.

Is it now clear that beliefs and occurrings are two totally different phenomena?  There is a relationship between them, however, in that beliefs are the major source of our occurrings.  In other words, how a meaningless event occurs for us is determined mainly by our beliefs.  (Other determining factors can include our mood, physical condition, and stage of development

[see almost any of Ken Wilber’s books for details on stages of development])

Change your beliefs and you can change how events show up for you.  For example, if you believe, People are stupid, they will occur for you that way.  Eliminate that belief and your future occurrings probably will change

It is important to realize that it is possible to dissolve an occurring without eliminating any beliefs.  On the other hand, if you don’t eliminate the beliefs that are causing a occurring, you will continue to have the same occurring when similar events happen in your life.

I want to emphasize that the reason this distinction between reality and our occurrings is so important is that most people rarely distinguish between them, thereby acting as if their occurring IS reality.  In other words, we rarely deal with what is actually in the world; we deal with the meaning we have given what is in the world, a meaning that exists only in our own mind.

Define a few relevant terms

Let me define a few other terms that are relevant to this discussion.  First, reality,  by which I mean what actually happens in the world.  Events. What you know through your five senses, especially what you can see or hear.  What you usually could capture on a video recording.  Sometimes “reality” can’t be “seen” because it is inside your mind, such as thoughts, memories, projections of the future, and physical sensations.  We can give all of these meaning, so we can have occurrings about all of them

The next term I want to clarify is “No meaning.”  Events in reality have no inherent meaning. In other words, you can’t draw any inferences or make any predictions—for sure—as a result of observing any events, including internal events such as memories or physical sensations.  All meaning, therefore, is in your mind. This idea can be difficult to prove to someone who hasn’t experienced it.  I hear all the time: “Of course events have meaning! Doesn’t dying have meaning?  Doesn’t it mean something if someone treats you badly?”  The best way I know to make this idea real is to experience it when you do the Lefkoe Belief Process, where you experience clearly that mom’s and dad’s behavior had no inherent meaning, that the way they treated you meant nothing about you.

Our occurrings cause most of our feeling

The third idea I want to clarify is: “Reality can’t cause feelings.”  Reality/events are unable to make you feel anything because they have no inherent meaning.  The primary source of your feelings is the meaning you give to events.

For example: If you don’t get something you want and you give it the meaning: I can’t get what I want and I never will—you probably will get upset.  If you give it the meaning: I haven’t gotten what I want yet, so what do I have to do to get it?—you probably will feel challenged and excited.  The meaning we give events is the primary source of our feelings.  Thus, being able to dissolve your occurrings enables you to simultaneously dissolve negative feelings, such as anxiety, anger, and upset

Although beliefs sometimes can cause feelings directly (for example, the belief men are dangerous probably would make a woman anxious around men), their major influence on feelings is via occurrings.  In other words, beliefs are a primary determinant of our occurrings, and our occurrings cause most of our feelings.

For example, imagine that your boss walks in your room and says to you: “Is the project complete yet?”  That is the reality, what actually happened.  That might occur to you as she is dissatisfied with me, or my job is in jeopardy, or I never do anything right.  That occurring, in turn, might have you feel anxious or possibly even angry.

I needed to eliminate a lot of beliefs (and some conditionings) to get rid of my depression, my neediness, my need for the approval of others, and a bunch of other problems. But I still had many occurrings daily that caused little upsets, many of which I’ve written about in earlier posts.  When I stopped giving meaning to events, these minor upsets stopped completely.

Because getting rid of beliefs and occurrings are two totally different processes, it is possible for you to dissolve your moment-by-moment occurrings even before you have eliminated many beliefs

Please leave your comments and questions about the distinction between beliefs and occurrings and how each of them affects your life.

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If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process, go to htp://www.recreateyourlife.com/free where you can eliminate one negative belief free.

