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What if there was one principle about human feelings that would enable you to control your own experience of life?
Well, there is, and here is the principle: The meaning you give to what happens to you totally determines your reaction to what happens to you. One meaning can lead to upset and suffering; another meaning of the same event can lead to excitement, challenge, and happiness.
Take a moment and think about this. … Because events in the world have no inherent meaning, when you give meaning to events it seems as if your meaning (how the event is occurring to you) is what is actually happening. In fact, however, your occurring exists only in your mind.
This very important principle is relevant in two ways.
Our meaning creates our beliefs
First, all of our beliefs about ourselves, others, and life itself are nothing more than the meaning we have given to meaningless events. I’m not good enough is the meaning we have given to parental criticism or dissatisfaction with what we do as a child. Relationships are difficult is the meaning we have given to our parents arguing all the time or to our first couple of unpleasant relationships. Life is difficult is the meaning we have given to difficult childhood experiences where we and our family struggled a lot. Etc.
So our anxiety, procrastination, concern with the opinion of others, lack of confidence, difficulties in relationships, stress, etc. are all primarily the result of beliefs: the meanings we gave earlier in our lives to meaningless events. (Conditionings also play a role.)
Our meaning determines how reality occurs to us
Second, the meaning we give events determines how they occur for us at the moment. One meaning can lead to a positive occurring; another meaning can lead to a negative occurring. Unfortunately, most of the time most of us never distinguish between what is actually happening and the meaning we are giving what is happening.
For example, your boss asks you a question. If you give it the meaning that your boss is dissatisfied with you, you likely will feel anxious or angry. If you give the same question the meaning that your boss is just trying to get some information, you will feel calm and provide the information.
Another example: Your spouse asks you to do something. If you give it the meaning that he is asking because he doesn’t trust you to do it on your own, you will be angry or upset. If you give it the meaning that she is just telling you what she wants, then you probably will feel nothing at all.
Meanings that turn into beliefs are generalizations about ourselves, people, and life that stay with us forever, unless we eliminate them. Meanings that determine how an event occurs for us disappear as soon as we stop thinking about the event.
When people eliminate all the beliefs that cause a given behavioral or emotional problem, the problem disappears. People who have done this have reported profound changes in their lives. And yet the changes reported by people who have learned how to dissolve their negative occurrings and be left either with just the unvarnished facts or a positive occurring are even more profound.
Here are just a few stories from people in recent Lefkoe Occurring Courses to show how powerful it is to be able to control the meaning you give events.
“Occurrings dissolve instantly”
I’ve found that almost all of my occurrings dissolve instantly this week, that there was nothing to really stop and work through except for the one incident above. I feel much lighter emotionally now and a LOT less reactive – I find myself looking at situations fairly dispassionately now with a little bit of curiousity as to what may be going on. LOVE IT!!
–Renee Maxfield
“I’ve continued to shift my occurrings fairly quickly”
This week I’ve continued to shift my occurrings fairly quickly. If something happens that triggers a negative feeling, I’m able to distinguish that it is due to my occurring. I then look at alternate meanings, preferably positive ones, and am able to shift to feeling pretty neutral or sometimes more positive. Practicing this technique definitely puts me into the creator space, where I know that I’m creating my reality at every moment.
–Raechel Morgan
“In the past I would have been angry. This time, nothing.”
I experience negative occurrings less frequently now and those that do arise are often removed with little or no conscious effort. Here are some examples from this week’s experiences.
My body is shocked by an unexpected loud noise caused by someone dropping a heavy object. In the past I would have been angry. This time, nothing. No occurring. No emotion. Just awareness of the noise and the bodily sensation. Pleased by this I take the chance to put in place a positive occurring – I’m getting good at this.
I’m about to buy the latest igadget when the occurring that is pushing me to do so, the sense that it is a must have, just dissolves leaving me easily able to make the more reasonable decision to not buy. (The ability to dissolve occurrings and the habit of dissolving ones that aren’t useful provide great protection against increasingly sophisticated and manipulative marketing strategies)
–Robert Macfarlane
“It has made my life a lot easier”
So much has happened with my husband and our relationship. He is very negative about everything and is feeling powerless. His eyes are going bad and his walking is very bad as well. He feels his control is gone. [He just turned 91.] The more powerless he feels the more control he needs over me and everything happening to us. My occurring is always that he thinks I am dumb or can’t do anything right when he berates me or tells me what to do all day long. Then I remember what he is going through and he doesn’t mean it to hurt me. He need to feels some control. Then I feel better and know it’s not me. All day long different things happen and I think what is the occurring and it is always negative. Then I think of other interpretations and the feeling disappears. It has made my life a lot easier and happier. Thank you Morty.
