In the thousands of comments people have posted on my various blogs, in conversations with friends over a lifetime, and in hearing people speak in more seminars than I can count, the fear of rejection is probably the most frequent complaint I’ve heard. And, obviously, if virtually everyone has this fear, it must be human nature. Right?
There are at least two possible explanations for most people having this specific psychological trait: it could be human nature and it also could be the result of most people having the beliefs and conditionings that cause a fear of rejection.
What beliefs and conditionings cause a fear of rejection?
After having worked with hundreds of clients with the fear of rejection, my colleagues and I have compiled a list of the beliefs and conditionings that usually cause this common problem. Take a look at them and see what conclusions you draw from the list.
- I’m not good enough.
- I’m not important.
- What makes me good enough and important is having people think well of me.
- If I make a mistake or fail I’ll be rejected.
- Conditioning: Fear associated with criticism and judgment.
- Conditioning: Fear associated with not meeting expectations.
- Conditioning: Fear associated with rejection.
If you are at all familiar with how beliefs are formed in early childhood as a result of interactions with parents, you’ll realize why most people form these beliefs and conditionings. (For details, see my blog posts, http://www.mortylefkoe.com/092209/# and http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wonderful-parents/#) If most people form the beliefs and conditionings that cause a fear of rejection, most people will fear rejection—not because they were born with the fear, but because most people have the beliefs and conditionings that cause the problem.
How can I be so sure that this list of beliefs and conditionings are responsible for the fear of rejection? Because hundreds of people who had the fear eliminated the fear when they eliminated these beliefs and conditionings. In some cases there might have been a few additional ones, but for most people these were sufficient to free themselves from the fear of rejection for good.
Fear of rejection can be deadly
Fearing rejection can lead people to not pursuing their dreams, being afraid to take chances, doing things they would not ordinarily do in order to get the approval of others, and generally worrying about rejection before they do anything. It is not a pleasant way to live.
Get rid of a few specific beliefs and conditionings and discover that your real human nature is to act without concern for rejection.
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If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process, go to http://recreateyourlife.com/fearofrejection where you can eliminate one negative belief free.
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