For information about eliminating 23 of the most common limiting beliefs and conditionings, which cause eight of the most common problems in our lives including a lack of confidence, and get a separate video of the WAIR? Process, please check out: http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence.

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copyright ©2011 Morty Lefkoe

29 Comments

  1. Cat October 17, 2012 at 8:11 pm - Reply

    I still can’t wrap my head around these concepts.
    Which in turn, makes me feel more sad depressed and unhappy.
    I still don’t understand how one can stop going meaning to an event.it doesn,t click with me at all. I don’t know where to begin.

    • Morty Lefkoe November 4, 2012 at 3:15 pm - Reply

      Hi Cat,

      Here is a link to a short video that might help you understand how to stop giving meaning to events. Let me know if it helps.

      http://www.occurringcourse.com/#

      Love, Morty

  2. Rick February 29, 2012 at 10:01 pm - Reply

    Morty,

    I thought I was doing great with the LBP and eliminating beliefs… and now I start reading about ‘occurrings’ and I think I have one of those conditions… my ex-wife sends me emails that are so brutal that I hate reading them. So in a way she has conditioned me to avoid checking this one email account because I want to avoid reading her emails.

    Is that the way it works? Then all I need to do is not give the email any value and just read it as a communication piece and her opinion?

    Still searching… thanks again for your great work!

    • Morty Lefkoe March 5, 2012 at 11:43 am - Reply

      Hi Rick,

      Yes, when you stop giving meaning to an event, the emotion caused by the meaning dissolves.

      Love,Morty

  3. Al October 12, 2011 at 2:34 am - Reply

    Hi Morty

    I have used your material (from the old decision maker site for around 4 -5 years) and put all my students your way through those handouts and your book. I think your work is great. However ….. This belief and ocurrings things is interesting and I understand the distinction and the intent behind making the distinction there might be situations in which the meaning is open for interpretation.

    Your example of the boss “she doesn’t trust me, she doesn’t like me, or I’m going to get fired. That is the meaning you have given to the boss’s question. In reality all that happened is that she asked you a question”.

    It is my experience that intuition is the same as ‘pattern recognition’ we have developed pattern recognition so as to survive. the different ways of seeing how grass moved on the plains let us make the distinction between wind and a predator.

    To just say that an event is neutral until we give it our meaning is at a metaphysical level I would imagine accurate – things ‘just are’ – however this changes dramatically in different contexts.

    We can often assume accurately (mind read) the intentions and meaning of other peoples behaviours and to deny this could hinder out survival. I understand that this does not mean something definite about ourselves – but it can.

    thanks and best

    Al

    • Morty Lefkoe October 12, 2011 at 11:40 am - Reply

      Hi Al,

      There is a significant difference between consciously evaluating an event and making reasoned inferences, and unconsciously giving meaning to an event that you mistake for the event itself, thereby dealing with the occurring and not the event.

      The former is useful. The latter never is.

      Thanks for taking the time to comment.

      Love, Morty

      • Lisa October 22, 2011 at 10:25 am - Reply

        This is exactly where I get stuck. While it would help in some situations not to infer meaning to an occurring automatically, there have been enough situations lets say in my dating life where I have consciously evaluated an event and made reasoned inferences that have added up to a cumulative experience of rejection. So given these conscious evaluations, how am I supposed to feel good enough or confident in this area of my life if I have received a consistent message?

        • Morty Lefkoe October 26, 2011 at 7:56 pm - Reply

          Hi Lisa,

          That’s the whole point: you haven’t received a consistent message form outside. You have added your own consistent meaning to events that have no inherent meaning. What you think is in the world is actually in your mind.

          Even if some people have rejected you, that says nothing about you or how other people will treat you. Being rejected by a few people has no meaning — except the meaning you give it.

