Comments on: Do You Really Want Your Child to Always be Well-Behaved?

By: Morty Lefkoe

Morty Lefkoe — Tue, 11 May 2010 18:17:24 +0000

Hi Marina,

Thanks for taking the time to comment on my post.

You nailed it on the head: poor parenting leads children to form beliefs that result in more poor parenting. The cycle must stop.

My wife Shelly is currently preparing a CD series on alternative parenting techniques that will lead to positive instead of negative beliefs.

Regards, Morty

By: Marina

Marina — Thu, 06 May 2010 22:54:35 +0000

Thank you, Morty for another wonderful blog entry.

How many of us have dealt with parents who have been verbally abusive to us, never gave us choices, and never asked our opinion? Does it seem surprising that these parents frequently continue to control their adult children and grandchildren? This is manifested in many ways: parents pressuring their daughters to get married and have kids (because this is what the parents want) or making fun of people that don’t have the “guts” to yell at their children and/or punish them when they make a mistake. This behavior is all around us and is considered quite normal.

These parents are showing a lack of respect for their kids because *they* were most likely raised in a way where they felt “I don’t matter,” or “I am powerless.” So, when they become parents they decide to control their environment and their kids to the point where they feel a sense of power. Parents who do not accept their young or adult children just as they are have significant self esteem issues themselves.

Please keep the blogs coming!!

By: Will

Will — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 15:57:52 +0000

Morty,
When I was a kid (just after the earth cooled) I took great pride in my behavior. In fact, friends of my parents would always compliment my folks on how well mannered my brother and I were! We obeyed…and that translated into obeying other authority figures later in life. Conflicts arose when I was chastised for not taking initiative, when I was taught to “do as you’re told.” My folks meant well. Their behaviors certainly put me on a path to greater self-understanding. Because it really didn’t take too long to ask, “if I’m pleasing everyone else, why do I feel so lousy inside?” And “if I’m doing what she wants, why doesn’t she respect me?” “What makes me tick?”
So thanks for that comment and all your work. It really helped!

By: Matthew Ferry

Matthew Ferry — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 15:12:00 +0000

Morty, I have really enjoyed your last few posts. I find that staying conscious with my kids is paramount in order to achieve the kind of well meaning parenting style you wrote about. I’ve got one child who pushes my buttons and I can see the long term impact of my negative reactions. Thank you for addressing this subject and I look forward to more.

By: Debi

Debi — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 02:32:12 +0000

Well put! I constantly catch myself about to lose it with one of my angels when I stop and realize that I did not give ample warning or reminders for something. I realize that I cannot discipline a child for my failure to identify a boundary or instruction!

Thanks for all you do!

By: Laura

Laura — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 23:53:03 +0000

Wow – very interesting thoughts here on parenting. It is amazing how I was just dwelling in this very thought pattern last week & the struggles of a 3 almost 4 year old and how she was using some of the same responses that I give…..”Just a minute, Mommy I am almost done.” Stopping me in my tracks of ‘remembering’ how I was in the middle of something earlier and didn’t have time to stop and play immediately. Hmmm…..

I have always been more conscious of the emotional part of my child – and of not repeating patterns that were done to me as a child – but this does bring up some valid points and I guess that I can actually say….

I don’t want a well behaved child!! I want one with a positive outlook and one who can graciously with empathy and power say “No when need be.”

Thank you much for sharing these thoughts – a parenting class seminar may just be around the next corner for you!!