–Hilda Fogel
You can learn to do what these people have done. Learn how to control the meaning you give to meaningless events and you control your experience of life.
Please share below your thoughts and questions on how, by changing the meaning you give events, you can control your experience of life.
For information about my next Lefkoe Occurring Course, where you learn how to use the Lefkoe Occurring Process to dissolve your occurrings and your negative feelings, please check out: http://occurringcourse.com/discover.
For information about eliminating 19 of the most common limiting beliefs and conditionings, please checkout: http://recreateyourlife.com/naturalconfidence.
These weekly blog posts also exist as podcasts. Sign up for the RSS feed or at iTunes to get the podcasts sent to you weekly.
If you haven’t yet eliminated at least one of your limiting self-esteem beliefs using the Lefkoe Belief Process, go to http://www.recreateyourlife.com/free where you can eliminate one negative belief free.
copyright © 2011 Morty Lefkoe
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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Morty this was great. I have eleminated the “I’M not good enough belief which was leading me to procrastanate at a time when I really need to put the petal to the metal in my business and in my church work. Thanks a bunch for make this avaliable. My beliefs were keeping me from doing the things I needed to do inorder to be success and have the money to live the kind of life I want. Usually this kind of information is not avalable so its a vicious circle. By giving this away you made it possible for me to get what I needed to move forward. THANKS A BUNCH.
Thanks.
This was an awesome article.
Morty,
I am unable to distinguish the meaning of events from what happened. I realize it is something I should do, but can’t seem to figure out how to do it! I do suffer from anxiety, depression, stress, lack of self-confidence, worry about what others think, etc. I started going through the “I’m not good enough” presentation, but I can’t identify or remember relevant incidents from my childhood, so stopped. Could this feeling have come from my 30-yr marriage? Please help!
Hi JMG,
Very few people are able to distinguish between reality and how it occurs for us. That is the purpose of my Occurring Course, to help you make that distinction and then dissolve the occurrings.
I’m riot good enough almost always comes form childhood events with parents. There is no way to know the source of your beliefs without talking to you.
Love, Morty
Thank you so much! Your articles have generated a major shift in my thinking. Healing and empowering!
Hey Monty,
What you wrote is so true! Thanks!
There is a certain region in the country that have an idiom:”You know what men are like” the saying of it is usualy done with down-cast eyes, drooping shoulders and often accompanied with a sigh. I once chaleenged this by saying “No, I don’t know what men are like I am a man and I would like to know how we appear to you.” There was utter confusion on the speaker’s face, her eyes darted around seeking help from the rest of the people and the subject was changed. I was not popular. But to me this is one of those beliefs that we have where the event that occur and the meaning that we attach is tied up in a package so neatly with a pink ribbon that to us it is virtually impossible to seperate the one from the other. When asked it is difficult to explain it is just a “knowing.”
Thanks for helping us unpack our knowings and living our lives more consciously, change our lives and managing it better.
You know Morty, today I was reading a special edition of a newspaper where the main topic was happinness. It included many pieces of advice from different people on how to be happy. And I gotta tell you: all of it seemed USELESS to me.
Had I not known you and your work, I might have bought into such nonsense as:
*You just gotta cope with the negativity of your job
*Relax and imagine you’re in a pretty beach
*Suck it up and smile
*Listen to music
Most people assume that stress is a fact in the world, and they advice you to ignore it, even though it only exists in your mind. That’s like telling a frog to ignore the mustache on its face or cover it up with a scarf.
I’m glad I read your teachings.
I have tried this many many times and nothing happens? What is wrong with me??
hi Morty,
i have done your confidence course wich has helped me somewhat.
i mainly ordered your course to help with anxiety wich it has not hepled.
your comment, So our anxiety, procrastination, concern with the opinion of others, lack of confidence, difficulties in relationships, stress, etc. are all primarily the result of beliefs: the meanings we gave earlier in our lives to meaningless events.
i really don’t agree with your comment, in my case mine are primarily physical ,when we are sick we don’t like to be around people(social anxiety)etc.
I just wanted to say it is not just our beliefs or coonditioning from the past that are affacting our emotions. it is our bodies telling us there is somthing wrong and we need to look at all the possibilities.
Thank you for this insightful nugget of wisdom. I’m going to try to apply this technique to reduce the stress that I am experiencing from “difficult people” and also to stop buying up every “must have” in my life.