          Love,Morty

  4. matt October 4, 2011 at 9:05 am - Reply

    Dear Morty ,
    Hello ! I hope all is well with you today . I tried eliminating a belief for free. I did feel that the belief is gone . I understand how the meaning that we give to events is only in our mind, but I don’t understand how events have no meaning at all just the meaning we give to them. The reason I guess that I don’t understand what you say that beliefs that we never realy SAW have no meaning at all is that because you seem to be coming from a different premise than what many of us out in the world have decided to believe . Many of us in the world believe some things by faith like Jesus . My question – Is it possible for us who believe in such things such as Jesus that we can not see ,but regard them to be reality by faith ,but still use the lefkoe method to get rid of our rediculous limiting beliefs that don’t serve us well ? If the answer to that is yes ,don’t you think that it may benefit you to adapt the lefkoe method to help all people who have different premises than your own ?

  5. mahama October 1, 2011 at 2:18 pm - Reply

    Thank you so much Mr. Mortylefkoe i really apreciated everything you tought me. I used to thing i will never have confident in my self till I joint your program.Thank U once again and wish U teach me more,may U live long my teacher Ameen.

  6. John September 29, 2011 at 12:01 pm - Reply

    Hi,
    What if ANY thought (belief or occurrence) was not “true” (no meaning whatsoever)?

    Cheers,

    John

    • Pepi October 1, 2011 at 3:10 pm - Reply

      Well, in my opinion, none of the beliefs/occurrences are truth.. there is what happened, and there is how you generalized it (occuring/belief), and the latter is never truth (except if it equals the first thing – what happened – but then you dont get the belief, you just get the information).

      That wouldnt mean we live in a world without morals, more that what happens in the world doesnt change our morals! we dont based them on happenings.

      Because if you look it like this; Hitler could have been borned, or he could just be “skipped”; never borned. The world -political etc. situation would look different – but nothing basic about people, human nature, you and me, would change if he wasnt borned… so that happening – holocoust- is irrelevant to our morals. Its just something that happened somewhere.

      • Levi R. October 2, 2011 at 5:37 am - Reply

        can someone explain what this young man just wrote,I’m trying to understand?
        Sincerely, Levi*

  7. Venessa September 29, 2011 at 9:09 am - Reply

    Hi Morty,

    I’d first like to say I love your recreate your life program. I’d like to ask you a few personal questions. Is there a way we could talk or email each other?

    Venessa.

  8. luca September 29, 2011 at 3:18 am - Reply

    I don’t understand what does it mean ‘change your beliefs’.
    If I say, ‘this is nothing, he didn’t want to hurt me’, but inside my heart is pumping, my muscles are tensed like steel, my fists closed, what is the reality, how can I overcame these things inside me? The great BOH.

    • Morty Lefkoe September 29, 2011 at 9:37 am - Reply

      Hi Luca,

      How can you overcome these beliefs?

      We have a program that eliminates limiting beleifs that you can use for free at http://recreateyourlife.com.

      :Let me know what you think.

      Love,Morty

  9. mayuk September 28, 2011 at 9:02 pm - Reply

    Morty
    this post gives a clear idea how people goes to trance esp the negative ones ,like bad news in the tv and other similar types and gets upset ,ur occuring process gives a clear option to come out of any trance any time as now a days there are people u are been fooled through hypnosis and they behave through the trance .its a very powerful process . thank you very much Morty i am loving all your products and ur shraing of wisdom.

    Mayuk

  10. pepi September 28, 2011 at 6:23 pm - Reply

    Morty,

    I am so obsessed with your work that I even had to invent a term that I use when I talk to my friends just for laughs – Mortyfy yourself! haha!
    whenever i am saying how i will improve something/someone I am talking aboub process of mortification!

    Just wanted to let you know – you’ve got a verb in my dictionary!

    • Morty Lefkoe September 29, 2011 at 9:36 am - Reply

      Hi Pepi,

      I’m glad our work has been so helpful to you.

      And feel free to use my name as a verb!!

      Are you going to join our next Occurring Course?

      Love, Morty

      • Pepi September 29, 2011 at 9:42 am - Reply

        Hi Morty,
        unforunately I dont have money. I am from Eastern Europe and 1200 is my 2 months salary :) But I heard there’s a lottery to get it for free? How can i participate in lottery/scholarship?

        I’d also like to know about education for ML facilitator – how long does it last? I was thinking maybe I could go next summer to USA to do it (I will also work there over summer so.. maybe I could do it while there). I am still college student (sophomore) so I dont know does education require BS degree or something? I am psychology major.

        If you could give me email where I can ask you all these question, because I am awkward at speaking English over phone so I hesitate to call for now :)

        Thanks

  11. Sue September 28, 2011 at 6:08 pm - Reply

    Am I to get rid of beliefs which remind me of past mistakes? Ie:’. Be careful about abusive people. Married to abuser in the past.
    Would it be good to be able to talk with those who think my beliefs are wrong in order to rid them.

    • Morty Lefkoe September 29, 2011 at 9:33 am - Reply

      Hi Sue,

      You don’t need to talk to anyone about your beleifs.

      You can use our free belief-elimination program to eliminate a few of the most common limiting beleifs. Try it. http://recreateyourlife.com.

      Love,Morty

  12. Ken Wert September 28, 2011 at 1:00 pm - Reply

    Very instructive, Morty! Thank you for the clarity you provide, making the distinction between beliefs and occurrings.

    It seems to me that the most important area of self-work would be on beliefs. Change beliefs and even some of the occurrings will start to dry up because the belief was the cause of the specific interpretation. When the belief changes, the interpretation will likely start to change too. Have you found that to be true?

    • Morty Lefkoe September 28, 2011 at 3:27 pm - Reply

      Hi Ken,

      Yes, eliminating beleifs generally changes your occurring in the future, but no matter how many beliefs you eliminate, you are still likely to have occurring unless you use my process or something else to create new neural pathways that bypass the meaning making part of the brain.

      Love,Morty

  13. Noel September 28, 2011 at 8:50 am - Reply

    Hi. I thought of a way to explain Occurring vs. Meaning.

    An ancient Inca sees an eclispse of the sun. To him it means the gods are angry and he is very frightened. You and I see the same thing and have no worries whatsoever.

    • Levi R. September 28, 2011 at 12:44 pm - Reply

      Thank you,you gave me the perfect example! I see it all clearly;hope you guys stick around for awhile.
      Gratefully your’s
      Levi*

  14. Jose September 28, 2011 at 6:36 am - Reply

    Yes. Very illlustrative Morty!. All what we call real is an illusion. The trick is how to identify those subconsciosu programs that limit us.
    A few months ago, out of nothing I experienced (sore of a revelation), half awake-askeep the state of full consciousness…No words to describe it Morty!…Any previous experienceof happines multiplied by 100 times to say something, no limits, no sorrows, no worries, being part of the ALL…..What an experience! I do not know what happened that for the only one time in my life I experienced the “kindoom of heaven within”..Now is just a memory that reminds me what just pure BE IS. Thats why I agree that all these ocurrings are just programs running automatically in ones heads!.
    All the best.
    Jose.

  15. Boris September 28, 2011 at 5:17 am - Reply

    I am impressed. Actually, I just discovered this yesterday by myself. And today I see it so well and explained in simple way. What a coincidence (or maybe not :)

    Morty, congratulations! Everyone should read this. In fact, world will be better place when kids learn relation between beliefs and reality, and how to manage beliefs in elementary school.

    In short people, you are what you decide you are. If you believe you are great, you’ll become great. Also, if you think you can’t, you are still right. It’s that simple. :)

  16. Levi R. September 28, 2011 at 4:48 am - Reply

    Very good you brought some great clarity to why i see some people so unhappy and constantly bombarded with negative occurrences if I’ve said that correctly. Let me replace negative occurrences with the perspective to challenges, so change the perspective and move on to more magical experiences; life on a higher plain so to speak. does that makes sense Morty?

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